Master Index of Archived Threads


AP 2006 NBA Playoffs Thread a.k.a The Clippers Do Not Suck

A Boy Named Seo Apr 19 2006 10:28 PM

Anybody care about the playoffs other than me? First time the Clips have been in since the '97 Loy Vaught Clips, and this year's 47 wins (if they hold on against the Mavs tonight) would be just two shy of the franchise record set by the 75 Buffalo Braves. Our Team. Our Time. Or something. Smart, yet embarrassing at the same time, the Clippers practically threw their last 3 games to ensure that they'd end up the 6 seed and avoid facing 4th seeded Dallas on the road in the first round. By dropping to 6, LA gets home-court in the first round against 3-seed Denver (who finished with a worse record than the Clips), and we owned 'em, winning 3 out of 4 against them this year. Gotta love the NBA. That said, there's a decent shot the Clips wind up in round 2, which would be a first for an SD/LA Clippers team. I'm skipping the Mets in SD for the Clippers first home game Saturday night and I'm pretty stoked. Anyone else give a shit besides me?

metirish Apr 19 2006 10:38 PM

Sorry Seo, I could not give a fiddlers fuck about the NBA, if the Knicks were in I would care but they of course are in a shambles.

MFS62 Apr 20 2006 07:07 AM

The year the Nets get the Clippers' first round draft pick is the year the Clips finally make the playoffs. As a result, it won't be a lottery pick. Typical Nets' luck. Yeah, I care. Later

Elster88 Apr 20 2006 09:17 AM

The NBA and I don't mix anymore. I probably will not watch so much as entire quarter start to finish.

A Boy Named Seo Apr 22 2006 07:04 PM

I don't give a fiddler's fuck about the Eastern Conference, but LeBron adjusted pretty well to playoff basketball today. Goings on: -The Spurs putting down an ass-whopping supreme on the Kings. -Shaq, Dwayne Wade and those other guys play the .500 Bulls in a bit. -Clips and Denver tonight at Staples. I'll be checking the MLB GameCast on my cellie during breaks. Go Pedro.

OlerudOwned Apr 22 2006 07:12 PM

If you don't count the games, the NBA is the most entertaining of all the major sports leagues. But I won't hang around to poop your party, good luck to your Clips, Seo. They sure as hell deserve some after all these years.

Nymr83 Apr 23 2006 02:09 PM

]Anybody care about the playoffs other than me? Nope.

A Boy Named Seo Apr 23 2006 03:54 PM

The Clips game was a great time for the first half and a bit into the third. After they peaked midway through the third and got out to their biggest lead (16 points), it then went from being a great time to being a special torture session as I watched the instinct-free Chris Kaman and company kick and fumble the ball around and allow the Nugs to climb back into the game and actually have a chance to tie, a chance that was missed when Carmelo Anthony's jumper as time expired kissed the front of the rim and out. Elton was great. Kaman didn't play well, but ended up with 15 and 13, and Cat Mobley and Sam Cassell, the two guys who transformed this team, were absolutely huge. Was also cool to check the Met game on the cell phone and see they were pounding Padre ass. And I missed having to look at those camo uni's for three hours. Good things all around. What's the over/under on this Lakers/Suns game? I don't expect there'll be too many shot clock violations in this one. NBA Action... It's... eh, it's okay.

A Boy Named Seo Apr 23 2006 06:13 PM

The Nets of New Jersey are the first team in the playoffs to give up home court, losing to upstart Indiana. The Lakers played Phoenix tough, but the Suns are just too much for 'em. The Pistons start tonight and then the Dallas/Memphis series finally gets underway. Just another six weeks or so and the first round will finally conclude.

A Boy Named Seo Apr 30 2006 12:02 AM

The Clippers are working on going up 3-1 at Denver, and during the first half of play Denver's Reggie Evans grabbed Chris Kaman... um... by his balls! It was so dirty (in more than one way!). They were kind of going at it with some shoving and elbows and such. It got a little physical, but not out of control. This particular trip down the floor looked like an Evans elbow to Kaman's back, but Kaman went batshit and shoved him to the ground. The announcing crews on ESPN and local KTLA couldn't figure out what got into Kaman until they saw the reverse camera angle that showed the reach-under in all it's grotesque glory. They need to suspend that cheap-shotting, groping beeotch. In other NBA action, Dallas is the only team to go up 3-0. Wonder if Memphis regrets "outplaying" the Clips for that 5th seed? The Nets evened up the series with Indy tonight and the Pistons had a temporary speedbump defeat tonight in Milwaukee. The biggest story of the playoffs so far - Kobe scoring way less and the Lakers outplaying, or playing better team basketball, than the favored, high-powered Suns. A Clipper/Laker Hallway Series might be looming...

