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Nickname Methodology

Valadius Feb 10 2006 01:08 AM

I have been known as someone who quite frequently comes up with nicknames. Sometimes they may appear obvious. Others might leave some people scratching their heads. Well there is a method to my madness, and I intend to demonstrate that here. For example, let's take one nickname from last year, "Popsicle", which I bestowed upon Gerald Williams. Step 1: I started with the established nickname of "Ice". I don't know where it originally came from, but thanks go out to whoever came up with that. Step 2: I decide that this nickname is unsatisfactory. So I decide to branch off from "Ice" by incorporating something about Gerald Williams. In this case, I chose his age. He's pretty old for a ballplayer. So that gave me the idea for "Pops". Step 3: I incorporate "Pops" with "Ice". This leads to his new nickname of "Popsicle". Let's recap: Step 1: Ice Step 2: Ice + (Something about his age) Step 3: Icicle + Pops = Popsicle Often it's driven by obscure pop culture references. For example, Billy Wagner was nicknamed "Nightcrawler" as an homage to Kurt Wagner, AKA Nightcrawler in X-Men. It's most often a tangential thing, though. For example, I'm having a hard time coming to a decision on Endy Chavez. I begin with his name. Endy. An uncommon name around these parts. He has a brother named Ender, although they might both be named Ender. The name Ender takes me to the book "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card. Now, I can go in multiple directions. Do I make it a play on words with both the author's name and the book's title? If so, I would proceed in this manner: 1. Ender's Game + Orson Scott Card 2. Ender's Game = Card Game 3. Card Game = Full Card Monty Or I could go in a different direction, using one of the other books in that series: 1. Ender's Shadow 2. Shadowed Man... possibly: 3a. Invisible Man 3b. Mr. Cellophane 3c. Hollow Man, which could lead to Tin Man Or I could use the main character of Ender's Shadow: 1. Bean 2. Bean Stringfellow 3. Stringbean Now that I think about it, considering his likely role with this team, I hereby pronounce my nickname for Endy Chavez to be... Mr. Cellophane Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there...

Bret Sabermetric Feb 10 2006 01:16 AM

Not to be unkind or anything, but does anyone give a rat's ass how you devise your lame nicknames? It's bad enough you share them with other humanoids, or that you tell us that you are the creator of Mets' nicknames, but do you actually have to inform us of your special techniques? It's not all that informative. Usually, the way you would become known as the creator of mets nicknames (or as a "caustic fucktard," or any other point of pride) would be that people [u:010300c38d]other than yourself[/u:010300c38d] would notice it in you, and heap all sorts of special recognition on you for it: "Wow, Valadius, great nickname! Give us more! Please? Your nicknames make me laugh and cry and bark at the moon!" etc. I guess I am being a little bit unkind, at that. Actually, "Popsicle" isn't all that lame.

DocTee Feb 10 2006 03:23 AM

What's worse??: Bret's slamming of Val (on his birthday!) or Val posting this in the first place (on his birthday!!)

Bret Sabermetric Feb 10 2006 06:11 AM

I'm sure the slamming will be ruled the greater offense, by far. Think of it as a kind of public service: at the same time, you can join in the dog pile, censuring me in the strongest language imaginable AND you can get to enjoy the little ass-whupping above that I'm sure you feel Val richly deserves. Both at once. Win-win for you. You can distance yourself from my vile behavior, while privately agreeing with it. What could be bad? So by all means, bring it on. Extra points for extreme hypocrisy.

Rockin' Doc Feb 10 2006 08:02 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Feb 10 2006 12:40 PM

Bret - "I'm sure the slamming will be ruled the greater offense, by far." Of course it will, because your such a caustic fucktard. Personally, I find it more gratifying for others to recognize and appreciate your contributions or talents on their own. If you feel you must point them out to others, then they likely aren't as worthy of recognition as you might believe. If your create a nickname and it becomes readily accepted and used by many on the board, then your have done something that people have recognized as good. However, if you create a nickname for a player and no one else uses it, then it likely wasn't that great of a moniker in the first place. Hey, I like Valadius and think he is a great contributor to the forum, but this seems like he is desperately seeking to establish himself as thee originator of player nicknames. To me, the best nicknames just happen. There are a multitude of bright and insightful people that contribute to this forum and they often surprise me with what they just seem to come up with at times. *edited to correct spelling and change because to becomes in the second paragraph.

