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How Do You Know...

Fman99 Apr 22 2012 08:56 PM

...if you're an alcoholic?

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 22 2012 09:21 PM Re: How Do You Know...

Bud Light commercials pause halfway through to ask you might have had enough? For real, Pharrell-- it sorta depends on the person. Some useful litmus tests: -- Is it affecting your work/family life/finances in a negative way? -- Do you often feel remorse about drinking exploits? -- Do you have regular cravings-- time of day, "trigger" activities-- for alcohol? (I think I know the answer to this one for virtually everyone reading.) -- How often do you drink alone?

Benjamin Grimm Apr 23 2012 04:33 AM Re: How Do You Know...

When I saw the topic title, I was prepared to post a reply of "It's in his kiss, that's where it is." But I see that it's a serious question... I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not, but from what I've read of your posts, it's good that you're asking this question. Talk to your wife, and to others who you see often. Follow their cues.

metirish Apr 23 2012 05:51 AM Re: How Do You Know... Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Apr 23 2012 06:53 AM

Not much to add but if you are drinking at home a lot and asking this question I think you already know the answer and you are ready for help. Recognizing the problem is good getting help even better. I have been in this spot and it's a lonely place, take the first step, you'll fee instantly better, you have beautiful kids, they need you.

themetfairy Apr 23 2012 06:48 AM Re: How Do You Know...

We're here for you my friend if you need anything!

Edgy MD Apr 23 2012 07:26 AM Re: How Do You Know...

The old shorthand is that if drinking is interfering with your life, you've got a drinking problem. If life is interfering with your drinking, you're an alcoholic. That may be too broadly drawn to be applicable. It's sort of about who or what you've been loyal to. There's a basic screening test counselors and doctors use. It's something like this one. Be good.

Fman99 Apr 23 2012 08:47 AM Re: How Do You Know...

Thanks guys. I have a will power problem, more than anything else. I have been trying to not drink during the week and I've been able to do that the last two weeks, but the pull of it is never that far from my mind. I've kicked other addictions in the past, but there's always something. I'm really fine, everything at home and with the wife and kids is fine, I'm just doing some soul searching.

MFS62 Apr 23 2012 09:33 AM Re: How Do You Know...

You sound like you're working it out. Hang in there. Later

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 23 2012 11:15 AM Re: How Do You Know...

Are you looking to/considering getting rid of John Barleycorn altogether, or just looking to get your drinking more in your grasp?

TransMonk Apr 23 2012 11:18 AM Re: How Do You Know...

Fman99 wrote: I'm just doing some soul searching. The fact that you are doing this is a good thing. I have many friends who I consider full-blown alcoholics who would never ask this question of themselves. I don't know much about you in the real world, but I do know that you are running all of the time and that you care about your kids and family a whole lot. The abandonment of those things would be the worst case scenario and you're obviously not at that stage. Obviously, every situation is different, but I've had lots of contact with peeps who only have the drive to drink. If you're trying to figure it out, then, yeah, you may have a problem, but you're also looking for a solution. Keep your head up and if there is anything I can do (like I'm sure most of us on the board would say), just let me know.

Ceetar Apr 23 2012 11:29 AM Re: How Do You Know...

TransMonk wrote: Fman99 wrote: I'm just doing some soul searching. The fact that you are doing this is a good thing. I have many friends who I consider full-blown alcoholics who would never ask this question of themselves. And probably the biggest reasons why you're not one. Addressing potential problems before they they actually could become problems.

Fman99 Apr 23 2012 01:47 PM Re: How Do You Know...

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: Are you looking to/considering getting rid of John Barleycorn altogether, or just looking to get your drinking more in your grasp? I would like to be able to have a beer at a game, or a drink with my brother when he's in town, and not have it be a thing that I think about all week, waiting towards Friday night so I can "give permission to myself" to drink. The fact that I can go days at a time without a drink is reassuring to me, I think it's more of an attitude adjustment. Then again, I've failed to maintain other vices in my life to some degree of moderation, I've ended up just giving those up altogether and having an easier time of it that way. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I just feel like at times it's got more of a hold over me than it should, or that I lean on it in a way that's unhealthy. I don't lash out under the effects of it, I don't drive drunk, I don't mistreat my wife or my children, I am not affected at work or in my interpersonal relationships by it. Most often I don't even pour a drink until after my kids have gone to bed and then it's just a couple of strong cocktails before bed, a few nights a week.

metirish Apr 23 2012 02:51 PM Re: How Do You Know...

