Aug 26 2013 12:14 PM
Edited 2 time(s), most recently on Aug 26 2013 12:58 PM
The Breakdown:
Well, I guess you can't say that Ruben Amaro doesn't make tough decisions anymore. Not so much "tough" meaning "emotionally difficult," though, yeah, there's that, too. More like, "difficult to swallow," or "requiring some serious testicular heft to carry out." More like, "nonsensical and difficult to absorb," two-mothers-bring-their-baby-dispute-to-Solomon-and-he-decides-to-throw-them-both-in-a-river tough. Not bringing-in-emergency-position-player-help-to-try-and-contend tough, or once-deciding-not-to-contend-selling-useful-assets-like-Papelbon-or-Michael-Young tough, but firing-someone-else-for-your-mistakes tough. Oh, and signing your injury-ravaged 35-year-old second-baseman to an in-season contract extension. A man-sized one.
To be fair, the Utley extension is pretty smartly constructed (2 years base; yearly options for the next three years vesting according to playing/DL time). Also, though, to be fair, Ruben Amaro built a team out of chicken shit and fired the chef who made a restaurant-quality sandwich out of it. And then cried at that chef's press conference.
"Sometimes... it's just hard to lie publicly to save your own job, y'know? Right, Charlie?"
But hey, maybe he's onto something with the Ryno hire (to replace a guy who had the team seven games above its Pythagorean-record projection):
Team batting numbers, season to date: .248/.304/.391
Team batting numbers, last week: .240/.325/.399
And they're playing .600 ball over the last ten games, people! RUBEN AMARO IS TEN PHUCKIN' STEPS AHEAD OF US ALL.
Not so his team, though-- they're in fourth, just behind our just-been-swept favorites.
What's Going On:
-- This is Ruf-fing Awesome. 11 HRs and a .272/.360/.543 line in 42 games of service, a half-credible defensive job given his Dudaish frame, AND enough windpower-y clean energy to fuel Manayunk (30% K-rate)? SCORE. (At .275/.325/.521 and 27 HRs, Dom Brown's doing a-ight, too.)
-- Bullpen. Sure, a 3.56 ERA and 7th-worst cumulative WAR in the league may not sound like much, but it's a vast improvement over the 5-plus ERA, Miley-Cyrus-live-performance-quality horrorshow that preceded it.
Closer Jonathan Papelbon celebrates another shutdown ninth inning(AP)
--Security. No more. No more field invasions. No more vomit on their watch. Not one... more... drop.
--Leadership. Fundies! Fungo! Old-time, dirt-on-pants, cleats-in-the-crotch baseball! Running-like-your-pants-are-on-fire-because-of-the-lies-you-told baseball! Tears-on-the-dais baseball!
What's Going Bad:
-- Wannabes Starting Something. Major-league worst 5.57 ERA (4.45 FIP/4.21 xFIP) and 6-11 record over the last 30 days.
-- Beat writers. Twitter feuding with phans, accusing Ken Griffey Jr. of steroid use, race-baiting-then-backpedaling-then-race-baiting-again... Marcus Hayes sounds like the best person in Philly ball-coverage since Bill Conlin.
-- Disabled-List Off-hand Bowling Team Depth. The Jimmy "Rollin's" are really, really going to miss Big Roy.
"And we have the semi-finals against Doubleheader Splits on Tuesday, too."
The Matchups:
Monday, 8/26: WheelerDay vs.
LHP Cliff Lee (24 GS, 170 2/3 IP, 10-6 record, 3.16 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, 157 K/27 BB, 18 HR allowed, 120 ERA+): Some backsliding of late, in terms of longball rate. But still... 32 strikeouts and 6 walks over the last month, and no wins to show for it. I'm sure he's as thrilled he stayed at the trade deadline as he will be to come back to Queens.
Great to be here, Ed!
Tuesday, 8/27: Hawkman Returns vs.
RHP Kyle Kendrick (26 GS, 159 2/3 IP, 10-10 record, 4.51 ERA, 1.37 WHIP, 92 K/37 BB, 16 HR allowed, 84 ERA+): Eating innings like Joey Chestnut does hot dogs-- prodigiously, and sloppily. Over the last month, the league's hitters look like Miguel Cabrera against him (.390/.420/.524 and 55 total bases surrendered in 5 games).
Wednesday, 8/28: It Tastes Better When You Say "GYEE-Ro" vs.
LHP Cole Hamels: (27 GS, 179 IP, 5-13 record, 3.62 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 158 K/42 BB, 17 HR allowed, 105 ERA+):
2.52 ERA and a 5-to-1 K-to-BB ratio since baseball's best came to Flushing. And at 50 innings in 7 starts, he's been a big red-striped workhorse in a dirty-blond-highlight-sporting My Little Pony body.
"Tough question. If pressed, I guess I'd have to say that I'm more of a Princess Celestia, though some days-- SOME days-- I'm more of a Rainbow Dash."
Thursday, 8/29: HarveyDay! vs.
RHP Ethan Martin (5 GS, 21 1/3 IP, 2-2 record, 6.33 ERA, 1.78 WHIP, 23 K/13 BB, 6 HR allowed, 61 ERA+): 24 years old, athletic, #49 in your scorebook, obtained in the Victorino trade from the Doyers last year. Brings a 92-95 mph fastball with some run (that straightens out as it gets harder) and hard, occasionally batter-shaming slider to the table; with his imprecise delivery and release point, puts more men on than a manic Rich Little.
Catching Up With The "Guys?" In The Bullpen (brought to you by Pneumatic Lawn Guyland Car Dealership Girl)
"These Guys, they're performing a little better since we saw them last, but... well... Guys? This place smells like liniment and despair and self-loathing. It reminds me a little of Hagin's old apartment, really. Can you get me out of here, Guys?"
LGM.