Yancy Street Gang Feb 10 2006 08:31 AM

I'm with Bret, although his tone was harsh. This is how I reacted to the initial post in this thread:

MFS62 Feb 10 2006 10:04 AM

When the Mets played the MFYs in the Subway Series, I had made a bet with a Yankee fan friend (yes, it is sometimes possible to be friendly with a Yankee fan) that I would write a song of tribute if the Yanks won. His screen name is TCoB (as in "Taking Care of Buisness"), so I used that song as the basis for mine. When it came to say something about Clemens, the only syntax that worked was "Fat coward, bat tossing mother-fucker". And that has been my nickname for him ever since. Later

Johnny Dickshot Feb 10 2006 10:08 AM

Your Delta Tau Chi name is... Pinto. Your Delta Tau Chi name is... Mothball. What's my Delta Tau Chi name Brother Bluto? Kent, I've given this a lot of thought. Your Delta Tau Chi name is... Flounder. [/code]

soupcan Feb 10 2006 10:10 AM

Best nickname I ever heard was for a fraternity brother of mine. HIs name is James Stickles. The hellweek pledge nickname that was given to him was 'Tess'. Needless to say it has stayed with him to this day. Genius. Pure genius.

Willets Point Feb 10 2006 11:02 AM

Bret's position here is basically "People are prejudiced against me because I'm a total dickhead - wah, wah!!!"

willpie Feb 10 2006 11:09 AM

That's actually pretty fucking unkind, Bret. Actually, you're unkind a lot. Not to be all truthful or anything. For that matter, does anyone give a rat's ass about a single god-damned word you've said on this board in the past 2 years? Aside from the baiting, namecalling, and general woe-is-me fucktardery, I mean. Please go fuck yourself with something sharp.

Bret Sabermetric Feb 10 2006 12:00 PM

Excellent post, willpie. Heap some more on, val will never know your true position if you keep hiding it as well as that. Try calling me stupid, or a liar, or boring. You can get a real dog-pile going if you try.

willpie Feb 10 2006 12:06 PM

That's right, it's really all about everyone else. Why, it's probably Valadius' fault that you're a shithead, too.

Elster88 Feb 10 2006 12:08 PM

"Billy Wagner"

Elster88 Feb 10 2006 12:16 PM

We haven't had a red light battle in a long time.

Bret Sabermetric Feb 10 2006 12:21 PM

This will be a battle, Elster, like the bug against the windshield at 80 MPH is a battle. I mean, he called me a shit-head! I don't know what to do. I'm just helpless here--should I call him a terrible name, too, do you think?

cooby Feb 10 2006 01:16 PM

If it makes you feel like a man to pick on a 20 year old, go for it. Maybe you can start on me next, a helpless female. But don't bother, cos I won't read it.

soupcan Feb 10 2006 01:17 PM

19.

cooby Feb 10 2006 01:18 PM

Oh yeah

Bret Sabermetric Feb 10 2006 01:55 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Feb 10 2006 06:18 PM

Oh, I'm so ashamed. Imagine, I told a 19-year old that his posting needed some self-awareness. Will he ever recover from that bruising? Who knows? Certainly not you because you're not reading this. No, there's no chance at all that your eyes are gazing at this computer screen right this second. No shot at all --you told me so, and I know you never lie. So why do I even waste my time, thinking I'm communicating with someone who is certainly not reading this? I must be an idiot. OE: Can you folks do me a favor? In order to bully you more efficiently, I'm asking you to line up in categories of your deficiencies: Gimps, over here. Ladies and general weaklings, please form another line over here. No pushing, please. Morons and mental defectives over here. No, over here. Where I'm pointing. Yes. Yes. Right here. Thank you. Infants, you can crawl over here. Yes, infants include those defenseless souls up to the age of twenty-five. No, that's not my rule, that's Cooby's rule, take it up with her. She's standing over there. Where I'm pointing, is where. Everybody else, all you rough, tough masculine thyroid cases with tattoos, you don't need to bother forming a line. You're free to go. I wouldn't get around to bullying you gentlemen for quite a while, anyway.

