Feb 18 2015 08:56 AM
Re: Other A-Rod Apologies
Dear Fans,
A couple years back, a story leaked that I commissioned a piece of art where I am depicted as a centaur, and that I hung that piece of art above my bed.
This, regrettably, was true.
People joked that I used these paintings to inspire sexual inspiration in both myself and my partners (who included Madonna and Kate Hudson, if you'll recall), and this is, of course, is un-regrettably true. The only thing that would turn me on more than the Material Girl's sinewy body was a picture of myself as a man-horse. I mean, shit, that is 5-alarm-fire hot.
But I now see the error of my ways and would like to say I'm sorry for the way this painting has allowed my fans to view me over the years. While a horse is a strong and virile creature, I imagine that if I had depicted myself as a golden eagle or better yet, a shark, that the perception of me now would be one not only of virility and strength, but that of a feared and dangerous predator, as well. Plus, they swim really, really fast and a pregnant female can give birth to up to 100 baby sharks! That is some sexual potency right there!
So I apologize to my fans and ask in the future that when they think of Alex Rodriguez, to think of him as a vicious, vigourous half-man, half-great white shark, who swims really really fast and lays shit tons of eggs.
Thank you,
Alex
