Master Index of Archived Threads


November Bullets

1) Ashie62 in "Planning Your Next Affair? (Not About Steve P)."

2 votes

2) LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr in "Sorry!"

7 votes

3) Vince Coleman Firecracker in "Who's Your Guy?"

3 votes

4) G-Fafif in "SNY to Feature Best Years, Worst Years, All Years."

2 votes

5) MFS62 in "Agentspeak."

0 votes

6) Mendoza Line in "Best Advice Ever."

2 votes

7) LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr in "Best Advice Ever."

0 votes

8) LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr in "You're The General Manager."

0 votes

9) transmonk in "What Won't Any Mets Get This Year?"

0 votes

10) Frayed Knot in the "Letter from the Governor..."

0 votes

11) Frayed Knot in "Jack Cust, Jose Guillen, Ben Sheets."

1 votes

Edgy DC Dec 06 2009 08:40 PM

In an exciting new democratization of a great tradition, the people have seized the means of production --- of this month's Outstanding Bullet of Cool. Please pick your favorite shot of ice this month: 1) Nominated G-Fafif on October 23, but grandfathered in as we switched over to the new software, was Ashie62's speculations --- off a setup by G-Fafif himself --- of the Mets attitude's toward scripture from the "Planning Your Next Affair? (Not About Steve P)" thread. viewtopic.php?f=1&p=312242#p312242 [quote="Ashie62"][quote="G-Fafif"]I understand that the way Citi Field is configured for Bar Mitzvahs, you can see only seven of the Ten Commandments clearly.

Covet thy neighbors wife has to be gone by now
2) Nominated by metsguyinmichigan, was LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr's November 6 post in the thread "Sorry!" in which he, um, distances himself from the merriment around him.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=313767#p313767

[quote="LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr"]A good number of the Yankee fans in the office were elsewhere today. My boss' boss gave me the smirking sorry. But THAT part was tolerable.

Fuck you, though, 6 train paradegoers, Westchester park-and-rides taking up two seats, braying on your iPhones in full voice during rush hour before the train went underground.

Fuck you, 6 train conductor, who made the same "All Mets fans need to get off" joke at four different stations before I hit midtown. Fuck you for being unable to contain your spite two days after your favorite team won a fucking World Series, and mostly, for being a fucking hack.

Fuck you, Jay-Z, and your fucking "Empire State," which touched the hard-bitten-city-kid in me when I first heard it, but now sounds to me like fucking Wagner with drug references. And get the fuck off the float, you goat-looking, friend-ditching asshole, and climb back into Beyonce's ass for the winter-- you didn't do shit.

Fuck you, George Steinbrenner. The fact that you're dying now doesn't ennoble you, and it doesn't lessen in the least the fact that you're an absolute dick of a boss and horrorshow of a human being.

Fuck you, Fox morning show-- especially Greg Kelly, who shames his father daily-- and ALL you local-news assholes for trumpeting this overdog tripe like an underdog story, making me feel embarrassed for you with your second-city shtick, and making me feel sympathy for Philadelphians. When you offer lame, insincere congratulations after the Mets finally win another championship in my lifetime, I will answer you with two middle fingers and a shit-eating grin.

Fuck your stupid hat, A-Rod. And fuck the ridiculous Jonathan-Albaledejo-Seagull self-help bullshit that's flooded my eyes and ears in the last two weeks, all in the service of explaining normal statistical variance. Fuck fucking Kate Hudson, and magic vagina theories.

Fuck your Bronx-raping monstrosity of a stadium. Fuck your big boondoggle that will never, ever pay for itself, and still gave you a granite-and-limestone train station with shitty food. Fuck your engraved t-bones and fake frieze. Fuck you for stealing parkland from children. Fuck you in the eyeholes with prison dicks, Lonn Trost.

Fuck Francesa, Kay, Waldman and, most of all, fuuuuuuuuuuuucking Sterling. Fuck MFY mouthpiece, Bob Sheppard, MFY mouthpiece. Fuck your proud tradition of far-than-your-share of drunks, wife-beaters and phonies. Fuck "True Yankees" and your false gods of clutch.

