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Dick Cheney shoots an old man

OlerudOwned Feb 12 2006 04:23 PM

[url]http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,184617,00.html[/url] Heehee

Johnny Dickshot Feb 12 2006 04:43 PM

This is going to be great.

Edgy DC Feb 12 2006 04:44 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Feb 12 2006 07:03 PM

World gone mad.

KC Feb 12 2006 04:47 PM

Spraying a shotgun shell at a quail just doesn't sound very sporting to me. I mean, it must be pretty hard to miss. "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made." - Dan Quayle

MFS62 Feb 12 2006 05:05 PM

And in a related story, it was announced today that Harry Whittington has been named to the Board of Directors of Haliburton. Later

Frayed Knot Feb 12 2006 05:10 PM

Guns don't shoot people, Vice Presidents do.

Johnny Dickshot Feb 12 2006 05:12 PM

(Jay Leno) Thank you, God (/Jay Leno)

Rockin' Doc Feb 12 2006 05:40 PM

"This is something that happens from time to time. You know, I've been peppered pretty well myself," said Armstrong. I sure as hell would never hunt with these idiots. If they accidently shoot one another "from time to time", then maybe they should try taking up fishing before they kill one another. Wait, those fishing hooks are pretty sharp. Maybe they should consider checkers.

Frayed Knot Feb 12 2006 10:15 PM

Johnny Dickshot wrote: (Jay Leno) Thank you, God (/Jay Leno) During Johnny Carson's monologue on his final show he mentioned how his run on 'The Tonight Show' spanned the terms of seven Presidents and "thank goodness" he added, eight Vice Presidents. His final week there was during the Dan Quayle/Murphy Brown flap and JC got a whole lotta closing days mileage out of that one.

Nymr83 Feb 12 2006 10:54 PM

i'm getting tired of Leno, i can't wait for O'Brien to take over for him.

Valadius Feb 12 2006 11:39 PM

Conan has become something of an icon in Finland.

Willets Point Feb 13 2006 08:19 AM

Cheney joins Aaron Burr as "Vice Presidents who shot people."

MFS62 Feb 13 2006 09:36 AM

Valadius wrote: Conan has become something of an icon in Finland. S'plain please. Later

MFS62 Feb 13 2006 09:37 AM

Frayed Knot wrote: ="Johnny Dickshot"](Jay Leno) Thank you, God (/Jay Leno) During Johnny Carson's monologue on his final show he mentioned how his run on 'The Tonight Show' spanned the terms of seven Presidents and "thank goodness" he added, eight Vice Presidents. His final week there was during the Dan Quayle/Murphy Brown flap and JC got a whole lotta closing days mileage out of that one. Wasn't he there through the Agnew days, too? Later

seawolf17 Feb 13 2006 09:44 AM

="Willets Point"]Cheney joins Aaron Burr as "Vice Presidents who shot people." Hey! That was on the Pyramid this weekend. ="MFS62"]S'plain please. One of the candidates for Finland's top office bears a moderate resemblance to Conan O'Brien. So on his show, he talked about her -- yes, her -- a bit, and they showed some "commercials" advertising how great this candidate would be, largely because she looked like O'Brien, and how huge he is in Finland. Well, she won, and he's in Finland now on a [url=http://tv.yahoo.com/news/ap/20060211/113971902000.html]goodwill tour[/url] of sorts. Turns out, he really has become quite a celeb there.

Edgy DC Feb 13 2006 09:57 AM

Things not to say on a goodwill tour: 1) "Well I probably look like you because your ancestor invaded my country and had his way with my ancestor." 2) "Wow! Your country is boggier than my country." 3) "That's the Baltic? That's like the lamest property in Monopoly."

Centerfield Feb 13 2006 10:15 AM

Lol seawolf.

Edgy DC Feb 13 2006 10:41 AM

"Aaron Burr... Dick Cheney..." "Famous... patriotic... guys?" "Aaron Burr... Dick Cheney...." "Guys with funny names?" "Aaron Burr... Dick Cheney...." "Oh, pass!"

