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Find Wilmer Someone Special

Edgy MD Feb 11 2016 09:31 PM

Doing WW research, I stumbled upon this Wilmer Flores profile in the New York Post. In it, the interviewer asks why Flores doesn't have a girlfriend and (amazingly) susses out the qualities he's looking for. I don't know about you, but speaking for myself, I fear Wilmer my fall for someone who doesn't have his interests at heart, so I think we should try and help this guy out. Wilmer's Wants [list][*]He wants a girl that's fun and friendly. He's had girlfriends who don't get along with people, and that's just a drag.[/*:m] [*]He wants a girl that's tall, at least 5'8". You can try and fool him with heels or platforms, but he's not a dummy.[/*:m] [*]Dark hair.[/*:m] [*]Being a jock, he apparently wants someone who cares a little about her fitness.[/*:m] [*]Wilmer's a good kid, and so he wants someone who is like his mom.[/*:m] [*]How about someone who's nice? He uses the word "dedicated." But he clearly wants someone thoughtful and not shallow. He's turned off by "party girls," as much as he wants someone who gets along with folks. I mean, it's gotta be real.[/*:m][/list:u] So there's your assignment. Find the young lady for Wilmer. Additional things to consider might be age-appropriateness, as Wilmer is merely 24 1/2, and whether she's cool with a man who cries. Figuring out whether she's comparable to his mother might be a challenge, but that's what he's looking for. Introducing them, once we find the right young lady, may also be a trick. Oh, and Valentine's Day is three days away.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Feb 11 2016 09:50 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

I found this blog on "getoffmyinternets" once where people find things to "hate-read" and thought of her: look up megfee dot com NYC-based, dark haired, looks fit, very emotional, falls for men who don't have her best interest at heart, desperately wants to be cared for. Downside: enduring purple prose and over-the-top narcissism, although as an athlete he might understand. Someone should set them up.

TransMonk Feb 11 2016 09:56 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Finding a tall girl that fits into the rest of the mold might be the hardest part. Not that there aren't tall girls that can be all of those other things...it's just that tall girls are rarer in general.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Feb 12 2016 07:09 AM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

For a guy who brings, like, one tool to the table, he's looking for a pretty versatile talent. Punch your weight, Willy.

MFS62 Feb 12 2016 02:04 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: For a guy who brings, like, one tool to the table, he's looking for a pretty versatile talent. Punch your weight, Willy. (Channeling Fman) We'll have to wait for that girl to tell us how good his tool is. Later

Benjamin Grimm Feb 12 2016 02:16 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

For Wilmer's consideration: Danai Gurira. She's only 5'7", but that should be close enough. Dark hair, although she wears it very short. Single, as far as I can tell. (No relationship info on her Wikipedia page.) At 36 she's a bit older than Wilmer. He'll have to decide if he's okay with that. In real life she seems to have a sense of humor. (She's not really Michonne.)

Centerfield Feb 12 2016 02:32 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: For a guy who brings, like, one tool to the table, he's looking for a pretty versatile talent. Punch your weight, Willy. I mean seriously. Who does he think he is? Asdrubal Cabrera?

Edgy MD Feb 12 2016 02:43 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

I don't know, man. You've gotta meet Lismar Cabrera. She's tall, she's dark-haired, and totally not snotty.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Feb 12 2016 02:44 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

I like that Michonne idea.

d'Kong76 Feb 12 2016 02:59 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Tall, dark, and pretty:

Centerfield Feb 12 2016 03:00 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

In Wilmer's defense, I don't know if he's as picky as he comes across. A lot of leading in those questions. Some of them you can't help but answer the way he did: Q: Describe the right girl. A: First of all, she’s gotta be fun. She’s gotta get along with everybody, ’cause I’ve had girlfriends that didn’t get along with everybody, and I hated that. I just gotta meet her and see (laugh). That one's open ended. Wilmer definitely wants a fun girl. Q: Physically, do you have a certain type? A: She’s gotta be tall. This is a tough one. Say you want a pretty girl, and you're labeled as shallow. You can't say "thin", or else you're a fat-shamer. You can't say you want a giant set of cans because, well, I'm not sure why, but in my experience it doesn't go over well. So you go with tall. It's a safe answer. Q: Athletic? A: She’s gotta work out a little bit. What's he going to say? No, I want a lazy slob? Come on Steve Serby. Q: Would you want a girl similar to your mother as far as certain characteristics? A: Yes, yes. "Absolutely not Steve. Have you met my mom? She's a total bitch. I want my wife to be nothing like her. Controlling, close-minded, selfish. No way. Plus she's short." Q: And those characteristics would be what? A: She’s dedicated. She’s a good girl, she’s not a party girl, and she knows what she wants. WTF STEVE. YOU WANT ME TO COMPARE MY MOTHER TO MY FUTURE GF? I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS. IS THIS SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE DATING? THERE ARE VERY FEW WAYS TO ANSWER THIS WITHOUT COMING OFF WEIRD AND CREEPY.

Benjamin Grimm Feb 12 2016 03:07 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

[youtube:1f0hjm4f]PEIBQVl86Cw[/youtube:1f0hjm4f]

Centerfield Feb 12 2016 03:16 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Q: So you think Derek Jeter was smart for not getting married his entire career? A: Or maybe he didn’t find the right one. Sorry Wilmer. The correct answer here is: Who?

