Dec 11 2013 07:19 PM
Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat...
Master Index of Archived Threads
Bartolo Colon is so fat...
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 05:58 PM |
|
...he broke his leg. You know what poured out? Gravy.
|
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 06:00 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
...his picture shows up in my Spam with the caption "Trainers LOVE him!"
|
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 06:03 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
...he once ate Meatloaf by the dashboard light.
|
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 06:04 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
...he once tried high diving in Hawaii. Two days later, tsunami hit Japan.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:10 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... his moving to New York for the upcoming season was protested by City Harvest.
|
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 06:12 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
...Bloomberg tried to veto the deal. Bartolo ate him.
|
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 06:12 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... Edited 2 time(s), most recently on Dec 11 2013 07:25 PM |
|
...he ate this post too.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:13 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... Last year, he put up 3.9 WAR according to Fangraphs, 5.0 according to Baseball-Reference, and 6.7 according to Richter.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:14 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... I kid. For Bartolo to get above anything would require a forklift that doesn't yet exist.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:17 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... he rates restaurants according to utensil size and floor strength.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:18 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... his signing should help draw other free agents... gravitationally.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:28 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... his signing bonus is frosted and baked and it's a giant cookie. His signing bonus is a giant snickerdoodle cookie.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:31 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... his airplane seats don't creak, they curse.
|
| Lefty Specialist Dec 11 2013 06:32 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
When his signing was announced, my cholesterol went up ten points.
|
| seawolf17 Dec 11 2013 06:33 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... Mount Kilimanjaro is climbing HIM this offseason.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:33 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... his nickname in high school was "The High School."
|
| Lefty Specialist Dec 11 2013 06:37 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
....he wears Chris Christie's hand-me-downs.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:48 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... his favorite catcher is a grease trap.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:49 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... his warm-ups take eight hours, over low heat, with occasional marinade-brushing.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 06:52 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... in order to get him through waivers, you have to grease the edges and hold a tub of sancocho on the other side.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 07:05 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... when he's traded, it's on the Chicago Merc.
|
| metirish Dec 11 2013 07:12 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
........ he actually really does eat all those innings
|
| bmfc1 Dec 11 2013 07:12 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
... he didn't eat AT Shake Shack, he ATE the Shake Shack.
|
| batmagadanleadoff Dec 11 2013 07:19 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
|
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 07:22 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
...ballpark stats have to be Bartolo-adjusted.
|
| Frayed Knot Dec 11 2013 07:25 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
At the team mandated physical, both his blood pressure and chlorlestoral level figures had commas in them.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 07:28 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Dec 11 2013 07:30 PM |
|
... he pounds the strike zone because he's heard that will make it fork-tender.
|
| Centerfield Dec 11 2013 07:29 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
...he ate all the Chuck Norris jokes. That's why you don't hear them anymore.
|
| LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Dec 11 2013 07:33 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
He's a great clubhouse leader. When he steps onto the floor in there, teammates can't help but follow him into the breach.
|
| Lefty Specialist Dec 11 2013 09:20 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
Newest dugout improvement? Monroe shock absorbers.
|
| MFS62 Dec 11 2013 09:23 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
His clothing has two logos, Goodyear and Met Life.
|
| Fman99 Dec 12 2013 04:38 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
He has a mezzanine and a loge.
|
| Fman99 Dec 12 2013 04:41 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
Contrary to most people's belief that he was caught being on "the juice," when in fact he was on "au jus."
|
| Carnac the Metnificent Dec 12 2013 06:35 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
A: Page Two
|
| Carnac the Metnificent Dec 12 2013 06:39 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
A: Homer Simpson
|
| Ceetar Dec 12 2013 07:45 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
His contract was originally for 2/$22 but they deducted the cost of the signing dinner.
|
| Farmer Ted Dec 12 2013 08:27 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
Bartolo is so fat...when he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house.
|
| themetfairy Dec 12 2013 10:15 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
I initially posted this in the wrong Bartolo Colon thread. What do we have, six of them?
|
| Frayed Knot Dec 12 2013 10:41 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
When he pitches in domes, Bartolo says to his fellow players: 'Is it claustrophobic in here or is it just me?'
|
| Lefty Specialist Dec 12 2013 11:32 AM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
He doesn't pitch from a mound, he pitches from an impact crater.
|
| Ashie62 Dec 12 2013 12:41 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
He is on a see food diet
|
| A Boy Named Seo Dec 12 2013 01:27 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
Bartolo Colon's physical was conducted at Tuft's Animal Obesity Clinic.
|
| A Boy Named Seo Dec 12 2013 01:27 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
At his most recent random drug testing, Bartolo Colon tested positive for diabetes.
|
| A Boy Named Seo Dec 12 2013 01:28 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
Bartolo Colon swallows whole the myth that pinstripes 'are slimming'.
|
| A Boy Named Seo Dec 12 2013 01:28 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
The Mets have outsourced construction of Bartolo Colon's jerseys to the Ringling Brothers.
|
| A Boy Named Seo Dec 12 2013 01:28 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
"He could stand to lose a few pounds." -Gilbert Grape's mom
|
| Frayed Knot Dec 12 2013 01:34 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
Bartolo Colon is sooooo fat (and old) ... that the Mets only signed him to a two-year contract.
|
| MFS62 Dec 12 2013 02:09 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
|
What was the reaction when you told that as a joke to a Diabetic? Later
|
| A Boy Named Seo Dec 12 2013 03:03 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
C'mon, man. Lighten up a little.
|
| MFS62 Dec 12 2013 03:25 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
|
That will be next Monday, when I go to the Doctor. He'll be making me lighter when he withdraws three vials of blood to test my blood sugar, like he has been doing every three months for over 20 years. And I laugh every time I have to check the label on something I buy to see how much sugar it contains. Yeah. Funny. Later
|
| A Boy Named Seo Dec 12 2013 03:38 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
Clearly not trying to disparage diabetics here, sorry if you don't see that. Good luck with your tests, man. Peace.
|
| MFS62 Dec 12 2013 05:18 PM Re: Bartolo Colon is so fat... |
|
OK.
|