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Chicago (Cubs)
Flyball Butcher for the World,
Error Maker, Stacker of Outs,
Misplayer with Grounders and the Nation's Perennial Loser;
Stormy, sucky, falling,
City of the Big Disappointment:
They tell me you are lousy and I believe them, for I
have seen your first-half surges even before there were gas lamps,
luring the farm boys.
And they tell me you are crooked and I answer: Yes, it
is true I have seen the August swoon, the players re-signed to come back and
swoon again.
And they tell me you are brutal and my reply is: On the
faces of Banks and Santo I have seen the marks
of wanton hunger.
And having answered so I turn once more to those who
sneer at this your city, and I give them back a smile
and say to them:
Come and show me another city with bowed head sobbing
so ashamed to be Cubs fans, embarrassed and coarse and pathetic and whining.
Flinging magnetic curses amid the toil of piling lost season on
lost season, here is a tall bold slugger set vivid against the
massive scoreboard, throwing live baseballs into the stands;
Whipped as a dog with tail tucked between its legs, confused
as a savage pitted against the Dewey Decimal System,
Boneheaded,
Slacking,
Wrecking,
Depressing,
Losing, rebuilding, more losing
Under the ivy, failure all over his mouth, cursing with
clenched teeth,
Under the terrible burden of destiny sighing as an old
man sighs,
Crying even as an ignorant fan cries who has
not won a Series in a century,
Sobbing and sighing that under his wrist is a feeble pulse.
and under his ribs the broken heart of the Cubs fan, and on the South Side is a 2005 Championship.
Crying!
Crying the salty, halting, bitter tears of
Failure, stripped naked, flop-sweating, ashamed to be
Flyball Butcher, Error Maker, Stacker of Outs, Misplayer with
Grounders and Perennial Loser of the Nation.
It has been, as most baseball fans know, 100 Years since the Chicago Cubs won a world championship. All sorts of theories have been put out there – billy goats, Bartman, too much day baseball, casseroles passing themselves off as pizza, salads considered by the Midwestern palate to be hot dog toppings, the wind, whatever.
Since 1908 the Cubs have played 52 years as one of 16 major league teams, one year as one of 18, seven years as one of 20, eight years as one of 24, 16 years as one of 26, five years as one of 28, and 11 years as one of 30. The odds of a team under those circumstances not winning a single championship in all those years is….well, how the fuck should I know? Do I look like Albert Einstein? Well, a little bit around the eyebrows, but that’s not the point. 100 seasons without a title? Wow. Is there a person alive who can say that they are a Cubs fan who was there when they last won the Series? (Stevie Jeets will find one, I’m sure, but I’m rolling here).
Steve Goodman was a Cubs fan, and wrote a delicious song about their suckitude, A Dying Cub Fan’s Last Request. He died at age 36 on September 20, 1984, and missed by less than a week seeing the Cubs clinch the Eastern Division, the only title they might have won in his lifetime. He was, however, spared watching them gag away a 2-0 lead over the Padres in the best-of-five NLCS.
As Mets fans the saga of the 1969 season is well known, and needs no rehashing here. Ron Santo may be worthy of the Hall of Fame, or he may not, but I hope he never gets in just for being an arrogant prick during the ’69 season – at least until the Mets went screaming past the Cubs like a Ferrari passing a scooter and arrogance was no longer an option. Click your heels in Hell, Santo.
And now, Lou Piniella and the 2009 Cubs. The conversation on several Cubs message boards, and indeed in the SNY booth today, concerns whether the Mets or Cubs are the bigger disappointment this year. The Cubbies have a big payroll ($135 million, third highest behind the Yankees and, um, the Mets), have suffered a few injuries, including a DL stint for all four starting pitchers, but other than Aramis Ramirez missing two months nothing horrible, and, all things considered, have been the biggest disappointment in the bigs.
