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Aarrgghh!! It's the Pirates again. Has anything happened with them since we last saw and swept them May 8-10?
According to my sources in the National League Central standings, no, not really. The Pirates are a fifth-place club, six games under .500 and eight games behind the front-running Brewers. The best thing that's happened to them is the Houston Astros, who are sixth. Yet even the 'Stros are not unvarnished good news for the Bucs, as Houston beat them two of three over the weekend at PNC, which is where the Mets are alighting for four starting tonight.
Aarrgghh!! Sorry, it's just hard to avoid doing that when thinking about the Pirates.
The first question everyone has about the Pirates is how are Matt Capps and his bruised elbow doing? Presumably, given his job description, he is bored to tears, but his elbow technically healthy again. Closing for the Pirates is the baseball equivalent of repairing Maytags. But Madcap Matt, whose middle name is Dicus, did capture his tenth save of 2009 Saturday with a solid third of an inning. Actually, it was more spongy than solid. He hit Miguel Tejada with the bases loaded and walked Lance Berkman right after that. But after entering with a five-run lead and whittling it down to three, he retired Carlos Lee on a grounder to second. Because the potential tying run was on deck...save!
Did I mention his middle name is Dicus?
Top Buc batsman Nate McLouth has spent the last couple of weeks disintegrating. His average sank from .294 on May 17 to .250 May 29 before he sat Saturday and rebounded a bit Sunday with a 2-for-4 effort that included a leadoff homer off Mike Hampton that represented all of Pittsburgh's production. Can you believe Mike Hampton is still pitching? Or how much more resonance a word like "sank" has when you're talking about a team called the Pirates? McLouth was 1-for-25 entering Sunday. His middle name is Richard. Matt Capps' middle name remains Dicus.
Nate McLouth was born October 28, 1981, the day the Dodgers defeated the MFYs in the World Series, four games to two. That was great. I was a freshman in college, very lonely, very disgusted that so many people were default MFY frontrunners. I was rooting hard for the Expos to make that World Series, but the least the Dodgers could do was make up for '77, '78 and the first two lay-down games of the '81 Fall Classic. I haven't rooted for the Dodgers since, though I did want them to beat the A's in '88 just so I could feel we were beaten by a Team Of Destiny.
Matt Capps was born September 3, 1983. That was right after the Russians accidentally (or so they said) shot down Korean Air Lines Flight 007. It was a very big story. An angry novelty record called "The Russians Are Liars," to the tune of "Eye Of A Tiger," got quite a bit of airplay where I was. Boy did I feel like a visitor to Tampa and the 1980s, respectively. On the day Matt Capps was born, the Mets beat the Padres in fifteen innings at Shea Stadium, 4-3. Brian Giles drove in Bob Bailor with a sac fly to center off Elias Sosa. Later in the decade, I'd briefly confuse Elias Sosa with young Sammy Sosa. Tom Seaver started and left in the seventh. Jesse Orosco was saddled with a blown save for unleashing a wild pitch after Seaver exited. Then he pitched through the ninth without giving up a run. Jesse was more relief pitcher while statistically blowing a save in 1983 than Matthew Dicus Capps was earning one Saturday night.
I also occasionally confused Elias Sosa with Randy Moffitt with Gary Lavelle when all were Giants. Only one was related to Billie Jean King. King crowned Bobby Riggs on September 20, 1973, the same night Dave Augustine's ball didn't clear the left field wall at Shea and Ron Hodges earned an eleven-year sinecure. Mets beat the Pirates then. It would be nice if the Mets would beat the Pirates now.
Jesse Orosco's middle name is Russell. No Dicus he.
If there are any ex-Mets on the Pirates, they deserve to be there. Ollie Perez is on the Disabled List but was once a Buc. When visiting beautiful PNC Park, be sure to pay homage to Ralph Kiner's hands or at least the sculpture commemorating them.
As noted in another thread, Jay Horwitz's coming out party took place at Three Rivers Stadium just over 29 years ago.
Starting pitching matchups:
Monday: Hernandez vs. Snell
Tuesday: Santana vs. Duke
Wednesday: Pelfrey vs. Ohlendorf
Thursday: Redding vs. Karstens (gay dame)
Mystery Buc who will cause trouble: Ramon Vazquez. He wears No. 5, he plays third base and he will come up in a game situation and make like David Wright off J.J. Putz. Afterwards, Steve Somers, incessantly growling "Ramon Vazquez?" will take one call after another demanding Putz be gone. The next day Mike Francesa will explain it's all Ryan Church's fault. He'll get Eddie Coleman on the phone and Ed will agree. "Yeah, Mike, Ryan Church is a problem, no doubt about it Jerry's gotta address that." Ramon Vazquez will be back at Indianapolis by next week.
Nyjer Morgan will do something insidious as well but look so sartorially splendid doing it that it will be hard to stay mad at him.
We just commemorated the thirtieth anniversary of the Fog Game in which the Mets and Pirates played to a 3-3 tie curtailed by the elements rolling in off of Flushing Bay on May 25, 1979. By "just commemorated," I mean I found myself in a mental fog about an hour ago and decided to write this KTE before it lifted, lest I provide you with any information more valuable than Dicus.
Let's Go Mets. Aarrgghh!!
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... like one Mr. Randall K. Myers.