May 10 2019 11:39 AM
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Guess who had a pinch-hit RBI double yesterday in his team's one-run victory over the Louisville Bats.
No, guess again. I'll give you a hint. His name rhymes with "des beaux."
Yeah, it's something. But there's no hiding the fact that I've been in the mother of all slumps. Before that double, I had been 1-for-my-previous-34. That's ugly. That's U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi-ugly. When other guys get in a slump, they don't call it a "slump" anymore. They call it a "Tebow."
So I've been trying to dial down my goals, and I just achieved one — to somehow make it to my Hey, Nineteen post before getting released. And here I am.
So where to go from there? Well, that double is something, right? It knocked off the wall in right, which is cool because most of my power — to the limited extent I've shown power — has been to left. But sitting out half the season, recovering from injury, and getting promoted to AAA where half or more of the pitchers have big league experience has been ... well, this is starting to sound like an alibi.
It's my fourth level, and I've been through adversity at pretty much all of them, before more or less figuring it out, though not excelling. The talk about character and stuff may be bupkis, but even though the notions that I have the stuff coming out of my ears are almost certainly exaggerated, if character's good for anything, it's overcoming adversity.
And now is, like, peak adversity. Trying to perform with the sword of Damocles dangling over my head, with sports headline writers across America and beyond polishing their game to make hay out of that happenstance if and when it happens — that's not ideal.
But I'm the Teeb, and I'm the only Heisman winner in professional baseball right now. I'm going to enjoy the thin-ness of early-season crowds in the International League, and try and turn this around until somebody tells me it's over. And I'll try not jump every time there is a tap on the shoulder, a knock on the door, or a ring of the phone.
So how's it gonna turn out? Am I gonna make it through the year? Somehow start working toward a promotion to the Show? If you really think I'm gonna get released, how about putting a date on that? And may a few dollars? For charity.
Mock me, curse me, and dismiss me. It all sucks, sure, but at the end of the day, I'm still engaged to Ms. Universe.