Jul 16 2012 10:20 PM
Listen, the Nats have people going a little nuts. (A) The Washington Post is putting the “controversy” over Steven Strasburg’s innings limit on page fucking one. Too esteemed a publication to engage in such nonsense? Well, (B) no less than The Atlantic is wondering out lout if they have the most obnoxious fans in baseball. (C) Shortstop Ian Desmond really thought he was in the right sitting out the Major League Baseball All Star Game.
The answers are:
[list=A][*]get some perspective and self-respect, Washington Post;[/*:m]
[*]no, they’re not the most obnoxious, but there’s something grossly pathetic about it all, to see suburban Virginians trying to act out the way they’ve seen hardcore Phillies Phreaks behaving, as if they feel being assholes makes them somehow truly big league — daytripper douchebags;[/*:m]
[*]my God, Desmond, somewhere, some kid adores you and wanted to see you outclass the best of the best — act like you care just a little.[/*:m][/list:o]
But hey, we’ve been here before. In 2005 — their first year as the Nats — Washington was also 4.5 games in first place on July 4, and the newbred fans were acting up then, talking shit to out-of-towners, and mercilessly beating up on slumping shortstop Christian Guzman. That actually was the date of a CPF meetup, and the Mets pulled out a 5-2 victory before a glorious night of fireworks. The Nats would finish 81-81.
It’d be lovely to see that script repeat. But this year’s Nats have two of the best young players in baseball, a deep pitching staff, and wily manager we know and love so well.
The Mets have had a maddening year, in that every time they play themselves into a hole, they do something remarkable. Well they’ve got the first part of that licked with their last week’s worth of active games. Let’s hope the latter is within reach, and they [Sylvester]pound these pretenders into pulverized pancake pieces[/Sylvester}.
Catching: Following a season-ending knee injury for Wilson Ramos, Jesús Flores is providing steady defense and the offense of a righthanded Brian Shneider (.238 / .278 / .354 // .632), so he’s the guy you want to pitch to if you’ve got to pitch to somebody. In the sort of thing that’s got to send chills down you spine, he shares his name with that guy in Texas that was killed in the midst of a pedophiliac act by the victim’s father. One more reason to pause before naming your kid Jesús. But the one on the Nats has brought no shame to the name.
Two backups are available to catch Thursday’s day game — Carlos Maldonado and 26-year-old rookie Jhonatan Solano. Neither one has seen much action, but Solano has shown some pop.
Jesús Flores is a former St. Lucie Met.
First Base: I’ve never thought much or Adam LaRoche, but he’s giving you all you can hope for this year with his poor-man’s-Olerud act (.262 / .342 / .497 // .839). Loopy swing and steady glove and they old veteran presence thing, with a thin prominent nose from a baseballing clan. Eh. His season ended with injury last year after 43 games with a .172 / .288 / .258 // .546 line, so you couldn’t be blamed for thinking he’d never be effective again. At least, you wouldn’t be blamed by me, as that’s what I thought. But here he is, hitting as well as he ever has, and I’m like… eh. You want to know how eh he is? His profile actually lists his hobbies as fishing, hunting, and golf. He’s could win a triple crown, and I’d be all… eh.
But I really don’t see him ever winning a triple crown. (Watch him win a triple crown.)
Backing him up and pinch-hitting is a rookie named Tyler Moore – the type of clubber that Davey Johnson first began rescuing from the minors back when his name was Kevin Mitchell. In 32 games and 73 at bats, Moore is hitting .315 / .390 / .534 // .924, which, I don’t need to tell you, ain’t bad for a guy who swings with his eyes closed.
Moore may get a start against Niese, but definitely look for Johnson to counter with him as a switch hitter when Terry brings Byrdak or Edgin in.
