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The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

G-Fafif Aug 29 2013 07:17 AM

All-time Houston Astro great Rusty Staub has been named grand marshal of the Non-Championship Parade for 2013, honoring the procession of teams that have definitively marched out of championship consideration. Rusty's Houston Astros have the honor of starting the parade, having been eliminated from playoff contention on August 28.

G-Fafif Sep 03 2013 10:31 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Original Florida Marlin Dave Magadan leads the next unit in the Non-Championship Parade for 2013, honoring the procession of teams that have definitively marched out of championship consideration. Dave's Miami Marlins march second in this year's parade, having been eliminated from playoff contention on September 3.

G-Fafif Sep 08 2013 04:06 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Erstwhile World Champion J.C. Martin joins another parade, the one that leads as far away from ticker-tape as possible. His Chicago Cubs become the third team eliminated from championship consideration in 2013, falling definitively away on September 8.

G-Fafif Sep 08 2013 05:43 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Robin Ventura makes sure the Second City is well-represented in the Non-Championship Parade, leading his White Sox completely out of championship contention hours after the Cubs departed on September 8.

Zvon Sep 08 2013 07:04 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Ventura looks like such a putz in that picture.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 08 2013 09:02 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

The fact that he's wearing a uniform that probably wouldn't pass for a t-shirt from Old Navy is part of it. The puss too, though.

G-Fafif Sep 10 2013 10:26 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Ken Sanders has been awarded the honor of leading the Milwaukee Brewers into the non-championship parade following their exit from 2013 championship contention on September 10.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 11 2013 08:49 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

The Brewers (and the Padres) perhaps got the ugliest color scheme in those 1972 cards. They're so ugly that I just love them.

G-Fafif Sep 11 2013 04:39 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Jeff Kent has jumped on his motorcycle to lead the no-longer-defending World Champion San Francisco Giants into the non-championship parade, coinciding with the Giants' elimination from 2013 championship consideration the afternoon of September 11. UPDATE: Kent denies he's on his motorcycle, but insists he's driving his freshly washed pickup truck.

G-Fafif Sep 11 2013 08:19 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Yeah, Marv Throneberry knows why he was asked to lead his New York Mets into the non-championship parade. They were eliminated from 2013 championship consideration on the evening of September 11. They didn't touch second, either.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 11 2013 08:29 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

ow

G-Fafif Sep 11 2013 10:03 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Armando Reynoso scurries to lead his Colorado Rockies into the non-championship parade, their 2013 championship considerations having actually evaporated hours before Marv Throneberry's New York Mets did on September 11, but you know how Marv is about paying heed to generally accepted running and marching routes.

G-Fafif Sep 13 2013 09:06 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Rick Aguilera happily jogs in from the bullpen to lead the Minnesota Twins into 2013's non-championship parade. Aggie's Twinkies were eliminated from championship consideration on September 13.

G-Fafif Sep 14 2013 06:11 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Del Unser comes off the bench to lead the Philadelphia Phillies into the 2013 non-championship parade. Del's Phils took a contention powder upon their September 14 elimination from championship consideration.

G-Fafif Sep 14 2013 06:13 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Jerry Morales swings by to lead the San Diego Padres into the 2013 non-championship parade. The Pads founds the odds officially overwhelming when they were mathematically eliminated from championship consideration on September 14.

Fman99 Sep 14 2013 08:10 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

G-Fafif wrote: Yeah, Marv Throneberry knows why he was asked to lead his New York Mets into the non-championship parade. They were eliminated from 2013 championship consideration on the evening of September 11. They didn't touch second, either. This update always hurts the most. Going on seven years since it wasn't the case.

G-Fafif Sep 14 2013 11:30 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013 Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Oct 20 2013 08:35 AM

John Olerud calmly walks at the head of the Seattle Mariners' unit that joins the 2013 non-championship parade. Oly's M's became essential to the festivities when they were eliminated from championship consideration on September 14.

