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What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

G-Fafif Jan 13 2011 02:23 PM

In astrological terms, the Milwaukee Brewers have moved into the National League...or something like that. If you look to your horoscope for a preview of your day, look again: You're probably following somebody else's supposed fate. Thanks to Earth's wobble, astrological signs are, well, bunk. (Or even more bunk than you might expect.) Astrological signs are determined by the position of the sun relative to certain constellations on a person's day of birth. The problem is, the positions were determined more than 2,000 years ago. Nowadays, the stars have shifted in the night sky so much that horoscope signs are nearly a month off. I've never followed horoscopes, but I've always known I was a Capricorn. Except I'm apparently a Sagittarius. This is a major "WTF?" moment, as if I just found out I read the standings wrong in 1969 and all this time I've been an Expos fan. Despite the complete lack of scientific and observational evidence for astrology, 25 percent of Americans still believe in it, a recent Pew survey found. So here are the "real" dates of astrological signs, according to astronomers: Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16. Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11. Pisces: March 11-April 18. Aries: April 18-May 13. Taurus: May 13-June 21. Gemini: June 21-July 20. Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10. Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16. Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30. Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23. Scorpio: Nov. 23-29. Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17. Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20. The list includes Ophiuchus, a formation the ancient Babylonians discarded because they wanted 12 star signs, not 13. That's yet another example of how astrologers cherry-pick and ignore astronomical observations, Rao said. Fuck it, I'm a Traditional Capricorn. I'm too old to switch.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Jan 13 2011 02:31 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Oh. God. My entire life... it's been a Ram lie.

themetfairy Jan 13 2011 02:42 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Virgo is a month and a half and Libra is only three weeks? How does this make sense?

metsmarathon Jan 13 2011 02:45 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

its based on the location of the constellations, which are not spaced evenly about. scorpio is but a week.

sharpie Jan 13 2011 02:46 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Would be pretty cool to be an Ophiuchus. I guess I'm a former Libra, new Virgo. Hail, Virgo, my new astrological ruler!

Ceetar Jan 13 2011 02:48 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

You know where this will have the b iggest effect? college bars, where tons of bouncers asking freshmen with fake IDs what their sign is. Well, Old System or New? African Swallow or European?

G-Fafif Jan 13 2011 02:52 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

I'm pretty sure "Ophiucus" is the noise I made when Castillo dropped that pop fly.

Chad Ochoseis Jan 13 2011 02:57 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

sharpie wrote: Would be pretty cool to be an Ophiuchus. Damn straight. You have no idea how much it impresses the ladies when they ask "What's your sign?" and I lean back, drink in hand, coolly balanced on my barstool, and say "Ophiuchus, baby...what's yours?"

Benjamin Grimm Jan 13 2011 05:40 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

I've been moved from Gemini to Taurus. Means absolutely nothing to me!

John Cougar Lunchbucket Jan 13 2011 06:11 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Benjamin Grimm wrote: I've been moved from Gemini to Taurus. Means absolutely nothing to me! Hey me too! And me too!

A Boy Named Seo Jan 13 2011 06:31 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Me three. I feel so... different. Tougher now (via the bull) and way less schizo.

metsmarathon Jan 13 2011 06:40 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

sharpie wrote: I guess I'm a former Libra, new Virgo. Hail, Virgo, my new astrological ruler! hey, i'm a neo-virgo, too.

Kong76 Jan 13 2011 07:36 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

My life changed today! I've always felt more Leo than Virgo. ***ROAR***

Frayed Knot Jan 13 2011 07:37 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

I've suddenly* gone from swimming in water to carrying it. * and by suddenly I mean not suddenly at all as I've known about this "slippage" since I was a kid

G-Fafif Jan 13 2011 08:03 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Once the initial shock wore off, I found myself kind of embracing the new identity. This must be what getting traded feels like. Team 'Tarius!

themetfairy Jan 13 2011 09:25 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Whew!

G-Fafif Jan 13 2011 10:39 PM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

Good thing I didn't remove that goat tattoo just yet. Team 'Pricorn!

Rockin' Doc Jan 14 2011 05:25 AM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

I don't care what the damn stars and astrology charts say. I've been a crab my entire life and I'm not about to change now.

Frayed Knot Jan 14 2011 06:51 AM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

That's because the tropical zodiac – which is fixed to seasons, and which Western astrology adheres to – differs from the sidereal zodiac – which is fixed to constellations and is followed more in the East, and is the type of zodiac to which the Star Tribune article ultimately refers. That's the same answer I got once when I tried to tell someone who was selling me on this bullshit that it was all bullshit. "Astrology is geocentric. It relates life on Earth to the Earth’s environment, and seasons are the most dramatic effect, which is why we use the tropical zodiac," he said. Translation: We'd lose a shit-load of cash if we suddenly had to admit that what we were telling folks isn't true, so we're clinging like grim death to racket we've created.

metsmarathon Jan 14 2011 07:12 AM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

so, if the positions of the stars and the sun and the moon don't matter, why is it all about the position of the stars and the sun and the moon? if it's about the seasons, then isn't it about latitude & longitude, weather & climate, and shelter? if it's about the seasons, then wouldn't an aussie's zodiac be the inverse of my own? and, really, if it's about the seasons, then wouldn't it be void if you lived in polar or equatorial regions? and finally, if it is about the seasons, then why is it called astrology, implying that it's all about the stars?

MFS62 Jan 14 2011 08:29 AM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

I guess this means "What's your sign?" isn't just a pickup line anymore. It can lead to an actual discussion. Later

Willets Point Jan 14 2011 08:47 AM Re: What do you mean I'm not a Capricorn?

themetfairy wrote: Whew! I remember when CNN used to cover news.