Apr 16 2010 06:18 PM
Mets (3-6) at Cardinals (6-3)
Last time the Mets were in St. Louis, they got swept; can they bounce back?
THE MOUNDSMEN:
Tonight (8:35 ET): Chris Carpenter (1-0, 5.73) vs Oliver Perez (0-12, 14.70)
Tomorrow (4:10 ET, FOX): Jaime Garcia (1-0, 1.50) vs Johan Santana (1-1, 4.91)
Sunday (8:05 ET, ESPN): Adam Wainwright (2-0, 1.20) vs John Maine (0-14, 12.70)
On paper, the matchups favor the Redbirds. Carpenter finished second the Cy Young balloting last year, although he hasn't beaten the Mets since 2005; he's 1-4, 4.80 in five starts. He's been okay in two starts, as the Cards beat up the Reds in his first start, but the Brewers chased him after five innings in his second. He's expected to throw seven shutout innings tonight.
Jaime Garcia, as best as I can tell, is a made-up name; I expect to see Joaquin Andujar get the ball tomorrow afternoon. (Just kidding. I hope. This will, however, be Garcia's third major league start, so he'll probably not only throw seven shutout innings, but go 2 for 3 with 3 RBI.)
We all remember Wainwright as the reliever who had the unmitigated gall to crush our hopes and dreams on a cold October night in 2006. Sadly, he's only gotten better; last year, he became the only the second pitcher in the history of arms to receive the most first-place Cy Young votes and not win the award. However -- and this is the key here -- in his career against the Mets, he's given up four runs in just two innings of work: a three-run Victor Diaz home run in his major league debut, and a key run in the sixth inning of a crucial August 2006 tilt. And WHO, do you ask, started that key August 2006 tilt for the Mets? JOHNNY FUCKIN' MAINE, that's who. Sure, Maine sucked and it took a Carlos Beltran ninth-inning home run to win it, but you know what? According to the stats, which never lie, the 2006 postseason NEVER HAPPENED, friends. Never happened. And that means young master Wainwright is going to learn some lessons on Sunday Night Baseball this week, and the Mets will come home to sellout crowds for a ten-game homestand that will catapult them into a division lead that they will not relinquish.
Sadly, we will miss Brad Penny and Kyle Lohse, who are a combined 7-20, 6.24 in 29 starts in their careers against the Mets. (Fuckin' hell.)
THE BACKUP MOUNDSMEN:
Mitch Boggs: Crafty 26-year-old RHP with the audacity to wear #41. Got shellacked by the Astros last night.
Blake Hawksworth: Blessed with the unoriginal nickname "Hawks." Three innings, no runs in '10.
Kyle McClellan: RHP who lost the fifth starter's job out of ST; probably still mopey about it. We can get him.
Jason Motte: Sophomore RHP who led the team with 30 holds in 2009.
Trever Miller: 36-year-old LHP who gives John Franco hope that someone will still find a roster spot for him.
Dennys Reyes: Not a small man. According to Wikipedia, his nickname is "The Big Sweat." My new favorite Cardinal.
Ryan Franklin: Has stupid facial hair, 3/3 in saves despite a complete inability to strike anyone out. He's the anti-Benitez.
THE BATSMEN:
Skip Schumaker 2B - Ghost of Joe McEwing. 22-for-66 career against the Mets.
Ryan Ludwick RF - Had a breakout year in 2008, regressed in 2009, hasn't homered yet in 2010. Should explode this weekend.
Albert Pujols 1B - Seriously? You need me to tell you about this guy?
Matt Holliday LF - Him too? Come on.
Colby Rasmus CF - Had a great rookie year last year, and will only get better. One of the reasons this team will be scary for a long time, and at the same time, one of the reasons they'll still be okay when Pujols signs his big free-agent deal with the Yankees.
David Freese 3B - Has a five-game Busch Stadium hitting streak. Led the team with 22 hits this spring.
Yadier Fucking Molina C - SUCKS. 1-for-1 with a home run career against the Mets. Will receive his 2009 Gold Glove before the game tomorrow. Sure, he could have done it earlier, but he'd rather rub it in our faces again. I hate this guy.
Brendan Ryan SS - Ghost of David Eckstein.
THE RESERVE BATSMEN:
C Bryan Anderson - Made his MLB debut last night, replacing the injured Jason LaRue on the roster.
IF/OF Allen Craig - The only player on the Cards' Opening Day roster without any MLB service time; was the team's minor league POTY in 2009.
IF Felipe Lopez - I thought this guy was supposed to be hot shit, but really hasn't amounted to much lately. Even dragged my fantasy team down for a while last year. Was signed to be a starter, but hasn't hit a damn, so he rotates in and out with the other middle infielder-types.
IF/OF Joe Mather - The Cardinals have five guys on their roster who are completely interchangeable in my mind, and all completely conflatable with Joe McEwing; Mather, Lopez, and the three non-Pujols starting infielders.
OF Nick Stavinhoa - Who? Oh, great. In his first AB of the season, he hit a game-winning home run off Trevor Hoffman. Great. He's also their emergency catcher, in case any of you have any designs on our old friend Yaddy.
COACHES:
The Cardinals continue to be managed by Tony LaRussa, and pitching-coached by Dave Duncan. The hitting coach is Mark McGwire (HA!), the bench coach is Joe Pettini:
The first-base coach is Dave McKay:
And the third-base coach is...
Wait, wait, wait. Did you check out the mustaches on these guys?!? That's frickin awesome! Says here the 3B coach is former Met Jose Oquendo, who I don't believe has... WAIT!
Damn, that's awesome. I hate you, Cardinals, but you've got panache.
MASCOT:
Fredbird
STADIUM:
Busch Stadium III
FANS:
Always wear red, sit quietly with hands clasped in quiet contemplation
SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN:
"Team Fredbird"
EX-METS:
Other than Oquendo, nobody.
EX-CARDS:
Fernando Tatis, who they can have back.