A Boy Named Seo Apr 30 2006 01:14 AM

That was a satisfying ass-whopping. Double happiness for me. As the great Ice Cube once said, "Today was a good day. I didn't even have to use my AK." Now up 3-1 and coming home Monday to close out, and they will close out. Denver is an inferior, defeated team. I might have to go to Staples with a sign reading: "Denver, keep your filthy hands off our Nuggets!". Go Clips. Us: Them:

A Boy Named Seo Apr 30 2006 06:14 PM

Holy crap! Barn burner in LA! Lakers just tie it up with 0.7 seconds to go! Overtime looking likely! Major upset now on the radar!

metsmarathon Apr 30 2006 06:36 PM

wow.

A Boy Named Seo Apr 30 2006 06:37 PM

I hate that douche bag Kobe Bryant.

Centerfield Apr 30 2006 11:06 PM

Nash should have been given timeout. Or been sent to the line. I hate that douchebag Kobe Bryant. Mike Bibby kinda looks like Carlos Beltran.

Elster88 May 01 2006 09:38 AM

I hate that douchebag Kobe Bryant.

Frayed Knot May 01 2006 09:42 AM

Is it my turn now? -- I hate that dou ... [etc} ]Nash should have been given timeout Probably, but I hate the rule that allows players to call TO whenever and wherever they're in trouble; trapped, flying out-of-bounds, etc. I'm not sure how exactly to fix it but running time is much more exciting than constantly stopped time. It may be the one thing that soccer gets right.

Elster88 May 01 2006 11:14 AM

The first thing the NBA could do to win me back is to make the first round 5 games again. The chances of that happening are between zero and nil.

Elster88 May 01 2006 11:15 AM

The second thing the NBA could do to win me back is to ban Isiah from the New York Knicks.

HahnSolo May 01 2006 03:19 PM

A little late here, but in addition to Nash getting either the foul/timeout at the end of OT, they also got hosed at the end of regulation. With .7 left, that Suns forward got mauled in the paint.

A Boy Named Seo May 02 2006 03:37 AM

On to Round 2. That was a fiercesome, Grade A, Oz-style ass pounding the Clips put down on Denver. Up by as much as 25, they cruised to a 18 point win and now sit and wait. Wait for (hopefully) the Suns to push the Lakers to six, or even seven games, and then play the tired winner. They'd have their red, white, and blue logo painted on the Staples floor 4 nights out of 7 against the Lakers, and would be on the road against the Suns. They split the regular season series against both. Sam Cassell says he wants a "Battle of Hollywood". I concur. The Bulls and the Kings are really pushing the favored Spurs and Heat. The Bulls were real close in each of those Miami games, and the bitchy Gary Payton and the Heat look like they're disinterating. And the Kings are just a hell of a better team since getting Artest. They're for real. Whoever moves on to play Dallas, well that will be an exciting series. More Clippers... (sorry to Clipper this thread up, but, wait, no, I'm not sorry) First playoff series win for the franchise in 30 years. 30 years. It may only be the NBA quarter finals, but it means something to the peeps in Clipperville and we appreciate it every little bit.

Elster88 May 02 2006 08:42 AM

Clippers v. Lakers would be interesting.

A Boy Named Seo May 20 2006 12:45 AM

Three Game 7's coming up. Cavs/Pistons in Detroit, Mavs/Spurs in San Antone, and the Clips and Suns Monday night in Phoenix. I didn't get LeBron passing up the chance for a game-tying 3 tonight with, like 3 seconds left. He drove towards the hoop to pass, but was fouled and sent to the line and well, they lost. Pistons are going to kick their ass in Game 7, I think. It's been a fun, competitive playoffs so far. I'll soil myself if the Clippers somehow make it to the West Conf. Finals.

A Boy Named Seo May 22 2006 12:09 PM

One Game 7 in the books, and after some drama, suspense, and a few surprises, 1-seed Detroit is ready to stare down 2-seed Miami afterall. No upstart Jersey. No LeBron. Should be a good one. Back-to-back Game 7's tonight will set the West. San Antone and Dallas at 8ET, and you guys can read the paper tomorrow morning to find out who won the Clippers/Suns game that starts at 10:30ET. Both explosive games on TNT! Boom! In the LA/PHX series, the Suns won games 1, 3, and 5, and the Clips evened up each time by winning the evens, 2, 4, and 6. Here's hoping the Clippers can break that Bret Saberhagen-like consistency tonight, and win an odd-numbered game for a change. Go Clips!

A Boy Named Seo May 22 2006 04:36 PM

Feck. I just got my Western Conf. Finals pre-sale email (knocking on wood with one hand and typing with the other) and the decent $75 seat I had for the Nugs in the round 1 would now be $95 against the Spurs or Mavs, and that's $95 minus the Ticketmaster convenience, service, breathing charges, etc. Looks like it'll be me and TNT.

A Boy Named Seo May 23 2006 01:58 AM

Well, shit.

MFS62 May 23 2006 10:14 AM

I really dislike Phoenix. I haven't like them since Dennis Awtrey played center for them. Later

HahnSolo May 23 2006 10:16 AM

Mavs - Spurs was a great series. I don't like the NBA much, yet I was riveted by the final four games. I even switched off the finale of 24 for stretches to watch.

