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I'm Ogden Nash

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 09:21 AM

This isn't exactly rap on the level of George Foster, but here some classic baseball poetry: Lineup for Yesterday by Ogden Nash A is for Alex The great Alexander; More Goose eggs he pitched Than a popular gander. B is for Bresnahan Back of the plate; The Cubs were his love, and McGraw his hate. C is for Cobb, Who grew spikes and not corn, And made all the basemen Wish they weren't born. D is for Dean, The grammatical Diz, When they asked, Who's the tops? Said correctly, I is. E is for Evers, His jaw in advance; Never afraid To Tinker with Chance. F is for Fordham And Frankie and Frisch; I wish he were back With the Giants, I wish. G is for Gehrig, The Pride of the Stadium; His record pure gold, His courage, pure radium. H is for Hornsby; When pitching to Rog, The pitcher would pitch, Then the pitcher would dodge. I is for Me, Not a hard-hitting man, But an outstanding all-time Incurable fan. J is for Johnson The Big Train in his prime Was so fast he could throw Three strikes at a time. K is for Keeler, As fresh as green paint, The fastest and mostest To hit where they ain't. L is for Lajoie Whom Clevelanders love, Napolean himself, With glue in his glove. M is for Matty, Who carried a charm In the form of an extra brain in his arm. N is for Newsom, Bobo's favorite kin. You ask how he's here, He talked himself in. O is for Ott Of the restless right foot. When he leaned on the pellet, The pellet stayed put. P is for Plank, The arm of the A's; When he tangled with Matty Games lasted for days. Q is for Don Quixote Cornelius Mack; Neither Yankees nor years Can halt his attack. R is for Ruth. To tell you the truth, There's just no more to be said, Just R is for Ruth. S is for Speaker, Swift center-field tender, When the ball saw him coming, It yelled, "I surrender." T is for Terry The Giant from Memphis Whose .400 average You can't overemphis. U would be 'Ubell if Carl were a cockney; We say Hubbell and Baseball Like Football and Rockne. V is for Vance The Dodger's very own Dazzy; None of his rivals Could throw as fast as he. W is for Wagner, The bowlegged beauty; Short was closed to all traffic With Honus on duty. X is the first of two x's in Foxx Who was right behind Ruth with his powerful soxx. Y is for Young The magnificent Cy; People battled against him, But I never knew why. Z is for Zenith The summit of fame. These men are up there. These men are the game. We should do this for the Mets! Here's how it will work: We start with the letter A. (It's the first letter of the alphabet.) Submit a four-line entry, in the spirit of Ogden Nash, for the letter A. If your A player has already been covered, go ahead and submit another for that same player. If you think you can improve on something that someone else has previously submitted, go ahead and submit your version. When A seems exhausted, we can move to B. (We can always come back to previous letters, too.) Maybe, if this works out, we'll all have collaborated on a kick-ass Ogden Nash style poem about the Mets. I'll kick things off with this humble submission: A, Agbayani But we call him Benny His homer off Frisco Brought pleasure to many

Willets Point Sep 02 2005 09:27 AM

]E is for Evers, His jaw in advance; Never afraid To Tinker with Chance. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 09:31 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 09:50 AM

B is for Benson Our quiet 'Ace in the Hole' Brought his fastball from Pittsburgh Pulled his wife off the pole or B is for Bell Derek parked his yacht in the sound Went from fast start, to slumping, to 'Operation Shutdown'

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 09:33 AM

I like those. But are we already done with A?

Willets Point Sep 02 2005 09:39 AM

A is for Ashburn, An old vet from Philly, Shouted "Yo La Tengo," But still got knocked silly.

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 09:48 AM

Edit: Sorry, I'm not good with rules. A is Alfonzo Dashing in thirteen Had 6 hits against Houston One of the 10 best Avi'd seen

Edgy DC Sep 02 2005 09:50 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 09:52 AM

C is for Carter Who could play through an ache I think his smile was real But hs curls wre all fake

Willets Point Sep 02 2005 09:51 AM

C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.

Edgy DC Sep 02 2005 09:54 AM

Seo just comes off the DL in mid-season form.

