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The only fashion advice I know and live by comes from this article I read over 15 years ago. Some of it is dated and some of it remains dead on.
The title comes from a trendy best-seller of the day. Yes, I realize this thread is a great oppotunity for you to play the red pants card. Resist the urge.
My younger friend Blake argues, "I’m no fashion guru or anything… but I’m pretty sure fashion rules have changed since 1992. See: Fresh Prince of Bel Air." But these aren't rules, so much as principles. The first one, for instance scarcely applies to Will, because he was particularly funny.
It's aimed at men, of course, but a lot of this works for women, as well. The list near the end is included for historical and entertainment purposes, but is obviously otherwise useless.
<blockquote>IRON JOHN
How to Get Dressed Better
By Hal Rubenstein and Jim Mullen;
Published: Sunday, September 13, 1992
<ul><li>Your socks should never be funnier than you are. (Edgy says: This is true of all accessories — ties, suspenders, cufflinks…)</li>
<li>Unless you have virtually nothing to draw in, avoid drawstring pants.</li>
<li>A belt fits correctly when the buckle's prong goes through the strap's third hole.</li>
<li>If you're high-waisted, avoid high-waisted pants, unless you have an Eddie Haskell fixation.</li>
<li>Maybe you wouldn't be so uncomfortable in the afternoon if you bought your own underwear and knew your own size.</li>
<li> Never wear a plaid jacket to a job interview.</li>
<li>If your teeth don't look healthy, it doesn't matter what you have on.</li>
<li> There is no regulation width or length for ties, so knot one before you buy it.</li>
<li>Don't iron the stuff you buy from L. L. Bean.</li>
<li>The best shoes to dance in are sneakers with no tread left.</li>
<li>Clothes don't make you look fat. Fat does.</li>
<li>If you are tired of apologizing for the I-had-to-work-late-no-time-to-change corporate look, leave one black- and one cream-colored turtleneck or crew-neck sweater in a desk or file-cabinet drawer.</li>
<li>Do you always have to carry every key you own?</li>
<li>Better you should carry a usable handkerchief.</li>
<li>When you need them, keep business cards in your outside breast pocket. </li>
<li>Does Mom come in to clean five times a week? Then hang up your clothes.</li>
<li>Your underwear shouldn't be briefer than your favorite bathing suit. Sooner or later, you're bound to be seen in both.</li>
<li>Love the scent of your deodorant more than life itself? Then don't buy polyester workout clothes.</li>
<li>You needn't smell your own cologne once it's on.</li>
<li>Don't wear an ascot unless you've been there.</li>
<li>Solid white collars atop contrasting shirts belong with a straw boater and an apron someplace where there's sawdust on the floor. (Edgy: I honestly have as much trouble deciphering this one as I did when I first read it.)</li>
<li>There's no such thing as classy luggage as long as you have to carry it.</li>
<li>Learn to iron.</li>
<li>But never press jeans (if yours have creases, wear them in private, among friends, until they fade).</li>
<li>When wearing suede, eat nothing.</li>
<li>Old favorites saved for "knocking around in" are never knocked around in. Many charities would be glad to put them into action.</li>
<li>Old ski-lift tickets are not a fashion accessory.</li>
<li>Don't have muscles? Don't wear muscle T's.</li>
<li>Clothing makes an excellent sunscreen.</li>
<li>When it's below freezing, close your coat. We're not impressed.</li>
<li>Silk shirts are warmer than they look. If you sweat like a showerhead, steer clear of them on big presentation days, when out dancing or on a first date.</li>
<li>Use shoe trees.</li>
<li>Paisley goes with nothing.</li>
<li>If you're over 5 feet 5 inches tall and remember how it felt when Marilyn Monroe died, don't ever wear overalls again.</li>
<li>Unless the corona from a total eclipse is coming through the skylight, take the sunglasses off indoors.</li>
<li>Get your hair cut a week before the big day.</li>
<li>Literally tuck yourself into a bathing suit. These things don't take care of themselves.</li>
<li>Brush your teeth before putting on anything more than underwear -- ever try to get toothpaste off a tie?</li>
<li>If you're going to sit for a long time on a trip, take your wallet out of your back pocket, even if you know a good chiropractor at your destination.</li>
<li>If you wear boots often, try a boot wallet.</li>
<li>Think a blue blazer goes everywhere? Think twice before you go anywhere.</li>
<li>If you must have a blue blazer, and you must, buy the best one you can afford.</li>
<li>Though you're disappointed you weren't born with a family crest, pray for one in your next life and live without one in this.</li>
<li>Thin, wiry shoelaces need to be double-knotted.</li>
<li>To remove the old hem mark from a let-down pair of pants, soak the line in white vinegar and then press with a warm iron.</li>
