Bullet of Cool: The Return

Master Index of Archived Threads

Bullet of Cool: The Return

Frayed Knot
May 31 2009 07:01 PM

'Bullet of Cool' is a term has existed here for a number of years now but mostly as a concept rather than a fact. It was originally used to describe both a great post and also as the name of the never-realized H-o-F of Cranepooling.

The problem is these gems of the keyboard only occasionally get recognized at the time (MGiM will refer to "bad ass" posts every now & then) and rarely if ever get set aside for posterity.
As an attempt to remedy this, last year I tried looking for posts to compile on a more or less monthly basis. It worked for a while but the idea ran out of steam after a short time.

So here's the thing: this deal was never intended to be a solo project and if it's going to survive it probably can't be. So I'd like to invite anyone and everyone to take note of your favorite posts as they pop up. They could be funny ones, goofy ones, brilliant ones, whatever you think fits. As usual I'd like as few rules as possible so this thing will go wherever we take it (or it'll die a painful death again and we'll can it altogether).

So without further ado, the (FK version of) CPF 'Bullet of Cool' posts for May 2009:

* Ben Grimm (in response to the statement that “there was at least one DiMaggio brother who never played at all”):
You mean Gummo?

* Swan Swan H: (on Manny’s suspension)
Until there is word of exactly what he was taking, my story is that he was herbally treating his glaucoma.

* Swan Swan H (during an IGT):
Delgado came to the mound and said "If you throw him a fastball I'm going to fight with Gary Carter."

* CF (on batting techniques):
When I was playing, my problem was letting pitches get too deep before swinging. Like the catcher's glove kind of deep.

* Swan Swan H (on a Red Sox lineup switch): ... Jacoby Ellsbury is replaced by Jonathan Van Every. Sounds like the Southampton polo report.

* Swan Swan H: (on childhood sickness)
Sounds like a tough kid - I bet he cried less than Sidney Crosby.

* LeiterWagnerFasterStronger:
Is some sort of pubic-hair-like facial topiary REQUIRED to be a Phillie 'penner, or do they just all subscribe to the same magazines?

* EdgyDC (on Angel Pagan’s traffic arrest):
Half the TCPalm advertising revenue must come from hits the site gets from Mets crime stories.

* Kong76:
I got a call from NYPD because I threatened to toss SJJeets off the Empire State Building. I explained the situation and the sarge apologized and told me to do what I gotta do.

* Willets Point (on Arlen Spectre’s defection):
Any word on the politician to be named later that the Republicans will be getting in the trade?

* Nymr83 (on Santana’s greatness):
They should send an extra prospect to Minnesota now just as a thank you.

* metsmarathon:
can dwight howard play centerfield? he might get up near the top of them fences...

* Mendoza Line (on Scrabble addictions):
Yeah. It starts innocently enough, with a couple of random games against some people on a Met fan forum. Next thing you know, you're sitting in a Bowery doorway holding a dog-eared third edition of the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary that you picked up from a trash can in Washington Square Park during your last qat bender, muttering something incoherent to random passers-by about a diabolical worldwide conspiracy to "wordify" ZA and QI.

* FMan99:
Pete Rose is a retard. That's why other retards always have Pete Rose's haircut.

* Nymr83:
"not the worst Star Trek film" isn't saying much considering that i could shoot a better movie than Star Trek V on home video with a few klingon halloween masks and a toy phaser.

* EdgyDC:
They say the Mets just dealt Ramon
For Broadway (For Broadway)
They say three catchers are too much to bear
That when your bullpen needs eight guys
Your dugout bench must shrink in size
One must be dealt; it's no surprise
For Broadway (for Broadway)

Kong76
May 31 2009 07:10 PM

* FMan99:
Pete Rose is a retard. That's why other retards always have Pete Rose's haircut. <<<

I don't recall this post, but it's got me teary eyed in laughter.

Fman99
May 31 2009 08:14 PM

="Kong76":qtrzt010]* FMan99: Pete Rose is a retard. That's why other retards always have Pete Rose's haircut. <<< I don't recall this post, but it's got me teary eyed in laughter.[/quote:qtrzt010]

I've been trying to get Bullet of Cool recognition for two years now. Awesome.

Rockin' Doc
May 31 2009 08:26 PM

Congrats. I'm still trying.

metsguyinmichigan
May 31 2009 09:37 PM

Great posts. Or, should I say... bad asses!

A Boy Named Seo
May 31 2009 10:46 PM

I missed LeiterWagner's pubic/facial hair one, too. This is like the Cliff's Notes of Awesome for a guy like me who misses more days here than I'd like to.

Triple Dee
Jun 01 2009 04:28 AM

Congrats, guys. Makes me glad to be back!

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr
Jun 01 2009 11:50 AM

Especially-- but not exclusively-- in the IGTs, Swanny's had one hell of a month.

Also, my nasal passages thank Fman for the soda-rinsing the Pete Rose line just gave 'em.

Centerfield
Jun 01 2009 12:40 PM

What's not fair is that Frayed Knot is gracious enough not to include any of his quotes. And the rest of us are too dumb to remember anything beyond the thread we just opened.

