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Reasons to Hate the Royals

bmfc1 Oct 25 2015 11:31 PM

Are there any reasons to hate the Royals, other than they are the speed bump on our road to the World Championship. Right now, they are a generic opponent from a generic location. No reason to dislike the Royals, no reason to dislike Kansas City. Smug Ned Yost is a good place to start. I didn't like him when he was the Braves 3B coach (because he was wearing the Braves uniform). Now he admits that he's a "punk": http://mlb.nbcsports.com/2015/10/25/ned ... of-a-punk/

d'Kong76 Oct 26 2015 12:25 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Coolest caps in baseball, after Mets' caps! Oh wait, you said hate. Never mind,

Farmer Ted Oct 26 2015 12:39 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Jorge Orta is still fucking out at first.

Benjamin Grimm Oct 26 2015 12:40 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Gross! I hope they get him off the field before the game starts.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 12:47 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

You can always pick a fight with their fans: [url]http://www.scout.com/mlb/royals/forums/2054-kansas-city-royals

Ashie62 Oct 26 2015 01:24 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Not a one.

Edgy MD Oct 26 2015 01:53 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

The Royals traded us Ambiorix Burgos, the worst person in Mets history. REVENGE!

Zvon Oct 26 2015 02:06 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

The Royals blue is slightly more royal blue than the Mets blue. This pisses me off!!!!

batmagadanleadoff Oct 26 2015 02:40 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I never had any hate for this franchise, probably going back to my teen age years when the baseball enemy of my baseball enemy was my baseball friend. With just a little bit of luck on their side, those Royals might've gone to the WS four out of five years, making disco era baseball more enjoyable by orders of magnitude.

Frayed Knot Oct 26 2015 03:08 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Definitely rooted for this franchise in several late '70s ALCS's. I don't remember whether I was pro or anti in the '80 WS, but almost certainly was for in '85

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 10:47 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

These fuckheads tried to rip us off.

MFS62 Oct 26 2015 01:41 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

My insurance agent is a big Royals fan. He has been for years. I'm afraid he'll find an excuse to raise my premiums when the Mets win. Later

Edgy MD Oct 26 2015 01:50 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

batmagadanleadoff wrote: I never had any hate for this franchise, probably going back to my teen age years when the baseball enemy of my baseball enemy was my baseball friend. With just a little bit of luck on their side, those Royals might've gone to the WS four out of five years, making disco era baseball more enjoyable by orders of magnitude. This is why you should HATE. They could've nipped the insufferable Steinbrenner machine in the bud, and FAILED! And going back to that era, I'd have to add that the baby blue road uniforms were a sartorial sin. MAYBE the Expos didn't look terrible in them. MAYBE. I'm still thinking about it. Why did so many of the astroturf teams wear baby blue on the road?

Lefty Specialist Oct 26 2015 02:02 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I once had a steak that was medium well when I specifically said medium. The Westboro Baptist Church protested at Kauffman Stadium last week against 'Depraved Canadians' represented by the Toronto Blue Jays. BUT they did NOT protest against the Kansas City Royals, so I have to assume they're OK with them. Eh, outside of that I got nothin'.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 02:15 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Kansas City is responsible for shitty post-grunge bands like "Puddle of Mudd" (note the "xtreme" spelling). Fuck them!!

Vic Sage Oct 26 2015 02:42 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

i could say because they traded McReynolds back to us, but they did take him off our hands in the first place, and then took Vince Coleman to give him back, so they were helpful overall. And they were the team that inspired Bill James, and they beat the hated Cards in `95, so it's going to be hard to work up much of a hate for them. Until the first pitch... then i will be able to achieve a perfect, zen-like state of perfect hatred.

Benjamin Grimm Oct 26 2015 02:44 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I don't think I need to hate them. I just want them to lose four of the next seven games, and then they can all get on with their lives.

Edgy MD Oct 26 2015 02:46 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Benjamin Grimm wrote: I don't think I need to hate them. I just want them to lose four of the next seven games, and then they can all get on with their lives. I want them to somehow lose four of the next one! OOOH, I hate! Did you know Ed Hearn was a perfectly healthy man when we traded him to Kansas City? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 02:55 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Their Klassik Rawk station hasn't done a "Top 500" countdown since 2013! Could you be any more lazy?

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 02:56 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Their most prominent "local" craft brewery got sold ... TO BELGIANS! #unAmerican

themetfairy Oct 26 2015 02:59 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Benjamin Grimm wrote: I don't think I need to hate them. I just want them to lose four of the next seven games, and then they can all get on with their lives. This is where I am. It's like the NLCS - I just want to win, but I have no ill will towards Kansas City.

Ceetar Oct 26 2015 03:00 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Their most prominent "local" craft brewery got sold ... TO BELGIANS! #unAmerican And even then, New York (Ommegang) did it first!