The team that is floundering nine games out in the division and seven or so back in the Wild Card is at this point, essentially, the team they put together in the winter. They’re just not getting it done. The clubhouse is reportedly so toxic that manager Lou Piniella had to address the issues this week, acknowledging problems but not placing the blame for their record on these issues. Pitcher Carlos Zambrano recently admitted that he hasn’t worked very hard to stay in shape, and missed a couple of weeks with back spasms. He was pounded in his first game back; Sunday will be the second. Right Fielder Milton Bradley has brought his persecution complex with him to the North Side of Chicago, and may just be a worse signing than Oliver Perez. Maybe.
Here are some brief, absolutely not comprehensive, poorly researched factoidettes about the 2009 Cubs. Hopefully whoever KTE’s these guys for the Citi Field series next weekend will be better at this than me.
Starting Pitchers:
This has not been the Cubs’ problem. The Mets will face Ted Lilly (9-8, 3.40, 1.11 WHIP), Ryan Dempster (7-7, 4.07, 1.36 WHIP) and Carlos Zambrano (7-5, 3.80, 1.38 WHIP) , but Rich Harden and Randy Wells are also having good years. Even with the trips to the DL all five have started at least 19 games.
Bullpen:
Kevin Gregg hasn’t been getting it done, and calls for his release are everywhere in the Chicago media. Carlos Marmol walks 8.3/9, but fans 10.8/9, and has supplanted Gregg as the closer. Aaron Heilman has disproven the notion that a change of scenery was all he needed. John Grabow has pitched 10 scoreless innings as a LOOGY since coming over from the Bucs, and Tom Gorzelanny has picked up a couple of starts. Sean Marshall is out there as well, doing something sometimes, and other things at other times. I have no idea. Keep it close against the starter, and you have a shot.
Catcher:
Geovanny Soto was the 2008 Rookie of the Year, an All-Star, and finished 13th in MVP voting. This year he is hitting like Brian Schneider, sort of. Backup Koyie Hill may not be a better hitter, but he is throwing out 43% of baserunners (to Soto’s 30%).
First Base:
Derek Lee is hitting .290 with 24 homers and 85 RBI – no mean feat, considering how many ABs Alfosno Soriano spent not getting on base ahead of him. He hits third, and he hits.
Second Base:
Mike Fontenot had a pretty good 2008, and is having a poor 2009 (this is a recurring theme, for those of you who jumped in at this point). OPS+ down from 131 (in 284 PA) to 72 (in 361 PA). He is starting because free agent Aaron Miles ($2.2MM) is having the kind of year you would expect if you stuck a batting helmet on Sylvia Miles and walked her out toward the batters box.
Shortstop:
Ryan Theriot has moved to leadoff (usually) now that Soriano has been dropped to the lower half of the order. He is third in the league in singles (yay!) but fifth in outs made (boo!) His range factor at short has always been a bit below average. Unless I’m reading it wrong. I passed a graduate level statistics course (B-, 2006), I swear.
Third Base:
Aramis Ramirez has mashed when he is in the lineup (134 OPS+) but missed a couple of months with a shoulder injury.
Outfield:
Yikes! Soriano isn’t hitting, Bradley is a miscreant, and Fukodome is forced to play center when he should probably be a corner outfielder. Sam Fuld was called up on July 31 and has gotten 11 starts in August, and somehow has managed to step to the plate 64 times without driving in a run. As bad as the bullpen has been, when Piniella is found drunk in a gutter, the outfield will be the reason why.
Da Bench (sorry, I had to get one in there):
They have one. It’s made of wood. Aaron Miles sits on it, but not nearly enough. He has an OPS+ of 18. Eighteen. 35 total bases in 158 PA. They’d be better off sending up Larry Rothschild and hoping he gets hit in the belly. Jeff Baker has been pretty useful filling in at second, and Jake Fox did well enough filling for Ramirez that Lou has found 20 more starts for him in the outfield and first base, but that could just be because he’s sick of looking at Soriano and Bradley.
Ex-Mets on the Cubs:
Heilman, of course. Future Mets? Harden, I have a hunch.
Ex-Cubs on the Mets:
Angel Pagan. The series ends before the September call-ups, so that should be it.
History:
The Mets are 336-337-2 vs. the Cubs, and have never played them in the post-season. The two times the head-to-head really mattered the Mets were 10-8 (1969) and 6-12 (1984). This is the Cubs’ first trip to Citi Field.
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