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You Must Have Fallen From Heaven

ScarletKnight41
Dec 14 2005 04:06 PM

[url=http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,11069-1927757,00.html]Because that explains how you messed up your face.[/url]

What's amazing to me is how this woman plans to jump again, after delivering the baby that she found out that she's carrying when they took her to the hospital after the crash.

Unbelievable!

Yancy Street Gang
Dec 14 2005 04:11 PM

I guess I didn't pay enough attention in Sex Education, but I didn't think that falling out of an airplane could make you pregnant.

seawolf17
Dec 14 2005 04:13 PM

It's not falling out of the plane that does it; it's having sex while falling out of the plane.

Yancy Street Gang
Dec 14 2005 04:36 PM

Huh! Then it's a wonder that I'm not pregnant.

metsmarathon
Dec 14 2005 05:17 PM

"Lieutenant Charles Williams, of the Irish Guards, survived falling 3,500ft in Kenya in 1994 when his feet got caught in the cords of his tangled parachute. His fall was broken by the roof of a shack and he escaped with three cracked vertebrae and a dislocated finger"

y'know, that dislocated finger has got to just be such a slap in the face. like getting into a car accident, breaking your leg, and spraining a toe. its so minor, yet i'm sure its a big ol' pain in the ass, and to heap it atop the rest of your injuries... sheesh!

Elster88
Dec 14 2005 05:25 PM

]When I hit the ground, my instructor ran over to me and he said I sat up, was talking to him, that I tried to get up and get around.


Holy shit! That is one tough mofo. Fucking John Abraham sits out the playoffs with a mild sprain, and this girl is walking around after hitting the ground at 50 MPH.

Elster88
Dec 14 2005 05:26 PM

This one made me crack up:

]Rudolf Hess, Hitler’s deputy, bailed out over Scotland during his mysterious flight in May 1941 and broke his ankle. He recovered but spent the rest of his life in jail.

MFS62
Dec 15 2005 07:27 AM

Its great to know that even if your parachute doesn't work, the ground will stop your fall.

Larer

Edgy DC
Dec 15 2005 08:07 AM

Well, the Hess thing has no place among "People Who Survived Great Parachute Mishaps." (A very young George Bush, who didn't climb fully out of his cockpit before deploying, and ended up cracking into the tail section of his plane, and almost snagging his chute there, is better, but still falls short.) Clearly Hess is there because he's Hess. Legend has it that he was captured by a farmer with a pitchfork, a scene that was parodied in To Be or Not To Be.

Frayed Knot
Dec 15 2005 10:04 AM

This is a good time for the Seinfeld joke about the general uselessness of wearing a helmet in skydiving. Jerry's view was that if the chute fails the helmet is now essentially wearing you!
After the crash the one helmet turns to the other and says; 'hey, good thing I was wearing this human under me to cushion the fall ... or else I could have really gotten hurt!'

MFS62
Dec 15 2005 10:15 AM

="Frayed Knot"]This is a good time for the Seinfeld joke about the general uselessness of wearing a helmet in skydiving. Jerry's view was that if the chute fails the helmet is now essentially wearing you!
After the crash the one helmet turns to the other and says; 'hey, good thing I was wearing this human under me to cushion the fall ... or else I could have really gotten hurt!'


When he was a satndup comic, Woody Allen had a routine about always carrying a bullet in his shirt pocket. One day he was passing by a building and someone threw a Bible out of a window that fell on him and hit him in the chest. Said Woody "If I hadn't been carrying the bullet, the Bible would have killed me".

Later

seawolf17
Dec 15 2005 10:19 AM

Admittedly, when I first saw this subject heading, I thought it was going to be a list of really bad pickup lines.

ScarletKnight41
Dec 15 2005 10:38 AM

wolf - that's because I was inspired by this Weird Al song -



I don't have a library card
But do you mind if I check you out?
I like your skeletal structure, baby
You're an ectomorph, no doubt

Your face is real symmetrical
And your nostils are so nice
I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl
So I could see you twice

Girl, you smell like Fritos
That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
You're so hot, you're gonna melt
The elastic in my underwear

I'll bet you're magically delicious
Like a bowl of Lucky Charms
You'd look like Venus de Milo
If I just cut off your arms
What I'm tryin' to say is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

Do you believe in love at first sight
Or should I walk by again?
My love for you's like diarrhea
I just can't hold it in

Stop, drop and roll now
'Cause baby, you're on fire
I'll bet your outfit
Makes a lot of noise in the drier

You're absolutely perfect
Don't speak now, you might spoil it
Your eyes are even bluer
Than the water in my toilet

Say, has anyone ever told you
You've got Yugoslavian hands?
No, of course not, that would be stupid
Just forget I ever brought it up
The point I'm trying to make is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

I wanna be your Krakatoa
Let my lava flow all over you
I wanna be your anaconda
And your heat-seeking missile too

I wanna be your beef burrito
Am I making this perfectly clear?
I wanna be your love torpedo
Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?
Uh huh

I hope I'm not being forward
But do you mind if I chew on your butt?
You can tell me truthfully
Am I a steamin' hunk of love now, or what?

There just aren't enough o's in "smooth"
To desribe how smooth I am
Maybe you've seen my picture
It's in the dictionary under "Kablaam!"

My lips are registered weapons
Can I invade your personal space?
You must have fallen from heaven
That would explain how you messed up your face

Well, how'd you get through security?
'Cause, baby, you're the bomb
I'd like to take you home right now
So you can meet my mom
Because I ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Girl, you must be Jamaican
Because Jamaican me crazy
Girl, you must be Jamaican (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Because Jamaican me crazy (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

Edgy DC
Dec 15 2005 10:41 AM

"Hey...somebody farted! You and me should get out of here."

Willets Point
Dec 15 2005 10:51 AM

Librarian pick up lines:

"Care to do a little shelf reading?"
"damn... you're stacked better than the Library of Congress"
"You must work at a busy library, cuz baby you just increased my circulation."
"As a librarian, I've learned to work very well with women. "
"Damn! You're so hot, I can't even imagine how fine you'd look in shoes that weren't sensible!"
"My budget just got cut, buy me a drink"

More than anyone should ever have to read.

MFS62
Dec 15 2005 11:02 AM

Willets Point wrote:
Librarian pick up lines:

"Care to do a little shelf reading?"
"damn... you're stacked better than the Library of Congress"
"You must work at a busy library, cuz baby you just increased my circulation."
"As a librarian, I've learned to work very well with women. "
"Damn! You're so hot, I can't even imagine how fine you'd look in shoes that weren't sensible!"
"My budget just got cut, buy me a drink"

More than anyone should ever have to read.


The turn down line most often heard from a woman programmer;
"Byte me"

Later

Willets Point
Dec 15 2005 11:06 AM

Is that a turn down or an invitation?

MFS62
Dec 15 2005 11:22 AM

Willets Point wrote:
Is that a turn down or an invitation?


Mmmm. Good point.
Let me think about that a while and I'll get back to ya'.

LOL!

Later

Frayed Knot
Dec 15 2005 11:32 AM

Woody Allen on oral contraception:

"I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no"