Jun 21 2012 10:38 AM
Ah, the beauty of the inner monologue.
CATCHER:
"You may remember me from such films as To Not Hit or Field in L.A. and Tool of Ignorance."
FIRST BASE:
"Mama always said, stupid is as stupid does."
SECOND BASE:
"Yeah, I spelled 42 backwards, so what, you wanna fight about it?"
THIRD BASE:
"See that chick up in the fourth row with the broad shoulders? I'm taking her home tonight. Yeah, I'm sure that's a chick."
SHORTSTOP:
"Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig never shilled for shitty American auto manufacturers? Am I still a Yankee legend?"
LEFT FIELD:
"I'm so old my momma went to breastfeed me and she lifted up her boob and a pilgrim fell out."
CENTER FIELD:
"Can't get the song out of my head... 'The Grandy Man Can, oh THE GRANDY MAN CAN!'"
RIGHT FIELD:
"In retrospect, sleeping with Suzyn Waldman was not a good idea. It was a TREMENDOUS idea."
Pitching Matchups:
Friday - Jon Niese vs:
"Have I ever pitched here before? I can't misremember."
Saturday: Chris Young vs:
"My mama is so ugly, I pushed her face into dough and made gorilla cookies."
Sunday: R.A. Dickey vs:
"Hey, are you going to finish those?"
DH: Not allowed, playing actual baseball this weekend
Bench: Not pictured, who cares
Bullpen: Fuck them
Notable DL:
"Hey, can someone swim down to the bottom of the deep end, see what that is? What the hell is that? Jeez, looks like a bag of leaves or something."