MFS62 May 23 2006 02:41 PM

How many fans are rooting for the Commish to have to hand the Championship trophy to Mavs owner Mark Cuban? It would be almost as much fun as when Pete Rozelle had to hand the NFL trophy to Joe Namath. (I'm not sure if Rozelle was still around when Al Davis' Raiders won the Super Bowl.) Later

A Boy Named Seo May 23 2006 04:13 PM

I know Mark Cuban's obnoxious, but I love that he was the biggest Mavs fan in the world, became a multimillionaire, bought his favorite team, and is still the biggest Mavs fan in the world.

Centerfield May 31 2006 04:55 PM

I think Jerry Stackhouse looks like Cliff Floyd.

Frayed Knot Jun 04 2006 11:00 AM

So with the Pistons being eliminated the NBA will finally get a bit of variety. Not only have neither of the two finalists ever won a title but the last 19 championships have been won by just 5 franchises (Bulls, Rockets, Spurs, Lakers, Pistons)

Elster88 Jun 04 2006 12:05 PM

Dallas-Miami is a weird Finals.

A Boy Named Seo Jun 04 2006 02:36 PM

I haven't watched a single game since the Clips got bounced. I guess I'm not an NBA fan like I am an all-purpose baseball fan. It'd be fun to see Cuban lose his shit if the Mavs won. It'd be fun to see Laker Fan lose his shit if Shaq and the Heat won. Bah.

Elster88 Jun 04 2006 03:23 PM

Are you a long-time Clip fan ABNS? Or have you just adopted them since the Knicks suck?

A Boy Named Seo Jun 04 2006 09:11 PM

I've never been a Knicks fan. I'm guess I'm a not-so-longtime Clips fan. I started following them in the 2001-02 season (Brand's first year), when the Clips were the subject of a little-watched ESPN reality show. I got hooked on the show and then hooked on the team. I really, really dug then-coach Alvin Gentry and couldn't believe how much I liked the personalities of some of these young NBA players, the kind of teenaged millionaires I'd constantly heard so many negative things about. Q Richardson was my favorite Clip, but I loved Brand, Maggette, Piatkowski, and even Lamar Odom, who had a bad rep out coming out of college. I can't even remember what the show was called, but I do remember how impressed I was with the way Alvin Gentry came across as a mentor and almost life coach for these young kids, as much as he was a basketball coach. Even after a kick-ass season, they've still got a great, humble underdog quality, and are really just a likable bunch.

MFS62 Jun 05 2006 10:17 AM

BNS: A team that has made it to the NBA finals and the Conference Finals in the past four years is more than an "upstart". And I remember when Piatkowski's dad (uncle?) played in the ABA. Later

