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Familial Nomeclature

... one spouse taking the surname of the other spouse.

9 votes

... one spouse hyphenating the surname of the other spouse onto his or her surname.

0 votes

... one spouse taking the surname of the other spouse, but retaining his or her prior surname as a now-always-used middle name.

2 votes

... both spouses hyphenating their surnames into one great hyphenation that they both use.

0 votes

... a common surname for both spouses is generated from some mashup of their prior surnames.

0 votes

... a common surname for both spouses is generated by some other technique.

0 votes

... no changes made whatsoever — we retain our unaltered, pre-marital surnames.

8 votes

... other

1 votes

Edgy MD Jan 31 2022 08:58 PM

Thinking about family names, patriarchalism, how we're all pretty much doing it differently, and how much that matters, and how much it might not, whether things will be more standardized in a generation or two, or less. So I put a bunch of selections up there, but there's also an implied second question about how your choices were applied to your kidz. Feel free to answer that as well. https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/ac/Use-a-Hyphenated-Last-Name-Step-12.jpg/v4-460px-Use-a-Hyphenated-Last-Name-Step-12.jpg.webp>

Benjamin Grimm Jan 31 2022 11:35 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

When I got married my wife took my last name and kept her original middle name. I would have been okay with her keeping her birth name.

seawolf17 Feb 01 2022 06:47 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

When I asked my wife before she got married, she said "I already have a name. What do I need yours for?" And I said "yeah, good point." And that was that.

Fman99 Feb 01 2022 06:51 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife took my last name, knowing that she was going from having a more commonly heard and recognized last name to one that would at the very least draw more attention to her. She was fine with that, she was and is proud to have married into my family. It didn't hurt that her own father is a non-presence in her life and had been for many years. It was a bit of a scandal when my brother's first wife kept her maiden name, only because no one else marrying into our family had ever done that, and because we did not find out until we were at the ceremony. Not sure why it mattered, except that it did. I think there was a belief that she was reluctant to change her name because she was not as committed to that marriage as she needed to be (it only lasted a few years). His second wife did change her name.

Willets Point Feb 01 2022 07:46 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

We made no changes. For some reason my wife's relatives like to address her by my surname all the same.

TransMonk Feb 01 2022 07:46 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife kept her maiden name. It was never really a topic of discussion - it is part of who she is and how she identifies herself.

Willets Point Feb 01 2022 07:48 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Also, since my initials are LS and hers are SL there were a lot of people who suggested we should just swap surnames so we can both be alliterative.

kcmets Feb 01 2022 08:24 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife kept her family name, which is much nicer than my last name. I have no particular attachment to mine, except that it's the C in KC. My birth father was adopted and it probably wasn't his real name anyways and in addition to that he was a flat out piece of shit who bailed on my Mom and I when I was an infant and then never paid a dime in support.

Johnny Lunchbucket Feb 01 2022 09:56 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

wifey bucket went by her real name till Lunchpail came along now uses her last as middle

Edgy MD Feb 01 2022 10:35 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

It's a funny and challenging topic because mostly good logic still often leads to some dead end, after which you just defer to preference with or without logic, and that's fine mostly, because calling yourself whatever you want has it's own logic and justification. Mostly it does, unless/until something new challenges it. >>> "It's not like I'm yours because we got married." >>> >>> "Absolutely not. Certainly not in any way that I am not also yours." >>> "So why should I suddenly give up my name, as if I'm your property?" >>> >>> "Sure, but why should you hang on to your father's name, as if you're somehow his property?" >>> "But ... it's not his name. It's my name." >>> >>> "From your family. But now we're a new family, and by that token ... ." >>> "Can you shut up now?" >>> >>> "Absolutely. We can revisit this ... ." >>> "Never? Is never good for you?"

Willets Point Feb 01 2022 11:04 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

I knew a woman with the surname Petro who married a man named Smith and they both took on the name Petrosmith, which just sounds cool, like someone working with an anvil and crude oil.

RealityChuck Feb 01 2022 11:37 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife took my last name, but used her maiden name as her middle name. She also includes it as her full name professionally -- like it was hyphenated but without the hyphen. I liked the compromise, especially since her maiden name was that of my great great grandmother.

whippoorwill Feb 01 2022 02:13 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

I am my husbands wife, I joined his family (puke emoji) , I took his name. For a middle name/initial, I generally use my given initial ‘K', for Kathleen, but on Facebook I use my maiden last name for my middle name

G-Fafif Feb 01 2022 03:18 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife kindly added my last name to her original last name, sans hyphen. It quickly became her last name in practice, with her original last name essentially functioning as her middle name. In appreciation for her becoming Mrs. Fafif, I added her original last initial to the middle of my byline in all professional settings, meaning neither of our given middle names or initials gets much of a workout anymore, save for the occasional document.