Ceetar Oct 26 2015 03:00 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Benjamin Grimm wrote: I don't think I need to hate them. I just want them to lose four of the next seven games, and then they can all get on with their lives. I might be getting ahead of myself and piling on, but I kinda want them to lose the next three after that too.

Benjamin Grimm Oct 26 2015 03:02 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Okay, how about this? I think when cities get expansion teams (or renamed relocated teams) they should name their team after the minor league teams that used to play in that city. The San Diego Padres did this. The Miami Marlins. The Milwaukee Brewers. Kansas City, however, did not. Instead, they took the name Royals which should have gone to another 1969 expansion team, the one in Montreal. It should have been the Montreal Royals. And the Kansas City Blues. (The Kansas City Monarchs would have been a good choice too.)

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 03:03 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

The tallest building in KC would be the 82nd tallest building in NYC. These guys SUCK at density!

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 03:13 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Most notable television show set in Kansas City was Malcolm & Eddie that didn't even air on real network, and was shot on an LA SOUNDSTAGE. #Untelegenic

batmagadanleadoff Oct 26 2015 03:21 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Edgy MD wrote: batmagadanleadoff wrote: I never had any hate for this franchise, probably going back to my teen age years when the baseball enemy of my baseball enemy was my baseball friend. With just a little bit of luck on their side, those Royals might've gone to the WS four out of five years, making disco era baseball more enjoyable by orders of magnitude. This is why you should HATE. They could've nipped the insufferable Steinbrenner machine in the bud, and FAILED! And going back to that era, I'd have to add that the baby blue road uniforms were a sartorial sin. MAYBE the Expos didn't look terrible in them. MAYBE. I'm still thinking about it. Why did so many of the astroturf teams wear baby blue on the road? Hate? I don't know enough to hate. I think I learned more about Kansas City from just this thread than from the rest of my life. In fact, when I was a little kid, I thought that Kansas City was in Kansas.

Mets Willets Point Oct 26 2015 03:25 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

New York City is in New York. Kansas City is NOT in Kansas. Why are they lying to us?

Edgy MD Oct 26 2015 03:28 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Know what the biggest band ever to come out of Kansas City is? The Chipmunks. The Fucking Chipmunks. Come on, you feel the hate bubbling up in the back of your throat. Let it out.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 03:34 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Birthplace of SHAWN F. MARCUM. Need I say more?!?

Frayed Knot Oct 26 2015 03:42 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

There actually is a separate Kansas City that sits on the Kansas side of the line but it's the puny, girly version compared to the Missouri one.

batmagadanleadoff Oct 26 2015 03:42 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I dunno. Raquel Welch was a Kansas City Bomber. That's gotta count for something, no?

soupcan Oct 26 2015 03:56 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

George Brett was responsible for teaching the adolescent me all about hemorrhoids. I should hate him for that.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 04:13 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Strong association with one of America's most fascinating and reviled companies, Wal_Mart Stores. Royals owner David Glass was the second CEO in company history, taking over for founder Sam Walton. He's a big union-buster and symbol of remorseless corporate bullying who supported replacement players in the 1995 strike; opposed any labor deal without a salary cap; revoked press credentials of reporters who asked tough questions of Royals management; slashed KC payroll in half upon his appointment. At Walmart he helped to spearhead the insane expansion of the "supercenter" concept, and made sure stores switched to "case ready" meat packaged at the factory five minutes after butchers in a single store won union representation. Walmart/Glass was influential in the Royals' Class AA team moving from Wichita to NW Arkansas, near company HQ. They play in a stadium named for the Walton family's bank, Arvest.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Oct 26 2015 04:40 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Walt Disney spent his adolescence in Kansas City, taking drawing classes at the Kansas City Art Institute as a teen; he later returned to KC after WWI to his first artist job, then began an animated studio with his old mentor when that job ended. So that makes Kansas City at least, like, 30 percent responsible for stupid fucking Mickey Mouse, overpriced theme park vacations pitched as a rite of passage, and the shooting pains you get behind your eyes when you hear the overture to Frozen. #FuckYouYOULetItGo

Edgy MD Oct 26 2015 04:57 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Strong association with one of America's most fascinating and reviled companies, Wal_Mart Stores. Royals owner David Glass was the second CEO in company history, taking over for founder Sam Walton. He's a big union-buster and symbol of remorseless corporate bullying who supported replacement players in the 1995 strike; opposed any labor deal without a salary cap; revoked press credentials of reporters who asked tough questions of Royals management; slashed KC payroll in half upon his appointment. At Walmart he helped to spearhead the insane expansion of the "supercenter" concept, and made sure stores switched to "case ready" meat packaged at the factory five minutes after butchers in a single store won union representation. Walmart/Glass was influential in the Royals' Class AA team moving from Wichita to NW Arkansas, near company HQ. They play in a stadium named for the Walton family's bank, Arvest. Wait a minute... amid all these credulity-stretching motivations, this is actually a meaningful, authentic reason to hate the Royals. The entire board is stacked with members of the Glass family.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Oct 26 2015 05:19 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Yeah, I'm kind of annoyed JCL got to that one before I did. So here's this: the "Jeopardy" "pansy" contestant is a KC native and Royals fan. #dividernotuniter

seawolf17 Oct 26 2015 06:14 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: The tallest building in KC would be the 82nd tallest building in NYC. These guys SUCK at density!