Second Base: This position was always fun to write about back in the Ronnie Belly-ard days. Those days are gone forever. I should just let ‘em go. But I CAN SEE HIM! HIS BROWN SKIN SHINING IN THE SUN! He’s got his cornrows in…
Excuse me. Sorry about that. Switch-hitter Danny Espinosa is starting to dip below the mediocre numbers his previous years gave given (.230 / .304 / .371 // .674), but he’s a pro and he still knows how to get a walk when needed. Strikes out way too much for a punch-and-judy guy, but is a reliable doubleplay partner with Ian Desmond.
Backing up there and all over the place is Steve Lombardozzi (who harkens to the Belliard era in baseball history). He’s done alright, in a gritty-vet-who-plays-wherever-you-ask-him sense, but he’s got no power and I hope we see him a lot.
Shortstop: Ian Desmond, he of the All-Star-no-thank-you, is really all about the powa. His 17 homers lead the team, but he don’t walk, and his strikeout numbers would be conspicuous if he wasn’t playing next to Espinosa. He’s the tall and wiry breed of shortstop like Reyes and Kevin Elster and therefore can turn a ball if he gets extended. So try not to let him do that shit, OK? Put the slider in on his hands. He’ll hit into double plays all week.
Mark DeRosa backs him up. Long career as a backup/part-timer with the Braves, before starting a few years in his early thirties with the Rangers and Cubs, before starting a long downhill slide after that. He’s 37 and has played long enough to make the Hall of Fame ballot, but he’s just about the worst hitter in the league right now.
Third Base: What I hate about Nats games most of all is the hot-and-horny way the announcer introduces them. And nobody gets a grosser treatment than RRRRRRRyan ZZZZIMMmermannnnnn!!! Ugh, I want to shower now just thinking about it. Zim has the contract that David Wright came into 2012 trying to earn (eight years, $114 million), and has likely exceeded, but is unfortunately (except for the Mets) playing like Wright of 2011 ( even worse, actually, at .250 / .313 / .401 // .713). He’s recently rich and recently engaged to the future former Heather Doewen, so maybe he’s pressing.
Left Field: A buncha guys. Due to injuries, they’ve been faking it in left all year, and Steve Lombardozzi (seriously) is leading them in appearances out there. That’s not how you lay it out in March. Bryce Harper and Mike Morse — regular starters from center and right respectively – will move over to left if their backups start or come in for defense.
Center Field: This, as they say, is where it gets interesting. Teenage rookie sensation Bryce Harper had a bratty rep in high school, juco, and minor league ball, but has mostly handled himself with aplomb as a major leaguer. This weekend, he gets baited into a pointless dispute by combinative shit Ozzie Guillen, who doesn’t want to let go of the dream of the kid undoing himself with hotheadedness, and Ozzie ends up looking like a tool. Again. So yeah, add unflappability to Harper’s tool kit. Harper bats lefty, throws righty, throws well, and is hitting .273 / .345 / .454 // .799. Thems the sorts of numbers I was seeing next to Niewenhuis’ name a few weeks ago. Hopefully, the two reverse course this week, but Harper, again, is doing this as a mere teenager. He’s the goods.
Rick Ankiel will occasionally come in for defense or pinch hit or double switch or even start. At those junctures, Harperion will end up in left. Ankiel isn’t offering much but he can still end a game with a throw or a big fly.
Right Field: Mike Morse (The Beast) was excellent in 2010 and even better in 2011, but started this season on the DL and the hoped-for boost that his return would bring in the absence of Jayson Werth hasn’t come. He’s started slow and even as he’s looked like he’s ready to bust out, he’s battled hammy problems.
Roger Bernadina helps him out in right, is really strong, bats lefty and has had some big moments (but just so-so overall numbers) against the Mets.
So, you know, just enough holes in the lineup to be able to shut them down if you’re smart and pitching well, and just enough bats to take you down if you don’t. I seem to remember Chris Young dominating these guys before he went down early last year and I’m hopeful that he’ll find himself against them this go-around.