Most of all, fuck you, diehards-since-the-90s who can't name your team's backup infielders, but wear a different-colored MFY hat every day to work, started the "Let's Go Yankees" chant that bled through my iPod earbuds and frightened the children on my train, and think that your team affiliation makes you more important than us. You make the rest of America hate us, you make the rest of the world hate us, and you make native New Yorkers understand why. Go break a rib or four in your parade, you insufferable shits, then hitch a ride home from Leyritz.
3) Nominated by John Cougar Lunchbucket on November 12 was Vince Coleman Firecracker's pithy rejoinder introducing 21st century statistics from the "Who's Your Guy?" thread.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=314330#p314330

[quote="Vince Coleman Firecracker"][quote="Ashie62"]Geez, I don't even hear about slugging percentage anymore

It's the S in OPS.
4) Nominated by Fman99 on November 13 was G-Fafif's head-scratching amazement that somebody would find cause to black out a highlight film during the offseason in the "SNY to Feature Best Years, Worst Years, All Years" thread.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=314390#p314390

[quote="G-Fafif"][quote="Benjamin Grimm"]BLACKED OUT!

DirecTV blocked it! The show is "unavailable in my area."

WTF?
Was there a conflict with Comcast's presentation of "The 1971 Phillies: Historically Sucking For A Little While Longer"?
5) Also nominated on Friday the 13th, by metsguyinmichigan, was MFS62's reduction of Dan Uggla from the "Agentspeak" thread.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=314438#p314438

[quote="MFS62"]My speak.
Uggla is only considered a second baseman because he wears a glove and stations himself about half way between first and second bases.
Later
6) Nominated by themetfairy on November 16 is Mendoza Line's take on the Yankee success formula in the "Best Advice Ever" thread.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=314599#p314599

[quote="Mendoza Line"]Great article. I just put a request in to my boss asking for a framed poster of me as a centaur for my office wall.
7) Setting up our first intra-thread matchup, we have a nomination by myself of LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr's letter to the columnist from the same thread.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=314615#p314615

[quote="LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr"]Dear Carolyn,

I find the person who works in the office next door difficult to deal with. I was thinking about drinking heavily and attacking him in a hotel elevator, or alternatively, hiring a criminal buddy to find or manufacture "dirt" on him (for instance, escorting a butch stripper onto said hotel elevator). Or should I just hire a relative of his to clean my electrified pool?

Yours in Pinstripedness,

LWFS
8) On November 19, I also gave a tip of the cap to LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr's forensic skills in the "You're The General Manager" thread.

[quote="LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr"][quote="Ashie62"]I see your point, but isn't it ultimately about the fans.
You're speaking ironically, of course, right?

[quote="MFS62"]Sign Chone Figgins. He is one of the few players who has increased his OBP dramatically since he's been in the majors - he led the Al in BB last year. He would be the second baseman.
Which he hasn't been that often, and not semi-regularly in 5 years (42 games out of 158). This would be rather Steve Phillipsy of Omar. I don't mean that as a compliment.

And how, exactly, would getting an iffy defensive 2B who gets on base a good amount, steals 30 bases a year or so, and has little-to-no power be any sort of significant improvement on Luis Castillo? 'Cause he's slightly younger, and would cost more?

Trade Jose Reyes* (that is NOT a misprint)

That's unfortunate.

... John Maine, Brad Holt and John Neise to Toronto for Roy Halliday and Vernon Wells for left. Toronto is dying to rid themselves of Wells' contract, he fills the need for a righty hitting outfielder, and can play center should Beltran get injured again.

As several others below have noted, Wells is owed a lot-- A LOT-- of money, and is not just unworthy of said money but is team-killingly so. During his last two full seasons-- 2008 was 2/3 of one-- he OPS+ed 85 and 88... in essence, a below-average major league starter-- not outfielder, but PLAYER-- with the bat. With the glove, he's arguably worse. Taking on his contract would mean that we are lashed to this mess like Ahab to the Pequod, with similar results.

If they would take Ollie Perez instead of Maine, that's even better. If they want Murphy so they can unload Overbay's contract, so much the better. Add/subtract other piece parts as needed without losing any key minor leaguers.