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Oct 26 2015 06:56 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

KC is perennially ranked among the worst dating cities in America. WHY DO YOU HATE ROMANCE, GREATER KANSAS CITY?

Benjamin Grimm Oct 26 2015 07:16 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Could it be because they've got some crazy little women there?

G-Fafif Oct 26 2015 07:17 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

All teams and their associated cities that stand in the way of Met destiny and/or density invite animus. Screw the Royals. Let's Go Mets.

Centerfield Oct 26 2015 07:24 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

G-Fafif wrote: All teams and their associated cities that stand in the way of Met destiny and/or density invite animus. Screw the Royals. Let's Go Mets. This. Fuck Kansas City. Go Mets. (I also heard that Duaner Sanchez's cab driver was wearing a KC Royals hat. Can't give away my source here but it's rock solid.)

dgwphotography Oct 26 2015 07:28 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I just can't hate the Royals. I try, but I just can't. I mean... Haley Atwell...

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 26 2015 07:39 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Cmon, D. Most of their fans look like this:

Benjamin Grimm Oct 26 2015 07:47 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Isn't that Dwight Schrute's cousin?

Ceetar Oct 26 2015 09:22 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

This was the only 2013 ASG apple that was in a 'cordoned off' area (the staircase was gated) and I got yelled at and threatened for walking around it.

Vic Sage Oct 26 2015 09:29 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Strong association with one of America's most fascinating and reviled companies, Wal_Mart Stores. Royals owner David Glass was the second CEO in company history, taking over for founder Sam Walton. He's a big union-buster and symbol of remorseless corporate bullying who supported replacement players in the 1995 strike; opposed any labor deal without a salary cap; revoked press credentials of reporters who asked tough questions of Royals management; slashed KC payroll in half upon his appointment. At Walmart he helped to spearhead the insane expansion of the "supercenter" concept, and made sure stores switched to "case ready" meat packaged at the factory five minutes after butchers in a single store won union representation. Walmart/Glass was influential in the Royals' Class AA team moving from Wichita to NW Arkansas, near company HQ. They play in a stadium named for the Walton family's bank, Arvest. dude, you had me at "Walmart".

batmagadanleadoff Oct 26 2015 11:53 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Strong association with one of America's most fascinating and reviled companies, Wal_Mart Stores. Royals owner David Glass was the second CEO in company history, taking over for founder Sam Walton. He's a big union-buster and symbol of remorseless corporate bullying who supported replacement players in the 1995 strike; opposed any labor deal without a salary cap; revoked press credentials of reporters who asked tough questions of Royals management; slashed KC payroll in half upon his appointment. At Walmart he helped to spearhead the insane expansion of the "supercenter" concept, and made sure stores switched to "case ready" meat packaged at the factory five minutes after butchers in a single store won union representation. Walmart/Glass was influential in the Royals' Class AA team moving from Wichita to NW Arkansas, near company HQ. They play in a stadium named for the Walton family's bank, Arvest. All you hadda do was say this at the beginning instead of with the Shaun Marcum's birthplace. Jeff Wilpon was born in New York. I'm on board. Totally.

Fman99 Oct 27 2015 12:21 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Honestly, NONE OF YOU hate the Royals for this fucking song? You guys are slipping. [youtube:38ks8o8y]LFasFq4GJYM[/youtube:38ks8o8y]

Lefty Specialist Oct 27 2015 12:33 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

soupcan wrote: George Brett was responsible for teaching the adolescent me all about hemorrhoids. I should hate him for that. That actually gave me a great Halloween costume that year. I wore a Royals shirt and baseball pants with a blinking red light inside. It was awesome.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 27 2015 12:57 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Lefty Specialist wrote: soupcan wrote: George Brett was responsible for teaching the adolescent me all about hemorrhoids. I should hate him for that. That actually gave me a great Halloween costume that year. I wore a Royals shirt and baseball pants with a blinking red light inside. It was awesome. Here's the George Brett Moment That Will Live Forever [youtube]PseNrUeSmXk[/youtube]

Edgy MD Oct 27 2015 12:59 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Fman99 wrote: Honestly, NONE OF YOU hate the Royals for this fucking song? You guys are slipping. [youtube]LFasFq4GJYM[/youtube] Oh, I'm all over that.