G-Fafif Sep 17 2013 11:10 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Despite the best efforts of North American hero R.A. Dickey, Jackson Todd has been tabbed by Canadian authorities to lead the Toronto Blue Jays into 2013's non-championship parade. Dickey took care of some pressing MFY business on September 17, but the Jays crossed the border away from championship consideration and into mathematical oblivion

John Cougar Lunchbucket Sep 18 2013 06:17 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

This is a great parade. Although the representative of the Mets is dead at the present time.

G-Fafif Sep 18 2013 09:23 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: This is a great parade. Although the representative of the Mets is dead at the present time. Which probably explains his befuddlement at being asked to participate.

G-Fafif Sep 21 2013 09:04 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Bernard Gilkey recognizes the Arizona Diamondbacks' playoff chances, once so hot that they needed a dip in the Chase Field swimming pool, are now all wet. As consolation, Gilk gets to lead the D'Backs' contingent into the 2013 non-championship parade, what with those Snakes slithering out of championship consideration on September 20, one day after a few of them rattled with rage at various chlorinated celebratory antics.

G-Fafif Sep 21 2013 09:44 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Contrary to rumors that a Mo Vaughn float is being constructed to ride in the 2014 Tournament of Roses, the actual Mo Vaughn has been spotted leading the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim into the 2013 non-championship parade. The Angels qualified for the processional when they stopped conceivably qualifying for 2013 championship consideration on September 21.

G-Fafif Sep 24 2013 05:46 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Lastings Milledge grabs the baton and marches at the head of the Washington Nationals contingent in the 2013 non-championship parade. Lastings's Nats became eligible to get in line when they exited championship consideration on September 23.

MFS62 Sep 24 2013 09:59 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

I keep checking this thread, hoping to see Duke Carmel's card. Later

G-Fafif Sep 25 2013 05:47 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Jack Fisher and Jim Dwyer join forces to lead the Baltimore Orioles into the non-championship parade. The Birds flew far from championship consideration when they were eliminated on September 24.

Edgy MD Sep 25 2013 07:42 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Booo! I was hoping the O's would at least outlast the Yankees.

Edgy MD Sep 25 2013 07:44 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

G-Fafif wrote: Contrary to rumors that a Mo Vaughn float is being constructed to ride in the 2014 Tournament of Roses, the actual Mo Vaughn has been spotted leading the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim into the 2013 non-championship parade. The Angels qualified for the processional when they stopped conceivably qualifying for 2013 championship consideration on September 21. And really, could Mo Vaughn have signed with the Angels at a more sartorially confused time for this geographically confused franchise?

G-Fafif Sep 25 2013 08:31 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

[youtube]DA1VwGtnglo[/youtube] The cheers from the spectators reach a fever pitch as Duke Carmel, Kenny Rogers and Bill Sudakis lead an impressive formation of MFYs in the 2013 non-championship parade. The MFYs were eliminated from championship consideration on September 25, or several weeks earlier than has been recent tradition.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 26 2013 07:26 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

I well remember the 1972 "traded" cards (I did one of Johan Santana when the Mets got him from the Twins) but I don't have any recollection at all of the 1973 version. Interesting to see that!

SteveJRogers Sep 26 2013 07:32 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Benjamin Grimm wrote: I well remember the 1972 "traded" cards (I did one of Johan Santana when the Mets got him from the Twins) but I don't have any recollection at all of the 1973 version. Interesting to see that! The 1972 one was part of the base set. 1973 was the very first separate set that was put out for transactions.

batmagadanleadoff Sep 26 2013 07:54 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

1974. That was the first year you could buy all the cards at once, instead of one series at a time.

G-Fafif Sep 26 2013 08:38 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Not content to merely fall in line behind the already-eliminated MFYs, the Kansas City Royals have prepared for their entry into the 2013 non-championship parade by bringing up Omaha coach Jerry Cram, who had been assigned to their famed Royals Baseball Academy for the fall, to coach their chosen standard-bearer, Ed Hearn. It is the Royals' hope that with a little extra tutoring, Hearn's team will march into the playoffs in 2014. This year, however, Kansas City was eliminated from championship consideration on September 25.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 26 2013 08:58 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

What's with that "Bust" bowl in the upper right corner of Ed Hearn's card??