Johnny Dickshot Sep 02 2005 10:01 AM

A is for Anderson A pinch-hitting shark Whose big celebration Was inside-the-park

Valadius Sep 02 2005 10:07 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 10:08 AM

Come on now, which "A" means the most to all of you? A is for Agee The Miracle Man Whose diving catches Thrilled many a fan.

metirish Sep 02 2005 10:07 AM

A is for Astacio Torn labrum had he Still had a one hitter But could not save Bobby V.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 02 2005 10:10 AM

Work on your metrics.

Willets Point Sep 02 2005 10:11 AM

Get metrics-ized!

seawolf17 Sep 02 2005 10:16 AM

This has been a great posting day. Everyone's bringing their "A" game today. Nice job, everyone.

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 10:16 AM

A is for Allen They say he'd drink til he's wrecked Got shipped to St. Louie For an 8-ball-whacked Mex

Bret Sabermetric Sep 02 2005 10:19 AM

You people are killing me. My head has done eleven 360s from the fractured scansion already. I know Ogden Nash. I've read Ogden Nash. You, sirs, are no Ogden Nashes.

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 10:21 AM

I don't know what a fractured scansion is. I try to make rhymes. Rhymes make me giggle.

sharpie Sep 02 2005 10:31 AM

A is for Aase Alphabetically first Who's homer to Randolph Was '89's worst.

Willets Point Sep 02 2005 10:32 AM

Bret Sabermetric wrote: You people are killing me. My head has done eleven 360s from the fractured scansion already. I know Ogden Nash. I've read Ogden Nash. You, sirs, are no Ogden Nashes. All you do is criticize. You'd think you were an English professor or something. Oh wait....

Frayed Knot Sep 02 2005 10:34 AM

A is for Alomar both father and son the pop never hit and his kid was plain done

Bret Sabermetric Sep 02 2005 10:47 AM

A Boy Named Seo wrote: I don't know what a fractured scansion is. I try to make rhymes. Rhymes make me giggle. If you don't mind, ABNS, I'll tell you. Wrecked and Mex don't rhyme. Mex rhymes with Wrex (or wrecks or rex) and Wrecked rhymes with Mecked, which doesn't happen to be a word. But the scansion problems come in when you've got a line with two feet (two beats, two stresses, whatever terminology you want to use) such as "They say he'd drink til he's wrecked" --there's no way, with seven syllables you're going to be able to find only two stresses in that line, so you're going to hurry it, swallow some syllables, or find some other false way to squeeze seven syllables into only two feet of room. That makes the line scan wrong. An easy solution would be to re-word: "who'd drink til he's wrecked." Now it's still a little screwy, because your tenses are now off (it should be "who'd drink til he was wrecked," but that's too many syllable for a two foot line again). If you changed it to "who'd drink until wrecked," slipping that elided syllable back in in front of the 'til," which you cut in the first place to eliminate a not-strictly-necessary syllable from a too-crowded line, you'd be ok, though the diction now sounds a little arch for the subject matter. Then you'd work on straightening out the rhyme, and other stuff. Sorry if I'm coming off like a pedantic bore, but just try to imagine someone doing what you do for a living, only without any training or experience, and imagine how you'd react to their first few attempts. If the Old Mole, who's more skilled than I am as a versifier, shows up, maybe hecan conduct a short seminar on principles of verse.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 02 2005 10:57 AM

Look at Frayed Knot's quatrain, for an extended example. He's got filler all over the place. Several syllables can easily be cut, making the whole thing a lot smoother. Instead of A is for Alomar both father and son the pop never hit and his kid was plain done we cut most of the introductory syllables, which are mainly redundant anyway, and we get A is for Alomar, father and son. Pop never hit and his kid was plain done which is closer to sounding like Nash, only Nash had a certain wit, as well, which is much harder to replicate. So if I can offer a further editorial amendment to FK's fine first draft, I'd create a little parallelism: A is for Alomar, father and son. Pop had no pop and his kid had no fun. This is maybe 15% or 20% of a full-powered Nash quatrain, but we're starting to get there. Just tell me to STFU and I'll stop. I really don't want to go tedious on your asses, but I'm gearing up for my first creative writing class next week.

Willets Point Sep 02 2005 11:00 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 11:15 AM

Bret Sabermetric wrote: Just tell me to STFU and I'll stop. Oh sure we tell you to STFU and they you'll go on one of your 'I'm persecuted because I'm not a Mets fan" tirades. I'm not falling for that. OE: Kee droppin th fina letter i th word I writ latel. Tha annoy m!

