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Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 02 2010 10:45 AM

Read to find out, and don't go the Mets.com if you don't wanna headline writer to spoil it. PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. -- They're gone now. So this sprawling burg with its poorly-timed traffic lights and unoccupied buldings can go back to sleep until next February. The Mets are gone, though they did leave behind some remnants -- guys named Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran and Daniel Murphy. But the games are done for another year. So the time has come to decide how to identify what we have witnessed for seven weeks. The biggest news involved Frankie Rodriguez's eyes, David Wright's muscles, Reyes' thyroid, Jenrry Mejia's future, Murph's knee, repeated attempts to prevent and recover and how good the in-camp dining was. It was a mostly tranquil sequence of days. All of which makes this exercise more challenging. For 22 years, some characteristic of or development in the weeks spent in the postal code of 34986 has inspired a nickname for the camp -- from Port St. Lonesome to Port St. Ligament to Port Santana Lucie. We couldn't find one distinctive word that could be linked to elevated thyroid levels, so we had to look elsewhere. Finally, the pitchers provided a possibility. But first, a review: Port St. Lonesome was unavoidable the first year, 1988, unless you spoke the language of armadillos. Port St. Leisure fit in 1989 because manager Davey Johnson advocated time at the golf course. When the club owners didn't open the gates until mid-March in 1990, St. Lockout became the name. Those were easy. Buddy Harrelson's lone camp as manager was touched with indecision about infield personnel in '91; thus Port St. Limbo. Allegations of sexual assault in 1992 created Port St. Lurid. Thrown bleach, firecrackers, a manager dismissed and 103 losses made for a dreadful 1993 season. Camp was renamed retroactively: Port St. Lucifer. Port St. Lengthy happened in '94 when Dallas Green brought his John Wayne manner and work ethic to Spring Training. And who can forget the spring of '95 with Bubba Wagnon, Alex Coughlin and all the Replace-Mets? For weeks, the real players were -- where else? -- Port St. Elsewhere. Bill Pulsipher's elbow injury on March 18 set the tone for a season of injury and disappointment in '96. The camp name was Port St. Ligament. More of the same in '97; Port St. Lamely became appropriate when Derek Wallace and Jay Payton required March surgeries. The Mets joined hands with Japanese pitcher Masato Yoshii in '98. The Japanese word for "union," as in a coming together, is pronounced l'rengo. Hence Port St. L'rengo. The following year, Rickey Henderson and Tom Seaver were in camp, so Port St. Legend seemed fitting. But the upgraded roster and the money committed to accomplish the upgrade demanded recognition. Thus, Port St. Lavish. The spring of 2000 saw 11 left-handed pitchers in camp; it could have been Port St. Lefty, but Portside Lucie seemed so much better. After a pennant, a Subway Series and an offseason of mostly unsuccessful pursuits, Port St. Letdown was a possibility in 2001. There were 101 logos on the walls of the refurbished clubhouse. So Port St. Logo? But no. The Mets had Desi Relaford in camp, and in the preceding six years, they had had 5-foot-6 Ricky Otero and Ricardo Jordan. That was a Desi, a Little Ricky and a Ricardo. And -- honest -- Jordan had a sister named Lucy. So we invited Fred and Ethel upstairs, to sing "Meet the Mertz" and called it Port St. (I Love) Lucy. General manager Steve Phillips brought in new blood in 2002 -- Mo Vaughn and Roberto Alomar. Alas, it proved to be tired blood. In retrospect, Port St. Lethargic. In 2003, Art Howe inherited a weak cast, which seemed to lose whatever strength it did have. The Mets went on to endure a second consecutive last-place finish. It all began in Port St. Lemon. The following year wasn't much better. The Mike Piazza-to-first-base idea didn't work, Howe was eventually discarded and Jim Duquette subordinated. But spring 2004 brought the first stages of renaissance with the promotion of Wright and the further development of Reyes and Aaron Heilman. Hence, Port St. Larva. The acquisitions of Pedro Martinez and Beltran brought more diversity to the clubhouse in 2005 and prompted a book -- "Pedro, Carlos and Omar" -- released the following spring, about the Hispanic influences. It had to be Port St. Latino. The overriding storyline in 2006 was Martinez's toe and all the ripples it caused. So acknowledging that poetic license was at work -- because athlete's foot was not the issue -- we named the camp Port St. Lamisil, at Duquette's suggestion. Given what happened in October 2006 and where the Mets played on Opening Night, it could have made 2007 Port St. Louis. But that isn't the story of the camp. At one point in the spring, all big league camps totaled 22 players 40 years or older. Six of the 22, including one diagnosed with arthritis, were in camp. Latterly, an adverb, applies to matters in later part of life or later part of a period. So Port St. Latterly it was. Injuries were many in Spring Training 2008, so a return to Port St. Lamely was considered. But repeats are frowned on. And besides, the reporters' code in Spring Training is never to ignore the obvious story. Johan's first year as a Met inspired Port Santana Lucie. The great challenge came last year. The L words no longer seemed as abundant as they once did. Camps often has been long and lethargic. And 13 players in the big league camp took a Classic sabbatical and were in Port St. Elsewhere. But there were other new distinctions. Theresa Corderi and her parents made the mid-day meal in the clubhouse and press room delicious. Port St. Lunch? Luis Castillo had a pretty good exhibition season. Port St. Luis? Nah. Appropriate, but weak. Since the first days of camp and right through the last week, manager Jerry Manuel presented rookie Dillon Gee as an 11th-hour rotation possibility. The camp was about trying new things -- new drills, new lineups, new positions. Most of it wasn't implemented. But Manuel's experiment did prompt some head-scratching. So when the camp closed, we turned off the Bunson Burner, put away the petri dishes and went with Port St. Laboratory. Now to 2010. It is a little similar to last spring with so much indecision and experimenting. As late as Thursday, Manuel laughed that he had 10 relievers in his seven-man 'pen and couldn't decide who was most worthy -- or least unworthy. So we now suggest a method to help him decide. And it can stand as the name, as well. Grab some ping-pong balls, write the uniform number of each candidate on a ball and put them all in a rotating cage. Presenting Port St. Lottery.

