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Edgy's Virtual Bachelor Party

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 08 2008 10:29 AM

Where are we going first?

themetfairy Sep 08 2008 10:47 AM

For the record, I am NOT going to jump out of a cake (virtual or otherwise)!

soupcan Sep 08 2008 10:50 AM

Would you just serve us the cake...?

themetfairy Sep 08 2008 10:57 AM

Not in that, um, outfit.

AG/DC Sep 08 2008 12:49 PM

Why does she have a laptop?

soupcan Sep 08 2008 01:25 PM

'Cuz its a virtual bachelor party. Duh.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 08 2008 01:27 PM

Your wife thought of everything. Now to catch the Nationals game.

Kong76 Sep 08 2008 03:54 PM

How does Sunshine keep that bow attached?

cooby Sep 08 2008 04:55 PM

My best wishes to you Edgy :)

AG/DC Sep 08 2008 05:14 PM

Baby, she was in the kitchen when I got home. And, as you can see, that vinyl-lined tablecloth got stuck to her buttocks, so, being a gentleman.... Seriously, youse mugs are hell-bent on porning up our pretty little forum.

Gwreck Sep 08 2008 11:18 PM

This thread could use an edit to the title to include a "NSFW" warning. I know, I know, a thread that says "virtual bachelor party" in the title should be enough warning. Perhaps not a Monday morning when I'm not thinking clearly about work reading the CPF.

soupcan Sep 09 2008 07:37 AM

[quote="Gwreck":20pitf7i]This thread could use an edit to the title to include a "NSFW" warning.[/quote:20pitf7i] Are you kidding me - what's the difference between what she's wearing and a bikini?

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 07:44 AM

Five days. Shitting hard.

Kong76 Sep 09 2008 07:45 AM

Depends on your office. I wouldn't want anyone to walk into my office and find me gawkin' at that during work hours.

soupcan Sep 09 2008 08:29 AM

[quote="AG/DC":150pkh7v]Five days. Shitting hard.[/quote:150pkh7v] True story - On my wedding day I was shitting bricks so hard. We got married outside, so all the guests were sitting in chairs set up on the lawn waiting for my beloved and myself to walk from the house down a hill to them. So I'm standing in the doorway waiting for my cue, mom and dad on either side of me. I look to my left and I see my car in the driveway about 100 feet away. The guests are at least 50 yards down the hill from me. I look at mom, smile. Look at dad, smile. I think 'if I bolt right now - there's no way that either of these two could catch me. By the time anybody else figures out what's going on and starts running up the hill, I'm in the car and peeling out...! I can TOTALLY do this!' Then the music started and we started walking.... Down. The. Hill.

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 08:36 AM

You're killing me.

Kong76 Sep 09 2008 09:10 AM

Go over the guest list one more time before Sunday and make sure no one is gonna open their yap when they ask if anyone knows any reason why this couple should not enter into holy matrimony. Still a standing joke to this day with one of my best friend's family why I wasn't invited to his small wedding ceremony before a much larger reception but now wishes I was.

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 09:28 AM

[quote="KC"]Go over the guest list one more time before Sunday and make sure no one is gonna open their yap when they ask if anyone knows any reason why this couple should not enter into holy matrimony.

Catholics don't do that, I'm pretty sure.

Stuff we're not doing:

That.

Giving away the bride.

Vowing to obey.

Writing our own vows.

Chicken dancing.

Garter groping.

Drinking (our recep is in a national park).

Good stuff we nonetheless couldn't swing:

Mr. Met

A pony.

It may make the annals in lameness, I'm sorry to say.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 09 2008 09:43 AM

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where they said the "speak now or forever hold your peace" thing. (Most, not all, of the weddings I've attended were in Catholic churches.) I almost think that was made up for television. The melodrama of "Stop the wedding! I object!" is so TV soap opera.

Kong76 Sep 09 2008 09:58 AM

I'll research that a little later. What do I know, at my town hall ceremony when the lady got to, "plight thee my troth" I had to ask what that meant before repeating it.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 09 2008 10:09 AM

Note to self: Pack flask.