Elster88 Jun 08 2006 12:42 PM

[url=http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060608]Sports Guy is right about one thing: I still don't like Pat Riley[/url] By Bill Simmons Page 2 After NBC grabbed the NBA rights during the 1990-91 season, it gave the world three fantastic gifts: Marv Albert finally calling the Finals; a catchy theme song from none other than John Tesh; and, of course, a new form of formulaic TV advertising in which the announcer breathlessly screamed, "Magic! Michael! It's the Lakers and the Bulls! The NBA Finals, only on NBC!" The latter move turned into a running joke for me and my buddy JackO: Every spring, we would try to figure out the worst possible matchup with the worst possible stars for comedy's sake, then scream the promo like the NBC announcer. Things peaked during the 1998 playoffs, when the distinct possibility of Utah-Indiana could have led to NBC pimping something like, "Ostertag! Smits! It's the Pacers and the Jazz! The NBA Finals on NBC!" That one killed us. There are two reasons why I'm telling you this: First, we had to retire the joke last weekend after eight memorable years because nothing could ever beat "Pronger! Brind'Amour! It's the Oilers and the Hurricanes. The NHL Finals, only on OLN!" That's the all-time possible nadir for any team sport -- we could have sat in a remote log cabin for three straight weeks over the winter, living off canned goods and lukewarm Rolling Rocks, and not come up with anything better. (Important note: Game 1 of the NHL Finals was watched by 611,000 households, ranking lower than the Arizona-Northwestern women's softball game on the same night. I don't think this is a coincidence.) And second, if NBC was still covering the Finals, we could have had the most star-studded promo in 13 years: "Shaq! Wade! Nowitzki! Cuban! It's the Mavericks and the Heat! The NBA Finals, only on ABC!" Why 13 years? Because that was the last great NBA Finals: Michael and Scottie against Barkley and KJ, two exciting teams, two outstanding superstars in their primes, tons of intriguing role players, two major cities ... you couldn't ask for a better series. On paper, Miami-Dallas has a chance to be just as good. Over the past four days, at least 20 people have asked me for my Finals pick, everyone from friends to my mom to my mailman, Roland, who seems to be the only other person in Los Angeles besides me who still can't believe that Mike Dunleavy put Daniel Ewing on Raja Bell. Roland likes Dallas, and frankly, so do I. The Mavs are a better team. So why not just pick the Mavs and be done with it? Because there are some interesting questions that need to be discussed ... Question No. 1. Who's the best player in this series? We covered this last Friday, but Nowitzki has been playing at a level higher than any forward since Bird in the '86 Finals. More importantly, Miami doesn't have anyone to guard him. I can't imagine any scenario in which he doesn't average 30-40 a night. So Wade is looking at a draw coming out of the gate. Even though his shot comes and goes (like MJ in the early years), he can attack the basket whenever he wants (almost like a running back slamming into the line for 4 yards a pop) and always manages to get more benefit-of-the-doubt calls than anyone but LeBron. But Dallas should be able to wear him down by throwing Josh Howard and Marquis Daniels at him -- one great defensive player, one decent one, 12 fouls -- and punishing him every time he gets into the paint (which Detroit couldn't do because it went only six deep). If he's forced to cover Harris or Terry -- which seems likely because GP is more washed-up than Shannen Doherty at this point -- they also can make him work on defense and keep running him off picks. This won't be an easy series for him, that's for sure. The bigger issue (and one I haven't fully figured out): How good is Dwyane Wade? What's the ceiling here? I keep hearing the MJ comparison thrown out, which is obviously ridiculous because Jordan was the most talented player ever, as well as the most competitive player ever, and I just don't think that's going to happen again. (We have a better chance of watching Kevin Federline win an Emmy.) Wade also seems like a nicer guy by all accounts -- genuinely respectful, soft-spoken and articulate, an NBA wet dream -- as opposed to MJ, who played the part but was domineering, meanspirited and pathologically competitive, sometimes to the detriment of his team. (Although nobody crossed MJ either; for instance, when GP snapped back at Wade in the Chicago series and kept jawing and jawing until their teammates finally intervened, I thought that was fascinating because this never, ever, EVER would have happened to Michael Jordan.) Wade reminds me more of Hakeem Olajuwon, another dignified competitor with ice in his veins, someone who was just as streaky and always kept coming and coming. You never wanted to have money against Hakeem, either. So who's the best player in the series? Nowitzki. But not by much. Question No. 2. What's the dumbest-yet-entertaining fantasy pool you can create for the NBA Finals? I'm going with this one: "Predict the ABC Halftime Puff Piece!" You have to predict which seven subjects will get the Puff Piece treatment during halftime of each Finals game -- just make a list and weigh your picks from "Most Confident" (you get 7 points if it happens) to "Least Confident" (you get 1 point). Get nine friends to join you, everyone throws in 50 bucks, and there you go. Did you ever think halftime of an NBA Finals game would be exciting? Well, think again. Here's my list of potential subjects (from most confident to least confident): 7. "Mark Cuban -- singlehandedly keeping Frankenstein's haircut alive." 6. "Alonzo Mourning -- did you know he has one kidney?" 5. "DeSagana Diop -- he's a hero back in Senegal, and we're going to spend a ton of money to fly back there and show you some documentary-style footage of the country when we could have just used stock footage." 4. "Dirk Nowitzki -- the search for a personality continues." 3. "Avery Johnson -- he's not just the coach of the year, we're reuniting him with his illegitimate brother, Chris Kattan!" 2. "Jason Williams -- no, no, no, not the one who shot his chauffeur, the OTHER one ..." 