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The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

Edgy MD Mar 06 2017 03:52 AM

You know who I came up with? Zach Duke, that's who. Both of us Pirates. Both of us lefties. Both of us starters. Both of us still with impossibly boyish faces a dozen years into our respective careers. Wait ... that's just me. Now both of us are relievers. That's been the second act for both of us. But Zach has been getting progressively better at it, but me, not so much. So I'm trying to learn to do what he's been doing. Drop the ol' arm down and bring it from 3:00. It's what they call a work in progress. And to look at the start of my spring training, it's a work that hasn't worked yet. But you know, it's still early March. Back in the day, the exhibition schedule would be starting around March 5. What it's gonna look like April 5, May 5, June 5 ... October 5 — that's what matters. So what's it gonna look like? [fimg=230]http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/399127/tomgorzelanny.jpg[/fimg] [fimg=250]http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/tom-gorzelanny-of-the-new-york-mets-poses-during-photo-day-on-22-picture-id646019220?s=594x594[/fimg] [fimg=250]http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/tom-gorzelanny-of-the-new-york-mets-pitches-in-the-ninth-inning-of-a-picture-id646003164[/fimg] [fimg=738]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AvCd5TwBEpo/THlB55oCB5I/AAAAAAAAEPk/xbUdClScZfs/s1600/Gorzelanny_TJ.jpg[/fimg]

A Boy Named Seo Mar 06 2017 05:14 AM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

There's a cheese recipe called 'Gorzelanny' that's yet to be concocted. He doesn't make it through the spring with the us, and decides to hang 'em up and hit the lab with his farm full of goats and get to work on that white, chalky, crumbly salad garnish that people in the future will always ask for 'on the side'.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Mar 06 2017 12:25 PM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

He's not gonna make it. Some Cardinals minor leaguer absolutely destroyed his very first delivery yesterday. I suppose he's got an outside chance to be a LH specialst in Vegas, but again, I think Gorzo should retire, go back to his wifey Lindsay and the boys

Edgy MD Mar 06 2017 01:15 PM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

Boyish face, but massive hands. He could pitch a decent-sized pumpkin with those hands. You know, I see him in that position, with those enormous phalanges, and I'm thinking maybe he should try catcher.

sharpie Mar 06 2017 03:33 PM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

You know, I see him in that position, with those enormous phalanges, and I'm thinking maybe he should try catcher. Problem with that is that he is a career .092 hitter and in 251 plate appearances had no extra base hits. He's gone by the end of the spring.

Benjamin Grimm Mar 06 2017 03:37 PM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

I know what "enormous phalanges" means, but it still sounds disgusting.

Lefty Specialist Mar 06 2017 08:37 PM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

I believe he has a March 24th opt-out clause in his contract to request his release. I say, 'please proceed, Mr. Gorzelanny'.

MFS62 Mar 07 2017 04:33 AM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

Nice family. I hope they are happy in some other city. Later

d'Kong76 Mar 09 2017 01:52 AM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

Nothing Metly ever... wife has nice hips, er I mean smile...

smg58 Mar 09 2017 11:55 AM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

Edgy MD wrote: Boyish face, but massive hands. Not very presidential, in other words. Minor league depth. Gets a call-up in September, and records one meaningful out in a pivotal extra-inning game.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Mar 28 2017 02:42 AM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

He has a shoulder injury.

G-Fafif Apr 01 2017 11:59 AM Re: The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

I just woke up from a dream in which "Tom Gorzelanny" was a candidate in a special state legislative election in my district and I told one of his telephone fundraisers to get lost. Boy, has he had a lousy spring.