Valadius Sep 02 2005 11:02 AM

Actually, Sal did a damn good job with the Alomar quatrain. Bravo.

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 11:08 AM

That's good stuff, Sal. I didn't know any of that. And I've honestly never seen Ogden Nash's show, either (the one with Don Johnson, right?). Yes, I'm fucking around, but I don't know Ogden Nash, either. I've never been much of a scholar. You'll probably still cringe with my upcoming fractured Bonilla verse, but I'll pay attention to it now, anyway, and try to give it less feet. But your last post (where you explained it) was a lot more helpful than your previous one (where you just said your head was spinning). Pedantic maybe (I looked it up), but not a bore.

OlerudOwned Sep 02 2005 11:15 AM

C is for Castro Backstop Plan-B His bat has been clutch but damn he's ugly

Vic Sage Sep 02 2005 11:16 AM The Bard Nash-ifies the Mets of "A"

I am one that knows what's to be But the Miracle Mets made me doubt what Aase I was Kurt with Abbott and sold Jack and Aker Kurt's skills proved him false and Jack's deed? Even faker. Mex sure covered lots of turf so we sure got our Allensworth Sandy said: "Bert, you Alo-marred your reputation when you gave the ump a demonstration of your skilled expectoration There's been manny an Alexander but most have been a good deal grander Aguilera and Anderson pulled off a neat trick by getting their moms to name them both Rick Sayonari Agbayani off to Japan to make more monnie Acevedo, time to go Juan time's enough to see the show Hi, A-G U-R-2 me all that I still C-U-B in my mind's I the king of "D" to be continued...

Valadius Sep 02 2005 11:17 AM

B is for Backman Hard-nosed as hell Rarely went deep But played the game well.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 11:18 AM

]Just tell me to STFU and I'll stop. I found it interesting. I'm no literary scholar either, but I've always liked Ogden Nash, especially that poem. If you want to take any of our verses and make them more Nashified, I say get out your red pen and start Nashing.

G-Fafif Sep 02 2005 11:28 AM

A is for Atlanta Aaah, here's the rest: [url]http://mets2005.myblogsite.com/blog/_archives/2005/5/24/881652.html[/url]

Valadius Sep 02 2005 11:33 AM

C is for Carter Known as "The Kid" Played with a smile That he never hid.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 11:49 AM

D is for Darling Smart as can be Ladies would scream As he worked 1-2-3.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 12:05 PM

Is this more Nashy? D is for Darling Too much did he think Till his sinker would rise And his riser would sink

Bret Sabermetric Sep 02 2005 12:46 PM

The form and content are both great--if I were to tinker with anything I'd start trying to fix the inversion in the 2nd line, which sounds too artsy-fartsy for my taste. I'm probably going to make this worse, because I'm dropping the witty chiasmus in your final two lines altogether, but D is for Darling who thought so damned much that the weakest of batters became, to him, clutch. Not very good, but I guess I will almost rather have a worse poem than one that employs an unneeded inversion. Maybe that's just me, but so many would-be poets rely on it heavily, and I never want to see one again.

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 01:01 PM

D is for Darling From Hawaii he hails Thought way too much We can blame it on Yale Does Hawaii screw it up? Or the tense in hails/Yale? Who and what?

Johnny Dickshot Sep 02 2005 01:11 PM

D is for Darling Stolen from Texas If arms were like cars He'd be a new Lexus Arm like a Lexus Head like a Pinto A darling collision They often got into

metirish Sep 02 2005 01:17 PM

Good stuff guys.. A is for Alexander The great he was not Traded to the Cubs For Turk and a guy named Rojas

seawolf17 Sep 02 2005 01:23 PM

"Scansion" and "chiasmus" in the same thread? Is this an ENG 388 class? Irish, I like the sentiment, but "not" and "Rojas" definitely do not rhyme.

Edgy DC Sep 02 2005 01:25 PM Edited 2 time(s), most recently on Sep 06 2005 09:39 AM

B.B., Blaine Beatty Billy Beane and Bob Bailor Double-B Mets Oft' fail, sorry sailor! Bruce Berenyi, Bruce Bochy And Bruce Boisclair Bruised hearts of Met fans Dumb 'nough to care Bohanon, Buchanan Brians, theme both Brett Butler, Billy Baldwin Rarely did show'th Double-B's back in time Going back to the 'hood With Bobby Bonilla Suddenly lookin' good

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 01:36 PM

Some of these entries are exceeding Nash's four-line standard. Anyway, here's my attempt at Bonilla: B is Bonilla With plugs in his ears He knew that the boos Would drown out the cheers

metirish Sep 02 2005 01:45 PM

A is for Alexander Played second base quite well Traded to the cubs For Turk and a guy named Mel.