Centerfield Feb 13 2006 10:53 AM

CBS News ran this picture with its article:

Centerfield Feb 13 2006 10:56 AM

Harry Whittington "I'm getting better"

Centerfield Feb 13 2006 10:59 AM

The ranch owner, Katharine Armstrong, weighs in: Armstrong said Cheney was firing a 28-gauge shotgun, a small-bore weapon commonly used for hunting birds. Cheney has come to her ranch to hunt quail once a year for at least 15 years, and she called him "a very conscientious hunter." "I would shoot with Dick Cheney everywhere, anywhere, and not think twice about it," she said. But she said, "The nature of quail shooting ensures that this will happen. It goes with the turf." Am I reading this quote right? Is she saying that the nature of quail shooting ensures that at some point you will shoot your friends?

Frayed Knot Feb 13 2006 11:18 AM

Hey, at least he shot a lawyer.

Edgy DC Feb 13 2006 11:24 AM

OK, well it happened over the weekend, causing monologue joke-writers to have to wait two days to fire off their own rounds. Let's see if we can guess what's coming tonight and score it tomorrow. It should be easy enough. Guess one: "The vice president reportedly hit his fellow hunter while shooting at a quail. The victim has supposedly been very understanding, but Dan Quayle is kind of pissed."

MFS62 Feb 13 2006 11:27 AM

Frayed Knot wrote: Hey, at least he shot a lawyer. So far the best one-liner on this subject. But FK will have to work hard to hold that ranking as new entries come in. Later

seawolf17 Feb 13 2006 11:30 AM

Not a one-liner, but why are we surprised that Cheney shot someone while hunting? The news last night said that (a) he has a Secret Service squad with him at all times, and (b) Cheney's "medical team" (their words) were also on the scene and treated Whittington immediately. First, how do you expect to catch a quail with hunters, a Secret Service detail, and a medical team all on the scene? Any self-respecting quail isn't coming within a mile of that mob. Second, how do you not expect to shoot another person with all those people standing around? I don't think I'll ever get the lure of hunting.

Johnny Dickshot Feb 13 2006 11:35 AM

The quail got away, but not to worry. The administration said it would be wiretapping all suspicious birdcalls from now on.

Yancy Street Gang Feb 13 2006 11:37 AM

Cheney apologized immediately. He said he didn't plan to shoot the guy; he actually meant to torture him.

Frayed Knot Feb 13 2006 11:40 AM

The injured man had to wait a little while for assistance as the medivac crew immediately rushed to assist the Vice President just out of habit.

MFS62 Feb 13 2006 11:52 AM

seawolf17 wrote: First, how do you expect to catch a quail with hunters, a Secret Service detail, and a medical team all on the scene? Any self-respecting quail isn't coming within a mile of that mob. Because you're only supposed to be vewy, vewy quiet when hunting wabbits. Later

Johnny Dickshot Feb 13 2006 12:02 PM

Cheney apologized profusely, then excused himself, saying he had a hunting date with Jack Abramhoff.

Johnny Dickshot Feb 13 2006 12:25 PM

Al Franken: ]Over the weekend, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a man in Texas. Asked why he shot the man, the Vice President said, "Just to watch him die." Seriously, it was an accident. There is nothing funny about the Vice President of the United States shooting a guy. You know who's doing a "there but for the grace of God go I?" Scalia.

OlerudOwned Feb 13 2006 01:26 PM

I can see why he got shot, he looks kind of like a bird

Nymr83 Feb 13 2006 01:57 PM

there are just so many uses for that muppet bird picture.

Nymr83 Feb 13 2006 01:57 PM

there are just so many uses for that muppet bird picture.

A Boy Named Seo Feb 13 2006 02:43 PM

The last thing I want to do is derail this thread again, but this cracked me up.

seawolf17 Feb 13 2006 04:36 PM

"Duck!!!!!" -- Dick Cheney

Willets Point Feb 13 2006 05:30 PM

A flashcard for Cheney:

Johnny Dickshot Feb 13 2006 05:40 PM

Yancy Street Gang wrote: Cheney apologized immediately. He said he didn't plan to shoot the guy; he actually meant to torture him. Hey. That's late-night quality right there. I think the head writer would change "plan" to "mean" "shoot" to "hurt" and "actually to "only" Cheney apologized immediately. He said he didn't mean to hurt the guy; he only meant to torture him.

