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Mets Must Get Manny

Edgy DC Feb 22 2006 08:36 AM

Mets Must Move Heaven and Earth to Get Manny Bushy McBushleague Special to The Daily Crap Bushy McBushleague Manny Ramirez removed his cap in the outfield today and wiped the sweat from his brow on his sleeve, a not-too-subtle statement that he holds the Red Sox trademark in contempt and is begging out of his contract. Astute observers would note that he was facing a degree or two off of East by Northeast --- or the exact direction of the Mets spring training compound in Port St. Lucie from the Red Sox camp, and Manny's prison, in Fort Myers. It was as if he was crying to the Mets for freedom. And one can safely assume that Mets GM Omar Minaya noticed. Two things are for sure. One, Omar craves Spanish players. He understands them, hears and speaks their spoken unspoken language, and he desires to assemble for the Mets a squad of Latin juggernauats, and isn't afraid of things like enormous contracts, counterproductive defense, and players who occasionally refuse to play. Two, he craves big fish. He likes to get inches in my column and if he gives up everything to get Manny Ramirez, I'll give them to him. He knows that, and he's right. New Yorkers demand that he do things to get in my column. It's just that kind of town. This isn't St. Louis. In taking on Manny's contract, the Mets would be responsible for 300 billion dollars, but they'd be guaranteed a championship, and, in New York, that's a license to print money. A free economics lesson. Also in acquiring Manny Ramirez, the Mets will have to give up talent. I hear tell of this Milledge guy, but I haven't seen him on the field at Shea recently. Have you? How good could he be? Manny Ramirez has been an unparalleled superstar in the big leagues for ten years and is guaranteed to keep being one at least until the end of his contract. I've heard his name a lot so he must be great. My God, move! MOVE! Sell that egghead Epstein that never-done-nothing Milledge and be done with it. I know two things. One is that New York does not accept the petulant spoiled fading washed-up superstars the Mets have been ramming down our throats in recent years. Two is that every time a superstar on the verge of fading acts petulant, the Mets absolutely must move Heaven and Earth to acquire and spoil him. Do it, Omar.

MFS62 Feb 22 2006 08:42 AM

Nice try. It was almost as blatant an example of claptrap as the original Kiernan article. But you have potential, kid. Keep practicing. One day you may show enough promise for us to trade you to another website for a washed up veteran writer. LOL!!!! Later

Edgy DC Feb 22 2006 08:43 AM

Sorry, I've just read my last Manny story ever and I snapped.

metirish Feb 22 2006 08:45 AM

Thanks, that was a good laugh, you need a smug looking picture like Kiernan.

cooby Feb 22 2006 08:45 AM

Excellent, Edgy. You know, I think I am exactly facing the direction of the Red Sox training camp at my desk. I wonder if Manny can see that and will take it as a sign.

MFS62 Feb 22 2006 09:19 AM

="MFS62"] It was almost as blatant an example of claptrap as the original Kiernan article. Oh no! Its happening. I'm getting old. I checked back in to read the additional responses. And then I saw that I had used the word "claptrap". Does anyone use that word anymore? I'm depressed, and need some kind words of reassurance. Mole. You remember that word... don't you? Help. Please. Later

Willets Point Feb 22 2006 09:20 AM

What does it say that it wasn't until the third paragraph that I realized this is a parody?

MFS62 Feb 22 2006 09:29 AM

Willets Point wrote: What does it say that it wasn't until the third paragraph that I realized this is a parody? It says that this was a good parody. Later

Nymr83 Feb 22 2006 09:36 AM

Willets Point wrote: What does it say that it wasn't until the third paragraph that I realized this is a parody? I'd think you'd "catch" him at the by-line "Bushy McBushleague"

Elster88 Feb 22 2006 09:40 AM

Willets Point wrote: What does it say that it wasn't until the third paragraph that I realized this is a parody? It says that, sadly, this article isn't far off from the crap that gets published.

Benjamin Grimm Feb 22 2006 09:59 AM

="MFS62"] ="MFS62"] It was almost as blatant an example of claptrap as the original Kiernan article. Oh no! Its happening. I'm getting old. I checked back in to read the additional responses. And then I saw that I had used the word "claptrap". Does anyone use that word anymore? I'm depressed, and need some kind words of reassurance. Mole. You remember that word... don't you? Help. Please. Later At least you didn't say "whippersnapper."

Rotblatt Feb 22 2006 10:02 AM

Hilarious!

Willets Point Feb 22 2006 10:10 AM

Nymr83 wrote: ="Willets Point"]What does it say that it wasn't until the third paragraph that I realized this is a parody? I'd think you'd "catch" him at the by-line "Bushy McBushleague" My eyes wandered over the byline while I was reading the third paragraph thinking "Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute!"

HappyRecap Feb 22 2006 11:07 AM nice

Great article. Loved the "hears and speaks their spoken unspoken language" line. I read the Kernan article and e-mailed him that the Manny-to-the-Mets was fashionable a few months ago and it is time to move on. He mentions that Glavine and Pedro aren't getting younger, well guess what...Manny is 34 in a few weeks. His response to my e-mail was "I hear you". Whatever. Hope it never happens.

metirish Feb 22 2006 11:09 AM

]His response to my e-mail was "I hear you". Classic, so is he kinda admiting that he's full of crap and should not have written that article?

Edgy DC Feb 22 2006 11:13 AM

Nobody's getting any younger, but Lastings Milledge gets a lot damn older and more expensive if you turn him into Manny Ramirez.

HappyRecap Feb 22 2006 11:17 AM Kernan

Who knows. But the article was a surprise since the Manny lunacy thankfully seemed to have died down.

Rotblatt Feb 22 2006 11:40 AM

Maybe he didn't have anything right before deadline, and copied & pasted unused shit from three months ago. Which would make for a pretty hilarious satire, too, now that I think about it. Just think of all the material that DIDN'T make the grade for these hacks. Actually, my brain hurts just trying to wrap itself around how truely awful the unused bits must be, so maybe it's best to NOT think about it.

Frayed Knot Feb 22 2006 02:50 PM

Hopefully this'll be the last we hear of it ... until the post-opening day columns after Beltran leaves a few on and Manny goes wild and we'll get the inevitable, 'see they shoulda' columns.

Elster88 Feb 22 2006 03:03 PM

Rotblatt wrote: Maybe he didn't have anything right before deadline, and copied & pasted unused shit from three months ago. Which would make for a pretty hilarious satire, too, now that I think about it. Just think of all the material that DIDN'T make the grade for these hacks. Actually, my brain hurts just trying to wrap itself around how truely awful the unused bits must be, so maybe it's best to NOT think about it. Beautiful. Every word true.

Zvon Feb 22 2006 07:08 PM

LMAO. Funny stuff. MFS62 wrote: It was almost as blatant an example of claptrap as the original Kiernan article. I echo this, even the word claptrap, dagnabbitt.

MFS62 Oct 26 2006 01:13 PM

I wonder how soon this is going to start up again. Later

cooby Oct 26 2006 01:20 PM

Should I be worried that I have absolutely no recollection of saying something I said last February, and also that I think it was stupid now?