Kong76 Sep 09 2008 10:15 AM

Why's daddy keep going to the car mommy? He's checking on the Mets score for everyone. (and doing shots of Jack)

Kong76 Sep 09 2008 10:31 AM

Dear Yahoo!: During a wedding, when the preacher says "speak now or forever hold your peace," what happens if someone objects? Maria Allegan, Michigan Dear Maria: It depends. If the bride or groom objects, the wedding is most likely off. Anyone else and, barring documented proof that the marriage is illegal, a drunken brawl is a more likely outcome. New York State Judge Douglas McKeon says he has never seen anyone object to a wedding and "unless (the) person who's getting married is married to the individual who has the objection, then that wedding is going to go ahead." Likewise, in the U.K. a wedding will not be stopped for an objection unless there's a legal reason. The tradition of inviting such protests appears to be a symbolic remnant of the Catholic Church's marriage "banns," dating back hundreds of years and still practiced today by some churches. Banns are published announcements of forthcoming marriages, usually issued three weeks in advance. The Church officially established banns to reveal marriages potentially unknown to the couple's parents, and to ensure that the bride and groom were not closely related. Today, many ceremonies omit "speak now or forever hold your peace." Modern practices such as obtaining a marriage license have rendered the question obsolete. Despite this, wedding objections continue to inject some dubious drama into certain TV shows. So for those still caught up in the marital vicissitudes of Ross and Rachel, try to remember: Show's over. Let's move on.

soupcan Sep 09 2008 10:38 AM

[quote="KC"]Why's daddy keep going to the car mommy? He's checking on the Mets score for everyone. (and doing shots of Jack)

Daddy needs a BlackBerryTM.

Vic Sage Sep 09 2008 12:38 PM

I told our rabbi to leave "god" out of our vows, but she didn't. We also wanted to say and do as little as possible during the ceremony, since neither me nor my wife operate well under intense public scrutiny. So, the rabbi read the "marriage" chapter from Gibran's "The Prophet" at our request. Even so, i was so pale, i was almost translucent. And my wife didn't breathe for hours. Maybe she breathed thru her eyelids, like certain Mexican lizards and Fernando Valenzuela. But at the reception, i went up on the roof and got high with my friends. That made the rest of the day much more pleasant. Best of luck to you and the missus-to-be, Mister Ed.

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 12:59 PM

Thanks. You've done OK, it seems.

metirish Sep 09 2008 01:00 PM

Best of luck Edgy , I like how your wedding progressed at the reception Vic. We got married at the courthouse , one day I promised we will get married on the beach or something , have a proper wedding. I walked my sister down the aisle at her wedding , a bit nerve racking to say the least , that morning I was so nervous I cut myself badly shaving, downed several drinks and got through it. Was the Best Man for a friends wedding , was a nervous wreck for months , had the outline of a speech memorized for months , got well oiled up before the reception and had them all roaring with laughter , never was I happier to have that over.

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 01:05 PM

I will pay one thousand dollars to anyone who keeps my brother's mouth shut at my wedding.

cooby Sep 09 2008 01:19 PM

why so nervous, guys? I can't remember ever once looking at a groom.

metirish Sep 09 2008 01:20 PM

[quote="cooby":z9bj13du]why so nervous, guys? I can't remember ever once looking at a groom.[/quote:z9bj13du] Public speaking makes me nervous , I should say by no means was I hammered and my speech was well received.

themetfairy Sep 09 2008 01:30 PM

We were married at my parents' temple on Long Island. I would have preferred the Huntington Townhouse, but I was 21-years-old and my parents were paying the bills and I had virtually no say in anything that went on that day. They chose the invitations, the flowers, the color scheme (I wanted pink and white, but my parents wanted peach and white. Guess who won) - the works. D-Dad is also someone who cut himself shaving on his wedding day. He normally uses an electric razor, but he wanted to use a blade that day. Big mistake. When our best man came to say hi before the ceremony he told me that there was a lot of blood in the hotel room's bathroom (luckily that was cleaned up at some point before we went back there). I absolutely hated our photographer. The one thing I held firm to was that I didn't want to see D-Dad before the ceremony. The photographer wanted to take photos of the two of us beforehand, and gave me a very hard time about not agreeing to his wishes. I wanted to punch the man. Since that time I refuse to use professional photographers (for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah and my son's Bat Mitzvah a friend of mine, who is the woman some of you mistakenly thought was Ms. Met at the Blue Tarp Lounge game, took the pictures for us). I did not know most of the guests at the reception. My dad was big into inviting business contacts to these kinds of events. They were fine enough people, but I would have preferred a smaller crowd, filled mainly with people whom I actually knew. At one point D-Dad stepped on my gown, causing a small tear. One of my bridesmaids had to quickly sew the dress. We were in the temple's library when the idiot wedding coordinator decided that was the time for the best man's toast, so we never heard it. After all that, it's kind of amazing that the marriage has lasted 25 years....