KC Feb 13 2006 05:56 PM

This is turning into Cheneygate. I had the news on by accident at five and the lead story was why didn't the news get out and how long did it take for The Prez to know that the Vice Prez was shooting people. It will add to the comedic value of this bizzare story if they can somewhat prove that there was indeed some kind of media cover up. They were say- ing on Imus this morning that a Corpus Christi newspaper broke the news and perhaps it was some police blotter spotter reporter just came across it by luck? I realize it's Imus and conjecture, but that's kind of amusing.

Yancy Street Gang Feb 13 2006 06:03 PM

Johnny Dickshot wrote: ="Yancy Street Gang"]Cheney apologized immediately. He said he didn't plan to shoot the guy; he actually meant to torture him. Hey. That's late-night quality right there. I think the head writer would change "plan" to "mean" "shoot" to "hurt" and "actually to "only" Cheney apologized immediately. He said he didn't mean to hurt the guy; he only meant to torture him. Thanks! After twenty four years of watching David Letterman, I guess I've gotten a feel for how monologue jokes work. We'll have to compare what we come up with to what Dave and Jay actually say. I'll be TiVoing Letterman tonight.

ScarletKnight41 Feb 13 2006 08:38 PM

Don't forget The Daily Show and The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. They're going to have fun with this one.

MFS62 Feb 13 2006 08:59 PM

According to Steve Somers on WFAN, they're going to add Cheney to the US Olympic Biathlon team. Later

Edgy DC Feb 13 2006 09:07 PM

The reason I suggested that we come up with their material is because I think they won't be funny but will be rather predictable.

metirish Feb 14 2006 12:26 AM

Quote of 06 might go to Wyoming Gov. Dave Freudenthal, a Democrat. ] "I would be proud to hunt with the vice president — cautious, but proud,"

TheOldMole Feb 14 2006 02:22 AM

My daughter's theory is that Cheney really did kill the guy, and they left him buried out on the prairie and got someone else to volunteer to take a few pellets so they'd have a story for the media.

metirish Feb 14 2006 09:09 AM

From Late Night..... ] "Late Show with David Letterman," CBS "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." "But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor." "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet." The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear." "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent." "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' " "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!" "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central The show's segment titles included "Cheney's Got a Gun," "No. 2 With a Bullet" and "Dead-Eye Dick." "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right." "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' " "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep." "Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past." http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/14/cheney.jokes.ap/index.html

Centerfield Feb 14 2006 12:17 PM

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan on greeting the University of Texas football team, 2005 NCAA champions, on the South Lawn of the White House: “The orange they’re wearing is not because they’re concerned the vice president might be there.’’

sharpie Feb 14 2006 02:18 PM

This gets better. From CNN: ]The fellow hunter shot and wounded by Vice President Cheney suffered a "minor heart attack" after a piece of birdshot moved to his heart, a hospital spokesman said today. "Some of the bird shot appears to have moved and lodged into part of his heart ... in what we would say is a minor heart attack," said Peter Banko, with Christus Spohn Hospital Corpus Christi-Memorial. If he dies, this'll really be something.

Edgy DC Feb 14 2006 02:22 PM

]This gets better. Not for him. Let's resist rooting for him to die in order to improve the story.

sharpie Feb 14 2006 02:38 PM

Well, yes. Even a minor heart attack, however, in a man his age has long-term repercussions.

SwitchHitter Feb 14 2006 10:35 PM

I heard the heart attack happened when Dick Cheney called him at the hospital to invite him deer hunting.

TheOldMole Feb 15 2006 11:49 AM

Is "minor heart attack" a medical term? What makes a minor heart attack?

ScarletKnight41 Feb 15 2006 11:56 AM

Well, as opposed to a massive heart attack, a minor heart attack isn't as serious. It's not good. But it's better than a massive heart attack.

Yancy Street Gang Feb 15 2006 12:17 PM

Here's how I'd rank heart attacks, from worst to best: 1. A heart attack that kills you. 2. A severe heart attack that doesn't kill you. 3. A run-of-the-mill heart attack. 4. A mild heart attack. 5. Heartburn.

seawolf17 Feb 15 2006 12:18 PM

I disagree. I think we need to have a Heart Attack Ladder Competition.

Johnny Dickshot Feb 15 2006 12:18 PM

Note also how he was "peppered" and not "shot."

