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The Stupid Guy in the Mirror

Edgy DC Jan 12 2009 08:09 AM

Ask me why I'm wearing these ugly green khakis I hate, with the pointless band down the side and the fat-guy draw-string. Go ahead, ask me. See, I put on my new synthetic brown pinstripe slacks, but they were sticking to my legs. So I head down into my brand new utility/laundry room to spray my legs with some Static Guard<sub>TM</sub>. But there was a bunch of boxes and crap lined up against the wall, left over from the move, so it was too big a hassle to turn the lights on. Yup, sprayed myself with furniture polish. That was me. Thank you very much. I didn't even know we used furniture polish. Our furniture lacks that lustrous piney glow that is the envy of the neighbors. But be secure in the knowledge that my legs now do not. Illiteracy: it's not for the stupid.

Benjamin Grimm Jan 12 2009 09:51 AM

I think this belongs in the "All-Purpose I Sprayed My Legs With The Wrong Stuff" Thread.

metirish Jan 12 2009 09:55 AM

I never even knew that there was a spray for leg static , useful information because there is one pair of work pants that I can't wear this time of year because of static. I can't imagine that you stepped out with those legs edgy all sprayed with the wrong stuff , must be sticky ?

Edgy DC Jan 12 2009 10:03 AM

Well, it was my pants I sprayed, it was only the residue forced by pressurize aresol through the weave of the synthetic fiver that got on my legs. After confessing the catastrophe to my ever-patient (with me, anyhow) wife, I hopped in the shower and scrubbed away, but I still feel an effervescent tingle in my thighs. If I mention in a later post that I'm succumbing to toxic shock, please call my wife and have her meet me at the hospital with a can of that junk.

Edgy DC Jan 12 2009 10:07 AM

We can make this an "All Purpose" thread, but I shudder to think any of you doing anything of comparable stupidity. I have beeen, however, glad the last several hours to reassure myself that I haven't been peed on by any exhibitoinist and obviously socially impaired infants. The kid sure sounds like a mook baseball fan, though, doesn't he?

John Cougar Lunchbucket Jan 12 2009 10:09 AM

I rhied this as the "you suck" thread a few years back and it didn't work. I thought that had real potential btw.

Willets Point Jan 12 2009 11:12 AM

I remember winning a "stupid things I've done" thread a few years back. Or is that losing? All I know is that I killed the thread.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Jan 12 2009 11:13 AM

You suck.

Willets Point Jan 12 2009 12:52 PM

Oh yeah...well you swallow!

Rockin' Doc Jan 12 2009 03:53 PM

It looks like this is quickly becoming a Red Light thread.

Kong76 Jan 12 2009 04:34 PM

Endust DC has a nice ring to it. I've done six stupider things in the past six months but I ain't posting about them here so everyone can think I'm even dumber than they do already. I thought only skirts used static spray :-)?

Edgy DC Jan 12 2009 04:45 PM

Great, now I'm sexually questionable idiot. I suck.

Kong76 Jan 12 2009 04:54 PM

Oh stop, I certainly don't think you're an idiot.

Edgy DC Jan 12 2009 05:01 PM

No, that's a hat I donned this morning when I felt my legs going all tingly.

Willets Point Jan 16 2009 05:24 PM

The question remains: did you do the right thing and run your pant legs over the coffee table?