<li>For those who insist on going sockless in even the steamiest of climates, remember you can always throw sweaty socks into the wash, but loafers tend to give it up in the spin cycle.</li>
<li>Pinky rings look so cool — in a Scorsese film.</li>
<li>Beware of showroom sales-fever reasoning: i.e., "for $20 . . ." Once you're home, how little you paid is forgotten; how good you look in it is all that matters.</li>
<li>If you must have your clothes monogrammed, do it where it can't be seen.</li>
<li>Tweeze your nose hairs: both the ones inside and the ones on top.</li>
<li>If you're over 40, your ears need a haircut, too.</li>
<li>The invitation says "black tie." How come she opts for a dress kept lovingly wrapped in tissue paper, while you rent a been-to-the-dry-cleaners-more-times-than-Vicki-Carr's-sung-"It Must Be Him" dinner jacket? Be a grown-up and buy your own tuxedo. (Edgy, point taken, though the reference eludes me.)</li>
<li>Massages relax you, and the more relaxed you are, the better you look in your clothes.</li>
<li>White jeans are not out of season in winter. White leather shoes are not in season ever. (Edgy says: White jeans? What?)</li>
<li>A wide tie looks good hanging just below the belt; a regular-width tie looks good just above the belt, and a thin tie can be tucked into the shirt between the third and fourth buttons.</li>
<li>The only time you're not better off shopping alone is when buying eyeglass frames.</li>
<li>A little flannel goes a long way.</li>
<li>Despite their prevalence, button-down oxfords worn under double-breasted jackets are more the Fred and Ethel than the Lucy and Ricky of fashion.</li>
<li>More people look better in solid navy than in solid black.</li>
<li>Don't pull loose threads. Cut them.</li>
<li>Jewelry on the beach is arriving by the pailful. Just remember before diving into the surf that sharks love shiny things.</li>
<li>Don't waste money on cologne if you smoke.</li>
<li>Buy shoes in the late afternoon.</li>
<li>"You have to break them in" is an old wives' tale. Shoes should feel good before you hand over the charge card.</li>
<li>If you're not active, don't buy activewear.</li>
<li>Use a moisturizer as often as a woman — every time you wash your face.</li>
<li>Loosening or taking off your tie does not make you look sporty. It makes you look drunk.</li>
<li>When confronted by a person with reflective aviator glasses, look him square in the eye and then start fixing your hair.</li>
<li>If you like something that much, buy two of them. You may not see it again.</li>
<li>Don't wear a belt and suspenders. (Edgy: Ever.)</li>
<li>Safari jackets look pretentious when you're on one, and too far out of Africa when you're not.</li>
<li>There's nothing wrong with buying a fur coat, as long as you're giving it to someone who goes to a gynecologist.</li>
<li>Don't hang up sweaters, not even cardigans, or the woman in your life will soon belt one and wear it with leggings.</li>
<li>There's a time and a place for everything, except dickies.</li>
<li>Don't organize your clothes closet by outfit.</li>
<li>In a random survey, not one tailor knew what "single-needle tailoring" was. (One asked, "How many needles do you need to tailor a suit?") If they don't know, why should you?</li>
<li>Names of fabric colors have gotten bizarre, less to confuse you than to maintain clear communication between designer and mill. However, at the retail level, they read like code. These equations should help you shop in the fall of 1992 and be useless by the spring of '93.
<ul><li>sand = beige</li>
<li>stone = beige-gray</li>
<li>flax = taupe-gray</li>
<li>birch = gray-taupe</li>
<li>putty = sand-gray</li>
<li>flannel = charcoal gray</li>
<li>anthracite = charcoal</li>
<li>black petrol = pale navy</li>
<li>blue strauss = denim</li>
<li>blue granite = blue-gray</li>
<li>elderberry = plum-gray</li>
<li>vertigre = greenish gray</li>
<li>chagrine = grayish (Edgy: “chagrine”?)</li>
<li>green clay = brown-gray</li>
<li>claystone = gray-brown</li>
<li>slate = pale gray</li>
<li>petrol sage = green-blue</li>
<li>pinesoap = dark green, though not as dark as</li>
<li>hunter wheat = yellow-orange</li>
<li>goldenrod = greenish yellow</li>
<li>sulfur = pale yellow-gray</li>
<li>heather = blue-green-brown, or sage, sulfur, claystone, depending on the geographic influences on the designer</li>
<li>silt = muddy flannel</li>
<li>brolive = muddy olive (Edgy: “brolive”? I’m calling bullshit.)</li>
<li>pongee = muddy cream</li>
<li>earth = mud</li>
<li>vegetable = mashed tomatoes and cucumbers</li>
<li>garnet = burnt red</li>
<li>catkin = chocolate-red</li>
<li>henna = brown-red</li>
<li>fire = real red</li>
<li>vermilion = fire orange</li>
<li>carmine = fire vermilion</li>
<li>bittersweet = clay henna</li>
<li>paper bag = exactly that</li></ul></li>
<li>You don't always have to match.</li>
<li>Getting dressed is supposed to be fun. Try to have some.</li>
<li>No wire hangers, ever.</li></ul>
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