Frayed Knot Feb 15 2006 12:24 PM

Major Heart Attack = Yours Minor Heart Attack = Someone Else's

MFS62 Feb 15 2006 01:52 PM

Another look at the incident: SIRIUS Satellite Radio's Alex Bennett (SIRIUS Left Ch 146) just broke a rumor that the delay in reporting the news that Cheney shot err "peppered" 78-year-old Harry Whittington in the heart was due to an effort to hide or spin Cheney's female companion, Pamela Willeford. Pamela Willeford was part of the hunting excursion with Cheney and Whittington and was next to Cheney when the shooting of Whittington took place. According to the report, the vice president's Secret Service detail had to decide what to do with Willeford by way of perhaps covering up her relationship with Cheney - hence the delay in reporting the news. ***************************************************************************** Looks like Clinton isn't the White House figure getting BJ's anymore. Later

metirish Feb 15 2006 02:01 PM

Chaney is due on Fox News at 2PM for an interview.

sharpie Feb 15 2006 02:04 PM

I'm sure it'll be hard-hitting if it's on Fox.

metirish Feb 15 2006 02:08 PM

www.foxnews.com says interview is at 6PM with Brit Hume, CNN has it for 2PM.... WOW, click on the 'Chaney to talk to FOX' link under video and you will hear pure spin from FOX....

A Boy Named Seo Feb 15 2006 04:15 PM

I shot a .22 at some cans once when I was in high school so that's my extent with guns, and I've never even heard of bird shot. It sounds like you find a whole crapload of birds (a covey) and then fire this gun that sprays a crapload of little bullets and maybe you miss or maybe you get like six in one shot. Is that about right? Very precise. Very sporting.

Edgy DC Feb 15 2006 04:24 PM Edited 2 time(s), most recently on Feb 15 2006 09:36 PM

Supposedly that's how we wiped out the passenger pigeon. Bill Bryson (not always as perfectly reliable as he is perfectly engrossing) relayed an early colonial-era account of a hunter taking out 130 pigeons with a single shot from a blunderbuss. Earl Hamner's The Homecoming, the book that led to all things Waltons, included a character named Birdshot, a simpleton whose claim to fame was the birdshot visible as little lumps under the skin of his hand, a relic of him getting "peppered" in his youth.

A Boy Named Seo Feb 15 2006 04:55 PM

130 birds, eh? How devilishly efficient. Thanks for the history lesson, Edge.

Zvon Feb 15 2006 06:26 PM

="ScarletKnight41"]Don't forget The Daily Show and The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. They're going to have fun with this one. TDS did have a ball with this, and will continue to do so. Last night they downgraded the story on thier color code chart. Since the guy had a heart attack it went from Competely Hysterical to =orange]Still Hysterical But With A Tinge Of Sadness. Looks like Colbert took the week off, and I bet he's kickin himself in the ass.

ScarletKnight41 Feb 15 2006 06:46 PM

Colbert will make up for it next week. Stewart sitting there with the tea and biscotti while watching the story unfold was just precious.

Rockin' Doc Feb 15 2006 09:11 PM

Obviously, most of you have never shot skeet. It is much like bird (grouse, quail, or pheasant) hunting only you shoot clay targets. It is much more difficult than most of you seem to believe. You all have an open invitation to shoot skeet with my buddies and I anytime, but bring plenty of shells, you'll need them. A novice would be doing well to hit one in five clay targets at the skeet range. Birds in the wild are quite a bit more difficult to hit than are skeet. I've never once seen anyone take more than a single bird with one shot. 130 birds with one shot? Sure, and Paul Bunyan really did create Puget Sound and the Grand Canyon with the help of his giant blue ox, Babe. Still, safety should always the first rule of hunting. Hard to imagine shooting a hunting partner. Seems the VP and and his group did not exercise proper diligence with regards to safety.

soupcan Feb 15 2006 09:28 PM

I spent a summer one year in Tampa working for my uncle who owned the Miller Beer distributorship there. I lived with my cousin Mike who is a total country boy. Every weekend we'd go out and shoot clay pigeons with a 12 gauge. By the end of the summer this city boy was so good at shooting that I'd load 2 clay pigeons on the launch thingy, release them - they'd fly in different directions - and pick them both off. It was cool, man.