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 09 2008 01:33 PM

I was getting a wicked sunburn on my forehead. That's basically all I remember from the ceremony. Damn, I'm burning up here. Hurry up already.

themetfairy Sep 09 2008 02:29 PM

Wikipedia has an article on Catholic marriages. I assume that the tradition of asking whether anyone knows of a reason why this couple may not be lawfully wed has to do with the concept of impediments that would cause an invalid marriage.

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 02:38 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 09 2008 08:22 PM

Oh, we had a great "impediments" interview. I wrote about it here I think. Very by-the-book priest takes each of us seperately: - Charlene, are you being kidnapeed? - Um, no. - Charlene, are you a nun? - Totally no. - Charlene, is he a nun? - Oh, shut up!

Fman99 Sep 09 2008 08:14 PM

I had tequila. Flasks for all the groomsmen, and myself, were the gifts and it was an intentional thing. I wasn't nervous, just wanted to take the edge off. My wife cried for the duration of the ceremony. Anyone who's been reading my posts in the last months understands why.

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 08:23 PM

I sincerely hope that doesn't mean what it sounds like it means.

metsmarathon Sep 09 2008 08:46 PM

i was just at a very good friend's wedding, and was in the second row. had to rush to get there in time, but the seats were waiting for us. didn't quite have time to check the battery status on the camera, but had shoved an 8-pack of AAs in my suit pocket for backup. just after the bride makes her way up the aisle, and gets situated at the altar, i notice a beep. my eyes wander, looking for the source; wifey alerts me to the blue screen at the back of our camera - the batteries had just given out. so i quickly reach into my suit pocket, trying not to make too much of a fuss, either visually or audibly. i tear off the cardboard to get into the plastic blister. but i started to fumble. the cardboard was giving a bit too much of a fight at the seam, and as i heard the pastor say "if anyone has just cause for why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony," i could just picture in my mind's eye the entire pack of batteries flying open, pelting those around my with a shower of sealed energy and a torrent of "fricks." there was a moment when i thought the batteries would win, but i remained valiant and strong, and subdued the package with limited fanfare. the new batteries were swapped for the old batteries just in time to catch the unity candle, newly lit by the joining of their love. i've never before been so impresseed with my finesse!

AG/DC Sep 09 2008 09:03 PM

You should get m.e.t.b.o.t. off the key and onto a battery pack.

MFS62 Sep 10 2008 04:27 PM

Edgy, The best of everything to you and your bride. Later

TransMonk Sep 10 2008 06:37 PM

Agreed, Edgy...wishing nothing but happiness for you and the Mrs.

TheOldMole Sep 11 2008 05:25 PM

Echoing.

cooby Sep 11 2008 06:08 PM

In honor of the bride, I have been listening to this this week. It is so beautiful.

Rockin' Doc Sep 11 2008 06:43 PM

Best of luck to you both. May you enjoy many years of health and happiness together.

bmfc1 Sep 12 2008 03:32 AM

All the best to you and your bride. Congratulations.

Centerfield Sep 12 2008 11:41 AM

cooby is really messing up the mood of this bachelor party. Good luck and all, but did the strippers go home early?

Gwreck Sep 12 2008 12:03 PM

Congrats to you and your better half. :)

AG/DC Sep 12 2008 03:54 PM

Thanks for all your good wishes. I'm off to the the fleshpots of my real bachelor party now. Peace out.