1. "Stan Van Gundy -- the search for his remains, Day 185." Question No. 3. Antoine Walker ... you feeling anything? Anything at all? Absolutely. I've been enjoying his homeless man's Robert Horry routine throughout the playoffs. And the wiggle near the end of Game 6 was phenomenal. But it's interesting that it took Antoine 10 full years and nearly $140 million worth of contracts to realize that he's better off as a complementary player, someone who can make open 3s, crash the boards, guard guys in the low post and that's about it. His refusal to accept this reality probably took 3-4 years of my father's life. Warrants mentioning. Speaking of Boston, kudos have to go out to Danny Ainge, who gave the 2004 Pistons a title by helping to facilitate the Rasheed Wallace trade for no real reason, then helped the 2006 Miami Bandwagon by accepting the pu-pu platter (a second-round pick, a semi-useless trade exemption that they used to acquire Dan Dickau, Qyntel Woods and his pit bull stable, and some Brazilian guy named Alberto) in a sign-and-trade so Miami could pay Antoine $54 million (a good $20 million more than the mid-level exemption). When Danny said he wanted to win a title, give him some credit -- he never specified which team. (And yes, I'm just bitter that it's been exactly 20 years since the Celtics won their 16th and final title with the greatest NBA team of all time and then Lenny Bias brought two decades of bad karma on us. Did I mention that Chad Ford speculated in Wednesday's blog that the Celtics were considering JJ Redick with their seventh pick? Just kill me. Seriously. Bludgeon me in the head. I can't take it anymore. My soul is being wrenched.) Question No. 4: Is there a sports gimmick that's more secretly lousy than the 2-3-2 gimmick in the NBA Finals? No. It's inane. I hate it. You have one format for the first three rounds of the playoffs, followed by a new format for the Finals? Really? This is logical? This makes sense to everybody? Why not just add a 4-point shot and a multicolored ball? Question No. 5: What does Shaq have up his sleeve in this series? Thanks to a throwback Game 6 against the Pistons (28 points, 15 rebounds) and a five-day layoff filled with "Shaq is back!" stories, it seems like many fans and experts convinced themselves that Shaq will destroy the Mavs just like he crushed the 2001 Sixers or the 2002 Nets. First of all, that's silly talk -- 2002 Shaq is gone. He might be able to reach back into the ESPN Classic vault for one very good game in this series, maybe even two, but not more than that; the last truly dominant game he ever played was Game 4 of the 2004 Finals, when he slapped up a 36-20 against a fantastic Pistons team and caused Phil Jackson (who knew it was over) to say sadly after the game something like, "We wasted one of the all-time great Shaquille O'Neal games." Second, I have been watching Big Daddy carefully for the past two seasons; he can dominate for little stretches, but certainly not for whole games, and he's always at his best when Miami is leading by double digits and Shaq doesn't have to worry about getting fouled (like with Game 6 against the Pistons). The proof is in the tapes. Both ESPN Classic and NBA TV are running NBA marathons this weekend -- if you have a chance, watch one of those Lakers games when Shaq was in his prime. The guy was a force of nature; nobody could stop him. He's in a different stage of his career now, capable of controlling a game under optimum conditions, always good for a 20-10, semi-neutered in close games because he doesn't want to get fouled, and that's about it. Not only is Shaq the third-best player in this series, but Dallas has bodies, fouls and barbecue food to throw at him. And sure, five years ago, Shaq would have annihilated guys like Diop and Dampier and probably decided the series by himself. But it's 2006. He's finishing up his 14th season. Unlike someone like Kareem, who led the '85 Lakers past Boston under similar "the old guy is back!" circumstances, Shaq doesn't have one of those easy, fall-out-of-bed moves like the sky hook -- everything is a chore to him, whether it's getting position, absorbing contact, swinging his elbows on his dropstep or anything else. When you get older, it becomes harder and harder. Especially when you're in lousy shape. (The real problem here: Because so many of these guys shave their heads, it's 10 times harder to tell when they're slipping. After all, Shaq doesn't look any different than he did 10 years ago. Neither does GP. Hell, even Michael Jordan doesn't look much different then he did 15 years ago, save for the wispy mustache that makes him look like he should be playing the sax for Eddie and the Cruisers, and he's in his mid-40s. You just can't tell. Personally, I wish everyone grew their hair out -- wouldn't you rather see Sam Cassell battling these younger guys with one of those Gus Williams-esque balding afros, or Shaq carrying the Heat past the Pistons with Sherman Helmsley's old hairline? And why does this only work for black people? Why can't I just start shaving my head and immediately become ageless? I find the whole thing very unfair.) Question No. 6. What's the major difference between writing my column in Boston and writing my column in Los Angeles? Put it this way: If I still lived in Boston, I would be typing this right now at the Charlestown Dunkin' Donuts, as two 250-pound cops threw down powdered donuts and complained about the Red Sox bullpen and kept ignoring calls to help out at a possible armed robbery at the Sovereign Bank. Instead, I'm at a Peet's in Hollywood, surrounded by wannabe actors and actresses and people wearing bicycling outfits in public, and the dude wearing the lime-green polo at the table next to me just answered a cell phone that had Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel" as its ring tone. I feel like you need to know these things. Question No. 7: Who's been the bigger breakout star of the past few weeks -- Josh Howard on the Mavs, or Heidi on "The Hills?" Come on, nobody's touching Heidi. She's like a cross between Kristin Cavalleri, Tara Reid, Kellie Pickler and Satan; I haven't enjoyed a TV character this much since Kramer. But you have to hand it to Howard, who escalated his all-around game with an awesome performance in the Phoenix series and seems poised to win the 2006 Ben Wallace Award for "The Guy Who Was Always A Little Underrated, Then Played Well On The Big Stage And Eventually Became Overrated Because Everyone Wouldn't Stop Talking About How Underrated He Was." And yes, I always thought Howard was a little overrated. Not anymore. He's so underrated, you'll be seeing him in my Top-40 Trade Value column next month. Although I look forward to things swinging around and Howard becoming overrated again. Question No. 8: What's the worst-case scenario for each team? For Miami, it's the supporting cast -- in close games, if you double-team Wade, the Heat still need the likes of GP, Walker and Posey to make open jumpers. Would you trust these guys in the spotlight of the Finals? Me neither. Taking it a step further, should anyone REALLY be able to win a championship when they're playing the Artist Formerly Known as GP at crunch-time? He's been running on fumes for three years. I just think he'll end up killing them in