And if Toronto wants Reyes for Halladay, you're damn well sure they're taking Ollie. At least.

Overbay IS Future Murphy, with worse platoon splits. Also, as you pointed out, he's more expensive.

Bring up minor league SS prospect Tejada. He can field at least as well as, if not better,as any of the FA shortstops available.

And he hits at least as well as Berroa. I don't mean this as a compliment, either.

Resign Tatis.

I could see doing this. For very little.

Sign Rod Barajas.

This, not so much.

See what it would take to get Jeff Keppinger to play short to back up Tejada and /or replace Cora.

This, I could see.

Make Jason Marquis happy by offering him a 3 yr, $16 million contract. If he balks, go after Randy Wolfe for the same money.

Marquis MAY be worth this much per year. I'm pretty sure Wolf isn't taking this little. (Wolf's the better pitcher.)

Find a doctor who could give Angel Pagan a brain transplant.

This could be fun. And, considering the Mets' medical track record, it's guaranteed to go well.

Then, figure out what to do with Luis Castillo and adding to the bullpen.

Keep him unless you get an offer for something better that fits the team needs?

I like the overall gumption, MFS, but... yoy. And minus a few healthy years, Reyes-- a SS with about 5 times the power that LF Lou Brock ever had-- is already close to as valuable as Brock ever was.
9) Nominated on November 20 by Frayed Knot is transmonk's vision of the fan-friendly features of CitiField in "What Won't Any Mets Get This Year?" thread.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=315046#p315046

[quote="TransMonk"]ROY Hallway is where fans would be able to reminisce about the awesome first seasons of Tom Seaver, Jon Matlack, Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden while waiting in line for the restroom.

Of course Jackie Robinson, Don Newcombe, Joe Black and Jim Gilliam will ultimately be included as well.
10) Also nominated on November 20, by metirish, was Frayed's advice on how not to phrase reports of government communications in the "Letter from the Governor..." thead.

viewtopic.php?f=3&p=315059#p315059

[quote="Frayed Knot"][quote="Rockin' Doc"]I recently received a letter from Governor Bev Perdue appointing me to the Professional Advisory Committee for vision care programs in the state of North Carolina. I will execute the Oath of Office swearing in later today to finalize the appointment process for my three year term.
You don't usually hear good news in a paragraph that contains both the phrases 'letter from the Governor' and 'execute'.

11) Nominated by MFS62 on November 24 was Frayed Knot's considered defensive analysis of Jack Cust of a day earlier in the "Jack Cust, Jose Guillen, Ben Sheets" thread.

viewtopic.php?f=1&p=315442#p315442

[quote="Frayed Knot"]Among DHs Cust is a lousy fielder!!
Thanks for your participation. We already have a handful of fine December nominations. Please vote.

Edgy DC Dec 07 2009 05:15 PM Re: November Bullets

OK, six votes was not my goal. Should I have pasted the bullets into the pst instead of linking? I guess so. Let me go to work on this.

Edgy DC Dec 07 2009 05:41 PM Re: November Bullets

Done, at great cost --- in terms of money, time, and particularly, human life.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Dec 07 2009 05:53 PM Re: November Bullets

better with the quotes

Frayed Knot Dec 07 2009 06:11 PM Re: November Bullets

I was fine with just the links but it's OK either way. Mainly I just wanted to see some sort of system that honors good posts around here and wasn't necessarily thinking about a vote to select the overall best. Doesn't mean I'm not reading them.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 07 2009 11:47 PM Re: November Bullets

Thanks for the daps, guys... but I'm a centaur man.

MFS62 Dec 08 2009 07:10 AM Re: November Bullets

[quote="LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr":3daqi7ot]Thanks for the daps, guys... but I'm a centaur man.[/quote:3daqi7ot] You're also the deserved winner. Well done. Later

Chad Ochoseis Dec 08 2009 08:05 AM Re: November Bullets

Thanks for the daps, guys... but I'm a centaur man. I'm honored. But the "Sorry!" post gets my vote. More of a fusillade than a bullet, but Go break a rib or four in your parade, you insufferable shits, then hitch a ride home from Leyritz would win the award all by its lonesome.