Jan 22 2006 01:42 AM
Guys, guys. Listen up: I've been traded.
Really?
No way!
Way.
Traded? For who?
Jorge Julio, and, um some kid. Johnny New Hampshire, or something.
No, you're talking about that other state. Vermont.
I think he means Maine. John Maine.
I was in Maine once. Great maple syrup there.
I like waffles.
I'm more of a Grape Nuts guy myself.
Me gusto Frankenberry.
Hey, come on now. Talk breakfast on your own time. We've got to figure out what this means.
It means you suck.
Me? What about you? What about all of us?
It wasn't a good year for us.
I did alright.
So did I. I think, if you look up the original thread ( [url]http://cybermessageboard.ehost.com/getalife/viewtopic.php?t=293[/url] ), that ended up winning. It was me, then Lowe over there, then you, Benson.
But so far I'm the only one traded. Why?
I think it was your health. You signed that big contract (thanks by the way) and yet you missed the first six weeks.
Maybe also it was the way you pitched near the end of year.
That game against the Nationals in August. Totally Miltonesque.
I know bad outings, and that was a bad outing.
I guess I did let my team down a few times.
That's OK. I let the Red Sox down pretty hard too. I hear they're trying to trade me too, but, no takers.
Same here.
Maybe you're not overpaid?
Hey, check out the paper. The O's manager think you can be their No. 1 starter. "I don't want to put too much pressure on him, but I think he can be a major force in this rotation." That's what he said.
Remember last year? The Mets said said you'd be more successful in a rotation where you didn't have to pretend you were a No. 1 guy. Now, we get this he can thrive as the No.1. What gives?
I think maybe, teams just say what they will say, and we just pitch as well as the Good Lord lets us pitch. One man's Ace is another's man's, um...
Fair value for Jorge Julio?
Yup.
Plus, Steve Connecticut. Don't forget I'm also worth a prospect.
You mean Maine.
Good fishing up there.
John Maine.
Right.
This paper also says your wife popped off again. At the press conference, she remarked, "I kind of feel like we were misled about this as a family. "It was a free-agent year. He could have signed anywhere."
Now, wait a minute. Aren't we all here together because when he signed, they said it was a deal only the Mets were dumb enough to make, and that all of us are living large because they paid top dollar?
Yeah, I remember that too. And I really mean it, brother. Thanks.
Yeah. But then again, he's the only one traded, and we're all personna non grata with our own teams.
Speak for yourself: I did pretty good.
Me too. So that's two of us not getting traded.
I don't think I'm tradeable.
So Kris, maybe it was your wife.
What'd she do?
She disrespected my homie Delgado.
You gotta shut her up, man.
So did you like, like pitching for the Mets?
I don't know. I was like, a zombie out there most of the time, and if weren't for my wife I'd be the blandest player this side of Jeter, and I'm proud to say there were times I pitched pretty well. But in the end I guess I did learn one important thing about New York fans.
What?
If you want them to hate you, get traded there. And if you want them to like you, get traded from there.
That's like, blowin' my mind, man.
Si.
I'll see you too. Later.
Yeah, OK. Later, Kris Benson.