PiggiesTomatoes Oct 27 2015 01:01 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

That's the best. I'd never seen that before. Brett, not the song.

Edgy MD Oct 27 2015 01:10 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Here's the George Brett Moment That Will Live Forever [youtube]PseNrUeSmXk[/youtube] What makes this absolutely surreal scene land with a concrete thud in the real world for me is the presence of future Mets John Buck and Jose Lima in the foreground. Wow. And the cherry on the cake that would earn a Hollywood script writer an Oscar: "Who's the pitchers in this game?"

Benjamin Grimm Oct 27 2015 12:04 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Lefty Specialist Oct 27 2015 12:16 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Omigod, I could only get halfway through that George Brett video. That is the very definition of 'too much information'. I may never go to the Bellagio again.

soupcan Oct 27 2015 01:33 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

'The next morning I took the most perfect double-tapered shit I ever took in my life' My new favorite expression.

Edgy MD Oct 27 2015 01:58 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

The unfaithful suits at Royal Crown Cola, no longer sponsoring the Mets. [fimg=350]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/aa/74/bd/aa74bd21e4ed4dea1da6d50de299772d.jpg[/fimg]

Mets Willets Point Oct 27 2015 02:26 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Benjamin Grimm wrote: The artist doesn't seem to realize that King Kong lost that battle.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 27 2015 05:58 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Strong association with one of America's most fascinating and reviled companies, Wal_Mart Stores. Royals owner David Glass was the second CEO in company history, taking over for founder Sam Walton. He's a big union-buster and symbol of remorseless corporate bullying who supported replacement players in the 1995 strike; opposed any labor deal without a salary cap; revoked press credentials of reporters who asked tough questions of Royals management; slashed KC payroll in half upon his appointment. At Walmart he helped to spearhead the insane expansion of the "supercenter" concept, and made sure stores switched to "case ready" meat packaged at the factory five minutes after butchers in a single store won union representation. Walmart/Glass was influential in the Royals' Class AA team moving from Wichita to NW Arkansas, near company HQ. They play in a stadium named for the Walton family's bank, Arvest. I just got off the phone with a WMT bigwig. Sure enough, he's pulling for the Royals. One of the weird things he told me -- echoed by the only Facebook pal I know who's also a Royals fan -- is that he also identifies as a Cardinals fan. It's like, totally OK in these Flyover Plains states to have 2 favorite teams; although this guy under my tough questioning admitted he pulled for the Royals in 1985. So that's another reason to hat these guys. They're not actually loyal.

Edgy MD Oct 27 2015 06:08 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

ROYALDISLOYAL!!!

Frayed Knot Oct 27 2015 06:15 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: One of the weird things he told me -- echoed by the only Facebook pal I know who's also a Royals fan -- is that he also identifies as a Cardinals fan. It's like, totally OK in these Flyover Plains states to have 2 favorite teams; although this guy under my tough questioning admitted he pulled for the Royals in 1985. I could sort of see that being a thing in the pre-inter-league days, being that they're two very separate markets hundreds of miles apart. But after the '85 WS and then once inter-league started pairing them together 4-6 times/year, it seems to me that that sort of dual loyalty had to start falling apart particularly as the Royals scraping the basement for so long at right about the same time the Cards began making the playoffs virtually every year.

Ceetar Oct 27 2015 06:19 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I kinda get that though. Pretty far apart, which means you're not butting up against the other fanbase in day to day life. Same state. Not a completely unreasonable drive if you want to catch a different game. Different league. And then against the 'big east coast city'? really not surprised. I know there's some fatigue from recent success, but it's how a lot of Mets fans probably feel/felt about the Red Sox. I bet there are many Giants fans that kinda pull for the Angels, and Dodger fans that pull for the As. (no one cares about San Diego) Frayed Knot wrote: I could sort of see that being a thing in the pre-inter-league days, being that they're two very separate markets hundreds of miles apart. But after the '85 WS and then once inter-league started pairing them together 4-6 times/year, it seems to me that that sort of dual loyalty had to start falling apart particularly as the Royals scraping the basement for so long at right about the same time the Cards began making the playoffs virtually every year. That's true, but I could still see Cards fans pulling for the Royals despite that. Plus anyone under 35 probably doesn't have much memory/animosity from that series.

Lefty Specialist Oct 27 2015 07:34 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I deal with a lot of Cards fans and they're rooting for the Mets, because the Mets knocked off the Cubs, who knocked off the Cards. Enemy of my enemy and all that.

Benjamin Grimm Oct 27 2015 07:36 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I imagine that Cardinal fans have more reason to hate the Cubs than the Mets.

Edgy MD Oct 27 2015 08:13 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I got some Brewer buds rooting for the Mets for the same reason. I'm a little unsure how you put aside the accusations of "pond scum" and such, but welcome aboard, Cards fans. Back of bandwagon for you.

