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The impending animal revolution

Frayed Knot Oct 11 2011 10:56 AM

Forget the Wall Street protesters, that stuff is child's play. The thing we should really all be worrying about is the impending animal revolution. Obviously we've impinged on the animals' space and you'd be naive to think that they're not pissed about it. Some folks believe that the various animal/human confrontations they catch on their local news from time to time, like when some bear busts into some vacationers cabin, are random but they're not. These critters are fed up, they're starting to get organized and they're coming after us. One example is below. Note how the antelope picks out not just some random cyclist but one who is being filmed, an act which not only gets that dude off his territory but sends the appropriate terrorist-like message to human-kind as a whole. [youtube:237c75cz]S2oymHHyV1M[/youtube:237c75cz]

Frayed Knot Oct 19 2011 07:41 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

TOWN UNDER SEIGE AP, ZANESVILLE, Ohio (hometown of Jay Payton) — Officers armed with assault rifles patrolled Zanesville Wednesday morning, a day after police killed dozens of animals that escaped from a wild-animal preserve. "These are wild animals that you would see on TV in Africa," Sheriff Matt Lutz said at a press conference. He told residents to stay indoors - they're out, and they're pissed. [the preserve is] where the owner's body later was found ... The fences had been left unsecured at the animal farm in east-central Ohio, and the animals' cages were open, police said. - see, I don't think they were simply left open. I think it's obvious that a couple of the animals got out somehow, killed the owner and took his keys, then opened all the gates and let the others out. I'm telling you folks it's a revolution, and this time it WILL be televised (or at least You-Tubed). The preserve had lions, tigers, cheetahs, wolves, giraffes, camels and bears. Police said bears and wolves were among the escaped animals that were killed and there were multiple sightings of exotic animals along a nearby highway. "This is a bad situation," [Sheriff Matt] Lutz said. "It's been a situation for a long time."

seawolf17 Oct 19 2011 07:42 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

I actually hope we see some YouTube videos from this, because it could be way more awesome than the baby-bear-in-the-produce-section vid that appeared last night.

Edgy MD Oct 19 2011 07:50 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

II's just a shame that they have to go out there and kill them all. Obviously, they're not equipped for a tranquilizer operation. I'm sure Jay Payton and Mike Bordick could round up all those animals in no time.

soupcan Oct 19 2011 07:54 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Between this and Occupy Wall Street, the status quo is screwed.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 19 2011 08:16 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Go, animals, go.

MFS62 Oct 19 2011 08:20 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Some animals are more equal than others. Later

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Oct 19 2011 08:31 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

This bit is no revolution; it's a lack of command discipline on whatever jackass was in charge of this unit. Trust me, when the weasels and Rhode Island Reds come for real, we'll know, and it won't be because of the Forum. /Fingers pellet-gun-taped-to-pitchfork-"bayonet" nervously

Benjamin Grimm Oct 19 2011 08:47 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Good point? Do the animals have any clearly stated goals? Or are they just looking for handouts?

soupcan Oct 19 2011 08:53 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Lazy-ass animals. I bet they smell bad too.

Centerfield Oct 19 2011 08:57 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Agreed. There is no real plan and all the animals end up dead. I guess we know where Omar ended up.

batmagadanleadoff Oct 19 2011 09:01 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

They should get more money for their pelts.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 20 2011 09:00 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

This is a fucking tragedy. How the hell could the local authorities allow this douchebag to keep so many wild animals, and what was their plan for the day of their inevitable escape?

cooby Oct 20 2011 09:07 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Go, animals, go. Yeah!

Edgy MD Oct 20 2011 09:11 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: This is a fucking tragedy. How the hell could the local authorities allow this douchebag to keep so many wild animals, and what was their plan for the day of their inevitable escape? Not for nothing, but New Jersey is full of wild animal horders running one-man "preserves." Pennsylvania too.

TransMonk Oct 20 2011 09:13 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: This is a fucking tragedy. How the hell could the local authorities allow this douchebag to keep so many wild animals, and what was their plan for the day of their inevitable escape? This. I heard "several endangered Bengal tigers" on the radio this morning. How does a guy like this even get to keep endangered animals?

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 20 2011 09:16 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Edgy DC wrote: John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: This is a fucking tragedy. How the hell could the local authorities allow this douchebag to keep so many wild animals, and what was their plan for the day of their inevitable escape? Not for nothing, but New Jersey is full of wild animal horders running one-man "preserves." Pennsylvania too. Well I say we kill them before they kill us.

Benjamin Grimm Oct 20 2011 09:20 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Don't get me wrong... I deplore the unnecessary killing of tigers too, but they're endangered in the wild, but plentiful in captivity.

cooby Oct 20 2011 09:23 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Did you guys see African Cats yet? It made me cry

Edgy MD Oct 20 2011 09:34 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

TransMonk wrote: This is a fucking tragedy. How the hell could the local authorities allow this douchebag to keep so many wild animals, and what was their plan for the day of their inevitable escape? This. I heard "several endangered Bengal tigers" on the radio this morning. How does a guy like this even get to keep endangered animals? http://www.petsforsale.org/male-and-fem ... 5-DCL.aspx

Frayed Knot Oct 20 2011 11:31 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Benjamin Grimm wrote: Don't get me wrong... I deplore the unnecessary killing of tigers too, but they're endangered in the wild, but plentiful in captivity. The problem comes up when "captivity" stops meaning a regulated and professionally staffed zoo and starts meaning the backyard of some idiot with an extensive criminal record.

