Aug 14 2012 03:51 PM
OK, um, the Reds. I haven't really done the reading, but Ms. McGrath says Tommy Cushing is sick so I have to present today.
I've written about 'em before this year: here and here, so take from that what you will.
Catching is still Ryan "Toad" Hanigan. He's still a righthanded Thole.
First basing is no longer Joey "Meech" Votto, so you are the LUCKIEST FAN IN THE WORLD. I don't care if the team is doing well without him. Stop being an idiot. The guy eats chains and spits nails. Any team facing the Reds without Votto is blessed. BLESSED. Moving over from third to the first bag is Todd "Oswald" Frazier. He gets the job done. No standout stat, but he can beat you. He's also got nine hits in his last four games.
Second basing is still Brandon “Beep-Beep” Phillips, who's got power, speed, class, and a good baseball build with big arms. He's a little over-aggressive, so tease him. But don't please him. He's also been hot.
You may see Frazier over at first and wonder what AAA stooge is filling in at third base. You, my friend, are an ass of the jack variety. Playing third nowadays is Scott Rolen, the original model of which David Wright was a later version. Yeah, he's only hitting .240, but he's got 313 career homers and has spent his entire career with a big red ass, so this is the team he was born to play on.
Back in school, you called him "Bubbles," and he beat the shit out of you.
Left Fielding and doing far more than you might have otherwise expected is Ryan “Warrior” Ludwick. He's slugging .555 and his son, as noted in an earlier thread, is named "Stetson Tyler." For reals. It has been revealed in recent weeks that a witch swapped his skill set with that of Jason Bay, but Bud Selig won't get off his ass and DO SOMETHING!
Center fielder Drew Stubbs was injured in our previous go-around. His name may sound like that of a black guy but his skin says otherwise. He's a real striker outer, so if you have to pitch to somebody with a guy on third, Stubbs is the guy. He's probably comparable to Torres and having a slightly worse year. And Torres doesn't whiff like that.
Back in school, you called him "Ramda Guy." He took pledging way too seriously and only dated sorority chickz. He struck out then too.
In right field is the right fielder, which works out very nicely. His name is Jay Bruce, and he shares Lucas Duda's prodiguous power, .240s batting average, awkward face, and such. He also looks awkward in the outfield, and his batting slump has been mirrored in right, but the numbers say he's not really bad at all, despite the occasional this...
With Duda, the numbers have tended to agree with the eyes.
Starting tonight against Chris Young is Mat Latos, a big husky righthander (6-6, 225 --- looks fatter) who sticks his tongue out when he pitches. He's 10-3 and has a bunch of tatts all over him. He's given up seven earnies over 22 1/3 over his last three starts. So he's on. He's good when he's healthy, but has had the occasional oblique betray him, and the Pads moved him to Cincy.
Note the inexplicably missing "t" in "Mat." Ugh. Power pitcher in the mid-nineties. Tyler Walker stuff. Keeps the ball down and gives up few homers, which the Mets hit infrequently enough already.
Tomorrow is Mike Leake, a mullet-wearing righthander who is the weak link here (and his kid Kelly is greasy rebel who shouldn't be allowed on a ball field). He throws it all --- four-seamer, sinker, cutter, slider, curve, change-up. The sinker is what beats you. Down and in. Lay off of that shit. Doesn't throw hard either. Chase him early.
Lastly is Homer Bailey, who's worn the odd mullet before also. He can make goofy Stan Laurel faces when he hits his release point (Google it yourself, I'm late for my train). He's a former big time prospect who ain't quite come around. Mid nineties heat that peaks at 97, but can never figure out how he wants to deliver it --- two seams, four seams, cutter, or sinking. He's a little like Pelfrey in that regard I guess.
I GOTTA GO!