MFS62 Feb 01 2022 05:16 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Benjamin Grimm wrote: When I got married my wife took my last name and kept her original middle name. Same here. A curious name thing and not pertinent to this thread, but her original last name (a pass) and mine (a town) are seen very near to each other on some maps of Europe. Later

Lefty Specialist Feb 01 2022 05:26 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife has kept her own name going on 32 years of marriage now. Never been a problem, but both of us working for the same company, even after more than 20 years there some people didn't realize we're married because our last names are different. Rode an elevator once with a bunch of people who worked in her department and one of them was bitching about the Missus. The others, knowing who I was, had looks of terror in their eyes. I found it hilarious (and it made for a good story on the way home that night). My son has my last name and my wife's last name is his middle name. Worked for everybody.

Frayed Knot Feb 01 2022 07:04 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

The wife's last name -- or some previous maternal family name -- passed on as a middle name is a classic WASP tradition. My clan has plenty of those both currently and going back generations. WASPs tend to re-use names a lot too but that's just because I think we're all just too dull to think of new ones. Still, no one beats the Icelandic, at least in the west, for carrying on the patronymic tradition. Last names there are your father's first name with either son or dottir tacked on to the end* leading to the situation where dad, mom, bro, and sis all have different last names, or if two do duplicate it's by coincidence (like if husband and father-in-law both have the same first name then wife and daughter would as well). It seems to work for them but they're a mostly uni-ethnic country with less than 1/2 million pop so I guess keeping track is easier, although I did read once that a phone app is popular there for young singles on the prowl, one that helps determine how closely that cute thing across the bar is related to you because you can't tell just by name alone. * also heard recently (I think it was on JEOPARDY) that a recent law allows Icelandic newborns to have a suffix meaning just 'child' (or some such neutral designation) tacked on to dad's name where previously only son or dottir were permitted. I guess that's a nod to gender fluidity or less strict assumed roles or something.

dinosaur jesus Feb 01 2022 07:16 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife took my last name. Her name was one of those where the spelling doesn't match the pronunciation--if you see it, you won't know how to say it, and if you hear it, you won't know how to spell it--and she was tired of explaining. My name is boring, but it doesn't confuse anyone.

The Hot Corner Feb 01 2022 08:30 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

We're old fashioned tradionalists I guess. My wife took my last name, while retaining her given first and middle name. When we moved to North Carolina in 1985, she was upset when the DMV issued her driver license with her First name, Maiden Name and my last name. She told me that is not my name. She was adamant that the DMV needed to issue her a new license with her preferred name by dropping her maiden name and using her given middle name. She went back and got a new license issued according to her preferences.

metsmarathon Feb 02 2022 07:22 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

boring traditionalists over here.

Marshmallowmilkshake Feb 02 2022 07:48 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife took my last name. Both of us had common, easy to spell names. She changed it at work, too. I notice many of the married people I work with tend to continue using their maiden names professionally while legally taking their spouse's name. My sister-in-law married someone with a name that can be a little tricky to spell and pronounce, and kept her maiden name. I think my brother and his husband both kept their names after they married last year.

Benjamin Grimm Feb 02 2022 07:53 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Both of my sisters took their husband's names. In fact, I know very few married couples that didn't follow the traditional convention. I do have a friend whose wife kept her name, and they agreed that their sons would get the father's last name and the daughters would get the mother's. They even had a set of boy-girl twins who got different last names. (And different first names too, of course.)

Frayed Knot Feb 02 2022 08:28 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Ex-es keeping their former husband's last name is something I find odd. Maybe some feel it important to keep the same last name as their children. You also see it sometimes with people in the public eye who become known under a married name and therefore are reluctant to shed it after a split; Rachel Welch [Jo Raquel Tejada] & Joni Mitchell [Roberta Joan Anderson] come to mind as ones spending virtually their entire adult life carrying a name from an early and brief marriage.

Willets Point Feb 02 2022 08:39 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Susan Sarandon has married three other men since divorcing Chris Sarandon. For the longest time I thought Susan and Chris were siblings because they got divorced before I knew who they were. Ronnie Spector is the most puzzling example, both because the surname came from an abusive murderer of a husband, and because she became famous as Veronica Bennett before changing her name.

