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Day Off Doggerel

Swan Swan H Apr 29 2010 09:28 AM

Some time back I got the misguided idea to do a Mets version of the famous Ogden Nash poem Lineup for Yesterday, and I was going to post it here until I wisely checked the archive just before posting it and found that it had been done (to death, perhaps) in 2005. I was just looking for another file on my computer and found it, and since it's a day off I thought I'd throw it out there and invite everyone to look over the old thread as well as my shot at it and toss out some verses of their own. The original Nash masterpiece is in the linked page here: [url]http://archives.cranepoolforum.net/1100/f1_t1153.shtml And here is my submission. A couple of these look like some of the stuff in the linked thread, but there are only so many guys whose names begin with certain letters. Anyway: A is for Agee, Whose plays in Game 3 Filled the O’s with despair And the Mets fans with glee B is for Brooks We liked Hubie, we did But the Expos said “We want him If you want Kid” C is for Charles The poetical Glider To whom, Murph would say One should not throw a slider D is for Dykstra Who went for the ball With zero regard For Mookie or wall E is Ed Kranepool A Met from the start Less in the record books More in our heart F is for Franco The three we have had A closer, a pinch hitter And a grand-dad G is for Glynn Living every kid’s dream From selling the hot dogs To making the team H - Keith Hernandez From Whitey estranged The minute he got here Things started to change I is for me As Ogden would claim With my wife and our kids In our seats at the game J is for Jones Catching Davey’s last out An image we’ll all see Forever, no doubt K is the Korner Where they honored Doc Who gave us such joy Then such terrible shock L is for Landrith The catcher Case got They’d all be passed balls Were he not there to squat M is McDowell Whose arm wouldn’t tire He’d give you a hotfoot Then put out a fire N is Napoleon Through the minors he flew Major league pitching Was his Waterloo O is for Otis Who soon became famous But it happened out in Kansas City, the shame is P is Piazza The best with the bat I sure hope his plaque Says NY on his hat Q never began The name of any Met So Q is for Queens Where the Mets play, you bet R is for Reyes The smile on his face is From hitting one into The gap for three bases S is for Staub, though He’s no Gold Glove winner He’d hit a home run Then he’d cook you your dinner T’s Tom Terrific Without parallel Trading Seaver earned Don Grant A box seat in Hell U is Del Unser We got for McGraw Ya gotta believe We loved Tug a lot more V is Ventura His slam cleared the wall But thanks to Todd Pratt It’s a single, that’s all W’s William Wilson But Mookie we called him The Sawx had it won ‘Til his roller befalled ’em X will end Maddux On his Cooperstown plaque Wait, we had his brother So I take that back Y is for Young What a record he holds Losing all twenty-seven Would make Young feel old Z is for Zachry Righthander with beard He wasn’t Tom Seaver Just as we feared Over 800 more And I’d name the whole lot But my poetry stinks And that’s all that I’ve got.

MFS62 Apr 29 2010 10:07 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel

E is for effort And I have to say The result that you got Earns you an "A". Later

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 29 2010 10:09 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel

Nice work. We need another crotchety English prof in this thread! I used to be a better poster back in 05. C is for Cleon Livin the life Caught out of uniform Without his wife Q is for Quilvio Traded for Everett Though they passed in the night I can't say if they ever met D is for David Arthur, Sky King "Obnoxious my presence, Majestic my swing."

metirish Apr 29 2010 10:27 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel

Bret was a real Debbie fucking Downer in that old thread, talk about killing the fun...geez

Edgy DC Apr 29 2010 10:31 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel

You can do it with just 2009 Mets. A's Angel Berroa No answer, it's clear Was once ROY Now YRU here? B --- Emil Brown Of little reknown Was passed on the bases Then passed out of town C is for Castro No fav'rite of Jerry When Schneider got healthy Was dumped in a hurry D's for Delgado Who'll always endeavor To get well by next week, Next decade, or never E's for Nick Evans Did not make the roster Was awful in Buf'lo Like some crap imposter

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 29 2010 10:39 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel

F, Figueroa Pitched for his life His passion inspired By the wrath of his wife G is for Gary Swinging with fury For his 500th homer And Social Security

G-Fafif Apr 29 2010 12:09 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

H was Hernandez For a time Livan large His ERA bloated He was placed on a barge

dinosaur jesus Apr 29 2010 12:12 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

