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KTE MFY LOL

Fman99 May 26 2013 07:29 PM

I know you've been drinking all day, Suze -- but lets go over some of my new home run calls and talk about how great these Damn Yankees are playing. Hard to believe a team made up of more spare parts than Joan Rivers could be playing this well, don't you agree? Thanks, John, this team has been a fun surprise this year, much like the time Joe Pepitone ate scrambled eggs off of my naked back that time. (shudders audibly) Well, we've had some respectable enough numbers from the catchers spot, between Francisco Cervelli (.269 BA, 3 HR, 8 RBIs) and Chris Stewart (.274, 3, 7). I was thinking of this call for Cervelli... "And it's Cervelli! Turns my sphincter to jelly!" Pretty good, John. That Chris Stewart sure is dreamy. I'd eat the onions out of his colostomy bag, if you know what I mean. I don't know what you mean, you twisted old deviant. But I can see you're getting all worked up, Suzie - so let's keep this thing moving. Teix is rehabbing and could be back this week, but Lyle Overbay has done enough to get by in the short term (.255, 8, 28). That's three seasons' worth of Ike Davis, for those of you counting at home. And my home run call for him is just a hoot! Here's what I've got. IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS... GONE! LYLE HITS IT OVER(BAY) THE FENCE! OK, that one sucks. Sorry. That's all right, John. I'd get Sparky with Lyle, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is, I'd let him pee on my furniture! Jeez Louise! On to the keystone, no doubt Robbie Cano (.286, 13, 34) is having another ridiculous season. My new call is "IT IS GONE! I 'CAN KNOW' THAT THAT ONE WENT PRETTY FAR!" Yeah! That's just great, John. I'll remember to tell that one to Hank the next time I'm at the Steinbrenner mansion, dressed up as a murdered hooker. At short we've missed the Captain, obviously, and Eduardo Nunez (.200, 0, 4) has been just a big pile of suck. And this beauty... IT IS GONE! BALL HIT FAR-DO BY EDUARDO! (Vomits into shoe) Next up, at third, some revolving door action of Kevin Youkilis (.266, 2, 7), David Adams (.306, 2 ,3) and Jayson Nix (.230, 1, 11). I think this one has lots of promise: IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR... IT IS GONE! HOMERS FROM NIX, MORE FUN THAN SUCKING (Wipes vomit onto Sterling's tie) I like it, John! Reminds me of the time that Don Mattingly spanked my ass at the Best Western in Yonkers. The outfield and DH slots have been the real winners in this lineup -- the reanimated corpses of Vernon Wells (.270, 10, 24) Ichiro (.243, 2, 8) and Travis Hafner (.269, 8, 25) and the return of Brett Gardner (.260, 4, 19) have helped carry the offense this year. My newest home run call for Hafner is pretty slick... IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS.... GONE! THAT WAS A SHOT AND A HALF(NER)! Get some self respect, would you please, John? This is more embarrassing than the time Billy Martin made me reenact Han and Leia scenes with him in his RV that time. On to this week's pitching matchups against the Mets, you dragoness. We've got Jon Niese on Monday against our own Phil Hughes (2-3 WL, 5.51 ERA). Not much to see there. Better matchup Tuesday, Harvey vs Hiroki Kuroda (6-3, 2.67), then Jeremy Hefner vs David Phelps (3-2, 3.96) on Wednesday and Gee versus Vidal Nuno (1-1, 1.93) on Thursday. Since only the first two games have pitchers hitting, I did come up with a good call for Kuroda in case he happens to go yard. IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS.... GONE! HIT THE HIRODI, JACK! (leans inconspicuously to one side of her chair and rips a gasser) Good stuff, John! Better than the time that Scott Brosius had my hymen surgically restored just so he could go to town on that thing. And, of course, there's our bullpen, solid as always. Set up from David Robertson, Boone Logan, Shawn Kelly, and a bunch of other sluts. Anchored by the man himself, back from his vacation of shagging flies in a full leg cast. OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS! OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS! MARIANO IS COMING OUT OF GEORGE'S BOOTH AND HE'S PUTTING ME IN A GARBAGE BAG AND TAKING ME TO HIS POOL! LOOK AT POSADA, HE KNEW! MARIANO IS BACK! WAIT, I CAN'T SWIM OR BREATHE IN YOUR POOL IN THIS BAG! AAAHAHAHAHA (garble gurgle gurgle) Thank God that's over.

Zvon May 26 2013 07:49 PM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Frayed Knot May 27 2013 05:43 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

You are a sick, perverted, and disgusting person ... and I vote that you do all the KTEs for the remainder of the season.

Lefty Specialist May 27 2013 07:31 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

My wife wants to know why I've been giggling like a schoolgirl for the last ten minutes.

