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CPF 2005 Parody Round #1 - Seawolf17 vs. Valadius, Redux

Okay, NOW you can vote:

Seawolf17	16 votes
Valadius	9 votes

seawolf17 Nov 02 2005 03:53 PM

Estes' Lament (to the tune of Don MacLean's "American Pie") A few short years ago... I can still remember how I used to make those Mets fans smile. And I knew if I had my chance, That I could make those people dance, And maybe they'd be happy for a while. On June 15 I was all aquiver, Went out to Shea... time to deliver, Mike and the Dog were boastin' About how the Yanks'd be coastin' I told my friends "my mission's clear" Told Mike I'd stick one in Roger's ear I reached for something deep inside But that day... my pitch... went wide. So why, why, did I miss his backside? Couldn't hit him in the buttocks - well, at least I tried And all those fans, I left 'em empty inside Saying "how'd he miss a target so wide?" Oh, how'd I miss that target so wide... They told me about Mlicki's zeroes And Bieser joining the Hall of Heroes Even Carlos Baerga scored that run Can I put a pitch in Roger's ear hole? Can I also become an immortal soul? Will be revered like Matty Francooooooooooo? Well I know that I'm a legend too And I'll show that fatso what I can do Threw a bat at Mikey P Let him try that shit with me I was a hard-throwin' lefty pitchin' ace Was great in '97 but fell off that pace And now it was time to make my case And then my legend died... I started singin'... Why, why, did I miss his backside? Couldn't hit him in the buttocks - well, at least I tried And all those fans, I left 'em empty inside Saying "how'd he miss a target so wide?" Oh, how'd I miss that target so wide... In the third inning, Spencer grounded out And then the fans, they got up to shout That's just how they're supposed to be As Clemens strolled up to the plate An entire cow it looked like he'd ate Then it just came down to him and me And while those fans were looking down He peered out at me with a frown I threw my best pitch hard But I missed that tub of lard The fans, they booed really loud I could hear them laughing in the crowd I couldn't even make my teammates proud That day my legend died I was singin' Why, why, did I miss his backside? Couldn't hit him in the buttocks - well, at least I tried And all those fans, I left 'em empty inside Saying "how'd he miss a target so wide?" Oh, how'd I miss that target so wide... I dug in up at home plate With Rey O dancing off second base Stared him down and then I squared arooooound It landed fair on the grass They threw me out as Rey hauled ass Fatso forgot him and he scored easily Now that grey Shea air was sweet perfume While the PA played a rocking tune The fans got up to dance It was me who gave 'em the chance Then my teammates went out to take the field, No runs at all did I plan to yield. Do you recall whose fate was sealed Finally... I'd hit my stride. We started singing... Why, why, did I miss his backside? Couldn't hit him in the buttocks - well, at least I tried And all those fans, I left 'em empty inside Saying "how'd he miss a target so wide?" Oh, how'd I miss that target so wide... Then I batted again in inning five Cedeno's on second and the crowd's alive And fatso thought he could groove one to me So come on Shawn be nimble, Shawn be quick Shawn swung hard that batting stick And the ball flew long and hard out of here... As I watched it hang up in the air I knew I'd hit it out of there Torre said, "What the hell?" I guess I'd hit it pretty well And as the ball climbed out over the wall I was redeemed for that errant fastball I heard the fans laughing with delight The day I hit hit that ball... Bye, bye, Roger Clemens, goodbye Hall of Famer, seeya later, I hit that big fly Mike Piazza hits another and you're no big tough guy It's over in the blink of an eye Go back into the clubhouse and cry (slowly) I flew so fast around the bases Met Roger & Timo with happy faces I slapped 'em five and jogged away I went down in that sacred lore The fans forgot what I did before And they loved me... for what I... did that day And in the streets the children screamed Yankee fans cried and our fans dreamed But not a word was spoken Clemens' pride was broken My teammates, they loved me the most Sat me down and poured a toast A legend now, how I can boast The day... I hit... that guy. They were singin' Bye, bye, Roger Clemens, goodbye Hall of Famer, seeya later, yeah, I hit that big fly Mike Piazza hits another and you're no big tough guy And it's over in the blink of an eye Go back into the clubhouse and cry

Elster88 Nov 02 2005 03:59 PM

Amazing. Hilarious. ]I threw my best pitch hard But I missed that tub of lard I love it. Valadius' is great too, but I'm giving the nod to seawolf.

MFS62 Nov 02 2005 04:05 PM

Hope Vlad will re-post his entry in this thread. That'll make it easier for the voters to compare. Later

metirish Nov 02 2005 04:06 PM

seawolf that's pure genius....I can't stop laughing...when I thought this can't get any better the next verse would be.............classic .

seawolf17 Nov 02 2005 04:07 PM

Valadius' entry: Song Used: When I'm Sixty-Four - The Beatles Met Used: Charley Smith Title: Back in '64 “Back in '64” Chico Fernandez didn’t work out Many years ago He was traded to Chicago for this guy Played third base and hit balls goodbye When Charley Smith would step to the plate He’d increase our score Long before HoJo, he was our mojo Back in ‘64 Oooooh He struck out too much Ahhhhh And though he hit home runs He was not too clutch He didn’t stay at Shea for too long Two years were enough Traded to St. Louis for a guy named Ken One year later traded again But with the Mets he led the whole team In making baseballs soar Casey was sleeping, Charley was leaping Back in ‘64 Those two summers he put up some numbers that were quite all right For a bad Mets team On those teams he led He played with all-time greats Cleon, Tug and Ed Casey got hurt and had to retire Westrum took the reins Warren Spahn and Yogi Berra came to play But their skills were wasting away Charley soon left and went to the Cards Didn’t play much more When we first knew him, everything looked grim Back in ‘64

metirish Nov 02 2005 04:09 PM

Both are amazing.....

