Mar 13 2019 04:12 PM
Hey, peeps. I'm Adeiny Hechavarria. A shortstop known for his defense, without a whole lot of offense to show for his sun's-out/guns-out muscle above.
But I was good enough, you know? Seven years in the game building my rep, and I go and have the ill fortune to be a free agent in a year when nobody was signing nobody. All I wanted was a job. A chance to do my thing. But the best I could do was a minor league deal with the Mets. That's a fine howdy fuck.
But you know, I'll sneak up on you. Camp started, and I wasn't there. And then camp rumbled on ... and suddenly I was there! When did I appear? Where did I come from?! I don't know!
I'm Adeiny Hechavarria.
You think I'm kidding? Ask José Reyes. Seven years ago, he was the Miami shortstop. Big money, long term. But the next year ... I was doing it. I took that smiley self-promoting Dominican hot shot's job, and that's all there was to it. I'm sneaky. I'm Adeiny Hech.
You think, "Well, that's just the way things break. Somebody loses a job, somebody gets a job." You may think that, but ask yourself this: I'm in a position to be the Mets' backup shortstop this year. WHOSE job was that last year?
I'll pause a minute while your mind is blown.
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But wait ... there's more. Two years ago in Mets' camp, Luis Guillorme caught my bat. That fat gummy bear made his whole rep on that. Well, this camp, I'm catching his AT-bats. I'm catching his opportunity, too. SNEAKY.
It's my whole thing. I've wanted to be a major leaguer since I was a kid. But you know, the Cubans watch us. They watch us like hawks, and they watch the straits of Florida to make sure no Cuban boaters decide to turn their crafts north. So I sailed away ... to Mexico! I'M A SNEAK LIKE THAT!
You're saying, "Adeiny, yeah, you're good with the glove. That's true of a lot of shortstops. And even if it's been more true of you, that was then and this is now. You've got some miles on your wheels. And you're on a minor league deal. And God dammit, Adeiny, you've got a career .290 on-base percentage."
I know you're saying that because I got spies.
You think you know how this year is going to go for me? Do you? Think again. Think again while I DOUBLE blow your mind. I debuted in August of 2012. With Toronto. How did that debut come to pass, you ask? How did that roster spot open up? You won't guess. In a million years you won't, and that's why I'm just going to come right out and tell you. I got that opportunity because
NOW you can tell me how I'm going to do in 2019. I've got some sneaking to do.