May 09 2019 08:59 AM
There was Corey Oswalt in Binghamton. Then there was me. There was Corey Oswalt in Las Vegas. There I was also.
There's Corey Oswalt with the New York Mets. And I'm ... um.
I don't know if there's some law in the the universe that keeps the number of Coreys in a group to a fixed number, but I aim to be the LAST COREY STANDING!
In fact, that should be a reality show. Last Corey Standing on SNY. You take me, Corey Oswalt, Mark Corey, Corey Feldman, Corazon Aquino, and put us on an island or send us to skating camp or something. One way or another, our competitive juices will start flowing. We're Coreys, after all.
And this Corey is being jerked around. I just got invited to my third spring training camp. THREE! What kind of work did I get? ONE INNING!! A SCORELESS inning of course, for I am Corey Taylor.
I am indeed Corey Taylor and I am currently throwing in Syracuse to the tune of a 1.84 ERA. THIS IS WHAT I DO! I had a sub-2.00 ERA in Brooklyn. I had a sub-2.00 ERA in St. Lucie. I had a sub-2.00 ERA in the 2016 ARIZONA FALL LEAGUE for Pete's sake!!
Yeah, it ballooned all the way up to 2.41 last year in Bingo. Boo-fucking-hoo. I strike out three-guys for every guy I walk. I can spot start. I TOTALLY keep the ball in the park (0.3 HR/9! For my CAREER!!). And yet, the call doesn't come.
I get it. I'm fat. Obese. Portly. Whatever. They said Ray King was fat too! And then they saw him pitch and they said ... well, they still said he was fat. But he totally showed he could be a part of a big-league bullpen!
Mickey's got this idea of a fluid roster where he rotates minor league relievers onto and off of the big league squad alla time. On one hand, I kind of think that's bullshit. On the other hand, I've long since deserved to be in one of those rotations. But I ain't on the roster yet, and that's just the suckiest of circumstances.
Will I get onto that 40-man roster? Will I get my call? It's 2019. I'm 26 and I'm raring to go. I'm doing the Mediterranean Diet. What's going to happen? How do I tell the Mets they NEED ANOTHER COREY?! For I am the Corey of Glory, and that ain't no allegory.