May 29 2015 09:43 AM
Okay, kids. It's the Fish. We play them all the time, Tom Koehler, Stony Brook, blah blah blah. Some insights:
TONIGHT 7:10: Dan Haren (4-2, 3.09) vs Matt Harvey (162-0, 0.00)
Haren's 4-3, 4.82 in 11 career starts against us, 2-1, 5.82 at Citi Field. Coming off a 1-0 victory over the O's. Tweets at @ithrow88, so at least he has a sense of humor. Threatened to retire rather than report to Miami after the offseason trade. Didn't. Closest B-R Comparison Through His Current Age: Bill Gullickson.
TOMORROW 4:10: Tom Koehler (3-3, 3.44) vs Jonathon Niese (3-5, 4.08)
Koehler, an early frontrunner for the 2016 NL Cy Young Award, is 1-4, 3.48 against us, 0-2, 5.28 at Citi Field. Also coming off a victory against the O's. Gave up seven runs in the fourth inning and lost what would be our eighth straight win in April. CBRSTHCA: Bob Stoddard.
SUNDAY 1:10: David Phelps (2-2, 3.56) vs Bartolo Colon (161-0, 0.00)
Phelps is a former Yankee. Mostly sucks. CBRSTHCA: Randy O'Neal.
BULLPEN (CBRSTHCA):
RHP Carter Capps (John Pacella) -- lefties just 2 for 26 against him, despite his RHPness.
LHP Mike Dunn (Rafael Perez) -- 991st all time in JAWS. Will face Lucas Duda at some point.
RHP Sam Dyson (N/A) -- eighth in the NL with three wild pitches in 2015. Blew their last game (Wednesday night vs Pittsburgh) in the 7th.
RHP Vin Mazzaro (Jason Davis) -- has only thrown three major league innings in 2015. Had a 3.15 ERA with good peripherals in AAA.
RHP Bryan Morris (Sergio Romo) -- 981st all time in JAWS. (Suck it, Mike Dunn.)
RHP AJ Ramos (Nick Vincent) -- 0.78 ERA in 23 innings. Has been excellent. Will give up a big home run this weekend.
RHP Andre Rienzo (Billy Buckner) (No, not that one, the pitcher.) -- First Brazilian in Marlins history.
RHP Steve Cishek (Brad Lidge) -- 3-5, 5.34 career vs Mets. Blows saves regularly.
OFFENSE:
IF Jeff Baker (Herbert Perry) -- Joe McEwing, basically.
1B Justin Bour (n/a) -- Started the season with six hits in seven AB, which included two PHs against the Mets. Now "down" to .368, but could start as Mike Morse is on the DL. Homered Wednesday night. Wears #48, which seems weird to me.
2B Dee Gordon (Chippy McGarr) -- Gets on base, makes things happen. Leads NL in PA, AB, H, AVG, SB, and CS, but not runs because the rest of this team can't hit their way out of a paper bag. Did not beat out Tom Koehler at one point:
https://instagram.com/p/2rmYiTSz02
SS Adeiny Hechavarria (Jim Levey) -- .299/.330/.395 for a 99 OPS+. Sounds about right.
CF Marcell Ozuna (Vernon Wells) -- Threw out two Mets at home plate in one game last season, including Kirk to end the game, and I have hated him ever since.
3B Martin Prado (Wil Cordero) -- Grounds into double plays like it's his job.
C JT Realmuto (n/a) -- OPS+ of 55 this season. Starter. LOLOLOLOLOLOL
IF Donovan Solano (Jerry Lumpe) -- OPS+ of 42. Brother of Jhonatan Solano.
C Jhonatan Solano (n/a) -- One hit in 17 AB for an OPS+ of -37. Brother of Donovan Solano.
OF Yadier Solano (n/a) -- Just seeing if anyone's actually reading this. No relation to either Solano, as I made him up.
RF Giancarlo Stanton (Juan Gonzalez) -- If you need me to tell you about Giancarlo Stanton, then you're probably not much of a baseball fan.
LF Ichiro Suzuki (Kenny Lofton, sort of, but there's really nobody like him) -- Replacement level these days, but he's still dangerous. Ask Alex Torres.
LF Christian Yelich (Jose Tabata) -- Has a big contract and an OPS+ of 56. Splitting time with Ichiro, more or less. Did win a Gold Glove last year, though, which I don't recall at all.
MY FAVORITE MARLINS STAT OF THE YEAR: The Marlins are 13-7 when Ichiro starts in LF, and 5-23 when Yelich starts.
PREDICTION: They've lost 14 of their last 17, are managed by the guy who won all those games on Jeopardy!, and we're 19-6 at home. Sweep.