willpie Feb 10 2006 03:40 PM

I'm much bigger than a bug, and if you think you're even approaching 80 mph, you have another thing coming; in fact, you don't know a god-damned thing about me, but I read your invective every day. Arguing until people get sick of listening to you is not the same as being right, and it's damn sure not the same as winning. Your posts here are such a massive hairball of internet troll cliches--and little else--that I'm astonished you haven't offered to come over to my house and fight me yet. Furthermore, aren't you a little old for the sticks-and-stones routine? In short: you're an ass. An insufferable, unspeakable, braying ass. What's more, everyone here thinks so (caveats about what a charmer you allegedly are in person aside). And sometimes consensus really means something. The sense of relief around this board when you offered to fuck off and follow the Red Sox instead was palpable. And it has taken me to the limits of my--not inconsiderable--patience to refrain as long as I have from telling you so, quite in spite of the fact that I am not what you'd call regular poster around here. It is more significant than you imagine that your incessant douche-baggetry has lured me out of lurkerdom. None of which is to say that Val isn't a smidge self-absorbed or that Edgy doesn't tend toward the pedantic in a way that--at its worst--can be nearly as frustrating as your daily antics; but if you want to skewer teenagers and call the freshly-polished kettle black, kindly do it on MySpace like everyone else. You know, not to be rude or anything.

Bret Sabermetric Feb 10 2006 04:48 PM

="willpie"]I'm much bigger than a bug, and if you think you're even approaching 80 mph, you have another thing coming; in fact, you don't know a god-damned thing about me, but I read your invective every day. Arguing until people get sick of listening to you is not the same as being right, and it's damn sure not the same as winning. Your posts here are such a massive hairball of internet troll cliches--and little else--that I'm astonished you haven't offered to come over to my house and fight me yet. Furthermore, aren't you a little old for the sticks-and-stones routine? In short: you're an ass. An insufferable, unspeakable, braying ass. What's more, everyone here thinks so (caveats about what a charmer you allegedly are in person aside). And sometimes consensus really means something. The sense of relief around this board when you offered to fuck off and follow the Red Sox instead was palpable. And it has taken me to the limits of my--not inconsiderable--patience to refrain as long as I have from telling you so, quite in spite of the fact that I am not what you'd call regular poster around here. It is more significant than you imagine that your incessant douche-baggetry has lured me out of lurkerdom. None of which is to say that Val isn't a smidge self-absorbed or that Edgy doesn't tend toward the pedantic in a way that--at its worst--can be nearly as frustrating as your daily antics; but if you want to skewer teenagers and call the freshly-polished kettle black, kindly do it on MySpace like everyone else. You know, not to be rude or anything. How big ARE you, exactly? Maybe I need to make amends, if you[re really, really big. Are you a real tough guy, too? Hmmm, I might have to rethink some of my antics. You may be right. How's this for starters? Thank you very much for conceding the slight character flaws (almost negligible ones, really) in Val and in Edgy--that was, uh, big of you. I'm glad we agree that Val's self-centeredness is real (though we also agree that I was horribly rude to point out that truth) and that Edgy can be a ball-busting, timewasting, infuriating, nit-picking pedant (but no more often than once or twice a day, which a more mature person than myself would learn to tolerate). They both have positive traits--Val is often very sweet and enthusiastic, which makes this site fun to visit, and Edgy is industrious and often quite witty, and has devoted weeks of his life to maintaining this fine site, which is far more generous than I have ever been. I appreciate your efforts in correcting my bad character. Thank you again. I hope this means, sir, that you won't be coming through the Internet to kick my ass anytime soon.

Valadius Feb 11 2006 09:24 PM

All right, all right, let's all calm down. I appreciate criticism. It helps us grow as individuals. I admit I have a tendency to want to share things that I'm excited about that other people might roll their eyes at, but I would certainly not call myself self-absorbed. I'm not in any way trying to establish myself as THE creator of nicknames or anything of the sort. I simply enjoy sharing some particularly clever creations of my mind. That's it, nothing more. I'm not seeking any official sanction or what-not of any kind. Think of the post that started this thread as me thinking out loud. If you want to criticize or critique, that's fine. But personal attacks are way out of line. The mud-slinging needs to stop. I happen to think that Bret, while coarse at times, is one of the most insightful posters on this forum. If I offended anybody, I apologize. Let's all take a deep breath and bury our hatchets. Thank you.

GYC Feb 11 2006 09:28 PM

I like the inital post. Probably because I'm a loser, but I liked it.

OlerudOwned Feb 11 2006 09:59 PM

Fun thread. Random mentions of one of my favorite books, name calling, insults, bitching, yelling, whining, and sarcasm.

mlbaseballtalk Feb 11 2006 10:09 PM

To quote Jim Rome, "Rack this!"

metirish Feb 11 2006 11:13 PM

Good to see you post Val.

Elster88 Feb 12 2006 12:32 AM

You've got no reason to apologize Valadius. I don't see how anyone could've been offended by your post.

Zvon Feb 12 2006 12:59 AM

Dont listen to em Val. That is a classic and hilarious post. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Valadius Feb 12 2006 10:27 AM

Thanks everybody!