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The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

batmagadanleadoff
Aug 16 2010 12:47 PM

Floundering Mets have become baseball's worst franchise

Entertained the annual worst-movie-of-all-time debate with a friend the other day.

I said Godzilla is the worst because the plot is utterly ludicrous, the special effects are mediocre and Matthew Broderick, starring as Dr. Niko Tatopoulos, turns in a performance that evokes the pleasure of a festering boil. "Nothing happens!" I said. "The movie goes on for two hours, and absolutely... nothing... interesting... happens."

My friend nodded. A Steven Spielberg die-hard, in 2001 she waited on a four-hour line to buy tickets for A.I. "I knew everything about the production, about the plot, about the characters," she said. "A.I. had a $100 million budget, and if Spielberg is spending that sort of dough on a project, you know it'll be fantastic. But A.I. wasn't fantastic. I fell asleep."

I am unmoved. Godzilla universally bombed. Kids hated it, adults hated it, critics hated it. Factually, it was a worse film than A.I.

"Maybe," said my friend, "but did you have any reason to think Godzilla would be good?"

"No," I say. "I didn't."

She nods knowingly.

End of argument.

* * *

Nine years after A.I. rotted the brains of millions of Americans, the film has finally found its baseball brethren. Throughout the majors, there will always be Godzillas -- teams like the Royals and Pirates and Nationals that offer customers low expectations and a product to match.

Yet in the 2010 New York Mets, we have found the ultimate summer blockbuster gone to crud.

We have also found the worst franchise in baseball.

Blessed with the majors' fifth-highest payroll (a staggering $132,701,445) and a roster featuring seven players with All-Star resumes, the Mets have defied the odds by putting to sleep the nation's largest city. Oh, at 58-59 the Mets are neither especially bad nor especially good. They won't contend for the playoffs and they won't fall below Washington into last place in the NL East. They won't dazzle, they won't irk. They merely exist. Yawn.

To call the Mets dreadful is an insult to dread. The 1962 Mets were dreadful, but in an endearing sort of way. The 2003 Tigers were dreadful, but nobody expected much of a club starting Warren Morris at second base.

No, the 2010 Mets are simply worthless. They are a listless, heartless, wretched baseball team; an entertainment value sans entertainment, playing ugly within the confines of beautiful new Citi Field. When the biggest story of the year is Francisco Rodriguez, your star closer, beating up the grandfather of his kids, well, you've for problems.

What's wrong? Let us count the ways:

• Ownership: Because they keep tight-lipped on the matter, we have no idea how profoundly the Bernie Madoff scandal has impacted the Wilpon family's desire to spend. What we do know is this: A franchise once willing to battle the Yankees for big names has withered. With the exception of the disastrous Jason Bay signing, the Wilpons have spent little on improving the ball club.

• Omar Minaya: Perhaps his hands are tied. Perhaps he sleeps with his eyes open. Perhaps the Keebler Elves have kidnapped his brain. Whatever the case, within a two-year span the reputation of the Mets' general manager has morphed from young genius to Chuck LaMar II. He overpaid on Bay (four years, $66 million) and Oliver Perez (three years, $36 million), gave $37 million to the vastly overrated K-Rod and put his trust in players like Luis Castillo, Jeff Francoeur and John Maine.

• Jerry Manuel: The Mets manager since midway through the 2008 season is, unambiguously, one of the game's nicest people. He's funny, smart, candid -- and the wrong man for this job. The Mets need an ass-kicker; someone to come in on the first day of spring training, as Davey Johnson did in 1984, and say, "You're either with us, or you're out of here."

• The roster: Put simply, the Mets' roster doesn't work. Jose Reyes is one of the best shortstops in baseball, and David Wright can say the same at third. When healthy, Carlos Beltran is an elite center fielder. Ike Davis looks excellent at first base. Angel Pagan makes a superb fourth outfielder. Johan Santana still throws nasty stuff and, uh.... That's about it. Save for Wright, the middle of the lineup is a wasteland. Castillo, once an All-Star with the Marlins, might be the least-motivated ballplayer in America. Maine hasn't contributed anything good in 2 1/2 years. Perez is a head case. Jon Niese reminds one of Joe Price.