Elster88 Oct 28 2015 12:10 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Hosmer has a Mohawk thing

El Segundo Escupidor Oct 28 2015 12:16 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I wish it didn't mean so much to me, but it means so much to me.

seawolf17 Oct 28 2015 05:16 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Ben Zobrist, apparently.

Elster88 Oct 28 2015 05:25 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Yeah I don't like the mohawked shitdick.

Zvon Oct 28 2015 06:20 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Okay, I was kinda neutral before. But now I hate em cause they won game one.

batmagadanleadoff Oct 28 2015 10:37 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Looks like Lunchbucket is on point about the Royals owners, even though Grantland sez the Wilpons are just as bad. Just a different kind of bad. Either way, it's guaranteed that whichever owner gets to lift that WS trophy next week is a scumbag. Good call by DJ on Sluggerrr's Simpsons style crown. too. World Series Rooting Guide: Picking a Team Based on What You Value in Life It takes about eight months to get from the start of spring training to the start of the World Series. That’s a long time; I know a couple of med schools in the Caymans that’ll certify you as a cardiologist in eight months. But at the end of it, because 28 teams and their fans are left out, most baseball fans come to the end of the road without a rooting interest. The good news is that, as always, everything will be just fine as long as everyone out there does exactly what I tell them to. Here’s a list of rooting options, based on what different people might consider important in life. Personal Grooming: Mets Let’s get the easy one out of the way early. I’m usually not a huge fan of white guys who have long hair into their late twenties, particularly when they wear a hat of some kind to work. But Jacob deGrom has such glorious hair that he’s the exception to that rule. Noah Syndergaard’s flow is also pretty good, even if he’s getting way more into the “Thor” aesthetic than is probably healthy. And you could argue that the Mets have both the handsomest player of the 2000s (David Wright) and of the 2010s (Yoenis Cespedes, who has exquisitely sculpted eyebrows).1 “Look good, play good” seems to be the rallying cry for the Mets this year. The Royals have Johnny Cueto’s dreadlocks and a few good, well-groomed beards — particularly Eric Hosmer’s — but they lose points for Alex Gordon and Mike Moustakas, who went full Napoli after it stopped being cool. Then there’s Edinson Volquez. As a young man, Volquez wore beautiful Cueto–ish hair, but he flew too close to the sun and apparently burned it all off. Poor guy. Old-Timey Baseball: Royals From an aesthetic point of view, I really don’t like where baseball is going. Strikeouts and home runs are individually exciting, but on the aggregate they make for a lot of standing around. I like baseball better when the ball is put in play a lot: It gets more people involved and rewards athleticism, even if it’s not the mathematically optimal strategy anymore. This is why the Royals are oodles of fun. Their batters had the lowest walk rate in baseball, and the lowest strikeout rate by far. Despite having two unbearably slow starting position players, the Royals are suicidally aggressive on the bases, which leads to exciting moments such as Lorenzo Cain scoring from first on a single to win the pennant, or anytime Jarrod Dyson or Terrance Gore pinch runs. Mascots With Disturbing, Messed-Up Heads: Draw In one corner, Mr. Met, with his creepy Mr. McGibblets eyes and disproportionately large head. In the other corner, Sluggerrr, who’s a lion. In itself, that is fair enough: The lion is the king of the jungle … king … Royals — you get the idea. Except, Sluggerrr’s crown isn’t on his head, it’s in his head, growing out of his cranium like some fucked-up homage to the Three Score and Ten in Hyperion. If mascots are made to be marketed to children, these mascots must have been designed by people who don’t like children very much, or at least love to cause them pain. Social Justice: Royals, Begrudgingly You could go either way with this one. If you want a good summary of the sins of either of the two owners who could lift the Commissioner’s Trophy, read what Jeb Lund wrote for Rolling Stone about the 15 worst owners in sports; Mets owners Fred and Jeff Wilpon and Royals owner David Glass are on there. I really view this as a choice between two kinds of rottenness. There’s the wide-reaching big-E Evil in Glass, who made his billions running Walmart and is more or less the kind of person you’d expect to put a cartoon smiley face on such an enterprise. On the other hand, you’ve got the Wilpons, who fell for a pyramid scheme and responded by cutting spending back to Tampa Bay–ish levels. They then demonstrated that their flair for administrative and financial incompetence is matched only by their gift for irony by opening a one-of-a-kind Amway storefront at Citi Field. Worse, Jeff Wilpon allegedly had a female team executive fired for having a baby out of wedlock, which is a fascinating sentence to type in the 2000s. The Wilpons are probably not as bad for humanity as Glass is, but their missteps just feel more conscious and personal. Like, you’d want Glass to paint the outside of your house with a roller, but you’d get the Wilpons to do a meticulous still life. If you were fond of whatever color human misery is. The tiebreaker is that it’s hard to look at the amazing month of Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy and not have it feel tainted by his unfortunate preseason comments about Billy Bean’s “lifestyle.” And although this piece is mostly a series of jokes about deGrom’s hair and Sluggerrr’s terrifying head tumor, I’d like to take a moment to consider an extremely serious topic: What should a fan do when his or her favorite team is populated by people who do or say bad things? The obvious solution is for people who say hurtful and ignorant things, or who commit acts of