G-Fafif Sep 26 2013 09:05 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Benjamin Grimm wrote: What's with that "Bust" bowl in the upper right corner of Ed Hearn's card?? Busted!

batmagadanleadoff Sep 26 2013 09:09 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Wait a second! Johnny Bench is a bust? And Joe Namath? So then, what chance did poor Ed Hearn ever have?

G-Fafif Sep 26 2013 09:13 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

I think the Bust-er has a bigger problem with the cards than the careers. Agreed the content does seem a bit snippy. I'd more readily accept "BUST" for Ed Hearn coming from a Royals fan still licking wounds over the brilliant trade that sent David Cone to New York.

MFS62 Sep 26 2013 11:08 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Benjamin Grimm wrote: What's with that "Bust" bowl in the upper right corner of Ed Hearn's card?? I thought athletes earned that when they dated Morganna. The male version of the Derek Jeter gift bag. Later

Ashie62 Sep 26 2013 07:54 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Joe Willie dated Morganna? Ouch!!!!!

G-Fafif Sep 30 2013 09:24 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Jon Matlack is the lone Texas Ranger representing the lone team that needed an extra regular-season day to join the 2013 non-championship parade. The Rangers were eliminated from championship consideration on September 30.

G-Fafif Oct 02 2013 05:51 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Larry Stahl has been sent in to pinch-hit for other, more high-profile Cincinnati Reds to bear the standard of the first postseason eliminatee in 2013's non-championship parade. The Redlegs skedaddled from championship consideration on October 1 as they fell in the National League's Wild Card game.

Edgy MD Oct 02 2013 07:40 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Larry Stahl, wow. I was at least expecting Treviño, or somebody. Even if you show Seaver the money ahead of time, he ain't marching in no also-ran parade.

G-Fafif Oct 02 2013 09:43 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Edgy MD wrote: Larry Stahl, wow. I was at least expecting Treviño, or somebody. Even if you show Seaver the money ahead of time, he ain't marching in no also-ran parade. Sparky looked up and down his bench, and Stahl was all, "Pick me! Pick me!" So he picked him. Sometimes it's as simple as volunteering.

G-Fafif Oct 03 2013 05:58 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Rumor has it Keith Hernandez took a wrong turn en route to Sag Harbor and that's how he wound up representing his beloved Cleveland Indians in the in 2013 non-championship parade. Event organizers came under pressure from the Ohio state legislature to up the starpower of the Buckeye delegation after Larry Stahl came marching in under the Red banner and was met by cries of, "Where's Alex Treviño?" At least one faction of lawmakers was said to be so be upset that they would move to limit early voting in the next presidential election because, as an official put it, "That's how we respond to everything in Ohio." The Tribe ensured it would be ineligible for championship consideration when it lost the American League Wild Card Game on October 2.

G-Fafif Oct 08 2013 06:08 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

The non-championship parade route is well-established. At some point in early autumn it takes a predictable turn down Peachtree Street, and sure enough, in 2013, the perennial non-champion Atlanta Braves make their anticipated appearance. Let's see who's leading their contingent this year after they were eliminated in the NLDS on October 7. Why, it's Braves righty Gary Gentry, who earns cheers for his performance in the 1969 playoffs! I'm being handed a note that explains Gentry wasn't a Brave then and the Braves didn't win a championship that year, but isn't that the way it generally goes here in Atlanta? Falling in line behind Gentry is beloved Brave Matt Franco, who played a pivotal role in Atlanta's success...no, it seems there wasn't any kind of extraordinary success attached to Franco's Brave career, but he's earning hearty applause nonetheless. And finally, a pair of highly decorated Braves closers come marching in: Alejandro Peña and Jeff Reardon, each wearing the world championship ring...oh, my producer tells me that's just a reflection from the light, that there was no world championship ring earned by either of them during their time in Atlanta. But in terms of non-championship parade arrivals among the 2013 league division series participants, the Braves have come in first yet again. Give 'em all a big hand! But don't be showy about it. The Braves frown on that sort of thing. The Braves frown a lot these days.

Mets – Willets Point Oct 08 2013 08:14 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

I was expecting to see Greg McMichael in this parade.