Without question, New York has yet to recover from the back-to-back choke years of 2007 and 2008. Those dual collapses, in which the Mets coughed up multi-game NL East leads in the final weeks of the season, continue to weigh on the franchise like a waterlogged life jacket, and if there is a solution, it is this: Clean house.

Fire Minaya and replace him with someone who can handle the New York spotlight. Fire Manuel and bring in a replacement with heart (Bobby Valentine); with passion (Bobby Valentine); with the ability to guide the Mets to a World Series with Jay Payton and Benny Agbayani holding down outfield spots (Bobby Valentine).

Most important, get excited.

Really excited!

Opening day 2011 is less than eight months away


I disagree with the part about Citi Field being beautiful. The article itself is kinda crappy, too ... although the premise has lotsa merit once you adjust for the Mets being the wealthy franchise from the great city of New York and all.

Edgy DC
Aug 16 2010 12:51 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Not much of a metric he sets up there.

Jeff's really grown into a sourpuss. Angel Pagan is a fourth outfielder? Still?

metirish
Aug 16 2010 12:53 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Godzilla , A.I., the Wilpon's, Minaya....What the Fuck is this?

Agree on Valentine.

John Cougar Lunchbucket
Aug 16 2010 12:54 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

His stuff is just so incredibly lazy.

attgig
Aug 16 2010 12:56 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

aka, the mets are a bust. but in reality, this article is so 2009....


2010, nobody really expected the world... even with its high payroll. we all knew that a roster that had perez, maine, mike jacobs, frank catalono, tatis, etc wasn't going to go that far... right? granted, most of them are gone as well, but, pretty slow in pulling the trigger.

metirish
Aug 16 2010 12:56 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote:
His stuff is just so incredibly lazy.



He's no Tim Marchman that's for sure.

HahnSolo
Aug 16 2010 12:58 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Oh, Jeff...

Blessed with the majors' fifth-highest payroll (a staggering $132,701,445)


With the exception of the disastrous Jason Bay signing, the Wilpons have spent little on improving the ball club.


I guess the $132 mill was spent to not improve the ball club? Help me out.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr
Aug 16 2010 01:09 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Jon Niese reminds one of Joe Price.


This supposed to be an insult? Price was pretty decent, and had one sweet head of hair.



(And "reminds one?" Maybe my least favorite writerly pretension; I mean, the damn thing leads with a first-person anecdote. Also, I feel pretty safe venturing that nobody else on Planet Earth has ever drawn a comparison between Jon Niese and Joe Price, including Joe Price.)

metsguyinmichigan
Aug 16 2010 01:12 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Ask a Pirates fan if he'd like to trade places. How about an Orioles fan. Or a Nationals fan.

Mex17
Aug 16 2010 01:59 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote:
Jon Niese reminds one of Joe Price.


This supposed to be an insult? Price was pretty decent, and had one sweet head of hair.



(And "reminds one?" Maybe my least favorite writerly pretension; I mean, the damn thing leads with a first-person anecdote. Also, I feel pretty safe venturing that nobody else on Planet Earth has ever drawn a comparison between Jon Niese and Joe Price, including Joe Price.)


Willie Aames played for the Reds?

John Cougar Lunchbucket
Aug 16 2010 02:00 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Ed Charles in Charge

metsmarathon
Aug 16 2010 02:15 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

wow. a 'worst movies of all time discussion, and your top two candidates are godzilla and a.i.?

that's just... wow.

i call bullshit. here's how i think it went down:

[jeff wakes up to the sound of a clock radio blaring, issuing forth ridiculous nonsense]

jeff: [mumbling to himself] oh, that's some funny funny stuff... lyndsay lohan and mel gibson sharing a cell... could you imagine!

[a threadbare pair of boxer shorts concealing his true feelings for brad benson, he rolls out of bed, inserting hairy feet into mismatched fuzzy slippers, and saunters lazily from the bedroom, down the hall to the bathroom. the clock radio remains undeterred in filling the still morning air with drivel.]

[a half hour later, a showered jeff emerges, clad now with a long brown robe made of what was once considered soft terry cotton. he sits for breakfast, and fires us his laptop, intent on writing today's column, but is distracted by sudoku. easy sudoku. the radio still plays. hellooooooo turns to bro. the mailman making his rounds breaks jeff's concentration. he saunters to the front door, scarecely remembering to tie off the belt.]

jeff: oh boy! netflix! what surprise does my queue hold today?