So let's congratulate FK for the dozens he's had but we've forgotten.

(All I can come up with is the title of the hip surgery thread off the top of my head)

Edgy DC
Jun 01 2009 12:53 PM

]The baby in the sun is not creepy. And it's from Teletubbies.

Being from Teletubbies makes it the definition of creepy.

--- Frayed Knot, speaking a timeless universal truth.

Frayed Knot
Jun 01 2009 01:54 PM

="Centerfield"]What's not fair is that Frayed Knot is gracious enough not to include any of his quotes.
Why do you think I don't want this to be a one-man project? Well lots of reasons really, we'll just make that one of them.
] And the rest of us are too dumb to remember anything beyond the thread we just opened.

So when you stumble across a good one cut-n-paste it to a Word file and collect them for a few weeks.
You think I have all this stuff in my memory or something?

Willets Point
Jun 01 2009 07:53 PM

] * Mendoza Line (on Scrabble addictions): Yeah. It starts innocently enough, with a couple of random games against some people on a Met fan forum. Next thing you know, you're sitting in a Bowery doorway holding a dog-eared third edition of the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary that you picked up from a trash can in Washington Square Park during your last qat bender, muttering something incoherent to random passers-by about a diabolical worldwide conspiracy to "wordify" ZA and QI.

I neglected to give props at the time, but this is one of the more hillarious things I've ever read on the Crane Pool.

cooby
Jun 01 2009 07:59 PM

Swan: 4 Bullets of Cool...he has re-arrived!

Ashie62
Jun 01 2009 08:03 PM

* Ben Grimm (in response to the statement that “there was at least one DiMaggio brother who never played at all”):
You mean Gummo? Love it..Congrats to all

Swan Swan H
Jun 01 2009 08:12 PM

Grimm's Gummo line and Kong on Stevie Jeets were my faves on that list, and all that stuff was excellent. However, this was my favorite from the month (sorry, Edgy)

="John Cougar Lunchbucket":3sonppbb]
="Edgy DC":3sonppbb]A friend, a woman, nearly perfect in every manner. Engaged to a textbook douchebag that's going to make her miserable. How do these things come to pass?[/quote:3sonppbb] Have you asked your wife? Ka-POW!![/quote:3sonppbb]

Edgy DC
Jun 01 2009 08:30 PM

Yes, that was some yeoman's straight man work by me there.

Swan Swan H
Jun 01 2009 08:42 PM

George Burns would have been proud.

Edgy DC
Jun 01 2009 08:58 PM

It's actually not the first time he so blammoed me. Check out my engagement thread sometime.

Centerfield
Jun 05 2009 09:51 AM

One thing about FMan's post is that it isn't even his best retard line.

He made some crack about retards eating pennies that had me dying. I forget which post it was in. (Edgy will find it in 4.7 seconds)

Yes, I feel awful about laughing. But he is really funny.

Kong76
Jun 05 2009 10:57 AM

For those who have been posting forever, you'll know that I used to speak
up against retard humor. I just don't want anyone I'm thinking I'm retarded
and forgot that I used be vocally against the use of retard humor. I'm more
childish than I was ten years ago on many fronts. Retards is one of 'em.

Edgy DC
Jun 05 2009 01:19 PM

Yeah, that's it. Make me Fman's abettor:

http://cranepoolforum.net/phpbb2/viewto ... 1f46eaa203

Centerfield
Jun 05 2009 01:56 PM

No, for real, how do you do that?

Edgy DC
Jun 05 2009 07:16 PM

The Google. Duh.

John Cougar Lunchbucket
Jun 05 2009 07:23 PM

My favorite line this year belongs to LWFS on Sheffield:

]I like to imagine his clubhouse persona as ... "Fred Sanford with wrist strength".

themetfairy
Jun 09 2009 06:45 PM

]If you want to bring some excitement to your next corporate outing ... don't ask Bud Selig to do the honors. I swear the guy could dampen a parade of Hooters girls without even trying.

FK - 6/9/09

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr
Jun 12 2009 03:09 PM

6/12-- Preach on, FK:

="Frayed Knot":24011cg9]The new $1.5 billion HR palace in the Bronx that they built next door to the old one they haven’t gotten around to taking down yet and on top of the parkland they may or may not get around to replacing depending on how they feel and fuck you Mr. Assemblyman but it’s none of your damn businiess when or if we replace it or how we arrived at the value of the land you handed us. [/quote:24011cg9] 6/12-- On the first, potentially misty Subway Series game of 2009 (sometimes, timing is everything):
="Metirish":24011cg9]Does the forecast call for a soft rain tonight? [/quote:24011cg9]

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr
Jun 13 2009 05:29 PM

I am a sucker for comedic inversion... and I promise you, sir, I will steal this one at some point.

6/12:

="EdgyDC"]I find that concentrating and focusing my mind on sex can keep me from exploding during a baseball game.