I is for Ike Whom we like A rara avis This Davis

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 12:28 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

I is for Ike Whom we like A rara avis This Davis Howzabout: I is for Ike Son of MFY Davis A homegrown first baseman What a most rara avis and J is for Jerry Lineup Jerry-rigger Bunt opportunity? Bet he'll pull the trigger K? How 'bout JaKobs Most erstwhile of sluggers His bat makes so much wind It could repel muggers OE: Crap. I misread and jumped a year.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 12:42 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Apr 29 2010 01:07 PM

Pinch-hit "I" for "A" in Minaya's first name For a quick-swinging catcher Who calls an "eh" game J is for Jeremy Bat? Poor. Glove? Mid-rate. Arm? Okay, when his throws Weren't Dodging home plate.

Edgy DC Apr 29 2010 01:00 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

K is for Ken Now Takahash Prime He pitched kind of well But that was his crime

Swan Swan H Apr 29 2010 01:16 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

L is Lance Broadway And it's fair to say He often got lit up Like the Great White Way

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 01:22 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

L's for Luis Whose pitch-taking ass Looks much better on base Than backped'ling on grass

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 29 2010 01:23 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

M is for Misch Hooked like a fish When the rotation consisted of Johan and a wish

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 29 2010 01:25 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

N is for Niese And also for Nieve Two rookie hurlers Who broke like a levee

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 01:34 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

O is our Ollie Who couldn't do for us The same solid he'd gotten From Omar and Boras

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 29 2010 01:39 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

P is the letter that starts Parnell The Mets tried the same And it didn't end well

Swan Swan H Apr 29 2010 01:43 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

Q is for quick Which Ramon Castro ain't Watching him run's like Watching drying paint

metirish Apr 29 2010 01:44 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

P is for Pelfrey with tongue sticking out licked his wife's clit and didn't strike out

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 01:50 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

R is for Redding Who sported red hair And a beard so big, his ERA fit in there

Swan Swan H Apr 29 2010 01:53 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

S is for Stoner Who didn't last long But brought to mind Grant Roberts lighting his bong

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 29 2010 01:56 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

S is is for Stokes I'm tellin ya folks He got lit up Like a pack of smokes

Edgy DC Apr 29 2010 02:03 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

T is for Thole Who ought know his role Reach base like an ace And fill the two-hole

G-Fafif Apr 29 2010 02:11 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

U was the turn Omir's career took From Topps All-Star Rookie To Bison yearbook

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 02:20 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Apr 29 2010 02:43 PM

V is for Valdez Then-Met, current Phil Though slick with the glove, An offensive oil spill

G-Fafif Apr 29 2010 02:24 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

W's Wright Despite the silent first letter If his bat had spoke louder Oh Nine woulda been better

Swan Swan H Apr 29 2010 02:28 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

X is X-out, like Cancel, That's Robinson's name In the whole bloody season He just played one game

John Cougar Lunchbucket Apr 29 2010 02:29 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

V is for Victories Seventy in total The Mets played ball Primarily scrotal

Benjamin Grimm Apr 29 2010 02:34 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

Some of these seem to have way too many syllables.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 02:38 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

Benjamin Grimm wrote: Some of these seem to have way too many syllables. Indeed. Somewhere, that Bret fella's blowing an aneurysm.

Frayed Knot Apr 29 2010 02:47 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: Benjamin Grimm wrote: Some of these seem to have way too many syllables. Indeed. Somewhere, that Bret fella's blowing an aneurysm. We can only hope.

batmagadanleadoff Apr 29 2010 02:51 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:20 PM

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batmagadanleadoff Apr 29 2010 02:59 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

B for Berroa, who's no Willie Keeler. He hit where they was and he ain't no base stealer.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 29 2010 03:07 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

Y is "Ye Gods, Won't these injuries stop?" From the spurs in an elbow To a sick hamstring pop

