Jun 02 2010 08:30 AM
Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Jun 02 2010 10:12 AM
See, things CAN get better!
So in that spirit, we can concentrate on some of the nice things about Michigan.
We -- I should say they, since I'm not really one of them. I just live here -- are a state of two big peninsulas. The Upper Peninsula is populated largely by moose and people who call themselves "Yoopers" and call people in the rest of the state "trolls" because we live under the bridge.
That bridge would be:
The two peninsulas are connected by the Mackinac Bridge, the third-largest suspension bridge in the world. It's more impressive to non-New Yorkers, since we cross the Verrazano with far less fanfare. Mackinac is pronounced "mack-in-aw." At the base of the bridge is Mackinaw City, spelled differently but pronounced the same. This confuses tourists, who go to Mackinac Island to eat fudge and stay at the Grand Hotel. Cars are not allowed on Mackinac Island, so the place smells like lilacs and horse pooh. But the fudge is really good.
While there are plenty of famous Michiganders -- Madonna, Michael Moore, Magic Johnson, Eminem, Bob Seger, Ted Nugent -- not all of them brought shame and disgrace. One honorable Michigander would be:
Gerald R. Ford of Grand Rapids, who rests a short walk from my office. Has nice children. 
The all-consuming rivalry: University of Michigan vs. Michigan State University. U of M = Yankees. Arrogant, gets undeserved praise, corrupt. MSU = Mets. Treated like second-class citizens, prone to occasional rioting.
Your breakfast comes from nearby Battle Creek, where there was a whole theme park, "Cereal City" dedicated to the breakfast food industry. You walked out with a free box of Frosted Flakes. It's closed now. Flint had an industry celebrating theme park, too, called "Auto World." It's closed, too, made famous in "Roger & Me." Michigan does not do theme parks well.
There you go! Now Johan has Motown Mojo for the 6 p.m. EDT game!
LET'S GO METS!