SwitchHitter Sep 02 2005 01:49 PM

A is for Ashby No-hit battery mate First Astro to homer From both sides of the plate Oh, wait...... (Actually, I did a whole Astros alphabet when I read Nash to my kids at bedtime and they asked, "Which ones of those are Astros?" and I had to tell them that none were. This is an excellent thread.)

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 01:53 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 02:07 PM

="metirish"]A is for Alexander Played second base quite well Traded to the cubs For Turk and a guy named Mel. I think to get the right sound, you need to limit to five (maybe six) syllables per line. Maybe... A, Alexander Played second quite well Swapped to the Cubs For Wendell and Mel

seawolf17 Sep 02 2005 01:58 PM

Sorry, Annie, but since you started it: A is for Aurelio Gave up the first run Calhoun let two more in And their season was done.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 02:04 PM

Are we going to choose one quatrain for each letter to use in a Mets Nash poem? If so, are we going to choose from among our submitted entries now or later?

SwitchHitter Sep 02 2005 02:09 PM

We're going to let Bret choose.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 02:10 PM

Later. For now, let's keep piling them up. F is for Flynn His glove, though a goodie Was exceeded by far By his love of Woody

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 02:13 PM

E is for Everett Was rough with his kid He said he didn't The Mets said he did

Valadius Sep 02 2005 02:15 PM

E is for Elster Much talent untapped His biggest mistake? He wouldn't adapt.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 02:18 PM

F is for Franco The better of two He gave us a show Whenever he threw.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 02:22 PM

G is for Gooden Known as Doc K A spectacular kid Let his skills waste away.

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 02:25 PM

Mr. Q, Here's my revised homework. Mex/vexed? The tense would still be jacked up, though. Bah. --- B is for Benson An 'Ace in the Hole' His fastball's from Pittsburgh His wife's off the pole B is for Bell Yacht sits in the sound From fast start, to slump, To 'Operation Shutdown' A is Alfonzo Chic in thirteen 6 hits ag'in Houston The best Avi'd seen A is for Allen Who'd drink til he's wrecked Got shipped to St. Louie For an 8-ball-whacked Mex D is for Darling From Hawaii he hails Thought way too much We can blame it on Yale Now can I go to recess? I better get a 'B' or mom'll be pissed.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 02:27 PM

D, Doc and Darryl They filled us with hope Then brought us all down By doing the dope

Valadius Sep 02 2005 02:31 PM

H, for Hernandez Though there have been three Mex was the best We all can agree.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 02:39 PM

I is for Izzy Who once pitched at Shea The trade for Bill Taylor - The end of Gen K.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 02 2005 02:39 PM

="A Boy Named Seo"]D is for Darling From Hawaii he hails Thought way too much We can blame it on Yale Does Hawaii screw it up? Or the tense in hails/Yale? Who and what? Well, you're doing the inversion-in-the-2nd-line thing again. You would never (as in literally never) say to someone "From Santa Monica I hail", would you, Seo? I'll bet your fee for uttering that sentence with a straight face is pretty high. So why put in it in verse? Because it somehow seems "poetic"? Poets last tried a straight-on, no-irony inversion sometime in the late 1930s, but word is sometimes slow getting out. Now then, "Hails" and "Yale" doesn't work, but it hasn't anything to do with the tense. (Verbs have tense--"Yale" is a noun.) It doesn't work because you've got that nasty "s" on the end of "hail" and nothing is going to make "-ails" rhyme with "-ale," nothing. So you've got a couple of options: you can try a different rhyme:. (Example: Fernandez was known as 'Sid the Squid,' Though he looked more like "Sid the Whale" Like Darling, home to stubby Sid Was Honolulu, though not Yale) Or you might try an elision (a phrase that omits an easily understood word) that would use a possessive form of "Yale"--for example: "Ron was Hawaii's pride, and Yale's, But spent one night in Houston's jails." (though in that particular example, "jail" makes better sense than the plural, but you get the general principle.) Or you could embed the possessive foem in an enjambment (a construction that has one leg at the end of one line and the other leg at the beginning of the next one): Darling outpitched Franco, Yale's Best besting St. John's nine. An Ivy Leaguer rarely fails To set the pearls before the swine. Actually, I don't remember if Darling or Franco won that duel, but this is purely to illustrate verse, not history. And they're closing up the library here, so I'll have to continue this at some future seminar. I hope the Old Mole can join in at some point--I always learn stuff from him. Anyway, if this process seems complex, well, that's why poets make the big bucks.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 02:56 PM

J is for Johnson HoJo to most Kept us alive With Darryl a ghost.