G-Fafif Apr 29 2010 04:37 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

Z is for zero Fun in October Others sprayed bubbly Our guys stayed sober

Valadius Apr 29 2010 05:51 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

That was one of my favorite threads EVER. I went through the whole alphabet with Mets quatrains. Here's my version circa 2005: A is for Agee The Miracle Man Whose diving catches Thrilled many a fan. B is for Backman Hard-nosed as hell Rarely went deep But played the game well. C is for Carter Known as "The Kid" Played with a smile That he never hid. D is for Darling Smart as can be Ladies would scream As he worked 1-2-3. E is for Elster Much talent untapped His biggest mistake? He wouldn't adapt. F is for Franco The better of two He gave us a show Whenever he threw. G is for Gooden Known as Doc K A spectacular kid Let his skills waste away. H, for Hernandez Though there have been three Mex was the best We all can agree. I is for Izzy Who once pitched at Shea The trade for Bill Taylor - The end of Gen K. J is for Johnson HoJo to most Kept us alive With Darryl a ghost. K is for Koosman But we called him Koos. With him on the mound, We'd win more than lose. L is for Leiter Our Jersey Boy His starts would often Fill us with joy. M's for McGraw Boy, Tug could relieve His most famous quote? Ya Gotta Believe. N is for Niemann Gave Cashen a toast He did the least, Celebrated the most. O's for Orosco Was traded for Koos For many a year Were hitters confused. P's for Piazza Our very own Mike With one mighty swing Our offense would spike. Q is the question That we all still ask Will we see a no-hitter? Can we at last bask? R is for Reyes Who gives us a burst Like lightning he sprints From home plate to first. S is for Stengel, Seaver and Straw. One made us laugh, Two, gape in awe. T is for Teufel Who shuffled at bat When Dibble threw in Ol' Tuff knocked him flat. U is for Unser Played center quite well We got him for Tug But soon said farewell. V is for Valentine, Ol' Bobby V. Mr. Mustachio Filled us with glee. W's for Wright Who crushes the ball If he keeps it up He'll enter the Hall. X is for Esix Quick as can be After last season We set him free. Y is for Youngblood Was on some bad teams Once, he had hair His forehead now gleams. Z is for Zachry Fought with Ron Cey He was no Seaver Still, was okay.

batmagadanleadoff Apr 29 2010 07:33 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 2 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:19 PM

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G-Fafif Apr 29 2010 09:10 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

D is for Dickey Who R.A. Buff pitcher And if his knucker keeps working, A rotation stitcher

Edgy DC Apr 29 2010 09:48 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

B is for Bascik Lost a job in Dallas Swears that his tweeting Wasn't meant in malice

batmagadanleadoff Apr 29 2010 11:04 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 2 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:21 PM

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batmagadanleadoff Apr 30 2010 09:47 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Apr 30 2010 03:26 PM

P for Pacella. How'd he pitch at all with a cap on his head twas two sizes too small?

batmagadanleadoff Apr 30 2010 10:01 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 2 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:20 PM

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batmagadanleadoff Apr 30 2010 03:20 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 3 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:19 PM

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Swan Swan H Apr 30 2010 06:26 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

This was my original A, but I wasn't sure about the rhyme. Works better with a Joisey accent. A is for Agee Best known for two catches For one catch he dives For the other he stretches

G-Fafif Apr 30 2010 08:46 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

F is for Francoeur Formerly the Braves' Then: Soulless bastard But now? Jeffrey Saves!

batmagadanleadoff Apr 30 2010 09:32 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on May 01 2010 08:39 AM

Swan Swan H wrote: This was my original A, but I wasn't sure about the rhyme. Works better with a Joisey accent. A is for Agee Best known for two catches For one catch he dives For the other he stretches A is for Agee's famed World Series catches. A stretch, then a dive, he caught them in batches.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 30 2010 09:42 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel

N is for Niese With prominent beak And a hook that makes millionaire Strongmen look weak

batmagadanleadoff Apr 30 2010 10:31 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:18 PM

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batmagadanleadoff May 01 2010 11:34 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:18 PM

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batmagadanleadoff May 02 2010 05:25 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 2 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:18 PM

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batmagadanleadoff May 02 2010 11:03 PM Re: Day Off Doggerel Edited 1 time(s), most recently on May 03 2010 09:17 PM

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Edgy DC May 03 2010 05:34 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel

J is for Johan Though sounded as Y Tossed meatballs in Phillie They lit up the sky P is for Pelfrey Who threw like an ace But April is past now And so is first place

batmagadanleadoff May 03 2010 09:12 AM Re: Day Off Doggerel

T is for Timo, the fastest Met. But not when it mattered the most, I regret.