MFS62 May 27 2013 07:43 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

We're all happy that the attendants loosened the restraint straps on your sleeves so you could type that. Later

G-Fafif May 27 2013 09:09 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Lefty Specialist wrote: My wife wants to know why I've been giggling like a schoolgirl for the last ten minutes. This very same scenario played out here.

batmagadanleadoff May 27 2013 10:12 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

This KTE is funny. Because it's true.

metirish May 27 2013 10:17 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Brilliant...... " the fingerman can , the fingerman can, oh Jason you knocked it out of the basin"

themetfairy May 27 2013 11:16 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Well played!

Frayed Knot May 27 2013 02:50 PM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Yanx just called up something named David Huff (claimed off waivers from Cleveland) to give them a 3rd LHP in the pen for this series. I guess when he's this hot, no one pitcher can be expected to hold down Ike Davis. Ben Francisco, the one homeless, aging drifter they picked up this winter who is NOT going through some unexplained renaissance over the first two months (5 for 44), was dropped to make room. But other than Robertson & Rivera in the 8th & 9th, I'm almost totally clueless about who's coming out of their pen on a nightly basis these days or in what roles: David Phelps - although he's starting right now with Pettitte out Shawn Kelley - obviously a refugee from an old boxing movie side-winding lefty Boone Logan - refugee from a moon-shining movie Adam Warren (really?) Preston Clairborne - No, I didn't make this one up. I guess he's responsible for mixing the martinis out there (LHP) Vidal Nuno - who maybe styles hair for all the Latin players when not in use, I dunno

G-Fafif May 27 2013 03:02 PM Re: KTE MFY LOL

MFYs calling in Oscar Gamble to work with David Huff. Want to have them ready for the Philly series.

metsguyinmichigan May 28 2013 05:09 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

I waited until this morning to read this. Bad move. I was laughing so hard that I started choking, worrying my wife as she was getting dressed for work. But I guess it's better than had I read it at work. Once I resumed breathing, I could say "FMan's KTE on the Yankees is a mix-up of Sterling horrible homer calls and Suzyn Waldman's perverted Yankee sex" and she knows what I was talking about. Had I read it at work, I'd have to start with, "Well, there's a guy named FMan who runs a lot but writes a lot of perverted things, through his children are adorable. And he's writing about the Yankees' announcers and their sex habits, but it's really about the series with the Mets....." and co-workers would start moving away and I'd be in the boss' office. Which poor bastard has to write the KTE that follows this one?

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr May 28 2013 12:38 PM Re: KTE MFY LOL

You had me at "Joe Pepitone." You had me by the short and curlies at "onions out of his colostomy bag." Good f*cking show, old man.

Mets – Willets Point May 29 2013 10:26 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Well, there's a guy named FMan who runs a lot but writes a lot of perverted things, through his children are adorable. I think FMan has a new signature. Tastelessly done as always, FMan.

G-Fafif May 29 2013 10:29 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Since these are technically two different series, please revisit the theme ASAP.

Frayed Knot May 29 2013 11:11 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Let's see now ... - Joba has been re-activated which means some guy (probably one I've never heard of) was sent down to make room but I neither know nor care which. - And we probably shouldn't count on not scoring until the 8th or 9th innings and expect to win. The strategy of constructing a winning streak by scoring 4 runs over 2 games (or 8 runs over 3) not only doesn't carry you very far but it's tougher to pull off with the likes of Hefner & Gee than it is with Niese & Harvey (or even Marcum). - Oh, and we'll be playing DH rules for the next two days so say hello to lots of Travis Hafner That's all I got.

Edgy MD May 29 2013 11:28 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Mets to DH Lucas and get some outfield starts for Jordany and Lagares, I guess. FUN FACT! Rick Ankiel, whose been here about 10 minutes, now leads 2013 Mets in plate appearance as a centerfielder. And it's a dogfight! Four guys within four plate appearance of one another. Speaks to how relatively early it still is and how up in the air that position is. [list:py1eu8t4][*:py1eu8t4]Rick Ankiel: 46 PA[/*:m:py1eu8t4] [*:py1eu8t4]Collin Cowgill: 46 PA[/*:m:py1eu8t4] [*:py1eu8t4]Jordany Valdespin: 44 PA[/*:m:py1eu8t4] [*:py1eu8t4]Juan Lagares: 42 PA[/*:m:py1eu8t4] [*:py1eu8t4]Kirk Nieuwenhuis: 11 PA[/*:m:py1eu8t4] [*:py1eu8t4]Marlon Byrd: 7 PA[/*:m:py1eu8t4][/list:u:py1eu8t4]

Mets – Willets Point May 29 2013 11:28 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Frayed Knot wrote: Let's see now ... - Joba has been re-activated which means some guy (probably one I've never heard of) was sent down to make room but I neither know nor care which. - And we probably shouldn't count on not scoring until the 8th or 9th innings and expect to win. The strategy of constructing a winning streak by scoring 4 runs over 2 games (or 8 runs over 3) not only doesn't carry you very far but it's tougher to pull off with the likes of Hefner & Gee than it is with Niese & Harvey (or even Marcum). - Oh, and we'll be playing DH rules for the next two days so say hello to lots of Travis Hafner That's all I got. There's not a single kinky Suzyn Waldman joke in this post.