Rockin' Doc Sep 12 2008 05:33 PM

Puictures. We need pictures.

cooby Sep 12 2008 06:32 PM

[quote="Centerfield":355yqd7n]cooby is really messing up the mood of this bachelor party. ?[/quote:355yqd7n] Not trying to....this is such a beautiful CD. Did you know that Edgy wrote the lyrics to three of the songs? I didn't know that until today, when I looked to see who wrote them. I felt so proud!

AG/DC Sep 13 2008 01:16 AM

Thanks. We've written a lot since then, and need to get back into the studio.

cooby Sep 13 2008 09:44 AM

Please let me know. And happy wedding day, if this is it :)

AG/DC Sep 13 2008 10:37 AM

Mañana.

Kong76 Sep 13 2008 11:25 AM

Don't be nervous. There's nothing to be nervous about. I'm not the kind of guy who would go on about being nervous if there was somthing to be nervous about. Nothing makes someone nervous more than some jerk going on about b- ing nervous. [omar]You know what I'm sayin'?[/omar] What? You? Nervous? Nah, nervous should be nervous about you. Nervous saw you coming and didn't have the nerve to stick around. Have a wonderful day, sorry we couldn't make the trek, and big hugs and kisses from both KB and I.

Methead Sep 13 2008 12:32 PM

I was so nervous at the rehearsal dinner, I couldn't eat. Congrats, good luck, and enjoy every moment!

themetfairy Sep 13 2008 01:06 PM

If they ask you anything, just say, "I do!" All the best to you and Cha :)

cooby Sep 14 2008 09:08 AM

Edgy if it is there today like it is here, you could not ask for a more beautiful wedding day. After a soggy week, and another soggy week to come, a day like today is a gift from God. I hope it is the same there.

metsguyinmichigan Sep 14 2008 12:04 PM

Edgy! Manny blessings on this day. Your friend David Wright ha already delivered his gift in the first inning.

metsguyinmichigan Sep 14 2008 12:45 PM

Wow! Wright is the gift that keeps giving!

AG/DC Sep 14 2008 04:22 PM

95 in th shade, but we did it. Thanks, everybody, for your prayers and support.

themetfairy Sep 14 2008 07:20 PM

Mazel Tov!

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 14 2008 07:46 PM

Hey we got home OK too! Yeah, a beery recption woulda been asking for it.

sharpie Sep 15 2008 08:05 PM

Haven't been on this thread before. Congrats. We had the "if anyone objects" line in our ceremony. The best man kind of craned his neck to see if anyone would. No one did. Almost 21 years ago now.

metsguyinmichigan Sep 16 2008 07:41 AM

Now that it's over and I can't jinx, I have to tell a funny story. My buddy was marrying his high school sweetheart, and many of us were worried this might not last as he was not what you would call faithful through the college years. As the ceremony progressed, it started raining. Hard. As in pounding on the metal room of the church to the point that people had to speak up to be heard over the din. Then, just as they got to the "I do" part, BAM, one of the loudest bursts of thunder I've ever heard. Timed perfectly. That, we thought, was a sign from above.

themetfairy Sep 16 2008 08:10 AM

[quote="metsguyinmichigan":1oynstt5]Now that it's over and I can't jinx, I have to tell a funny story. My buddy was marrying his high school sweetheart, and many of us were worried this might not last as he was not what you would call faithful through the college years. As the ceremony progressed, it started raining. Hard. As in pounding on the metal room of the church to the point that people had to speak up to be heard over the din. Then, just as they got to the "I do" part, BAM, one of the loudest bursts of thunder I've ever heard. Timed perfectly. That, we thought, was a sign from above.[/quote:1oynstt5] Are they still together?

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 16 2008 08:21 AM

I can report tremendous thunder at the Edgy ceremony, courtesy of an especially flatulent member of the congregation. I'm not kidding. Fartiest wedding ever. I'd post pix but I'm having issues with my camera. Maybe later.

metsguyinmichigan Sep 16 2008 10:13 AM

[quote="themetfairy":3lajyics][quote="metsguyinmichigan":3lajyics]Now that it's over and I can't jinx, I have to tell a funny story. My buddy was marrying his high school sweetheart, and many of us were worried this might not last as he was not what you would call faithful through the college years. As the ceremony progressed, it started raining. Hard. As in pounding on the metal room of the church to the point that people had to speak up to be heard over the din. Then, just as they got to the "I do" part, BAM, one of the loudest bursts of thunder I've ever heard. Timed perfectly. That, we thought, was a sign from above.[/quote:3lajyics] Are they still together?[/quote:3lajyics] Well....good question. There has been a frequent pattern of breaking up and getting back together. I still send Christmas cards to the house addressed to both, never quite knowing...

