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I've been captured

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 08:35 AM

http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43f9fcf6zc88ca5a5/26fc/__sr_/f676re2.jpg?ph47FAEB2n24P3ix

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 08:37 AM

My captors are asking me to make the following request of you. Please pay attention to their modest requests, because that is the only way I will ever be released alive. They have identified me as a Mets fan and Red Sox fan, so they are asking me to relay the following information to the Cranepool forum and to SOSH. They are a serious and devout people, those who are holding me in an undisclosed location in the state of Florida, but they will certainly do me harm if their requests are ignored. Please change the name of your forums immediately. Crane Pool, you are to be called ‘the Donnie “Mr. Baseball” Mattingly Forum’ from now on, and SOSH you are to call yourselves the Bucky Dent Admiration Society. Please do what they say. They are not kidding around. I am in good condition, they have only abused me to the extent that I have been forced to listen 24/7 to audiotapes of Phil Rizzuto’s Classic In-Game Broadcast reminiscences about his wife, but I don’t know when they will abandon hope, so please, please do what they say. Praise Steinbrenner, may he be merciful!

ScarletKnight41 Feb 25 2006 08:37 AM

I can't help but think of O Henry's The Ransom of Red Chief. (Have fun in Florida Bret)

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 08:46 AM

http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43f9fcf6zc88ca5a5/26fc/__sr_/7fa1re2.jpg?phgLGAEB4uapHDdG

MFS62 Feb 25 2006 08:55 AM

Bret, tell them you're Roberto Petagine.(as you are today) They'll let you go. Everybody lets him go. Later

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 09:02 AM

http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43f9fcf6zc88ca5a5/26fc/__sr_/9cefre2.jpg?phwqGAEBckLlR.rX

Yancy Street Gang Feb 25 2006 09:04 AM

I'm afraid you're on your own, Bret. We don't negotiate with terrorists.

Frayed Knot Feb 25 2006 09:11 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Feb 25 2006 09:14 AM

]but they will certainly do me harm if their requests are ignored And this should concern us because ... ? Actually, I might get the joke a bit better if either link were working for me. (on edit: OK, the second two are now working)

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 09:11 AM

http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43f9fcf6zc88ca5a5/26fc/__sr_/d627re2.jpg?phwqGAEBwHERFR8Y

KC Feb 25 2006 09:28 AM

BS: >>>They are not kidding around. <<<< One can only hope.

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 10:26 AM

http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43f9fcf6zc88ca5a5/26fc/__sr_/605dre2.jpg?phQpHAEBvzXCvzR. My captors are patient, but their patience is not infinite. They are very upset that the offensive name of your website is still defiantly and oppressively named, and they are discussing a variety of humiliations for me if you do not accede to their modest requests immediately. Can you not see how the Cranepoool name, and the implied denegration of the Mattingly name, deeply offends their tender sensitivities? They are promising humiliation for me, and thus for you, if the name isn't changed instantly. Glory be to Steinbrenner, from whom derives all that is holy.

Yancy Street Gang Feb 25 2006 11:23 AM

The page cannot be displayed The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 12:01 PM

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 12:06 PM

They are saying that you are clinging to your so-called problems accessing the photographic proof of my capture so as to avoid dealing with the massive imperialist problem that is your stubborn refusal to change the name of your website to a name more in keeping with their moderate view of propriety. So they are changing the link to a photo in the hope of getting to change your unreasonable insistence on keeping your unholy and unclean name. Please do as they say.

SwitchHitter Feb 25 2006 12:25 PM

You know what? I don't care what they name it. It's probably easier to keep the old name, though. And I'm all for easy.

KC Feb 25 2006 01:09 PM

Coupla things ... a) can you take a picture of Arod's merchandising tent? b) if you see George's Rolls around, hock a looey on it for me please. c) get some rest and stay out of the sun.

ScarletKnight41 Feb 25 2006 01:27 PM

[url=http://eserver.org/fiction/the-ransom-of-red-chief.html]The Ransom of Red Chief[/url]

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 02:14 PM

My captors now warn you that without an immediate name-change I will be paraded into the streets naked, save for this dark-blue baseball cap and this newspaper. No one wants to see me naked in the streets, I promise you. Your children will thank you and bless you for sparing them this sight. KC has already noted that he wishes to spare me sunburn, for which I thank him and bless him. I know you are compassionate people, willing to overlook my transgressions of the past, and make this small gesture in the direction of my captors, who are also a great and compassionate people. It is only through their graciousness in overlooking the deadline for complying with their request, which is now past, that I am still able to voice this desperate plea.

PatchyFogg Feb 25 2006 02:27 PM

I'm not a member of the Joint Terrorism Task Force, but something tells me that he's at Legends Field in Tampa. And, yet no one seem's to be looking for him. Strange, I tell you.

Bret Sabermetric Feb 25 2006 02:29 PM

Have you people no heart? They have torn my clothes from me, and are poking me with sharp sticks, prodding me into the streets of Tampa looking like this: Next they will take the newspaper away, and the next picture I post will make you want to wash your eyeballs with bleach. Act now, before it is too late!!

Nymr83 Feb 25 2006 02:30 PM

Yancy Street Gang wrote: I'm afraid you're on your own, Bret. We don't negotiate with terrorists. We also don't do black-ops rescue missions anymore, Mr Met's head has outgrown the suit. this thread might as well read "look at me! look at me! i'm in Florida and you're not!"

Nymr83 Feb 25 2006 02:34 PM

ok bret, i've found someone willing to risk yankee-cooties and enter legends field to get you out, lets hope nobody sees through his disguise... (any excuse to use the picture)

MFS62 Feb 25 2006 02:35 PM

The more of that body you expose, the less inclined we are to want you back. Later

TheOldMole Feb 25 2006 02:48 PM

Wait a second...this is getting serious. Bret naked could do terrible things to Homeland Security. Is there a possible compromise? Can we call ourselves The Last Train to Horace Clarkeville?

Willets Point Feb 25 2006 02:53 PM

Jill Carroll is not amused.

Frayed Knot Feb 25 2006 04:25 PM

So let me get this straight, if we refuse to change the name of this site your captors will do horrible and possibly painful things to you? Hmmmm ... Yo Mods, is there some way we can make our current logo bigger?

KC Feb 25 2006 04:36 PM

OM: >>>Can we call ourselves The Last Train to Horace Clarkeville?<<< That's weird. I actually spoke of Horace Clark to a co-worker yesterday.

Zvon Feb 25 2006 05:42 PM

I fear Yancy is right. We dont negotiate. We also certainly dont want to see you in the raw. Bret, Id give you the shirt off my back if it would help. Anything to cover you up. I keep hitting that link and getting this: (this is hilarious, esp those pics.)