Willets Point Sep 02 2005 03:02 PM

K is for Kelvin A name thats quite odd Yet two Mets are called this Just one less than Todd

A Boy Named Seo Sep 02 2005 03:05 PM

You would never (as in literally never) say to someone "From Santa Monica I hail", would you, Seo? I'll bet your fee for uttering that sentence with a straight face is pretty high. Sorry, I watched Empire Strikes Back last night. I'm scrapping the Darling one and starting over. I suck at this. D is for Darling Smart, handsome pal Readied at Yale For Shallow Hal By the way, I embedded the possessive foem in an enjambment just once and I learned my freaking lesson. I won't do that again.

MFS62 Sep 02 2005 03:32 PM

R R's for Mel Rojas His name seems to fit. But each time we saw him Ol' Mel pitched like shit. Later

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 04:39 PM

I actually thought the inversion thing was part of Nash's style. But in rereading his original poem, I only found one example: More goose eggs he pitched So if we're emulating Nash here, it shouldn't be strictly taboo, but I guess we should take steps to avoid it.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 05:03 PM

K is for Koosman But we called him Koos. With him on the mound, We'd win more than lose.

Johnny Dickshot Sep 02 2005 05:19 PM

Valadius is just knocking these out. Darling opposed Viola, not Franco. C is for Cleon Livin the life Caught out of uniform Without his wife C is for Casey Who once asked in shame Can't anyone here Play this game

Valadius Sep 02 2005 05:55 PM

L is for Leiter Our Jersey Boy His starts would often Fill us with joy.

TheOldMole Sep 02 2005 06:21 PM

L's for Labine Cleaned up a few messes Then he retired To design ladies' dresses. L is for Landrith-- never knocked down the walls, But without him, said Casey, A lot more passed balls.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 02 2005 06:27 PM

I really like Mole's Landrith entry.

TheOldMole Sep 02 2005 06:48 PM

And speaking of L... How about Tim Leary? His age was young, But his arm was weary. Thanx, Yancy.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 08:37 PM

M's for McGraw Boy, Tug could relieve His most famous quote? Ya Gotta Believe.

Frayed Knot Sep 02 2005 08:43 PM

S for George Seaver we knew him as Tom. His fastball was lightning his curveball da bomb.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 09:24 PM

N is for Niemann Gave Cashen a toast He did the least, Celebrated the most.

Valadius Sep 02 2005 09:31 PM

O's for Orosco Was traded for Koos For many a year Were hitters confused.

mlbaseballtalk Sep 02 2005 09:52 PM

P is for Pedrique Pirate Shortstop of fame Was a Met for a few days Trade for a catcher who was lame

mlbaseballtalk Sep 02 2005 09:53 PM

Q is for Quandry Cause thats where we are No Q Mets, not even a Non-Star

Johnny Dickshot Sep 02 2005 11:00 PM

Q is for Quilvio Traded for Everett Though they passed in the night I can't say if they ever met