[tearing open the little red envelope, he squeals in delight - godzilla! - his favorite!]

jeff: that matthew broderick... such an underrated, underappreciated performance... wait... what's this?

[beneath a stack of bills and assorted junk mail, a corner of red peaks out]

jeff: i guess i did send back two movies last week! oh boy! [he opens the package] a.i.! the column can wait!

[hours later, an empty tub of popcorn and a freshly dented sofa bear witness to the finale of the movie marathon, as jeff carefully inserts the dvd's into their respective sleeves and sets them aside for tomorrow's mail pickup. again, he ambles to his laptop. frustrated at the time, he begins to type... but can come up with nothing...]

[jeff chats with a friend on aol instant messenger, and unsuccessfully defends his cinematic preferences. soon, mets extra can be heard from the bedroom, signaling the deadline drawing near.]

[just before signing off, the unnamed friend riffs off one final jab at his columnist friend, "you know as much about movies as jerry manuel knows about bullpens"]

jeff: that's it! thanks buddy!

[jeff has that annoying habit where he says out loud whatever it is he's typing.]

[before the fifteenth batter of the game is revealed, jeff has worked his two favorite movies into the column, stealing liberally from his buddy's critiques to try to make a larger point. something bad about the mets. luckily, all the loud voices on teh loud radio found just enough traction. instead of merely careening around in his head, the echoes of those screaming callers and blathering hosts worked through jeff's fingers and onto his screen. satisfied, jeff sent the draft off to his editors and turned his attention back to the radio. but not before firing up his netflix account.]

jeff: batman and robin - such a good movie! can i get it on demand?

Ashie62
Aug 16 2010 02:20 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Hey Joe Price was pretty good. Met fans know we suck. I don't need scattershot hyperbole to remind me or inspire others.

Benjamin Grimm
Aug 16 2010 02:29 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

I think that shot at Jon Niese was pretty gratuitous.

Pearlman is The Bad Guys Win author, right? I remember that book was pretty sloppy, so this article doesn't surprise me.

Fman99
Aug 16 2010 03:08 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Jeff Pearlman is the world's worst sportswriter, sez Fman99. Fuck this guy in his typewriter-hole.

SteveJRogers
Aug 16 2010 04:26 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

metsguyinmichigan wrote:
Ask a Pirates fan if he'd like to trade places. How about an Orioles fan. Or a Nationals fan.


I used that in an argument recently. Got shot down with the "You can't have a team be this bad in the biggest market in the world and with the Yankees doing what they've been doing in the same time frame."

Edgy DC
Aug 16 2010 05:32 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

I hope you gave the man in the mirror what for.

seawolf17
Aug 16 2010 06:31 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Holy fucking Christmas. THE METS ARE NOT THE YANKEES. No more than the Angels are the Dodgers, or the Cubs are the White Sox. Different everything, top to bottom. Eff the Yankees; they win games? Good for them. They draft guys, sign whoever, trade your mama? Good for them.

Pearlman's a hack who made his money bashing the Mets with his crappy book and figured he'd go to that well again. I'm embarassed for y'all who are facebook friends with him.

SteveJRogers
Aug 16 2010 07:01 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

seawolf17 wrote:
Holy fucking Christmas. THE METS ARE NOT THE YANKEES. No more than the Angels are the Dodgers, or the Cubs are the White Sox. Different everything, top to bottom. Eff the Yankees; they win games? Good for them. They draft guys, sign whoever, trade your mama? Good for them.

Pearlman's a hack who made his money bashing the Mets with his crappy book and figured he'd go to that well again. I'm embarassed for y'all who are facebook friends with him.


Actually the guy I was arguing with threw out the Angels in comparison. As in why can't the franchise have their kind of run.

I think the argument was more along the lines of the Mets should be better than "resigning" to mediocrity while in a large market.

My counter was I wonder if he'd take that a step further, using the Angels analogy, of complaining about only one championship despite all those postseason appearances and division titles.