at least one game, maybe two. For Dallas, it's foul trouble -- they have the right guys to guard Shaq and Wade, but you can't predict those games when all the calls start going Miami's way. And that's the thing that bothers me about this series: No team depends on the refs quite like the Heat. When the refs are calling all the bumps on Shaq and protecting Wade on every drive, they're unstoppable. When they're calling everything fairly, they're eminently beatable. If they're not getting any calls, they're just about hopeless. I could see the refs swinging two games in Miami's favor during this series, possibly three. In fact, I'm already depressed about it and the series hasn't even started yet. Question No. 9a: On a scale of 1 to 10, how excited are you for the possibility of Stern handing the trophy to Cuban? Somewhere between 29 and 35. Question No. 9b: Is there any chance that Jason Kapono and Keith Van Horn could end up guarding each other in this series while Mike Doleac looks on happily from the bench? Sadly, no. Question No. 9c: What will go down as the most unbelievable turn of events this week -- Paul Mokeski officially being four wins away from earning a championship ring, DeSagana Diop starting at center in an NBA Finals game, Nomar homering off Pedro in Dodger Stadium, Theo from "Road Rules" appearing on two different reality shows in a 24-hour span, Lillian Garcia getting accidentally knocked off the top rope during "Monday Night Raw," Adam Carolla's wife giving birth to twins, or Rocco Baldelli making it through a nine-inning Major League Baseball game without having an anvil land on him? I'm going with Theo's incredible double dip in "Fresh Meat" and "Last Comic Standing." Remember when Toni The Bug-Eyed Maniac Chick appeared in "Paradise Hotel" and "Love Cruise" in the same calendar year and THAT was a big deal? Theo's double dip was the reality equivalent of Wilt's 100-point game. It can't be topped. We'll be telling our grand kids about this. I'm convinced. Question No. 9d: Do you ever find yourself staring at Pat Riley on HD and wondering what kind of work he's had done? No comment. Question No. 9e: Between Nowitzki, Hasselhoff, the World Cup and the release of "Munich" on DVD, could this go down as the Summer of Germany? And should we all be a little frightened? Not yet. Wait to see if the chick who sang "99 Luftballoons" makes a comeback. Question No. 9f: Do you think Eva Longoria was furious that the Spurs and Tony Parker got bounced in the second round and cost her all that camera time? No question about it. Which reminds me, who's going to win the Joumanna Kidd/Eva Longoria Award for "go-to chick for cutaways during the Finals?" Can Shaq's wife raise her game? Will Nowitzki break out some smoking-hot, semi-skanky Euro girlfriend who wears bad clothes and smokes during timeouts? Will the cameramen just settle on panning the crowd in Miami and Dallas -- unquestionably the two best arenas for smoking-hot female spectators other than L.A. -- and try to fill the void that way? Or does the NBA need to arrange an emergency relationship between Devin Harris and the girl who plays Kate on "Lost"? We really need to figure this out. Question No. 10: What's the real reason Dallas is going to win? One word: Karma. Not to go all Earl Hickey on you, but Miami has flagrantly defied the Karma Gods as much as any NBA team over the past 15 years. Just glance around at this year's team ... Pat Riley: Took the Knicks to Game 7 of the Finals in '94 and the conference semis in '95, then stabbed their entire fan base in the back by jumping ship to their archrival (in especially sleazy, underhanded fashion). Bring up Riley's name to any diehard Knicks fan -- they react like Jennifer Aniston finding out that the Pitt-Jolie kid was born two days before "The Break-Up" came out. They can't handle him. (BAD KARMA RATING: 9 out of 10) Alonzo Mourning: Traded to Toronto in the Vince Carter deal, Zo pulled a complete hissy-fit and demanded his release -- but with the catch that they still had to pay him -- then held them hostage for his money before getting his release and signing with the Heat so he could piggy-back Wade and Shaq for an elusive title. And if he didn't have the whole kidney transplant thing going on, he would have looked like a total scumbag. I know I say this all the time, but just ONCE, I want to see one of these teams say, "Screw you, we're paying you, we want you to play for us, and if you're not here tomorrow, we're suspending you without pay until you show up." Just once. (BAD KARMA RATING: 7 out of 10) Jason Williams: Along with Bonzi Wells and Stro Swift, Williams caused enough problems in Memphis that Hubie Brown ultimately had to walk away because the stress of the job was affecting his health. (BAD KARMA RATING: 3 out of 10) Shaquille O'Neal: Everyone thinks that Kobe demanded his own team, which was why Shaq ended up getting traded. Actually, this is only half-true. Shaq was woefully out of shape for the 2002-03 season -- although he had just won three straight titles and was probably Kobe'd out, so I can't totally blame him -- then pushed for a lucrative extension that summer even though he had two more years remaining on his contract. Faced with a power struggle between their two superstars, as well as a gigantic financial commitment to Shaq, the Lakers panicked and stupidly held a fire sale (getting 45 cents on the dollar for him). Then Shaq deflected any local blame in Los Angeles by blaming Kobe and declaring war on him, one of his smartest political moves and yet another reason why Shaq needs to run for office some day. It wasn't nearly as sleazy as the Riley/Mourning things, but it was still a little slimy. And remember, he did the same thing to everyone in Orlando. (BAD KARMA RATING: 6 out of 10) Dwyane Wade: Keeps pushing the whole "I want to be the first guy from the 2003 Draft to win a title" spiel, which would be fine except Darko already has a ring. How dare you disrespect Darko like that, Dwyane Wade! (BAD KARMA RATING: 2 OUT OF 10) Pat Riley, Part II: Stole the team from Stan Van Gundy, then apparently had him whacked -- we haven't seen the Hedgehog since. Just a crazy turn of events. Combined with what happened with the Knicks, Riley's bad karma almost can't be calculated. Still, I'm going to try. (BAD KARMA RATING: 19 out of 10) Add everything up and that's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much bad karma. Put me down for the Mavericks in six, Nowitzki for Finals MVP and Stern handing the trophy to a sobbing Cuban, but not before making one of those biting, caustic Stern comments like, "Mark, you're living proof that money CAN buy everything!" (That's right ... Shaq! Wade! Nowitzki! Cuban! It's the Heat and the Mavericks! The NBA Finals on ABC!)