Edgy DC Feb 15 2006 09:42 PM

Hey, I did relate that it was Bryson's account of another guy's historical account, and that I've caught out Bryson before for choosing the good story over the well fact-checked one. For what it's worth, this scholarly guy repeats the 130 figure. Every spring and fall, generations of European- and African-Americans witnessed literally billions of passenger pigeons migrating back and forth from the southern states to the northern ones — their flocks so vast in the 1600s that they blocked out the sun for whole days at a time. The passenger pigeons congregated so thickly that one shot from a blunderbuss could kill up to 130 of them, according to one colonial leader — and the weight of the roosting birds felled heavy branches throughout nesting grounds covering a thousand square miles. Considered to be the most numerous bird that ever existed, the species constituted 25 percent to 40 percent of the total bird population of the United States, according to the Smithsonian Institution. They were not like the pigeons now seen on city streets, but were related to mourning doves, though bigger (16 inches tall) and more brightly colored. Shot and netted by the billions, and with much of their forest habitat cut down, their numbers plummeted, until finally the last one died in the Cincinnati Zoo in 1914.

KC Feb 15 2006 10:01 PM

I spoke out of turn on page one of this thread, bird shot is nothing I never thought of but rather a shot gun that takes out half a stop sign up close like I've seen upstate. The story is getting old with me, but maybe the coverup is that some of the people in the party were drunk. Most hunting and fishing accidents are be- cause of alcohol.

ScarletKnight41 Feb 15 2006 10:24 PM

I'm willing to believe that this is not the result of alcohol inasmuch as it's the result of sheer carelessness. Not that it is any improvement over drunkenness. Responsible adults should be taking every necessary step to make sure that they don't shoot up their friends while hunting.

metirish Feb 15 2006 11:22 PM

Chaney did admit in the interview that he had one beer for lunch five hours before the hunt.Charlie Rose and three guests are talking about this whole thing right now, drinking and cover-ups are being talked about, the guests are David Gergen and the New York Times and Daily News Washington correspondents.

Frayed Knot Feb 16 2006 12:03 AM

A Boy Named Seo wrote: I shot a .22 at some cans once when I was in high school so that's my extent with guns, and I've never even heard of bird shot. It sounds like you find a whole crapload of birds (a covey) and then fire this gun that sprays a crapload of little bullets and maybe you miss or maybe you get like six in one shot. Is that about right? A shotgun differs from a regular gun in that there's no bullet as such. Instead, it's a small cylindrical cannister (size of a lipstick say, depending on the guage) loaded with many small (approx 1/10 inch) pellets. Obviously the load tends to spray out somewhat as they go which makes a target such as small game easier to hit at fairly short range but the shot tends to fan out too much and lose any steam they have at any kind of distance. Yeah, they'll make a mess of a stop sign or mailbox up close but they obviously don't have the earodynamics of a bullet and this guy was apparently about at the range where the gun will start to lose it effectiveness for birds, thus explaining how he could take one in the face and come out of it relatively OK. The "blunderbuss" that Edgy/Bryson talks about was a sort of crude version popular during Colonial times. There, you'd pour a load of gunpowder down its big barrel and follow that with just about anything you could find: buckshot, nails, hairpins, tacks, etc., and it would blast away in a wide pattern and take out anything in the immediate vicinity. That was often the gun they'd give to the wimmins to use if someone came around when no one else was at home. Crude but effective.

Zvon Feb 16 2006 11:31 PM

TheOldMole Feb 17 2006 05:22 PM

Today's AP headline: "Man Shot by Cheney Leaving Hospital"

MFS62 Feb 17 2006 05:31 PM

As per Don Imus: Democrats are in a quandry. They're wishing the victim well, but they're secretly hoping he will die. A texbook example of mixed emotions. Later

KC Feb 17 2006 05:41 PM

I don't really see how a 70 something year old man accidently shot in a hunting accident is really going to further any political party agenda. I think everyone is (or should be) pretty much done with this (amusing) piece of history - I'm sure Imus will be next week. I like the, "Man Shot by Cheney Leaving Hospital" headline - English can be a funny language and many times it doesn't take too many words.

ScarletKnight41 Feb 17 2006 05:47 PM

Vice Presidents only shoot people at a rate of once every two centuries. A full week of joking is definitely in order when that happens.