Fman99 May 29 2013 03:12 PM Re: KTE MFY LOL

These updates are great, gang! Almost as great as the time that Tom Tresh spoon fed me butterscotch pudding while dressed like an extra from the movie Caligula. That got my giant granny panties wetter than the corpse in Mo's pool! THE CLITORIS IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS GONE! OH MY! AN ORGASM FOR THE PHANTASM! A GUSH FOR THE LUSH! YOWSERS!

bmfc1 May 29 2013 08:57 PM Re: KTE MFY LOL

I had the misfortune of listening to the MFY broadcast in the car tonight. Waldman said "tomorrow in the final of the game...." You mean the finale of the series? Sterling said that "if the Mets win tomorrow, they have a chance to sweep the series." That's true--if they win, they have a 100% chance of sweeping the series.

Frayed Knot May 29 2013 09:01 PM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Did Sterling have any clue on Byrd's HR? I could see him calling that one an out, an upper deck HR, a grounder to 2nd, or anything in between.

bmfc1 May 30 2013 05:37 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Frayed Knot wrote: Did Sterling have any clue on Byrd's HR? I could see him calling that one an out, an upper deck HR, a grounder to 2nd, or anything in between. I wasn't in the car then.

Ceetar May 30 2013 07:43 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Frayed Knot wrote: Did Sterling have any clue on Byrd's HR? I could see him calling that one an out, an upper deck HR, a grounder to 2nd, or anything in between. I don't listen to WFAN at all anymore. anyone still like to replay Sterling's home run calls? I might tune in for it.

Ceetar May 30 2013 07:47 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

duh, I have Gameday audio and provides radio archives. found it. he called it fine/perfectly. boo.

Edgy MD May 30 2013 08:10 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

The thing about Sterling is that he's just working from a different perspective from us all. He has an absolutely different idea of what the mission of a ball team's radio announcer is supposed to be, and George Steinbrenner probably hired him personally and agreed with that notion of the mission. And a lot of the Yankees brass is probably just as embarrassed by his bizarre shtick as you and you and you are (and frankly, myself, as well), but he's still got enough juice with what's left of George M.'s old guard to live in safety. And there's probably no small portion of the fanbase who is loyal to him, because they've long since accepted that, if it's the way the Yankees have done these many years, damn it, it's the right way to do things.

Frayed Knot May 30 2013 08:24 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

It's gone beyond Sterling's schtick at this point (which some Yanui fans hate as much as anyone), it's that he's just not a very good announcer anymore. He'll call hits foul that fell fair by nine feet; balls caught in front of the track are described as ten rows deep; he'll blatantly mis-call a play and then either make no apology for it or come up with some cock-eyed excuse that that particular booth's vantage point is a bit askew, or the clouds got in his eyes or something. And Suzyn will never correct him because there's some sort of deference thing going on there. He was good at one point. He still has the voice for it (at 70-whatever although he won't disclose his true age) and he knows the game itself well enough, but his eye-sight is going or his attention span wanes or something because his mistakes now are so common and laughable that they've become fodder for parlor and/or drinking games.

Ceetar May 30 2013 08:27 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

I don't dislike Sterling, although him blowing calls like that is still a bad thing, shtick aside. Whenever I hear him talking outside of calling games, he seems reasonably intelligent and like he really understands the game. But there's gotta be a reasonable baseline of bringing you key details right? The Mets were off a couple of weeks ago, and I was going to pick up 3-Chica's burritos in Wyckoff (Chicken burritos, wet, fyi), about a 15 minute trip from home. I listened to the radio all the way there, got out just before the inning was over to get my food (so missed the inning summary) and it wasn't until the inning ended again 3 minutes from home on the way back that I figured out what the score was. This including what must have been putting tying runs on base.

John Cougar Lunchbucket May 30 2013 08:30 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

I LOVE John Sterling, and I'm terrified of those reports suggesting the MFYs will dump him after this year. I'm serious, I really like listening to him. I like that he's ridiculously pompous and gets confused way too often. I like that he never appears on camera anymore but always wears a suit to the ballpark. I like the way he says "Thuh-uh pitch.. a fast strike..." I often agree with him when he says "Y'know Suzyn, you just can't predict baseball. You can't!" I admire him for so shamelessly serving up cheese, knowing by now that everyone expects it from him. I like that there's someone out there with the balls to think we're actually entertained when the announcer tortures himself just to come up with this: "Oh, Lyle hits it a mile! I love it! I Lyle-love it!"