MFS62 Jun 08 2006 01:06 PM

Thanks. That was great. A few things: We know this isn't the Jayson Williams (the spelling of the other guy) who shot his chauffer. But is it the guy who almost killed himself in a motorcycle crash? (I may have mentioned this before) If the Mavs win, the look on David Stern's face when he has to hand the trophy to Mark Cuban will be like th elook on Pete Rozelle's face when he had to enter the Jets' locker room after Supr Bowl III. And that's why I'm rooting for the Mavs. Cuban will probably have a blank check ready because of what he might say to Stern. Len Bias didn't bring those bad years to the Celtics. It was GM ML (for mediocre lottery) Carr. If LA were in the finals, the camera would keep showing us Dyan Canon or Jack Nicholson - no doubt about it. Later

Centerfield Jun 08 2006 02:46 PM

Pat Riley, Part II: Stole the team from Stan Van Gundy, then apparently had him whacked -- we haven't seen the Hedgehog since. Just a crazy turn of events. Combined with what happened with the Knicks, Riley's bad karma almost can't be calculated. Still, I'm going to try. (BAD KARMA RATING: 19 out of 10) You have no idea how much I want this to be brought up instead of the stupid praise they give him for bringing three teams to the finals.

MFS62 Jun 08 2006 02:59 PM

]Not yet. Wait to see if the chick who sang "99 Luftballoons" makes a comeback. They're not bringing Nena back until she learns to shave her underarms. Yes, I remember her too. LAter

Vic Sage Jun 08 2006 03:26 PM

go Mavs. Riley sucks bhmc.

Elster88 Jun 08 2006 09:17 PM

I'm actually going to watch this Finals.

Frayed Knot Jun 08 2006 11:51 PM

"We know this isn't the Jayson Williams (the spelling of the other guy) who shot his chauffer. But is it the guy who almost killed himself in a motorcycle crash?" No, it's not him either. This is the Jayson Williams known as "White Chocolate" for a while due to his "black" (street-like) game and crazy-ass passes. I think it's a league rule that each team must have at least one J. Williams on the team. Kind of like the 20 tatoo minimum rule that was instituted in recent years. "(I may have mentioned this before) If the Mavs win, the look on David Stern's face when he has to hand the trophy to Mark Cuban will be like the look on Pete Rozelle's face when he had to enter the Jets' locker room after Supr Bowl III. And that's why I'm rooting for the Mavs. Cuban will probably have a blank check ready because of what he might say to Stern." I don't know that there's any real animosity between Stern & Cuban. I'm sure Stern finds him an occasional annoyance but also understands that he's been good for that team & city. The real painful/trophy moment was Rozelle to Al Davis. Those two were suing each other at the time and basically calling each other lying scumbags on a regular basis.

MFS62 Jun 09 2006 06:24 AM

Al Davis was the best Commissioner pro football ever had. Rozelle may have hated Davis (I have a few Davis comments - maybe some other time), but by that time, he understood the AFL was here to stay. But the Jets hit Pete right in the nuts. They made the world recognize the AFL as a rea entity. And Pete never forgot or forgave. For example, when both NY teams went to the NFL to ask for suggestions for new GMs, Pete gave George Young to the Jints and Jim Kensil to the Jets. 'Nuff said. Later

Elster88 Jun 09 2006 08:48 AM

The Mavs lead 1-0.

Elster88 Jun 16 2006 11:07 AM

I thought I was going to watch. Haven't really so far. Series tied 2-2. Shaq is a funny guy.

