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Yes, it's time to announce the top B.O.C. awards for June.
This month's nominees include those selected by your host as well as those submitted by various members of the voting public. As always, additional nominations are encouraged and may be tacked onto this list as long as they were properly logged onto the CPF between June 1st and June 30th. If there are any disputes the decision of the judges will be completely ignored.
This month's winners cover a variety categories, starting with:
* Best cat-fight of the month
This [Bruney-Rodriguez feud] was handbags at six paces -- Met Irish
* The worst performance by a newcomer is ...
Since the birth of Rob Dibble, the quality of Nationals broadcasts has dropped precipitously. -- Swan Swan H
* Best diss-cription of a new ballpark
The new $1.5 billion HR palace in the Bronx that they built next door to the old one they haven’t gotten around to taking down yet and on top of the parkland they may or may not get around to replacing depending on how they feel and fuck you Mr. Assemblyman but it’s none of your damn business when or if we replace it or how we arrived at the value of the land you handed us. -- Frayed Knot
* The ‘how to make the 9th inning more memorable for both of you’ award
I find that concentrating and focusing my mind on sex can keep me from exploding during a baseball game. -- Edgy DC
* And the Al Gore charisma prize goes to ...
Bud Selig [speaking] could dampen a parade of Hooters girls -- Frayed Knot
* Here’s the next envelope but I can’t read it
"Iasseen better umps." -- LWFS (on a night of blown calls by umpire Dan Iassogna)
* Now may I have the rigged envelope please
If you're comparing your nation's electoral system to those of other countries, and you're looking up in the standings at Malaysia and Pakistan, you're in deep Shiite. -- LWFS
* Sexual harassment!! Who, me?
This [crotch-punching] never happens where I work. Well, not since I had my "counseling" anyway. -- FMan99
* Hey dude, when’s the band coming on?
What kind of world are we living in where someone can smuggle grass into a Phish concert? -- Olerud Owned
* Do you think it’s alright - to leave the boy with uncle clanky?
m.e.t.b.o.t. is unfamiliar with the process of assembling new humans, but assumes it to be very labor intensive. ... m.e.t.b.o.t. is also aware of the destructive, though presumably innocent, tendencies of the early hardware releases of the human species and as such hopes to be placed on shelves of sufficient height and sturdiness during any periods of inactivity, until such time as the necessary software upgrades can be implemented to preclude the destructive behavior. as has been demonstrated to select human members of the cranepoolforum, m.e.t.b.o.t. is not capable of sophisticated evasive maneuvers and prefers passive methods of security. -- m.e.t.b.o.t.
* Notice he didn’t say a 100?
Every season Joe Buck's head looks more like a 60 watt bulb. -- Swan Swan H
* But you can’t stop the argument now, I’m being entertained here!
OK, Round 2, Telsa vs Edison ... GO!!!! -- Frayed Knot
* But if I kill all the golfers won’t they lock me up and throw away the key?
[PETA is] just trying to get your attention by glomming onto a larger thing. It's a skill they learned from their wilderness friend, the weasel. -- John Cougar Luchbucket
* Listen up now, this announcement’s important
I just instinctively took my glasses off after reading about Cronkite. -- Met Irish
* Even their mothers won’t show up for this award
The members of ‘Men Without Hats’ don't even have four ‘Men Without Hats’ songs on their iPods. -- Swan Swan H
* No, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night ...
You guys are overlooking mole reimplantation surgery, whereby a team of surgeons carefully remove Beltran's ear-mole, then implant pillowy portions of it between his kneecap and tibia on both legs for added shock absorption, strength and character -- John Cougar Lunchbucket
* I’ll stick to you like glue honey
There's no chance that Elmer Dessens' wife is named Elsie, is there? -- Swan Swan H
* Sure he can shine, but can he dance?
Nobody puts creepy sun baby in a corner - LWFS
* When life imitates the Mets
If the CPF injury rate keeps up like this, we're going to have to call in subs from a Buffalo Bisons board. -- Mendoza Line
* The ‘Tell us how you really feel’ award
My assholiness sits dormant until there is a need for it to appear. When I am insulted, here it comes raging indignant, yet with just that little touch of self-awareness, like Groucho Marx when he is called an upstart in Duck Soup -- Swan Swan H
* These are not Happy Days
Not a good day to be a '70s pop culture icon. Somewhere, Henry Winkler is crossing the street very, very carefully. -- Mendoza Line
* Eulogies in motion award
And it seems to me you filled your bed
With a bunch of little boys
And a monkey and a llama
And your circus toys
And I would have liked to know you
But I was not a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your weirdness ever did
-- Swan Swan H
* As (will no longer be) seen on TV ...
BILLY MAYS HERE WITH AN EXCITING NEW CELEBRITY DEATH! NOTED TV PITCHMAN BILLY MAYS, THE GUY WHO BROUGHT YOU THE HERCULES HOOK, MIGHTY PUTTY, AND OXYCLEAN, DEAD AT THE AGE OF 50. -- Olerud Owned
* And presenting our next award: Tom Hanks’ brother!
Fred Travalena was like Rich Little, but more in your price range, y'know? ... The RC Cola of impressionists -- LWFS
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