Apr 26 2019 01:53 PM
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What do the fans of Puente Alto do at fútbol matches?
They Héctor Santiago!
I'm Héctor Santiago, and I've heard all that shit. And when (not if) I get promoted, I'll join the great Met fraternity of METS WHOSE NAMES ARE FOREIGN CAPITALS, including Miguel Cairo, José Lima (RIP), my distant cousin José Santiago, Claudell Washington, and Dwight Bern(ard). Those guys are great, and they totally turn up their noses at those uppity METS WHOSE NAMES ARE STATE CAPITALS. That's this pathetic group of Al, Austin, and Darrin Jackson, along with Darryl Boston and Rob Carson (City). LOL, state guys!
I'm actually kind of a dick about that, considering I still haven't gotten called up, despite being given every chance to make the team in the spring. But I've been thinking about it, and I'm thinking it's Edgy's fault for not getting this thread up sooner. He's all, "I'm busy — I'm JOB hunting, as if THAT'S so sacrosanct. A LOT OF US ARE LOOKING FOR JOBS, EDGY! THIS THREAD WON'T HELP ME FIND ONE IF YOU DON'T POST IT UNTIL THE SEASON IS HALF OVER!"
OK, fine, let's get the résumé stuff out there. I'm a thick Puerto-descended Rican lefthander (Newark represent! Cory Booker 2000!), who starts and relieves, with eight years of big league experience, with sleeves of tatts on BOTH arms (value added!). My ERAs were well over five for two years with Minnesota there, but I got my career back a little after the White Sox converted me to a reliever. I also purified myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka before I left. By the end of 2018, my ERA as a starter was 6.12, but a serviceable 3.87 out of the pen. So
Fun stat: Your LOoGy dreams are a longshot. Last season righthanders OPS'd .804 against me ... and lefthanders OPS'd .804 also. I guess I was Mr. .804. You don't want to draw conclusions based on that, as I transitioned to a full-time reliever for the first time, but you might want to store it away, and add it to the pile of Santiago evidence. But while you're at it, just remember that I'm starting in Syracuse, so if you see some less-than-awesome stats going forward, know that I can give you more out of the pen. MORE!
Yeah, that's right, I'm Héctor, and I live and die by my four-seamer. Yeah, I also throw a curveball, a slider, a changeup, an occasional cutter, and even pull a screwball out of my ass now and then, but if I'm doing my job right, it's my four-seamer that will keep you up at night. Like Steven Matz, I hold the rare distinction of batting righty but throwing lefty. Like Seth Lugo, I won a sliver medal with Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic in 2017, despite both of us being born stateside.
So, if you don't know what my season is going to be like, maybe ask Seth. And then let me know.