Elster88 Jun 18 2006 05:22 PM

Game 5 tonight. The circumstances under which the NBA uses the 2-3-2 format are pretty stupid.

Elster88 Jun 20 2006 05:13 PM

[url=http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060620]Simmons[/url] ]Unfortunately, they still had to get through Miami -- an old-school, MJ Era-type team with one superstar (Wade), another All-Star (Shaq), some overpaid pieces that didn't quite fit and a famous coach. Everything about them is predictable -- one guy creates every shot in crunch time, everyone else stands around and watches him, and every once in awhile those guys get to shoot an open jumper or finish a nice dish. This recipe would be boring if it weren't for Wade, a dynamic talent and the most consistent crunch-time scorer since Jordan. But that's the problem: In between Jordan and Wade, we had to watch all the wannabes pretending to be as good as them. And they weren't. Not even close. Here's what happens if Miami wins the title: New Jersey will say to themselves, "Hey, maybe this could happen to us with Vince Carter"; Washington will say the same about Arenas; Boston with Pierce; G-State with Richardson; the Lakers with Kobe; New Team X with Iverson. And so on and so on. But that's just the thing ... we went through this last decade. There was only one MJ; the formula couldn't be replicated. Same with Dwyane Wade; only LeBron can match him. And everyone else will fail trying, which means we can look forward to another decade of perimeter scorers going 11 for 32 in big games, teammates standing around while stars dribble at the top of the key waiting to challenge two defenders at once, and refs deciding every big game (like in Game 5) by how they interpret contact when the same guy is recklessly driving to the basket over and over again. Does any of this sound fun to you? I didn't think so.

Frayed Knot Jun 20 2006 07:48 PM

One thing about these hoops games; they're taking freakin forever to play!! Now I realize baseball games take 3 hours (and often more) to play also but: 1) they don't start them at 9:20 PM 2) in a timed game, all the extraneous stuff is [u:72008823a8]by definition[/u:72008823a8] down time. When you've got a 48-minute game (or 53 in the case with the overtime the other night) taking 180+ minutes of real time to complete then you've got a whole lotta bullshit in that sandwhich.

MFS62 Jun 21 2006 09:07 AM

Heat wins! Heat wins! I heard to day that neither Pat Reilly nor Phil Jackson (with a total of about 12 Championships between them as players or coaches) are in the Basketball Hall of Fame, but Lou Carnasecca (with one ABA Championship and not even an NCAA Championship game appearance to his credit) IS. How do you figure that? Later

Elster88 Jun 21 2006 09:08 AM

I don't like Pat Riley. I really don't like Alonzo Mourning.

Edgy DC Jun 21 2006 10:03 AM

Championshps remain a team accomplishment.

metirish Jun 21 2006 10:16 AM

I really didn't care who won and the Heat winning doesn't bother me much, Mourning is a bollox but Wade is a joy to watch, I was struck at how Reilly sounded like a preacher when talking to Dan Patrick after the game.....

MFS62 Jun 21 2006 12:37 PM

="Edgy DC"]Championshps remain a team accomplishment. So, you don't think coaches should be in the Hall of Fame? Or if you do, how else would you measure their qualifications/ contributions other than wins and Championships? Carnasecca coached St. John's during the era when undergraduates were not permitted to be drafted by the NBA - they had to stay in school until their entering class graduated. Yet during the time he coached, there was at least one St. John's player drafted every year. And there were fewer teams at the time. So that means at any one time he had three (one per class) players who were good enough to be considered NBA material. (Freshmen couldn't play varsity ball) And, with an average of three of those players each year, he never was able to win an NCAA Championship, and only made the final four once. That's over a 20+ year span. Yes, hs team won a lot of games, and he is in the Hall. But does he deserve to be there? It would seem to me that he was a great recruiter to be able to get that talent to come to his school, then somewhat less of a coach when it came time to get the most of their abilities. I would liken him to Lefty Dreisell of Maryland, who also was a great recruiter, but not a good coach. Fun public speaker. Great interview. Cool sweaters. Not so cool as a coach. Edgy, you live in the DC area. Ask around. You'l find that fans who remember him (especially Terp grads) will tell you the same things about Lefty that I've said about Louie. Later

Edgy DC Jun 21 2006 12:40 PM

]So, you don't think coaches should be in the Hall of Fame? No, I'm saying that championships are not a bottom line for anybody. Pat Riley and Phil Jackson will enter the Basketball Hall of Fame soon enough, and there's nothing controversial about waiting until a coach is older.

MFS62 Jun 21 2006 12:43 PM

Edgy DC wrote: ]So, you don't think coaches should be in the Hall of Fame? No, I'm saying that championships are not a bottom line for anybody. Pat Riley and Phil Jackson will enter the Basketball Hall of Fame soon enough, and there's nothing controversial about waiting until a coach is older. True on both. But I had to get that off my chest about Louie. Later