Ceetar May 30 2013 08:39 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

I just hope Lyle homers to LF against the Mariners so we can get a "Overbay homers Over Bay!"

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr May 30 2013 08:40 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

He yis what he yis, for sure. I wouldn't go so far as JCL, but... well... I very much appreciate what he brings to the table.

Edgy MD May 30 2013 08:46 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

JCL touches on what I'm trying to say. I wouldn't say I share his terror, but... . Waldman's deference creeps me out, though. Sometimes she disappears for an entire inning and I forget she's there, and she just feeds him some stats from the data sheet she really doesn't seem to understand or doesn't seem to think it's her role to, but rather she's setting him up to pontificate on. She's like an assistant director who gets to occasionally be part of the show just to keep things colorful and familial --- like Gellman or Biff Henderson. But I also have to say, much as I may snicker at Fman's deveiancy, the fact that she's a very rare woman doing what she does, and she's getting hammered with sexual innuendo, makes me more than a little uncomfortable. And the idea that the only(?) woman regularly working an in-game broadcast booth is taking the role of a subservient toady to a pompous caricature of a sonorous baritone dude almost makes it worse than not having any women at all. As much as the Yankees deserve credit for crossing that line, they deserve perhaps an equal amount of discredit for how they crossed it.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr May 30 2013 08:53 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Edgy MD wrote: Waldman's deference creeps me out, though... the idea that the only(?) woman regularly working an in-game broadcast booth is taking the role of a subservient toady to a pompous caricature of a sonorous baritone dude almost makes it worse than not having any women at all. Oh, yes. A bit like, "Would you rather have this party mixtape be woman-free, or would you rather have a little 'Wives And Lovers,' 'He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss),' and 'Put It In Your Mouth' on there?"

Benjamin Grimm May 30 2013 09:15 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Wow... I've never listened to him. I don't even know what his voice sounds like.

Swan Swan H May 30 2013 09:22 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Here's a pretty good example of Sterling in full befuddlement. [youtube:343otzuo]XWkoN6xQDn8[/youtube:343otzuo]

Fman99 May 30 2013 09:31 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

Edgy MD wrote: But I also have to say, much as I may snicker at Fman's deveiancy, the fact that she's a very rare woman doing what she does, and she's getting hammered with sexual innuendo, makes me more than a little uncomfortable. In my own defense, I did a KTE a few years ago that was a mock conversation on "Loudmouths" between Adam Schein and Chris Carlin and it had an equal amount of crass sexual humor. I don't discriminate. As far as I'm concerned, if you're on TV or the radio talking about baseball, and you're not Cohen, Rose, Ron, Keith or Josh, you're just another paid Moe with a (cartoonishly awesome) dick in your mouth.

Frayed Knot May 30 2013 10:16 AM Re: KTE MFY LOL

I LOVE John Sterling, and I'm terrified of those reports suggesting the MFYs will dump him after this year. I'm serious, I really like listening to him. I like that he's ridiculously pompous and gets confused way too often. I like that he never appears on camera anymore but always wears a suit to the ballpark. I like the way he says "Thuh-uh pitch.. a fast strike..." I often agree with him when he says "Y'know Suzyn, you just can't predict baseball. You can't!" I admire him for so shamelessly serving up cheese, knowing by now that everyone expects it from him. I like that there's someone out there with the balls to think we're actually entertained when the announcer tortures himself just to come up with this: "Oh, Lyle hits it a mile! I love it! I Lyle-love it!" Sure, but you'd be less forgiving if he were YOUR team's announcer. I get a kick out of him too, mainly because I only occasionally hear him, I don't take his multitude of mistakes personally, and I know how much he pisses off a certain pct of YLDB nation. Waldman's deference creeps me out, though. Sometimes she disappears for an entire inning and I forget she's there, and she just feeds him some stats from the data sheet she really doesn't seem to understand or doesn't seem to think it's her role to, but rather she's setting him up to pontificate on. She's like an assistant director who gets to occasionally be part of the show just to keep things colorful and familial --- like Gellman or Biff Henderson. Thing is, that's exactly what she was hired to do. When Sterling & Kay were teamed up on the radio they split p-b-p and color duties and it was probably the inability of the booth to hold both egos that prompted the break-up and Kay move to main man at YES. So they hired Waldman but, rather than split the p-b-p 7/2 or 6/3, Sterling had his contract call for him doing all nine every game* while Suzyn, who had been in radio for years but never live sports**, was in there just to read the stats plus the ever-increasing load of on-air ads they shoe-horn in each half-inning: 'and that failed sacrifice bunt was brought to you by ...' * Sterling has never missed a single game since being hired I think in the late '80s ** Sterling previously spent many years announcing Braves baseball, Hawks basketball, and even Islanders hockey