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Witches Know Best?

Benjamin Grimm Jan 04 2006 07:36 AM

From today's Daily News: Witches' brew-hahas BY JOSE MARTINEZ DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER Wednesday, January 4th, 2006 A New York-based group that polls witches for predictions has whipped up a strange brew of what may happen - but probably won't - in 2006. The annual list compiled by the New York Center for the Strange declares that Donald Trump will start peddling "ego-boosting" accessories; that Donald Rumsfeld will KO a younger man in a barroom brawl and that the Yankees will reach the World Series and lose - to the Mets. "We certainly want it to be taken seriously," said Lewis Scott, an associate director at the center, "or our work would be for naught." More than 350 practicing witches submitted their sometimes wacky forecasts for the annual survey. The predictions making the final list, Scott said, had to be submitted by at least two witches. So at least a pair of true believers out there somewhere envision the following actually occurring this year: Katie Couric teaming with Ted Koppel on the CBS anchor desk. A series of UFO sightings and landings in the Midwest. Comic Rodney Dangerfield finally getting some respect - in the form of a postage stamp. Nationwide shortages of king-size beds, bowling balls and Vidalia onions. "Maybe some of the witches are from Georgia, where they grow Vidalia onions," Scott said. "Maybe some of them are bowlers." The annual predictions list owns a 28% accuracy rate, Scott said, with dead-on calls that forecast the success of eBay and "The Sopranos." That also leaves a lot of room for picks that turned out to be stinkers, such as the prediction that the Rolling Stones would quit in 1997 and that nude tap-dancing and rectangular bagels would turn into national crazes. If the Mets do win the World Series this year, I think we should all celebrate by eating rectangular bagels.

Elster88 Jan 04 2006 08:06 AM

If the Mets do win the World Series this year, I think we should all celebrate by tap-dancing nude.

Benjamin Grimm Jan 04 2006 08:12 AM

I have to wonder what might cause a nationwide shortage of bowling balls.

sharpie Jan 04 2006 08:23 AM

The bowling ball factory could shut down after the owner bets the company money on the Yankees beating the Mets in the Subway Series rematch.

metsmarathon Jan 04 2006 08:56 AM

i'm just curious about the type of strange synergy that would cause near-simultaneous shortages of vidalia onions, bowling balls, and king sized beds. the best i could figure is that, in the wake of strange UFO activity at the worlds largest bowling ball factories, (which must likely exist in the midwest, where else? and what better way to strike at the heart of middle america than to attack bowling, i ask you? its a prelude to invasion!!!), the growers of vidalia onions focus their attention and efforts on a new superbreed to replace the tri-holed resin spheres, reducing their availability for food consumption. in response, wives of bowlers the nation over demand ever-larger beds, and greater distance from the ever more pungent onion-hands sleeping beside them, exceeding current production capacities.

seawolf17 Jan 04 2006 08:59 AM

I think Peanut could do better than a 28% prediction rate. Hell, he almost won our NCAA pool two years ago.

Willets Point Sep 11 2006 01:22 PM

The witches could be on target!

Edgy MD Oct 13 2009 07:12 AM Re: Witches Know Best?

Did any of this come true?

Benjamin Grimm Oct 14 2009 04:26 AM Re: Witches Know Best?

You're just lucky that Donald Rumsfeld didn't "KO" you in the elevator yesterday!

Edgy MD Oct 14 2009 06:28 PM Re: Witches Know Best?

If it meant a World Series victory over the Yankees, I'd gladly take that punch.