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 06:35 AM

="A Boy Named Seo"]You would never (as in literally never) say to someone "From Santa Monica I hail", would you, Seo? I'll bet your fee for uttering that sentence with a straight face is pretty high. Sorry, I watched Empire Strikes Back last night. I'm scrapping the Darling one and starting over. I suck at this. D is for Darling Smart, handsome pal Readied at Yale For Shallow Hal By the way, I embedded the possessive foem in an enjambment just once and I learned my freaking lesson. I won't do that again. Sorry, typo. "form," not "foem." I had a rare evening myself--hung out in the Villlage, caught a film, dinner on St Mark's Place before, drinks in the Cedar Bar afterwards. Composed a few while waiting for my waitress, though. O is for "Omigod Jesse Orosco"-- We'd wish him in Cooperstown (some days, in Moscow). S is for Straw, whose ability goes from "super" to "stellar" to "straight up his nose." F is for Franco who lost with a smirk that made us suspect John B. Good be a jerk. O's for Ordonez who wore "ten" and "zero"-- If popups were ribbies, he'd be quite a hero. L is for Leiter who had young Scott fearing to play tunes that failed to please Alois' hearing. M's for Dave Magadan, "Better than sex!" with the bat (With the glove, "Well, he just ain't no Mex.") H is for HoJo, a born-again Christer, replacing Ray Knight who was way overpriced, sir. The best I came up with was Reyes, but I can't get the last line right. Someone want to try it? R is for "Reyes" (and "Rabbit being chased.") Hard to catch? Oh, we say "Yes" and then I lose it: waste? Haste? Placed? I may be too fancy here, going for the unneeded (but always nice) abab structure rather than settling for the xaxa that's standard in the Nashism.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 07:04 AM

Johnny Dickshot wrote: Darling opposed Viola, not Franco. Of course he did. Kudos for your Cleon. Made me smile.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 09:09 AM

="A Boy Named Seo"]By the way, I embedded the possessive foem in an enjambment just once and I learned my freaking lesson. I won't do that again. Very funny. Sorry bout putting you in Santa Monica, Seo. Just took a stab, didn't notice your "location" tag. Oh, and to further the scansion/verse discussion: with Widey's new information, we have an extra unstressed syllable ("Viola" is unstressed/stressed/unstressed, while Franco is stressed/unstressed) so now we need a shorter verb. So: Darling beat Viola, Yale's best etc.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 09:31 AM

C's for Mark Corey, who'd be a Met if he'd stayed in his room as he sucked on that spliff.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 09:58 AM

K is for Kranepool, Edward Emil. In a pinch, you'd say "Hit." You would never say "Steal."

Johnny Dickshot Sep 03 2005 10:08 AM

D is for David Arthur, Sky King "Obnoxious my presence, Majestic my swing."

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 10:10 AM

K is for Kingman, and what's not to like? Out- of-Yellowstone homers (well, sometimes a strikeout.)

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 10:11 AM

That's a pretty amazing simulpost, Widey.

Willets Point Sep 03 2005 11:34 AM

Someone's got to work in the bus roling across the Shea parking lot and Tom Seaver and HIS MOUND.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 11:46 AM

Willets Point wrote: Someone's got to work in the bus roling across the Shea parking lot and Tom Seaver and HIS MOUND. And that person isn't you because....? Did you see my question about your nuptials in the NBF?

Valadius Sep 03 2005 12:29 PM

P's for Piazza Our very own Mike With one mighty swing Our offense would spike.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 12:35 PM

Q is the question That we all still ask Will we see a no-hitter? Can we at last bask?

Valadius Sep 03 2005 12:39 PM

R is for Reyes Who gives us a burst Like lightning he sprints From home plate to first.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 12:42 PM

S is for Stengel, Seaver and Straw. One made us laugh, Two, gape in awe.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 12:54 PM

T is for Teufel Who shuffled at bat When Dibble threw in Ol' Tuff knocked him flat.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 01:02 PM

U is for Unser Played center quite well We got him for Tug But soon said farewell.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 01:04 PM

V is for Valentine, Ol' Bobby V. Mr. Mustachio Filled us with glee.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 01:09 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 03 2005 08:14 PM

W's for Wright Who crushes the ball If he keeps it up He'll enter the Hall. Edit: changed second line.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 02:43 PM

X is for Esix Quick as can be After last season We set him free.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 02:46 PM

Y is for Youngblood Was on some bad teams Once, he had hair His forehead now gleams.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 02:52 PM

Z is for Zachry Fought with Ron Cey He was no Seaver Still, was okay.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 03:26 PM

T is Ron Taylor, our righthanded closer, Later a doctor, first, always, a hoser. J is for Jesus Alou, not for Jesus. The least of three siblings, All he did was tease us.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 03:36 PM

Johnny Dickshot wrote: D is for David Arthur, Sky King "Obnoxious my presence, Majestic my swing." By the way, if anyone wants to invert, here's a great example (actually, two) of ironic-sounding inversion, which is the only kind that's done any more. Bravo, Johnny Dee.

Valadius Sep 03 2005 05:01 PM

Well, I reached the end of the alphabet. If anyone wants to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down on each of them, go ahead.

