Jul 19 2013 09:23 AM
Edited 2 time(s), most recently on Jul 19 2013 02:29 PM
The Breakdown:
Still floating along around .500-- AT .500, exactly, actually-- and still outrunning a pretty huge run-differential deficit in doing so. Still getting weird, spurty production from a motley crew of roster-fringe and the odd AAA-refugee scalawag. Still getting torrid months from buccaneers whose peglegs break immediately afterward. Particular changing currents of each month aside, this month's Band of Broad-ers is pretty much who they've been since Opening Day-- an aging team with some very salable parts and some very-prone-to-minge-and-rust parts, with little in the high minors by way of reinforcement. So, y'know, it makes total sense that their Roster-Captain couldn't have less of a sense of direction if you spun him around and punctured his eardrums.
| “I think we’re playing OK and we’re getting pretty good starting pitching,” Amaro said. “If Cole pitches the way he has and Lee continues the way he was pitching, and Pettibone keeps it up, we can be optimistic.” |
"Wait, no, I think I've got this.. your card is a... playing card, right?" [Beams]
Who will fill Ryan Howard's considerable shoes? Who will fill Ben Revere's adorably-less-considerable shoes? Who will clean the shoes of the bullpen, so that they don't smell so consistently of shit?
| “How do I do it? I don’t know. We’ll find out. I’m the GM. I’m supposed to be able to do this stuff I guess.” |
So, band-aids at first and center (mostly Mayberry and Ruf, respectively), and let's see if that works out, and we'll talk again about it at some point soon, when things make themselves evident; he's either playing serious poker, or he's preparing a 10-year/$200 million extension for Utley. Outside of that one magical November night camping and sharing ghost stories in the Poconos, I'm not sure I've ever felt closer to Sandy Alderson.
What's Going On:
-- People Startin' Somethin'. 6th-best ERA, 5th-best FIP, and the fewest walks in the majors over the last month; you have to earn your way onto and around the bases against this group. Heck, excise Doc Halladay's numbers from the first two months, and you've got the second-best starting ERA in the majors (3.59).
"WHY WASN'T JOHN LENNON ON THE ALL-STAR TEAM? AAAASS-HOLE! AAAASS-HOLES!"
--Chutley. Call him Chud-ley, because he refuses to die, and even in a wasted season, even while hurt 1/3 of the year, he's poking his head out of the figurative manhole often enough to lead the team in WAR, and has put up 30 XBH in less than half a season.
--Ben Revere and Ryan How--oh. They were doing really, REALLY well, guys. (Over the last 30 days, respectively: .378 wOBA and .388/.411/.456; .409 wOBA, .300/.368/.622.)
-- What the hell is a Darin Ruf? Massive dude, with massive platoon splits in the minors (smacks lefties, caresses righties lovingly), but putting up maSSSive numbers in the 9 games since replacing Ryan Howard at first (2 HRs, 3 doubles, .321/.441/.643 in 35 PAs). His parents named him after a suggestion from a family friend who's also a video-game fake-name generator. Also, I'm about 30% sure he ate a hobbled Ben Revere.
"Wait a sec-- that little brown dude on the table WASN'T pastrami?" [Lowers eyes]
What's Going Bad:
-- Ersatz MVPs Who's gone for a sub-.550 OPS over the last two months, and has been the worst SS in the league over the last 30 days? It's not Freddy Galvis.
-- Bullpen. Well, the "bull" part is right. (2nd-to-NL-worst 4.39 ERA and 4-plus walks per 9.)
-- Team Supplement Suppliers. Who does a guy have to vomit on to get some GOOD glucosamine and calcium?
"What's for dinner, skip? Subway? Again? Great."
The Matchups:
Friday, 7/19: Huge Hefner vs.
RHP Kyle Kendrick (19 GS, 124 2/3 IP, 8-6 record, 3.68 ERA, 1.26 WHIP, 74 K/30 BB, 12 HR allowed, 105 ERA+): He's doing pretty well, averaging 6-plus innings a start, and only 75-decibel booing per home appearance. And all this, while fighting a pretty severe, almost-certainly-debilitating case of Hamelsspousen Syndrome.
I blame bad jeans.
Saturday, 7/20: WheelerDay! vs.
LHP Cole Hamels (20 GS, 129 IP, 4-11 record, 4.05 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, 118 K/34 BB, 15 HR allowed, 95 ERA+): The K numbers are back up, the walks are back down, and he's been the best starter in red for a month and a half. TINY-DOG FOOD FOR EVERYBODY, ON HIM!
Sunday, 7/21: HarveyDay! vs.
LHP Cliff Lee (19 GS, 138 2/3 IP, 10-3 record, 2.86 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 125 K/21 BB, 13 HR allowed, 135 ERA+): Keeping the ball down, keeping the usual control, mixing speeds nicely. He's doing all right this year, Mr. Lee is. This could be... fun.
And if there's one thing Cliff Lee knows... it's fun.
Catching Up With The "Guys?" In The Bullpen (brought to you by Volunteering Semi-Erect Dracula)
"Guys like Antonio Bastardo are doing their thing, while Guys like Oz Buckshank are doing something else... entirely. Guys... like Torque "Donkey Teeth" LeWith and Quatro Earl Quatro are struggling some... Does someone have an updated media guide, Guys? This one's from two weeks ago-- these names can't be right, can they? And what's with the smell in here, Guys? It's like these Guys didn't take out the garbage over the All-Star Break. Some Guys have to look into this here-- it's terrible. They've got to do better, I don't care who knows it. This is just distracting, Guys."
LGM.