I would strongly advice you to talk to a professional about this Fman, that last sentence is cause for concern, your making excuses for your drinking and trying to justify it.

Fman99 Apr 23 2012 07:47 PM Re: How Do You Know...

Thanks Irish, and everyone, for your concern and well wishing, including those of you who have reached out to me outside of this thread. I do appreciate it.

The Second Spitter Apr 24 2012 03:05 AM Re: How Do You Know...

Fwiw, I don't think you're an alcoholic. Alcoholism in the moral sense has an underlying element of social dysfunctionalism. Having observed you in your family environment, I think you're a terrific dad and husband and when my time comes to have kids, I hope to use you as my template. Also, you've maintained stable employment for periods that I personally can't fathom.

Fman99 Apr 24 2012 08:23 AM Re: How Do You Know...

Thanks buddy. Come on by again the next time you're stateside.

Edgy MD Apr 24 2012 08:30 AM Re: How Do You Know...

While I don't presume to diagnose you one way or the other, that last sentence gave me a red flag as well.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 24 2012 12:32 PM Re: How Do You Know...

Same for me. Really, though, whatever you want to call it-- if you don't like the shape your drinking is taking, then hell, change it. If you're okay with it, and the important people in your life are okay with it, and your job/other obligations are unaffected... then don't.

Benjamin Grimm Apr 24 2012 12:38 PM Re: How Do You Know...

Fman99 wrote: Most often I don't even pour a drink until after my kids have gone to bed and then it's just a couple of strong cocktails before bed, a few nights a week. While I understand that this is the kind of thing an alcoholic might say, isn't it also the thing that somebody who just has a couple of drinks a few nights a week would say? I would suggest that Fman talk to his wife, just in case he thinks everything's fine but isn't. If there's something wrong somewhere, the wife would be the most likely one to see it.

soupcan Apr 24 2012 12:45 PM Re: How Do You Know...

I don't know what I can add here other than, having never met you in person, you seem like a good guy and I hope everything works out for you. Every alcoholic I've known (and I've known more than a few) have been very obvious alcoholics with very obvious problems with alcohol. There are those people that are referred to as functioning alcoholics but I'm not sure I know what that means. Is a functioning alcoholic someone that you have no idea has a problem or someone that you know has a problem but is able to maintain a fairly normal life despite it? Both? Neither? Anyway - I'll leave the diagnosing to those who know better than I but I'll have a stiff drink once or twice a week after I get home and if I'm out to dinner I'll also have two drinks whether it be wine, beer or bourbon. I don't think I've got a problem with it and I've never once thought that.

Ceetar Apr 24 2012 01:03 PM Re: How Do You Know...

soupcan wrote: Is a functioning alcoholic someone that you have no idea has a problem or someone that you know has a problem but is able to maintain a fairly normal life despite it? Both? Neither? My aunt is an alcoholic. Apparently has been. She's held down a steady job and raised kids. I'd slept over at my cousins house plenty of times for days at a time. I'm not claiming a 5-15 year old kid is necessarily observant to those things, but it never became an issue to make it obvious I either. I guess that's "functional". Benjamin Grimm wrote: Fman99 wrote: Most often I don't even pour a drink until after my kids have gone to bed and then it's just a couple of strong cocktails before bed, a few nights a week. While I understand that this is the kind of thing an alcoholic might say, isn't it also the thing that somebody who just has a couple of drinks a few nights a week would say? I guess it's also what an alcoholic might say days/weeks/months before he actually becomes one. Can't hurt to evaluate if it's leaning that way.

metsguyinmichigan Apr 24 2012 03:55 PM Re: How Do You Know...

Be strong, my friend. Hang in there.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Apr 24 2012 04:18 PM Re: How Do You Know...

soupcan wrote: Anyway - I'll leave the diagnosing to those who know better than I but I'll have a stiff drink once or twice a week after I get home and if I'm out to dinner I'll also have two drinks whether it be wine, beer or bourbon. I don't think I've got a problem with it and I've never once thought that. Same here, often enough. The difference between drinker (even if heavy) and alcoholic is the difference between having a drink regularly and NEEDING a drink regularly.