heinous economic injustice, not to be involved in baseball, but that doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen anytime soon, and it leaves us without an answer that satisfies me completely. One option is to ignore everything that happens off the field. Most Mets fans are Mets fans not because they believe their team to be morally good, but because of geographic factors. A team’s performance or character does not reflect the moral righteousness of its fans, after all, and we’d be better off if more people realized that. But how could you celebrate someone who not only thinks you or someone you care about is somehow inferior, but thinks it strongly enough to say so to a reporter? Yet, it’s kind of self-defeating to reject something from which you derive great enjoyment because some people involved in making it do or say bad things. Life is a series of compromises in which we support or participate in certain institutions in spite of their imperfections, and if we care enough about those institutions, we can demand they change for the better. That’s how I wound up, ironically, taking the same “hate the sin, love the sinner” stance on Murphy that Murphy has on gay people. I don’t feel great about it, nor do I begrudge anyone who disagrees with my view one way or the other. It’s a complicated issue, but I can’t take a hard line when I know that the person who lifts the Commissioner’s Trophy in the next week or so will be a man who makes me feel physically ill. Stuff and Velocity: Mets It seems odd that the Royals could lose this one. Yordano Ventura finished second among qualified starters in fastball velocity each of his two seasons in the big leagues, after all, and Volquez has discovered the ability to periodically throw a baseball on a circuitous arc to the plate at 98 mph. That’s to say nothing of Kelvin Herrera and Wade Davis coming out of the bullpen. But if you look at the velocity leaderboard, you’ll get to two Mets — deGrom and Matt Harvey — between Ventura and Volquez. And if you lower the innings threshold, you’ll discover that Syndergaard missed qualifying for the ERA title by 12 innings and throws even harder than Ventura. And then there’s the Warthen Slider. To understand what Mets pitching coach Dan Warthen does to his charges’ arsenals, you have to remember the part in The Muppet Movie where Fozzie parks his Studebaker outside the church where Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem are practicing. While Fozzie and Kermit are asleep, the band does up Fozzie’s car in a ridiculous rainbows-and-bubbles motif to the tune of the best musical number in the whole movie. Leaving your pitcher alone with Warthen is like leaving your car alone with Dr. Teeth: You’ll wake up, and what was once innocuous will have a bodacious paint scheme and a fast-spinning, hard-dropping low-90s breaking ball. Accessories: Mets This is also easy. Wright’s orange undershirt has long been one of my favorite aesthetic choices in baseball, and Cespedes has made his neon, Allen Iverson–style compression sleeve a signature part of his look while not giving a damn whether it matches his uniform.2 Not that that color matches any uniform currently in use in North American professional sports. Uniforms: Royals This is probably the most important thing to consider. The Mets’ home alternate jersey — the bright blue with orange lettering — is my favorite jersey in the game, but they messed it up with the inexplicable decision to pair a solid top with pinstriped pants. The Royals, meanwhile, have a uniform set that is both conservative and eye-popping. The home jerseys seem unnaturally bright on TV, the way a Cardinals-Dodgers game does. The blue accents match well with the colors of the home ballpark, and for both uniforms, the relatively clean design makes it stand out more when Gordon decides to cover himself in pine tar and roll around in the dirt. Everything is heightened by the Royals’ uniforms. Violence: Royals More specifically, Ventura. The Mets can be feisty when they want to be, but cooler heads often prevail. After all, an opponent broke Ruben Tejada’s leg with a dirty slide in the NLDS, and the Mets didn’t even throw at anyone in retaliation. That’s composure under fire. On the other hand, getting Ventura to lose his cool has become a standard part of opponent strategy, because it works. Ventura got into it with the Blue Jays’ first-base coach, of all people, in Game 6 of the ALCS. This rarely escalates to full-blown punching, however, because if you want to fight Ventura, who is small and mouthy, you have to get through Salvador Perez, who is large and strong, first. Salvador Perez’s Health: It Doesn’t Matter, As Long As the Series Ends in Four Games This is what I value. Perez seems like a nice dude, and he’s a fun player to watch, but he takes an unbelievable beating behind the plate. Part of that is due to his size: Anything as large as Perez that is close to the batter’s box will soak up a lot of foul balls. But he’s also caught 2,441 regular-season innings in the past two years (second-place Kurt Suzuki is more than 300 away), and he’s about to go all the way to the end of the playoffs for the second straight season. This postseason, he’s taken a few brutal balls off the mask and been hit by two pitches as a batter, one of which was enough to get Ned Yost to take him out of a must-win playoff game, which would’ve been unthinkable a year ago. Nobody needs a vacation as badly as Perez does. http://grantland.com/the-triangle/2015- ... ts-royals/

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Oct 28 2015 10:01 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Um... 'cause they're cheating cheaters, maybe? Perez didn’t speak to reporters after the game and manager Ned Yost correctly pointed out that there is nothing wrong with the catcher — or any position player — having the substance, believed to be pine tar, there. “It’s not illegal,” Yost said. “I don’t know what it was. It was brown. It’s not illegal for a catcher to have it on his shinguard. It’s illegal for a pitcher.”