Farmer Ted Feb 12 2016 03:27 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Unlike Farmer Edgardo Alfonzo, Wilmer comes from a big city in Venezuela so he's not looking to ride horseback (on horses, that is). What we can really hope for is Wilmer dating a Yankees fan and completely flipping her. That really happens, right? Ms. Piersall with her floral print dress and great smile is an interesting subject. A Virgo no less. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/mjpiersall92?cf=regular

Lefty Specialist Feb 12 2016 04:02 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Aim high, Wilmer. Miss Venezuela was crowned Miss Universe in 2013.

Edgy MD Feb 12 2016 04:15 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Hmmm... Upside [list][*]5'10".[/*:m] [*]Holds an MBA.[/*:m] [*]Not only is she Venezuelan, but like Wilmer, hails from Valencia.[/*:m] [*]A key skill of a beauty queen is to be convincingly nice to everybody.[/*:m] [*]Has raised money for Haiyan recovery in the Philippines, so Travis d'Arnaud should approve.[/*:m] [*]Has met the pope.[/*:m] [*]Well travelled and linguistically agile.[/*:m] [*]Starter her own 501(c)(3) to decrease adolescent pregnancy and maternal mortality.[/*:m][/list:u] Downside [list][*]The Miss Universe Pageant is an anachronistic moral question mark in concept and a corrupt disaster in execution and everything Donald Trump touches turns to shit.[/*:m] [*]This is a bad look: [fimg=250]http://cache3.asset-cache.net/gc/490253427-miss-universe-2013-gabriela-isler-seen-at-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=X7WJLa88Cweo9HktRLaNXoq4%2By1%2F%2BPfbi5Y6sIBZfdEMJ4y%2BN0meIV5sFzjuHptSsnlrD%2FQPeYBrZ8%2B%2BBymLVA%3D%3D[/fimg][/*:m][/list:u]

Ceetar Feb 12 2016 04:43 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

May I suggest Victoria Quartararo? On the shorter side, 5'6", but not short. A few years younger. Singer/Songwriter/etc/etc. so up and coming still trying to find her spot (hey, like Wilmer!) Hey, sang the anthem! Local! Lives in Wyckoff (so, like, is my neighbor. I'll recommend a nice place to eat Wilmer!)

Edgy MD Feb 12 2016 04:46 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Ceetar wrote: I'll recommend a nice place to eat Wilmer! Sentences like this are why God made commas.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Feb 12 2016 04:51 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

"She's got to be a fun girl, who's also just like my mom. She's got to have strong family values, and be dedicated, but also, she's got to work out. Height is a must. So is the ability to fit in anywhere. It'd be nice if she could sing, but only for me. And if she occasionally liked to get busy in the odd Burger King bathroom-- only without actually eating Burger King food, as THAT would be a disqualifier-- that'd be okay, too. But wholesome. WHOLESOME fast-food-bathroom handplay, okay? I mean, I'm looking for a life partner here. Also, she has to believe in our Lord and Savior. Also also, if she were open to threesomes-- the GOOD kind-- that would be a big plus." Gabija Mitchell is 6-foot-plus, a consultant/brand ambassador who loves the nightlife AND wants to focus more on meaningful projects, and who doesn't have a job title, but is "killin' it anyway."

Lefty Specialist Feb 12 2016 06:43 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Well travelled and linguistically agile. This can be taken in a number of ways, Wilmer.

Ceetar Feb 12 2016 06:44 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Lefty Specialist wrote: Well travelled and linguistically agile. This can be taken in a number of ways, Wilmer. It means adept at using the tongue.

d'Kong76 Feb 12 2016 06:56 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

He wants a girl that's fun

Benjamin Grimm Feb 12 2016 06:58 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

d'Kong76 Feb 12 2016 07:13 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Bet she's got some stories!

Lefty Specialist Feb 12 2016 07:33 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

d'Kong76 wrote: Bet she's got some stories! All of which end with, "......and that's why I got this tattoo."

Benjamin Grimm Feb 12 2016 09:02 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

She definitely looks like she's had a lot of fun in her life. I bet there's a lot that she can teach Wilmer, if he's willing to learn.

Zvon Feb 12 2016 11:17 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

She needs one big tattoo to cover that face.

Fman99 Feb 13 2016 01:28 AM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

He should be banging pans with a not-so-long-in-the-tooth Susan Sarandon, that's what the big leaguers do, or, the minor leaguers, or, you know, people who are into that sort of thing.

Edgy MD Jul 27 2016 03:42 AM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Have we taken care of this yet? Because his stock is rising.

Farmer Ted Jul 27 2016 05:17 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Take your pic, Wilmer. Piazza did the sister act, why not you? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odi3zEFvmls

Fman99 Jul 28 2016 10:08 AM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

You know what Wilmer [crossout:aabhti9u]needs[/crossout:aabhti9u] deserves? A lady with big tits.

Lefty Specialist Jul 28 2016 02:42 PM Re: Find Wilmer Someone Special

Only if she can hit with runners in scoring position.