G-Fafif Oct 08 2013 10:02 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Mets – Willets Point wrote: I was expecting to see Greg McMichael in this parade. "I sneered at the request to take part."

SteveJRogers Oct 08 2013 10:54 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

I guess Tammy Tampax isn't devastated that he didn't get picked to be in the parade...

G-Fafif Oct 09 2013 11:22 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Jason Tyner leads the Tampa Bay Rays contingent into the 2013 non-championship parade, but will eventually be replaced for ceremonial purposes before the conclusion of the parade everybody came out to see by Mike DiFelice. The Rays removed themselves from championship consideration on October 8. Most will derive unhappiness from the switch, but not smilin' Roberto Hernandez.

G-Fafif Oct 10 2013 07:32 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

When Richie Hebner heard there was going to be a procession involving his Pittsburgh Pirates, he immediately secured exclusive rights, for Hebner just assumed it was going to be a funeral, which would be very good for the family business. Alas, it was merely the 2013 non-championship parade, a somewhat less somber event for which the Pirates qualified on October 9, far later than has been their recent annual tradition. Ever the efficient mortician type, Hebner rounded up pallbearers anyway, including Wally Backman (who prefers ashes), Frank Thomas (who's used to carrying more than his share of the load) and Mackey Sasser (who they really shouldn't have asked to return the deceased to the earth, since he's not that skilled at getting things back from whence they came). Bobby Bonilla was asked to participate as well, but thought that was the funniest thing he'd heard since he was asked to accept highly lucrative payments for playing baseball long after he was done playing baseball.

G-Fafif Oct 11 2013 06:55 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Ed Charles is graciously leading the Oakland Athletics into the 2013 non-championship parade despite his having skedaddled from the A's before they vamoosed from Kansas City. The A's, you see, have come so close to advancing so many times that they wanted to be represented by a true champion. That desire grew only deeper upon their elimination from championship consideration on October 10. Gliding alongside the Glider, the notably Athletic Rickey Henderson, who swears he used to know a guy named Ed Charles when he was in New York. "Showed up at a thingamajig once," Rickey says. "Talked to me and some guy who always wore a batting helmet. Or was that Tommy Harper in Seattle?" With that, Rickey took off, swiped the baton from Ed and declared himself, as of today, the greatest of all time.

G-Fafif Oct 18 2013 10:51 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Mike Marshall and Mike Marshall will serve as co-grand marshal(l)s of the Los Angeles Dodgers' unit of the 2013 non-championship parade. Mike and Mike's Dodgers receded from championship consideration on October 18. Our hearts go out to them.

Mets – Willets Point Oct 19 2013 05:15 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

You've been waiting to play that Marshall pun for a long time haven't you? Well done! Is Darryl bringing his A game to the parade?

G-Fafif Oct 19 2013 07:17 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Mets – Willets Point wrote: Is Darryl bringing his A game to the parade? Totally dressed for anything but a ballgame.

G-Fafif Oct 20 2013 08:29 AM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Howard Johnson and Mickey Lolich have glumly removed their respective 1984 and 1968 World Series rings and are dutifully leading their Detroit Tigers into the 2013 non-championship parade (which is currently darkened by the shadow of the preening Shane Victorino Blimp floating overhead). The Tigers were eliminated from championship consideration a tick past the stroke of midnight on October 20. Even the presence of guaranteed crowd-pleaser Frank "The MFY Killer" Lary can't put a smile on the faces of those lining the route as the festivities take their 29th annual turn at the corner of Michigan and Trumbull. But better to march late in this procession than be at its head. Just ask the Astros' representative, who has been marching since August 28.

G-Fafif Oct 30 2013 11:16 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Mike Torrez is at the head of the rear of the 2013 non-championship parade on behalf of the St. Louis Cardinals, the last of 29 units to march here with us this year. Mike's Cardinals were eliminated from championship consideration in the sixth game of the World Series on October 30. Sending his regrets is Mike Torrez of the Boston Red Sox, who refused multiple invitations to take part.

Mets – Willets Point Oct 30 2013 11:22 PM Re: The Non-Championship Parade, 2013

Vince Coleman tried to be there but he got trapped by a tarp.