Centerfield Nov 02 2005 04:13 PM

Just to be sure, maybe we should label the Beatles' song as Valad's in order to avoid any confusion.

MFS62 Nov 02 2005 04:18 PM

Centerfield wrote: Just to be sure, maybe we should label the Beatles' song as Valad's in order to avoid any confusion. How did that happen? Are we talking split personality here? Later

Edgy DC Nov 02 2005 04:18 PM

Done.

seawolf17 Nov 02 2005 04:20 PM

Sorry. Trying to be helpful. Thanks for the kind words. This was a lot of fun to write, and I can only imagine what people sitting near me on the ferry were thinking as I was singing this to myself today.

Elster88 Nov 02 2005 04:21 PM

I have the same problem at work. This board is going to get me fired.

Johnny Dickshot Nov 02 2005 04:23 PM

Oh. My. God.

Centerfield Nov 02 2005 04:27 PM

I will say this...there can be no question that the level of entry on this contest has skyrocketed since the initial contest. This is awesome. I can smell a record deal coming up.

MFS62 Nov 02 2005 04:29 PM

seawolf17 wrote: Sorry. Trying to be helpful. Thanks for the kind words. This was a lot of fun to write, and I can only imagine what people sitting near me on the ferry were thinking as I was singing this to myself today. I would have asked 'em to sing along. Makes that ferry ride seem to go a lot quicker. And you could have gotten feedback on your song. Where's the problem in that? (Unless you have a lousy singing voice like mine) These were two more top shelf entries. You folks are forcing me back to the drawing boards. Later

Rotblatt Nov 02 2005 04:36 PM

Valadius, when I read yours in the first thread, I figured you were a shoe-in, but that was fucking hilarious, seawolf. Nice work, all around. It's been a fine, fine day for parodies!

Nymr83 Nov 02 2005 04:47 PM

seawolf17 wrote: Sorry. Trying to be helpful. Thanks for the kind words. This was a lot of fun to write, and I can only imagine what people sitting near me on the ferry were thinking as I was singing this to myself today. what ferry is this? are you also cursed with residence in staten island? i voted for seawolf, this was by far the best entry i've seen in 2 years of entries. i was falling out of a chair laughing as i read this on my laptop, i'm just glad i wasn't in class or i'd have had alot of explaining to do. valadius' entry was very good itself and would have gotten my vote in plenty of matchups, we need a "loser's bracket"!!

Centerfield Nov 02 2005 05:00 PM

83, You've been around for two years? Did you use another handle?

Diamond Dad Nov 02 2005 05:22 PM American Pie

Probably the second most often used song for parodies. . . but it works. As much as a hate thinking about Rogers, that moment was pretty darn classic. Nice job by both!

Nymr83 Nov 02 2005 05:25 PM

Centerfield wrote: 83, You've been around for two years? Did you use another handle? nope. this has been my name on this board, every other board i post on, and my aol screenname for quite some time.

Valadius Nov 02 2005 06:40 PM

Show the love!

ScarletKnight41 Nov 02 2005 06:54 PM

Man - another great round!

Edgy DC Nov 02 2005 11:36 PM

Y'all are mad. Valad had economy of style, respectful scansion, and a more interesting selection. Cool move also going back to '64 to relaunch a forgetten story. Who among us hasn't re-written "American Pie"?

TheOldMole Nov 03 2005 01:24 AM

Wish I could have voted for both.

Valadius Nov 03 2005 03:50 AM

Yeah... and I did it about a forgotten man too.

Elster88 Nov 03 2005 08:54 AM

="Edgy DC"]Y'all are mad. Valad had economy of style, respectful scansion, and a more interesting selection. Cool move also going back to '64 to relaunch a forgetten story. Who among us hasn't re-written "American Pie"? Vlad's was very very good. But seawolf's made me laugh out loud as I was singing.

Edgy DC Nov 03 2005 09:27 AM

Well, the gap is closing, heh, heh.

Valadius Nov 03 2005 11:38 AM

*Imitates Mr. Burns* Excellent...

Yancy Street Gang Nov 03 2005 04:29 PM

Looks like this one's a wrap. Seawolf wins 15-9.

Centerfield Nov 03 2005 05:18 PM

Nice job wolf. Valad, good effort...lemme buy you a drink in the loser's lounge. That's where all the fun is at anyway.

ScarletKnight41 Nov 03 2005 05:55 PM

Congrats seawolf!

Valadius Nov 03 2005 06:03 PM

Probably shouldn't have expected to go far my first time out... oh well. Congrats Seawolf.

MFS62 Nov 03 2005 06:06 PM

Did anybody check to see if there was a full moon? Congrats, Wolf. Later