Willets Point
Jun 14 2009 07:40 PM

Got a big giggle when I read this:

="Frayed Knot":2tfrsfpe]Round 2: Tesla vs Edison GO!!![/quote:2tfrsfpe]

Edgy DC
Jun 14 2009 08:40 PM

="LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr"]I am a sucker for comedic inversion... and I promise you, sir, I will steal this one at some point. 6/12:
="EdgyDC"]I find that concentrating and focusing my mind on sex can keep me from exploding during a baseball game.

Only use it when it's true.

metirish
Jun 22 2009 07:40 AM

From Swanie in the Met Loving Big Shot Thread

] Fox News Channel gave out thunderstix yesterday. This is the most perfect product placement ever, as both the sponsor and the product serve only to produce useless, annoying noise.

Fman99
Jun 22 2009 07:46 PM

From LWFS in an IGT in response to a creepy-sun-baby-induced-GIDP by Albert PooHoles:

] Nobody puts Creepy Sun Baby in a corner.

Killer.

Ashie62
Jun 22 2009 08:05 PM

="Fman99"]From LWFS in an IGT in response to a creepy-sun-baby-induced-GIDP by Albert PooHoles:
] Nobody puts Creepy Sun Baby in a corner.
Killer.

Seconded..baby!

Swan Swan H
Jun 23 2009 08:15 PM

Mendoza Line, after sending Metsmarathon get well wishes for his leg injury:
If the CPF injury rate keeps up like this, we're going to have to call in subs from a Buffalo Bisons board.

Kong76
Jun 25 2009 06:51 PM

In the dead thread about Farrah and Jackson ...
Mendoza Line: "Not a good day to be a '70s pop culture icon. Somewhere, Henry Winkler is crossing the street very, very carefully."

Made me laugh loudly.

soupcan
Jun 25 2009 07:51 PM

I went with 'Horshack' on my facebook page.

Rockin' Doc
Jun 27 2009 06:02 PM

6/27 IGT - After LWFS stated that he hoped A.J. Burnett got on base tonight because he thought Burnett looked like he would pull a Wang on the bases;

Swan Swan H - "As opposed to David Cone, who did it in the bullpen."

Ashie62
Jun 27 2009 07:27 PM

="Swan Swan H"]Mendoza Line, after sending Metsmarathon get well wishes for his leg injury: If the CPF injury rate keeps up like this, we're going to have to call in subs from a Buffalo Bisons board.

I broke my schaphoid bone in my wrist Tuesday and am casted beyond my elbow...12 weeks

themetfairy
Jun 27 2009 07:30 PM

Ouch! Feel better Ashie!

Swan Swan H
Jun 27 2009 09:28 PM

="Rockin' Doc":gv63zjya]6/27 IGT - After LWFS stated that he hoped A.J. Burnett got on base tonight because he thought Burnett looked like he would pull a Wang on the bases; Swan Swan H - "As opposed to David Cone, who did it in the bullpen."[/quote:gv63zjya]

Once LWFS set that one on the tee it was just a matter of who was going to get there first.

Rockin' Doc
Jun 27 2009 09:45 PM

Yeah, he did hang you a curve there, but when you got your pitch you made the most of the opportunity and hammered it.

metirish
Jun 28 2009 05:55 PM

DocTee wondering about the appropriate response to the news of Billy May's death

] I wonder if there will be a moment of screaming instead of a moment of silence.

I'm still laughing

Ashie62
Jun 30 2009 06:34 AM

Bejamin Grimm responding to Edgy in the World of Pain thread that Delgado was watching BP pitches go by but not swinging to work on his timing

At least he's ready to be intentionally walked.

Too funny!

Edgy DC
Jun 30 2009 07:34 AM

I like waiting until the end of the month to review the bullets. But I had only stored one this month.

"Iasseen better umps."--- LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr on a night of blown calls by umpire Dan Iassogna, June 11, 2009

Farmer Ted
Jun 30 2009 09:55 AM

I love this quote.

"The best things in life are free or $19.95"

--Billy Mays

Farmer Ted
Jul 01 2009 02:34 PM

From the Headless, Obese and Sexy thread in the non-baseball forum:

Being so large, I might get a neck down shot posted on the internet. I
better iron a nice crease in my jeans so I look good?
--Kong

Iced coffee just came out of my nose on that one, bastard.

Edgy DC
Jul 01 2009 02:39 PM

I know. He's hot

It's Jim Duquette place, he's flippin' burgers there now.--- Kong76 on the rumored presence of an establishment
named "Duke's" on the Citifield concourse.

Farmer Ted
Jul 01 2009 02:46 PM

Kong's on a roll.

Centerfield
Jul 02 2009 07:23 AM

Greg, on rumors of a team meeting based on the fact that the clubhouse remained closed longer than usual.

Given the way they've been playing, they probably accidentally locked themselves in.

HahnSolo
Jul 05 2009 05:56 AM

Any posts in the thread about my wife get a bullet of cool from me. But I did notice this one from FMan in the trades thread that floors me each time I read it:

Elijah Dukes sent down by the Nats to their local AAA affiliate here in Syracuse, to make room for Morgan to play.

In other news, my home insurance premiums just doubled.