Edgy MD Oct 28 2015 11:03 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Yeah, I don't know why Terry gave them an explicit pass on this. I guess because he thought it would only result in a distraction. Or there's some sort of unwritten rule that says, "We all know pitchers all over the league and on every team use the stuff, but we all agree not to call each other on it, unless they stockpile it on their person." Obviously (1) pitchers don't have shinguards, and (2) catchers transfer baseballs, and whatever is on them, to the pitcher.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Oct 28 2015 11:06 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

It certainly wasn't incidental; rewatching the game today, I noticed that he seemed to go to the guard with that hand a few times in the middle-late innings.

Frayed Knot Oct 28 2015 11:19 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Edgy MD wrote: Or there's some sort of unwritten rule that says, "We all know pitchers all over the league and on every team use the stuff, but we all agree not to call each other on it, unless they stockpile it on their person." This. Last guy I remember getting called on it was Michael Pineda and even then only because he had half the La Brea tar pits on his neck. Hitters don't even object to it unless completely over the top because it helps pitchers maintain control of the rockets they're throwing, particularly on cold days.

dgwphotography Oct 31 2015 09:00 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

They've shown themselves to be whiney britches who can dish it out, but can't take it. F*ck them.

soupcan Oct 31 2015 12:13 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

The New York Times wrote: The Royals also expressed their displeasure with Syndergaard by refusing to credit him with a well-pitched game. He allowed three runs and seven hits while striking out six in six innings. Moustakas said Syndergaard had simply been “O.K.,” before adding that the rookie right-hander was “pretty good.” Hosmer added that if Syndergaard had not had the benefit of an offensive outburst by the Mets, he most likely would have taken a loss. “We did a good job of getting to him, but his offense did a good job of bailing him out,” Hosmer said. “They found some momentum to pick him up there in the late innings.” Yeah, they did a 'good job of getting to him' while he was retiring 12 of them in a row. Whiny bitches. And Hey Moustakis - you kiss your mother with that mouth?

bmfc1 Oct 31 2015 01:42 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

WAA! WAA! WAA! http://www.kansascity.com/sports/spt-co ... 48891.html Jeff Passan wrote in Yahoo!: "the Royals believe they're the alphas, and they don't like the feeling of being bullied when they're typically the aggressor." Maybe Thor got them off their game for more than just one night.

soupcan Oct 31 2015 02:59 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Dud the Mets whine this much when Kent broke Tejada's leg? I don't think so. And Syndegaard's pitch didn't even hit him.

themetfairy Oct 31 2015 03:06 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

If they were that freaked out by the pitch then they wouldn't have gone on to score three runs in two innings. The Royals are either looking for a rallying cry or for MLB to tie Thor's hands in Game 7. This is a strategic attempt to influence the game by playing the victim.

Elster88 Oct 31 2015 07:12 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Reasons to hate the Royals: Because they're a bunch of pussies who can't handle a little chin music. And filthy hypocrites because they did the same thing to Murphy early in the series. And stupid because apparently some of them don't remember

Fman99 Oct 31 2015 08:58 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

bmfc1 wrote: WAA! WAA! WAA! http://www.kansascity.com/sports/spt-co ... 48891.html Jeff Passan wrote in Yahoo!: "the Royals believe they're the alphas, and they don't like the feeling of being bullied when they're typically the aggressor." Maybe Thor got them off their game for more than just one night. What a bunch of Sallies. Just shut up, state o' Kansas. There hasn't been so many tears in that state since John Brown's days.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Oct 31 2015 09:47 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Mike MousWAAAkas can eat my asshole

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Nov 01 2015 12:09 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

The really hilarious thing about last night's bitching is, their guy Ventura is typically something of a little-dog-who-thinks-he's-a-big-dog, headhunting whenever he pleases.

Rotblatt Nov 01 2015 12:55 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Elster88 wrote: Reasons to hate the Royals: Because they're a bunch of pussies who can't handle a little chin music. And filthy hypocrites because they did the same thing to Murphy early in the series. And stupid because apparently some of them don't remember Yes, yes, and yes.

dgwphotography Nov 01 2015 04:44 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: The really hilarious thing about last night's bitching is, their guy Ventura is typically something of a little-dog-who-thinks-he's-a-big-dog, headhunting whenever he pleases. Of course he does. He doesn't have to stand at the plate with a bat in his hands like they do in the real league.

bmfc1 Nov 02 2015 12:13 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Because they couldn't keep it in their pants, so to speak, and act classy by staying inside their dugout before the final out was made.