John Cougar Lunchbucket
Aug 16 2010 07:03 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Mostly for the 8 updates a day.

I think his book was pretty good, actually, and don't understand much of the complaints. But my goodness, it's these tossed-off, barely considered "opinion" pieces, many of them from a perspective every bit as narrow and naive as John Rocker's, that makes ya nuts.

metsguyinmichigan
Aug 16 2010 07:04 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Props to Metsmarathon and his frightening peek into Jeff Pearlman's world! Laugh out loud funny!

SteveJRogers
Aug 16 2010 07:14 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

In response to the movie bit, I've heard people hate on Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, mostly because they hate the source material that the Nolan/Bale Batman is based off of (The Frank Miller 1986 reboot of the character) and yet I've heard people hail both as the best comic book movies of all time.

So "Factually, it was a worse film than A.I." can not be true, because I'm sure there are those out there whom think the American Godzilla was at least somewhat entertaining.

"Maybe," said my friend, "but did you have any reason to think Godzilla would be good?"

"No," I say. "I didn't."

She nods knowingly.

End of argument.


And how is that the end of an argument? I have seen plenty of films that I had no reason to think that they'd be any good, and I still got some entertainment value out of them. Its the other way around that should get the "worst movie tag." Or at least most disappointing.

If you are expecting a shitty movie, and it turns out to meet those expectations, that doesn't make it the worst movie ever, that just makes it another shitty movie. But as I said, one man's shit is another man's gold. Hell, I've FOUND a couple of positive reviews for Batman & Robin, generally considered the worst comic book movie ever made (I'd give a slight nod to Superman IV The Quest For Peace, only because it was a bit overboard in preachy-ness).

Zvon
Aug 16 2010 07:30 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

SteveJRogers wrote:
In response to the movie bit, I've heard people hate on Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, mostly because they hate the source material that the Nolan/Bale Batman is based off of (The Frank Miller 1986 reboot of the character) and yet I've heard people hail both as the best comic book movies of all time.


I'm a big fan of those Miller comics from '86 and the new movies.
I don't see how one had anything to do with the other.
So don't be listening to those people.
(just sayin)

SteveJRogers
Aug 16 2010 07:48 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Zvon wrote:
I'm a big fan of those Miller comics from '86 and the new movies.
I don't see how one had anything to do with the other.


Z, Nolan has said quite often that Miller's Year One is one of his direct influences, along with Long Halloween and Killing Joke (for TDK's Joker). Batman Begins has many illusions to Year One, and all but gives live versions of several pages.

So if you weren't too fond of the Miller Batman and pretty much every Bat-Story that has come since, you probably aren't going to enjoy the Batman presented in the Chris Nolan films.

Basically the argument boiled down to "It's not MY BATMAN!" (along with various story and character flaws he found in the movie) and the guy actually said the only good Batman representation on film was Mask Of The Phantasm!

Zvon
Aug 16 2010 07:59 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

SteveJRogers wrote:
I'm a big fan of those Miller comics from '86 and the new movies.
I don't see how one had anything to do with the other.


Z, Nolan has said quite often that Miller's Year One is one of his direct influences, along with Long Halloween and Killing Joke (for TDK's Joker). Batman Begins has many illusions to Year One, and all but gives live versions of several pages.

So if you weren't too fond of the Miller Batman and pretty much every Bat-Story that has come since, you probably aren't going to enjoy the Batman presented in the Chris Nolan films.

Basically the argument boiled down to "It's not MY BATMAN!" (along with various story and character flaws he found in the movie) and the guy actually said the only good Batman representation on film was Mask Of The Phantasm!


My bad.
I thought you were referring to Millers :The Dark Knight series. That was released in '86.

Batman: Year One, Miller's retro look was 1987, also a great piece of work.
And yea, I can definitely see that influence. And from Killing Joke.
Not familiar with the Long Halloween.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr
Aug 16 2010 08:58 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

"Long Halloween" (along with "Dark Victory") is from Jeph Loeb/Tim Sale, and is one of the more recent great Batman story arcs. Good stuff, and available in trade paper, too.

SJR wrote:
Z, Nolan has said quite often that Miller's Year One is one of his direct influences, along with Long Halloween and Killing Joke (for TDK's Joker). Batman Begins has many illusions to Year One, and all but gives live versions of several pages.

