Jun 18 2009 08:39 PM
Edited 5 time(s), most recently on Jun 19 2009 05:51 PM
Tampa Bay Rays:
2008 in a nutshell: Renounced the devil to worship the sun, forgot they sucked, got to the World Series, remembered they sucked, allowed the bleeping Phillies to claim a championship.
2009 in a nutshell: Falling back to earth, but not to previous levels of suckage, 35-33, fourth place.
OK, here’s an objective breakdown.
Game 1: Andy Sonnanstine vs. Fernando Nieve
Sonnanstine: 5-6, 6.65 ERA
Nieve: 1-0, 2.08
Advantage: Mets! Nieve is happy to be a Met and wants to stay.
Game 2: James Shields vs. Johan Santana
Shields: 5-5, 3.52
Santana: 8-4, 3.29
Advantage: Mets! Someone is going to pay for the 15-0 game, and it’s going to be the Rays.
Game 3: Jeff Niemann vs Mike Pelfrey
Niemann: 6-4, 4.21
Pelfrey: 5-2, 4.56
Advantage: Mets! Big Pelf wants to rebound from the 9-run fiasco.
Starters:
C: Dioner Navarro: .211. 4 HR, 20 RBI
Advantage: Mets! Navarro has Yankee farm taint.
1B: Carlos Pena: .240, 21 HR, 49 RBI
Advantage: Mets! We know for sure that Murphy’s not on PEDs. Can we say the same for Pena? All I’m saying is that this guy sucked rocks when he was with the Tigers, and suddenly he’s Mr. Stud.
2B: Ben Zorbrist: .310, 14 HR, 39 RBI, 8 SB
Advantage: Mets! Zorbrist is playing out of position and over his head.
3B: Evan Longoria: .308, 16 HR, 60 RBI, 2 SB
Advantage: Mets! Longoria is the David Wright of the future. But we have the David Wright of the present!
SS: Jason Bartlett: .373, 7 HR, 31 RBI, 14 SB
Advantage: Mets! Bartlett’s playing over his head, too.
CF: B.J. Upton: .222, 4 HR, 18, 24 SB
Advantage: Mets! Imagine how many steals Upton would get if he got on first better than a .222 clip? Meanwhile, Beltran is a monster!
LF: Carl Crawford: .313 6 HR, 30 RBI, 36 SB
Advantage: Mets! Crawford’s too fast for his own good, with those 36 steals. Meanwhile, Fernando Martinez is trying to make a case to avoid a return trip to Buffalo.
RF: Gabe Kapler: .225, 4 HR, 15 RBI, 2B and Gabe Gross: .278, 4 HR, 22 RBI, 5 SB
Advantage: Mets! They can play both Gabes at once in right, and they’re still not going to figure out how to play right field at Citi.
Mascot: “Raymond,” a sea dog.
Advantage: Mets! I had no idea that Raymond was a sea dog until I looked it up, and even then, I’m taking their word for it. Mr. Met’s cred speaks for itself.
Uniforms: With both a manta ray and a sun ray on the jerseys, the Rays can’t figure out their identity. They might as well put a slice of Original Ray’s Pizza on one of the sleeves.
Advantage: Mets! We have the best uniforms in baseball, if not all of sports.
Another team’s player honored in their ballpark: The Rays are the new home for the Ted Williams Hitters Hall of Fame.
Advantage: Mets! Jackie Robinson Rotunda trumps the Williams’ museum.
Key Injuries:
Rays:
Akinori Iwamura, out for year
Jason Isringhausen, out for the year, possibly for his career.
Scott Kazmir, on 15-day
Chad Bradford, out since March
Mets:
Carlos Delgado
Jose Reyes
Ramon Martinez
Angel Pagan
Billy Wagner
Oliver Perez
John Maine
JJ Putz
Advantage: Mets! The players on our DL are MUCH better than the players on the Rays’ DL! Oh, wait…
Exes
Ex-Mets:
Isringhausen
Bradford
Dan Wheeler
Kazmir, if you must.
Ex-Rays
Brian Stokes
Jon Switzer
It seems like the Mets have an obvious advantage in every category. So we’ll be lucky to win two of three based on the way things are going lately.