AG/DC Sep 23 2008 01:26 PM

[quote="John Cougar Lunchbucket"]I can report tremendous thunder at the Edgy ceremony, courtesy of an especially flatulent member of the congregation. I'm not kidding. Fartiest wedding ever. I'd post pix but I'm having issues with my camera. Maybe later.

To explain, our congregation includes a chapter of the L'Arche Community. One of the members, Walton, is non-vocal, and verbalizes by buzzing his lips flatuently. At first it was disruptive, but now it's more noticeable when Walton is absent. Still pretty jarring to newcomers clearly.

Walton usually makes the loudest fart noises when he doesn't like some Brooklyn jerkweed and his Russian child.

He also made it to the reception without getting lost.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 23 2008 01:50 PM

Ouch. I thought they were real farts

metirish Sep 23 2008 02:01 PM

Bucket exposed as heartless jerk from Brooklyn.......WOW.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 23 2008 02:03 PM

[quote="AG/DC":1xgaj3wu]One of the members, Walton, is non-vocal, and verbalizes by buzzing his lips flatuently. [/quote:1xgaj3wu] And do people understand what he's saying when he's speaking in Raspberry? (Or is that "Bronx Cheer?") If you're not "taking the piss" here that's one of the stranger things I've heard lately.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 23 2008 02:25 PM

No it was true. And it wasn't the highlight of the ceremony or anything, just one unusal thing. I only brought it up so as to make a joke about thunder. It was actually a very beautiful ceremony, with music and a stylish Cantor in this big ol' Catholic church.

AG/DC Sep 23 2008 09:23 PM

Just funning. Certainly not the only unusual thing, as my brother had the Act Juvenile Meter turned up to 11. No, I can't really understand Walton, although it would be a good variation on the Airplane joke to interrupt when he's acting out and say, "Excuse me, I speak fart." Bucket being there was one of the highlights. Many folks couldn't stay long because of the heat and I felt badly about them that traveled afar with sun-scorched babies. We had little entertainment to keep them save for a banjo man aimed at the kiddies. We had two bands we were considering but the park's no-amplification rule would have undercut their entertainment quotient. I just realized afterward that Dead Man's Hollow, a local bluegrass harmony group we know, would've been a great match. Duh. One of the old church ladies, who I know mostly for being about 4'10" and for being the mother of one of America's leading soparanos, came over to give me a congratuatory hug and was stopped dead upon seeing my hat. Mrs. B.: "Tell me that isn't your team." EDC: "I'm afraid it is." Mrs. B.: "No." EDC: "They sure are. In fact, they're so much my team that I'm sitting here talking to my friend who wrote a history of the team by uniform number." Mrs. B.: "Really?! I'm saying this because my son-in-law just loves them, and I should get him that book. Where can I find it?" EDC: (Gives a "ball in your court, chief" look to John Cougar Lunchbucket.) JCL: "Your local bookstore! (IhopeIhopeIhope.)" EDC: "I'll make sure to find you a copy and get Jon here to sign it." Mrs. B.: "That would be WONDERFUL! He would LOVE that!" As she walked away half of me thought that it's always cool to find one in the bunch. The other half of me wondered if she thought it was a Yankee hat. My sister MA married wealthy and, despite moving among high-class folk, retains such lesser-class habits of gossiping and name-dropping in church, and chose an awkward moment in mass to lean forward and say, "Art Shamsky says congratulations." I was shocked to get this at such an inopportune time, but being surprisingly low-class myself, I responded with, "How's his wife?" "She hates his guts. But we had dinner last week and he told me to wish you luck." Hey, it's not David Wright, but you can't have everything. But sometimes you can.