Marshmallowmilkshake Feb 02 2022 08:42 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Feb 02 2022 08:53 AM

Frayed Knot wrote: Ex-es keeping their former husband's last name is something I find odd. Maybe some feel it important to keep the same last name as their children. You also see it sometimes with people in the public eye who become known under a married name and therefore are reluctant to shed it after a split; Rachel Welch [Jo Raquel Tejada] & Joni Mitchell [Roberta Joan Anderson] come to mind as ones spending virtually their entire adult life carrying a name from an early and brief marriage. Pat Benatar, too! Though her maiden name was Andrzejewski.

Benjamin Grimm Feb 02 2022 08:45 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My girlfriend has kept her ex-husband's name (because of her kids) and my ex-wife has kept my name. (Perhaps because of the kids or perhaps because of inertia. Who knows?)

dinosaur jesus Feb 02 2022 09:28 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My ex-wife married again and divorced again, and she's using my last name now. I don't know what that's about, and I don't think I should ask.

Edgy MD Feb 02 2022 09:44 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Some sports columnist back in the day wondered if Tuesday Weld married Bobby Orr, divorced him and married Rick Monday, divorced him and married Ray Knight, and then divorced him and married Fredric March the Third, would she be "Tuesday Orr Monday Knight March the Third"? I didn't quite know who Fredric March was, or if he actually was a "third," but I guess I appreciated the effort to get there.

Benjamin Grimm Feb 02 2022 09:58 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

dinosaur jesus wrote: My ex-wife married again and divorced again, and she's using my last name now. I don't know what that's about, and I don't think I should ask. Maybe she likes having the last name of "Jesus".

Frayed Knot Feb 02 2022 10:25 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Willets Point wrote: Susan Sarandon has married three other men since divorcing Chris Sarandon. For the longest time I thought Susan and Chris were siblings because they got divorced before I knew who they were. And I'm just finding out from you here that Chris and Susan were married at one point. I probably assumed they were either siblings or unrelated although I'm not sure I ever thought about it. But Susan didn't marry three times since, she's actually never been legally married to any of the men she was with. Mostly notably she and Tim Robbins would take every opportunity to point out that they were most definitely NOT married despite twenty plus years and two children. There's a passage from the book 'WILD' where the author recalls filling out the paperwork for her divorce and coming to the line about what her future name would be. Only while doing so did it occur to her that it could be her current name, her original name, or anything else she wanted it to be. Figuring that it was the perfect opportunity to mesh with the fresh start she was planning and how her straying was a prime cause of the divorce, she became Cheryl Strayed.

whippoorwill Feb 02 2022 10:59 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Benjamin Grimm wrote: dinosaur jesus wrote: My ex-wife married again and divorced again, and she's using my last name now. I don't know what that's about, and I don't think I should ask. Maybe she likes having the last name of "Jesus". That would be pretty cool

Willets Point Feb 02 2022 11:56 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

Thanks for the correction. By the way, Chris Sarandon has been remarried two more times and his current spouse Joanna Gleason got her name from her first husband.

Centerfield Feb 02 2022 11:57 AM Re: Familial Nomeclature

My wife kept her last name. I can't imagine calling her something else. Even saying her name with my last name sounds weird.

Lefty Specialist Feb 02 2022 12:46 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

There are occasions when I've been referred to as Mr (her name) and she's been called Ms (my name). Fewer now than there used to be; when our son was in school there was a lot of that on her side. But I couldn't conceive of her having my last name at any point. It was a good decision for us in 1990 and remains one to this day. As always, your mileage may vary.

Fman99 Feb 02 2022 12:50 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

This seems less important to me at my age than it did when I actually did get married. Not sure why that is either.

Edgy MD Feb 02 2022 12:53 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

I've elected not to correct the dry cleaner when she calls me by my wife's surname, and Cha never corrected my mother sending correspondence addressed to her under my surname. She and I have different philosophies on the matter (I wanted to hyphenate both of our names), but a little grace goes a long way.

metsmarathon Feb 02 2022 01:01 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

my mother kept my father's name after they got divorced back in the early 70s, when i was a wee peanut. at the time i think she thought - or was given dodgy(?) advice - that it would be easier to get child support that way. late in my college career, her and my sisters wanted to change their last names. some of it was absolutely based on the ethnic sound of it. i resisted at the time because, well, i had grown attached to my own name. of the three kids, i was also most likely to be keeping mine, given a traditional patronymical mindset. also, c'mon. a few years later, my older sister, who'd led the charge and had the greatest objections, reconnected with my father, and has since taken on a latina patina. people are weird.

Benjamin Grimm Feb 02 2022 01:10 PM Re: Familial Nomeclature

I've been called Mr. (Her Name) too. It happened when I was living with my wife before we got married, and more recently with my girlfriend. The recent example is weird to me in a way that the earlier example isn't, because now Mr. (Her Name) is the name of her ex-husband.