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Find Me Some Good News

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 07:08 AM

Too much stomach-turning, heart-rending shit in the papers today. No way I get my work done unless I get something to fill that part of me that got hollowed out by this morning's paper. Anything will do. Kitties. Kites. Bumblebee colonies returning to their previous vigor.

Benjamin Grimm Jun 01 2012 07:21 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

A woman in New Jersey discovered that her long-lost father is still alive... and in a hospital in Florida after having his face chewed off by a crazed zombie!

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 07:28 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Yeah, I've heard that one. It's the A-side of that record that troubles me.

metirish Jun 01 2012 07:45 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

If this doesn't warm your heart nothing will Two-year-old deaf boy gasps with delight as he hears his mother’s voice for first time

Ceetar Jun 01 2012 07:45 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Well, it's National Donut Day. If you can appreciate the wonder of sweet delicious confections. Or you can look at this photoshopped picture of my first cousins, once removed, although that's not really news.

Benjamin Grimm Jun 01 2012 07:46 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Either your cousins are tiny, or junk food portion sizes are really out of control! Help us Mayor Bloomberg!

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 07:47 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Thanks, gents. The Scripps National Spelling Bee is decadent, depraved and as American as apple pie By Alexandra Petri Oxon Hill, MD — The Scripps National Spelling Bee combines all the fun of a crossword puzzle with all the fun of the Hunger Games. The National Spelling Bee takes place in a hotel that looks like it swallowed a village. Inside the building are smaller buildings. There are indoor trees, some of them real. There are indoor birds. In the clapboard building that stands inside the lobby, you can buy paisley purses and wallets that say “Fabulous!” on them. There is a river downstairs with a bridge over it. All in all, the Gaylord National Convention Center and Resort is a swanky place. And it is a bacchanal. You can tell the spellers by their distinctive orange t-shirts. The shirts proclaim each one of them a “spell-e-bri-ty: noun: a person renowned for the ability to spell difficult words under pressure, bright lights, and the adoring gaze of millions: me.” They have bought into their own mystique. Each carries a spiral-bound BeeKeeper with pictures and facts about all 278 of the contestants. Lena Greenberg is a published author, with works in “Cricket” and “Stone Soup.” Visha Parmar likes to watch NBA basketball. Did you know? Emma Ciereszynski “rides horses competitively in the discipline of ____.” There were dictionaries casually splayed on every surface looking happy but tired. In the hall as we wait for the final night of competition to begin, there is a frantic orgy of BeeKeeper signing. Nervously, then with increasing boldness, girls and boys from various states fill in the missing bit of information about themselves and sign their names. They are eighth graders in high-waisted khakis. They have commemorative tote bags. And they are rock stars. They wave. Everyone applauds. Smashmouth plays in the background, for possibly the seventeenth time since the beginning of competition. It is a party the likes of which I have not witnessed since eighth grade. But I was never this cool. This is their dream. This is Hollywood. One of the cardinal rules of life is that anyone who actively enjoyed middle school is not a good person. And from the looks of them, these are not kids for whom middle school is a picnic. If you know how to spell “scuppernong,” generally people do not pick you first for softball. This is as it should be. In middle school, everything is the wrong size. What is so captivating about this? It’s spelling. It ought to be about as interesting as conjugation. And yet it’s on ESPN, in Primetime. And we’re all watching. The kids have senses of humor. They ask the pronouncer, Jacques Bailly, to spell the words for them. “Could I have an easier word please?” they ask. They respond, “Gesundheit” to real doozies. No matter who wins, we win. It combines everything in the world that we like. Kids. Competition. Countdowns. Throw in cats wearing whimsical attire and we’d never need any other form of entertainment. All in all, I would say that the bee was harengiform, but that is because I do not have a good grasp on what harengiform means. It’s as American as apple pie, and then some. The final nine came from all over. Gifton Wright, from Jamaica, who insisted on saying, “Thank you sir” after each of the words, even when a normal person might have replied, “Are you kidding? Take that phthisiology and shove it.” And that creates a strange irony, if irony is the word I want, of the National Spelling bee that one of the hardest things to spell are the names of the contestants. Stuti Mishra. Emma Ciereszynski. Snigdha Nandipati. And they came with a kaleidoscope of personalities. Lena Greenberg, with her brown curly braid and glasses and tendency to flail endearingly when alarmed. Nicholas Rushlow, five-time veteran, by turns cocky and bluffing. Snigdha, the eventual winner, in her white polo, diligently demanding every possible morsel of information about each word that came down the pike. Once we’d whittled the contestants down to those three, my money was on Snigdha, because her name was the most difficult to spell. The words came from all over as well. Admittatur. Schwarmerei. Schwannoma. Chionablepsia. Arrondissement. It’s like gargling with vowels. My computer doesn’t even recognize them. Luteovirescent. Chatoyant. Rouille. Someone said a word that I was pretty sure was “whorewiggle,” but turned out not to be. There is no more patriotic pastime than spelling. “Latin by way of French. Gaelic. Russian. From Tamil. From Greek.” Words for Yoga poses. Words for fish we will never see and foods we will never taste. And together, they form the English language and make it a more exciting place. The words come from all nations, in huddled masses yearning for free E’s. Sometimes we force them to drop an H on the way in, take up a W where no W was intended. Some of them snuck silent consonants across the border when we were not looking. But then they belong to us. Baseball can stick it. This is the American pastime. This is the melting pot. Whenever you worry that things are going badly for us as a nation, just remember that somewhere someone is dedicating 6 hours a day (10 on weekends) to memorizing unpronounceable words. The kids are all right. This, for them, is the light in the dark tunnel of middle school. They high-fived each other when they got things right. They doled out standing ovations when their comrades fell. As a point of fact it was neither decadent nor depraved. It was so wholesome I think I ruptured something. True, there was an old man with hairy ears reading 50 Shades of Grey under a tree in the lobby, but he was unaffiliated with the Bee as far as I could tell. And if you ever make the finals of the Scripps Spelling Bee, be sure to throw some deuces at the judges.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Jun 01 2012 07:54 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