Edgy MD Nov 02 2015 01:22 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

2015.

cooby classic Nov 02 2015 04:14 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Before the World Series, I had never heard of even ONE of the Royals. I had complete apathy for them then, and I have complete apathy for them now. Though I still hope that horse's ass fell on his face when he straddled over the dugout fence. Whoever he was. See, I forget their names already. The big dopey looking pitcher with dreads.

bmfc1 Nov 02 2015 04:15 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Nov 02 2015 04:19 PM

That was Cueto, who was going to be the losing pitcher in Game 6.

cooby classic Nov 02 2015 04:16 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Jerk. No wonder he was so excited to get it over with.

Mets Willets Point Nov 02 2015 04:20 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

No hate for the Royals, but damn were they an annoying team to watch.

Edgy MD Nov 05 2015 04:37 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Wait a minute... Jonny Gomes was on the Royals? Jonny Gomes.

Mets Willets Point Nov 05 2015 02:53 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Edgy MD wrote: Wait a minute... Jonny Gomes was on the Royals? Jonny Gomes. Still have good memories of the things Gomes did on and off the field in Boston, so that would be a reason to *like* the Royals for me.

Edgy MD Nov 05 2015 03:11 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I hear you. His speech was just kind of insane, considering he didn't play in the post-season and only played 12 games for the team all season.

Lefty Specialist Nov 05 2015 09:39 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Edgy MD wrote: 2015. Yup. An eternal reason to hate the Royals now.

Mets Willets Point Nov 06 2015 04:12 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Edgy MD wrote: I hear you. His speech was just kind of insane, considering he didn't play in the post-season and only played 12 games for the team all season. He was Designated Braggart. I dunno, I thought it was kind of funny.

themetfairy Feb 09 2016 05:56 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Two More Reasons To Hate The Royals It apparently wasn't enough for the Kansas City Royals to make the New York Mets watch them celebrate winning the World Series at Citi Field after pulling off a thrilling comeback win in Game 5 last November. The Royals are going to have not one, but two World Series ceremonies over the regular season's opening week.

Centerfield Feb 09 2016 06:07 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

I'm going to ask you guys to pool some money together. No real reason. Just you know, in case. Like in case the headline of the Kansas City Paper on April 4 reads "Deranged Mets Fan Poops On Kaufman Stadium Field", and that guy might suddenly need bail money.

Benjamin Grimm Feb 09 2016 06:22 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

You're just trying to get on the back page of the New York tabloids so that you can vote for yourself in next year's contest.

Lefty Specialist Feb 09 2016 06:27 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Okay, the Royals are rubbing the Mets' noses in it a bit, but I want every player in the dugout watching. I want it to be motivation to rip through the National League and the World Series in 2016, starting with taking two of two from the Royals to spoil their parties. And don't be afraid to pitch inside, boys.

Centerfield Feb 09 2016 06:33 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Benjamin Grimm wrote: You're just trying to get on the back page of the New York tabloids so that you can vote for yourself in next year's contest. CAUSING A STINK!!!! Mets blank Royals after crazed fan defaces KC logo on Kaufman Field. WE'RE NUMBER TWO!!! Mets fall to Royals in WS rematch. Deranged fans releases "frustrations" in centerfield.

Ceetar Feb 09 2016 06:48 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Lefty Specialist wrote: Okay, the Royals are rubbing the Mets' noses in it a bit, but I want every player in the dugout watching. I want it to be motivation to rip through the National League and the World Series in 2016, starting with taking two of two from the Royals to spoil their parties. And don't be afraid to pitch inside, boys. Worked well in 2007. Anyway, hate all you want but I know if the Mets had won I'd be mildly annoyed that the ring ceremony wasn't being carried by SNY since it was on ESPN.

Lefty Specialist Feb 09 2016 08:06 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Ceetar wrote: Worked well in 2007. Well, it did up until about September 12th. Then.............

Edgy MD Feb 09 2016 08:18 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Just re-read this thread. Great work, forum.

cooby classic Feb 09 2016 08:26 PM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Lefty Specialist wrote: soupcan wrote: George Brett was responsible for teaching the adolescent me all about hemorrhoids. I should hate him for that. That actually gave me a great Halloween costume that year. I wore a Royals shirt and baseball pants with a blinking red light inside. It was awesome. Here's the George Brett Moment That Will Live Forever [youtube]PseNrUeSmXk[/youtube] Ewwwwww!

Edgy MD Apr 04 2016 01:30 AM Re: Reasons to Hate the Royals

Their fans are mean to Boo.