Edgy MD Oct 20 2011 11:43 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Regulations? What a big-government socialist hippy.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Oct 20 2011 11:58 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

The government can have my 38 tapirs when it pries them from my cold, dead, tapir-loving hands.

Benjamin Grimm Oct 20 2011 12:11 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

Only 38??? Either go all in or don't bother at all.

seawolf17 Oct 20 2011 12:25 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

The thing with tapirs is that they're just too delicious. I can't stop myself from slaughtering them, which is why my herd is so small.

Edgy MD Oct 21 2011 07:38 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Popping up an unsettling second time in my Facebook feed this morning:

Frayed Knot Oct 21 2011 07:56 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

The last report I heard last night was that all the escaped animals had been accounted for. Previously there was one monkey whose whereabouts was unknown but it was later found ... in the stomach of one of the cats.

MFS62 Oct 21 2011 08:09 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Benjamin Grimm wrote: Don't get me wrong... I deplore the unnecessary killing of tigers too, but they're endangered in the wild, but plentiful in captivity. According to the report I heard, they estimate that there are only 1400 Bengal tigers left. They had to shoot 18 of them because of this idiot. That is a shame. Later

HahnSolo Oct 21 2011 09:30 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

The other night I saw a curator from a legit zoo speaking about this. I guess the host was trying to ask why the animals had to be killed and not tranquilized. The zoo guy actually defended the cops, telling how they tried tranqs on one of the tigers, and it only enraged the animal more. Plus, with nightfall looming and with the sheer number of loose animals, there wasn't enough tranquilizer locally to safely catch them all before nightfall.

Frayed Knot Oct 21 2011 09:38 AM Re: The impending animal revolution Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Oct 21 2011 12:11 PM

Odds are there are not a lot of local law enforcement have tranquilizers just laying around with enough juice in them to bring down 600-800 pound cats or even larger bears. These weren't Golden Retrievers they were trying to stop.

Edgy MD Oct 21 2011 09:49 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Yeah, no doubt there were no good options. I like to think there's an elite team of veterinary commandos situated in Omaha, ready to scramble on a minute's notice, and able to be on the scene of a situation anywhere in the Continental US in 90 minutes. But that may have to wait for the Edgy presidency.

Benjamin Grimm Oct 21 2011 09:53 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Hmph! Another government bureaucracy! This is better left to the private sector. That way, the crack team of animal experts you envision would be based in Calcutta!

Edgy MD Oct 21 2011 10:00 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Oh, yeah, the Edgy presidency would be Herman Cain's big government nightmare, with an Office of the Comedian General, a Bureau of Nu Wave, and a Tom Seaver Museum on the National Mall.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 21 2011 10:18 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Tigers are absolute badasses, and no doubt had to be stopped immediately. Could you imagine what they'd have done by now in a town without guns or tranquilizers? They'd be all over the day-care centers and kindergartens.

Edgy MD Oct 21 2011 10:27 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Honey badgers are badasses. [youtube]4r7wHMg5Yjg[/youtube] That makes me want to own a few automatic weapons.

themetfairy Oct 21 2011 11:01 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

In all seriousness, in the mid '80's a young woman who had graduated high school with me and who worked at the Bronx Zoo was killed by a tiger. These are not kitty cats....

HahnSolo Oct 21 2011 11:16 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

Edgy DC wrote: Honey badgers are badasses. [youtube]4r7wHMg5Yjg[/youtube] That makes me want to own a few automatic weapons. You don't want Mrs. Edgy bringing a stray one of those home.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 21 2011 11:31 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

That vid is funny. Tiger attacks are not. I recall going to a zoo one time where a tiger's just chilling in his tiger area when all of a sudden his face and body language changes and you could tell he had the urge to kill. Turned out he got an eyeful of a toddler kid who'd come to the front and licked it chops. It was absolutely chilling.

seawolf17 Oct 21 2011 11:57 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

I hadn't watched that video in a while, but it's brilliant.

Edgy MD Oct 21 2011 12:03 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

If there's one thing Tippi Hedren has taught me, it's that, in mixed populations, as difficult as it is to produce crossbreeds of tigers and lions, tigons are much more common than ligers. Because in mixed populations, tigers get all the lionesses and tigresses too. Because I'm a tiger, that's why. What are you gonna do? Huh, lion?

Benjamin Grimm Oct 21 2011 01:04 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

Tigers play too rough. And lions ain't the kind you love enough.

seawolf17 Oct 21 2011 01:09 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

Right, but ligers are bred for their magic skills.

Frayed Knot Oct 21 2011 02:17 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

I'm a tiger when I want love, but I'm a snake when we disagree.

metsguyinmichigan Oct 21 2011 03:10 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

Rangers beat tigers, but it takes six games.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Feb 07 2012 09:08 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

I soiled myself before the end of the first page. [url]http://www.esquire.com/features/zanesville-0312

Edgy MD Feb 07 2012 09:18 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

The forest preserves in Abruzzo covered in two meters of snow, the animals all say, "Fuck this" and march into town. Little do these deer know that the wolves came to town first.

metirish Feb 07 2012 09:26 AM Re: The impending animal revolution

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: I soiled myself before the end of the first page. [url]http://www.esquire.com/features/zanesville-0312 that's some great writing right there,` engrossing.

Edgy MD Oct 01 2012 02:04 PM Re: The impending animal revolution

[youtube:3p7f7dxq]bi1SPbqdduM[/youtube:3p7f7dxq]