All of the blowing-themselves-up motherfuckers will realize the minute they die that they were suckers.

Mets – Willets Point Jun 01 2012 08:06 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Ceetar wrote: Well, it's National Donut Day. If you can appreciate the wonder of sweet delicious confections. It's been a long time since we've had an issue of the Donut News. One of my all-time favorite threads.

MFS62 Jun 01 2012 08:15 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Mayor Bloomberg declared it National Donut Day in New York. I hope the hypocritical little fucker is photographed washing one down with a banned Big Gulp. Later

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 08:23 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

More feigned outrage on the internet!

MFS62 Jun 01 2012 08:34 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Edgy DC wrote: More feigned outrage on the internet! This one isn't feigned. I can't stand him. He is seemingly trying to control everything New Yorkers do. He has passed rules about where they can park, drive, bike and smoke. He has passed rules about what they can eat and drink. What's next, where they can breathe? The Little Napoleon thinks he's Big Brother. If he's so protective about the obesity of New Yorkers and then bans large sugary drinks, why declare a National Donut Day? Yes. The word "Hypocrite" fits. But it would have to be brought to a tailor to be altered down to fit him. EDIT: Sorry, you were looking for some good news today. Please move this to the politics thread if it will help your mood. Later

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 08:37 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

MFS62 wrote: If he's so protective about the obesity of New Yorkers and then bans large sugary drinks, why declare a National Donut Day? If you can't see the distinction, I would beg you to try harder. And you live in Connecticut.

MFS62 Jun 01 2012 08:49 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

You can take the boy out of the city ... etc. I'm still a New Yorker at heart. I still (after almost 40 years) bring home a New York paper every day for us to read. My wife calls it her "contact with reality". Later

Mets – Willets Point Jun 01 2012 08:55 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Vic Sage Jun 01 2012 08:56 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

if you can't find something to be happy about on National Donut Day, then you're not even trying. And here in NYC, its a gorgeous day outside my window. so there's that.

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 08:57 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Mets – Willets Point Jun 01 2012 09:03 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Edgy DC wrote: Edgy can't get a break.

Ceetar Jun 01 2012 09:15 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Vic Sage Jun 01 2012 09:32 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

donuts are the culinary equivalent to a redhead. And if somebody could post a picture of Clair Danes or Scarlett Johannsen (or Maureen O'Hara for that matter) eating a donut, i might just pass out.

Benjamin Grimm Jun 01 2012 09:46 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Vic Sage Jun 01 2012 09:49 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

ack! make it stop!

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 09:52 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Poor Claire.

Mets – Willets Point Jun 01 2012 10:37 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Edgy DC wrote: Poor Claire.

Fman99 Jun 01 2012 10:49 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Benjamin Grimm wrote: She is hot. What a donut gobbler.

Mets – Willets Point Jun 01 2012 10:53 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Social media explained through doughnuts.

Ceetar Jun 01 2012 10:57 AM Re: Find Me Some Good News

nice.

Chad Ochoseis Jun 01 2012 09:17 PM Re: Find Me Some Good News

For more good news, check the baseball forum.

Edgy MD Jun 01 2012 09:21 PM Re: Find Me Some Good News

Donuts on me tonight.