Valadius Apr 02 2010 11:22 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

That is the single lamest column I've ever read.

metirish Apr 02 2010 11:23 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Valadius wrote: That is the single lamest column I've ever read. Nah it's not, I think Marty writes one similar most years.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 02 2010 11:34 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

It's like listening to someone explain all of their inside jokes with a 40-minute monologue. While getting slowly cornholed with a fungo.

Benjamin Grimm Apr 02 2010 11:41 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Yes, he does it every year. Which doesn't necessarily mean it's not lame. This is probably one tradition that's more than run its course.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 02 2010 11:45 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

It'll die when he does, but perhaps we can convince Valdius not to kill him.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 02 2010 11:50 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

I have a sneaking suspicion that Val just wants to take his place, and replace this with an annual how-I-nicknamed-this-year's-rooks column.

metirish Apr 02 2010 12:31 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St... Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Apr 02 2010 12:38 PM

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: I have a sneaking suspicion that Val just wants to take his place, and replace this with an annual how-I-nicknamed-this-year's-rooks column. At least with Vals soon to be column the behind the scenes story of naming rookies and newly acquired vets would be compelling. His rational for naming Billy Wagner and Gerald Williams is taught in nickname school in day cares across the country.

Ceetar Apr 02 2010 12:38 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

I'd laugh, but that sounds too similar to how Manuel chooses the lineups.

Swan Swan H Apr 02 2010 01:07 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Wow. You haven't gotten a Manuel slam into the girly name thread yet. Hurry!

Ashie62 Apr 02 2010 01:32 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Port St. Lottery? Lame beyond compare

Edgy DC Apr 02 2010 01:51 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

It's hard to come up with a clever turn of phrase working off of Port St. Lucie, but the most honest way to define this camp is Port St. What'sUpWithReyes'ThyroidGland?

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 02 2010 01:57 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Port St. LooseEndsontheMedicalFront?

batmagadanleadoff Apr 02 2010 03:41 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

If Noble's column was written in the style of Wally Matthews, it would be Port St. Losers.

batmagadanleadoff Apr 02 2010 03:55 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

If the Mets trained in Port St. Lucie back when Dock Ellis was on the team, Noble would've named the camp Port St. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.* *Retroactively. Dock joined the Mets in mid-Summer 1979, and didn't last the end of his lone season as a Met. Thus, he never participated in a Mets Spring Training camp.

Ashie62 Apr 02 2010 05:23 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Port St. Elsewhere

MFS62 Apr 02 2010 08:38 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: It'll die when he does, but perhaps we can convince Valdius not to kill him. After reading that, I'm not so sure I'd stand in Val's way. Later

Edgy DC Apr 02 2010 09:12 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Oh what's with the hate now?

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 02 2010 09:24 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Buncha un-American freedom-hating wet blankets in this thread.

seawolf17 Apr 02 2010 09:33 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Oh, who cares? So Marty Noble has a cutesy little thing that he writes, and updates it every year. Let him make up his little nicknames. Let's just play some effing baseball. The police will be here by then, and there are TWO DEAD BODIES IN THE STUDY!

Valadius Apr 02 2010 09:58 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

I just think it's a complete waste of a column. It's time that you or I will never get back.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 02 2010 10:03 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

I will not be exposed by you for being a humorless jerk. I choose to expose myself.

Edgy DC Apr 02 2010 10:35 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Like the MBTN, it's a filter for recalling and recording Mets history --- something some folks are invested in. Every game, book, and article is time we don't get back, as are my posts and yours. But as far as returns on the investment, Marty Noble is as good a bet as any for a Mets fan. Any who ever wrote.

Benjamin Grimm Apr 03 2010 04:48 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

I don't get the hate either. Sure, it's lame, but Marty Noble certainly deserves the slack.

metirish Apr 03 2010 05:32 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Valadius wrote: I just think it's a complete waste of a column. It's time that you or I will never get back. Just like reading this thread .

seawolf17 Apr 03 2010 11:30 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: I will not be exposed by you for being a humorless jerk. I choose to expose myself. :)

MFS62 Apr 03 2010 02:22 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Nothing against Noble personally, but that article was pretty gagaricious. Later

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 03 2010 02:30 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

yeah we heard you the first time. Thanks.

Number 6 Apr 03 2010 11:39 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

I kinda liked it.

dgwphotography Apr 04 2010 05:30 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Noble always brings something to the table. While this may not be his best, calling it a waste of time is a bit much. If Noble doesn't deserve some slack (he does), then nobody does...

metsguyinmichigan Apr 04 2010 08:05 AM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

Port St. Lovin' This Team, Baby! The Palm Beach Post baseball preview section this morning picks the Mets for last place. Morons. I'm going to save it and mail it back in 0ctober with a copy of their paper with the photo of David Wright holding the World Series trophy, and telling them they should only let smart people write the spring preview stories.

Fman99 Apr 04 2010 04:56 PM Re: Noble Dubs Thee Port St...

What a Port St. Pile of Port St. Shit.