Bret Sabermetric Sep 03 2005 05:21 PM

Thumbs down. Just kidding. I thought what we'd do is offer amendments, improvements, changes, and the 26 we want to stand, we'll eventually reach some sort of consensus on. Like the Ranking Project, I think that what will make this one work is the consent of the governed. That was really a beautiful ego-less thing to see, all of us working and cussing and arguing and having a ball, just to devise a ranking system that made sense, more or less, to everyone involved. Of all the projects I've been involved with over the last few decades, the Ranking Project is one of the ones I'm proudest of. If you're all willing-- and that includes being willing to argue "Aw, Salbretdoc, no one cares about all this pointyheaded jargon that you're prolly making up as you go along, we just WUUUUUV Poster X's pome, so yeah STFU"--that's what I think we should do. Do you get the impression, btw, that I WUUUUV this project?

Valadius Sep 03 2005 05:25 PM

I agree. And yes, it is obvious.

Zvon Sep 03 2005 05:35 PM

Valadius wrote: Well, I reached the end of the alphabet. If anyone wants to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down on each of them, go ahead. I think they are great Val. You have a way with words. Im still tryin to make one for A

Valadius Sep 03 2005 08:16 PM

To recap, here's my collection of Mets quatrains. A is for Agee The Miracle Man Whose diving catches Thrilled many a fan. B is for Backman Hard-nosed as hell Rarely went deep But played the game well. C is for Carter Known as "The Kid" Played with a smile That he never hid. D is for Darling Smart as can be Ladies would scream As he worked 1-2-3. E is for Elster Much talent untapped His biggest mistake? He wouldn't adapt. F is for Franco The better of two He gave us a show Whenever he threw. G is for Gooden Known as Doc K A spectacular kid Let his skills waste away. H, for Hernandez Though there have been three Mex was the best We all can agree. I is for Izzy Who once pitched at Shea The trade for Bill Taylor - The end of Gen K. J is for Johnson HoJo to most Kept us alive With Darryl a ghost. K is for Koosman But we called him Koos. With him on the mound, We'd win more than lose. L is for Leiter Our Jersey Boy His starts would often Fill us with joy. M's for McGraw Boy, Tug could relieve His most famous quote? Ya Gotta Believe. N is for Niemann Gave Cashen a toast He did the least, Celebrated the most. O's for Orosco Was traded for Koos For many a year Were hitters confused. P's for Piazza Our very own Mike With one mighty swing Our offense would spike. Q is the question That we all still ask Will we see a no-hitter? Can we at last bask? R is for Reyes Who gives us a burst Like lightning he sprints From home plate to first. S is for Stengel, Seaver and Straw. One made us laugh, Two, gape in awe. T is for Teufel Who shuffled at bat When Dibble threw in Ol' Tuff knocked him flat. U is for Unser Played center quite well We got him for Tug But soon said farewell. V is for Valentine, Ol' Bobby V. Mr. Mustachio Filled us with glee. W's for Wright Who crushes the ball If he keeps it up He'll enter the Hall. X is for Esix Quick as can be After last season We set him free. Y is for Youngblood Was on some bad teams Once, he had hair His forehead now gleams. Z is for Zachry Fought with Ron Cey He was no Seaver Still, was okay.

ScarletKnight41 Sep 03 2005 08:18 PM

Nicely done :)

TheOldMole Sep 06 2005 09:13 AM

C is for Chiti, A cunning old elf; He came in a trade, Turned out 'twas for himself.

TheOldMole Sep 06 2005 09:14 AM

C is for Coleman, Who did nothing but carp And injure his leg When rolled up in a tarp.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 06 2005 09:16 AM

X could be Felix The man, not the cat Millan crouched at the plate Hands held high on the bat

MFS62 Sep 06 2005 03:06 PM

TheOldMole wrote: C is for Chiti, A cunning old elf; He came in a trade, Turned out 'twas for himself. Mole, that can make my Metalphabet any ol' time. Later

Valadius Sep 07 2005 11:06 AM

BUMP This thread is too good to fall off the front page.

Valadius Sep 08 2005 05:43 PM

R is for Randolph Ol' Willie's a pain We lose the close games 'Cause he has no brain.

Valadius Sep 08 2005 05:46 PM

L is for Looper He blows lots of saves We'll trade him come winter Along with Dan Graves.