Jun 21 2013 10:43 AM
The Breakdown:
The season's only just turned to summer, but to Phils fans, it must seem like it's been the longest day of the year for at least a month now. They've seen the long shadow of the DL all season long; Halladay's gone for the year, Utley's been gone for a month, and Ruiz has been around less often than opposing scouts checking out Cliff Lee as a rent boy. Even the ones who've made it to the field more often than not-- Howard, Rollins, Mike Adams-- have been gritting their teeth when they swing or throw. 
"I never thought I'd be doing this [Purses lips]... but it's really kind of fun." [Unbuttons shirt slowly] [Puts on another team's shirt]
It's not surprising, then, that for the last month, they've been squeezing out a product that belongs in cans with white labels. They've been bad-if-not-humorously-bad with both bat and glove: 18th in the league in team wOBA; 19th in pitching WAR/23rd in ERA. They've made... um... interesting personnel decisions: Young pitch-to-contact specialist Jon Petitbone pitches to way too much contact (36 hits-- 12 for extra bases-- in 25 innings over the last month) and keeps his rotation slot; older, higher-ceiling Tyler Cloyd comes up, delivers 4 Quality Starts (that are actual quality starts) in 6... and gets sent back down.
So how are they just shy of .500, 5 games up on Metsie, and a full 4 games above their Pythagorean projections? Probably a big, griddle-fried, sauteed-onion-stinkin', pork-byproduct-crusted pile of chopped, Grade B luck. But don't tell Ruben Amaro that.
| "If I have to make changes, it's about going sideways," Amaro said. "If I have to go sideways to get better for later on, then that's something I have to consider." |
LET'S GO HALF-MEASURES! [Clap, clap, clapclapclap]
The Ups:
-- RF Domonic Brown. .271/.316/.536, with 19 HRs, and 8 SBs in 9 tries. There's more breakout here than in a roomful of 13-year-olds watching The Great Escape.
Not pictured: Ball, hiding in the clubhouse closet. Because it's scared.
-- 3B Michael Young. .290/.357/.402 doesn't seem like much... but in 66 games! This guy! In the field, no less!
--Um... Mayberry? Kevin Frandsen? Or maybe one of the guys-- Steven Lerud? Cesar Hernandez-- who achieved his life's dream by reaching the majors for a week? LET'S GO, PERSPECTIVE! [Clap, clap, clapclapclap]
"SOME THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT, GUYS! [Sexually assault mailbox]"
The Downs:
-- Guys In Masks. Erik Kratz (.229/.290/.436, with iffy defense) and Humberto Quintero (.245/.288/.367, with iffier defense) have been pretty tough to stomach (22% combined CS%, 0.3 combined WAR). Between that and a Kratz owie last week, the situation's gotten so dire that Carlos Ruiz was forced back into action from a half-healed hamstring injury (he's "almost running normal")... and he's toting sub-.300 OBP and slugging numbers for the abbreviated season.
-- OFs Who Are Not Domonic Brown. What's your flavor? Big and mediocre? Little and squirmy and swings at everything? Or wide and likely diabetic and swings at everything?
-- Training/Medical Staff. FIRE THEM ALL! BOO! BOOOOOOOO!
"See, kids, what you have to do is lift with your back."
The Matchups:
Friday, 6/21: Oklahoma OK vs.
LHP Cole Hamels (15 GS, 94 IP, 2-10 record, 4.40 ERA, 1.27 WHIP, 89 K/28 BB, 12 HR allowed, 89 ERA+): Living behind in the count this year, and getting pounded-- especially by right-handers-- where he lives.
? No one knows what it's like... to be the bad man... to be the be the sad man... behind purse dogs ?
Saturday, 6/22: Gee, You Smell Unhorrific vs.
RHP Jonathan Pettibone (11 GS, 61 1/3 IP, 3-3 record, 4.40 ERA, 1.52 WHIP, 38 K/21 BB, 8 HR allowed, 89 ERA+): On the plus side, he's around the plate a lot; on the minus side, he's around the plate a LOT, and has some of the league's worst swing-and-miss numbers. Three subpar starts in his last four, which-- along with the low upside-- has people considering bringing up... um... an old friend to replace him in the rotation.
Sunday, 6/23: HarveyDay! vs.
LHP John Lannan (4 GS, 19 2/3 IP, 0-1 record, 5.49 ERA, 1.27 WHIP, 11 K/3 BB, 1 HR allowed, 72 ERA+): Staten Island's Own. After a month on the DL, he's just excited to be back.
"Sure, I'm a pro, but I'm not sticking my neck out for these guys."
Catching Up With The "Guys?" In The Bullpen (brought to you by Camel In The Office)
"Some of these Guys, guys, turn over like they're ballpark franks in a dryer. Guys like sinister Antonio Bastardo, sore Mike Adams, and simian Jonathan Papelbon, you know, probably. Guys like Chad Durbin and Raul Valdes? They used to work here, but not anymore. Guys like Justin De Fratus are great at striking out minor-league hitters, customizing their paddles, and giving wedgies to new Guys like Jake Diekman. Guys like Michael Stutes and Joe Savery, you've seen them before, but you don't know where exactly-- it's okay, they get that a lot. You don't like these Guys? Just wait a month."
LGM.