So if you weren't too fond of the Miller Batman and pretty much every Bat-Story that has come since, you probably aren't going to enjoy the Batman presented in the Chris Nolan films.


I can understand some of the nitpicks I've heard about TDK and BB. But I have a tough time seeing how one can dislike "Year One" and say that he's a Batman fan.

Zvon
Aug 16 2010 09:02 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote:
"Long Halloween" (along with "Dark Victory") is from Jeph Loeb/Tim Sale, and is one of the more recent great Batman story arcs. Good stuff, and available in trade paper, too.

Thnx 4 the info LWFS.
I am looking foward to reading this now.

Edgy DC
Aug 16 2010 09:04 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Baseball, gentlemen!

Zvon
Aug 16 2010 09:07 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Whoops. Sorry. ;)

Willets Point
Aug 16 2010 09:14 PM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Edgy DC wrote:
Baseball, gentlemen!


I think a split and move is called for. So they may continue their discussion of course.

G-Fafif
Aug 17 2010 09:49 AM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Ashie62 wrote:
I don't need scattershot hyperbole to remind me or inspire others.


Scattershot Hyperbole would have been a great name for an overblown art-rock album. Or perhaps the band itself.

G-Fafif
Aug 17 2010 09:55 AM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote:
Mostly for the 8 updates a day.

I think his book was pretty good, actually, and don't understand much of the complaints. But my goodness, it's these tossed-off, barely considered "opinion" pieces, many of them from a perspective every bit as narrow and naive as John Rocker's, that makes ya nuts.


Bingo. That and the "lazy" remark.

HahnSolo
Aug 17 2010 10:04 AM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Zvon wrote:
Whoops. Sorry. ;)


So Batman carries a big stick and Robin is the Catcher. Got it now. Oh, and Superman likes to watch.

MFS62
Aug 17 2010 10:07 AM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

I said Godzilla is the worst because the plot is utterly ludicrous, the special effects are mediocre and Matthew Broderick, starring as Dr. Niko Tatopoulos, turns in a performance that evokes the pleasure of a festering boil. "Nothing happens!" I said. "The movie goes on for two hours, and absolutely... nothing... interesting... happens."

My friend nodded. A Steven Spielberg die-hard, in 2001 she waited on a four-hour line to buy tickets for A.I. "I knew everything about the production, about the plot, about the characters," she said. "A.I. had a $100 million budget, and if Spielberg is spending that sort of dough on a project, you know it'll be fantastic. But A.I. wasn't fantastic. I fell asleep."

I am unmoved. Godzilla universally bombed. Kids hated it, adults hated it, critics hated it. Factually, it was a worse film than A.I.


That quote causes me to question Pearlman's judgement on anything.
He must not be a New Yorker.
The movie was a paean to the Big Apple.
There's a scene in which four people are in a taxi, trying to escape the 50 foot tall monster chasing them, and someone says "Nobody takes the FDR Drive in the rain".
How can anyone who has driven that road in the rain not roar with laughter? The people in the audience where I saw the film did.
That line alone elevates it above being "the worst".
B'sides, the Brooklyn Bridge needed renovation anyhow.

Later

Edgy DC
Aug 17 2010 10:07 AM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

HahnSolo wrote:
So Batman carries a big stick and Robin is the Catcher. Got it now. Oh, and Superman likes to watch.

And Batman chokes up, and they're all so stupid that they don't understand that they're facing the wrong direction and fair territory is behind them.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr
Aug 17 2010 10:16 AM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

Edgy DC wrote:
HahnSolo wrote:
So Batman carries a big stick and Robin is the Catcher. Got it now. Oh, and Superman likes to watch.

And Batman chokes up, and they're all so stupid that they don't understand that they're facing the wrong direction and fair territory is behind them.


Batman is the epitome of comic-book grit. Would you expect anything else?

And maybe they're symbolically "turning away" from baseball, since it's the cover of the fall issue?

Benjamin Grimm
Aug 17 2010 10:18 AM
Re: The Mets: Baseball's worst franchise, sez Jeff Pearlman

How would they know anything about fall baseball? There hasn't been a World Series in DC since the days of Walter Johnson.