Starting Pitchers: Tuesday night, Jon Niese takes on Ross Detwiler. Ross has been a surprisingly effective rotation backender this year, managing a 3.43 ERA in 18 games (12 starts). He’s just reentered the rotation after pitching in relief in June. He’s a former first rounder (sixth overall). He’s a tall thin lefty who throws in the mid-90s and comes across his body and makes lefties uncomfortable, so it’s a really good test for the Jason Bay in his expected return, and we’ll almost certainly see Hairston as well, with two of Davis, Duda, and Nieuwy sitting. Possibly we’ll see the ol’ Turner-at-first plan also, but I’d prefer to see him at second and Cedeño in reserve. Maybe this will be a Nickeas assignment as well.
Wednesday eve, Chris Young catches Jordan Zimmermann (two N’s, and also sounding really dirty when the Nats’ PA guy says it). You’ve seen a lot of him. His fastball is mid-nineties, but we can hit that, but when he has his hard slider working, he’s frustrating as hell, particularly on Wright, who chases it away. All those lefties who sat out on Tuesday? This is a good night for them to flex their muscles, and hopefully turn on that slider, but it ain’t easy. Despite the higher profile guys, it’s JZ who leads the team in innings.
Thursday afternoon, your humble reporter will be in attendance for a matchup of 12-win pitchers: R.A. Dickey vs. Gio Gonzalez. Gonzo, the second lefty the Mets face in this series is maybe like our beloved Ollie on his best days — lots of walks but unhittable; fastball that’s sneaky fast, but sometimes it just doesn’t show up. But people chase his off-speed stuff out of the strikezone all the fucking time. It may be more generous to call him a lefthanded Pedro, but it’s not like his change is that magical. He gets it done and you can’t argue with the results and shit.
So yeah, key to beating these guys are our righthanded batters: Wright and Hairston and this new kid, Bay. Let’s get those bats out. Let’s treat missing Strasburg and Jackson like the treat it is, because we’ve got to get to them early, because their bullpen is …. better than ours. So far, at least.
Bullpen: Once this game gets over the hump, Davey Johnson has four sub-2 ERAs to throw at you. Fuck, that’ sounds nice, don’t it? Tyler Clippard comes from 12 o’clock, sets you up with the fastball, and finishes you with the hammer. He closes. His setup man is Craig Stammen. Good control and throws a lot of grounders. Sean Burnett is the junk-throwing lefty killer. Ryan Matthius is a youngster who’s sort of a relief version of Zmmermann. Fastball in, slider away, tough on righties.
Anybody but those four gets introduced, something has gone horribly wrong, either for the Nats or for the Mets.
Disabled: Here’s hope. A lot of Nats are being paid to watch TV, including…
[list][*]Catcher Sandy Leon: 15-day DL[/*:m]
[*]Outfieldmonger Xavier Nady: 15-day DL[/*:m]
[*]Catcher Wilson Ramos: 60-day DL[/*:m]
[*]Relief pitcher Drew Storen: 60-day DL[/*:m]
[*]Former Yankee Chien-Ming Wang: 15-day DL[/*:m]
[*]Hairy dude Jayson Werth: 60-day DL (actually, I bet he's following Third-Eye Blind on tour)[/*:m][/list:u]
Guys I used to like include Davey Johnson, Xavier Nady, and that’s it. Former racist Mets superscout Bill Singer is director of pro scouting. Hopefully he rooms on the road with Wang. Your pre-and post-game shows are hosted by Ray Knight, who Ashie wants to punch somebody out. He looks about 78 years old these days.
Mets who once called the Nationalist cause their own include Miguel Batista (2010) and Jon Rauch (2005–2007). I’ve spoken to them both and they’re each real sorry.
Listen, this team is beatable, but the Mets better get their rocks off and come ready for battle. This team just finished up a bitter series with the Fish that pissed them off, and Johnson’s got them playing hard. The Mets will have to earn every out off of this team.
So let’s do it.
