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The Benson Bunch in "Trade Rumors"

Johnny Dickshot May 08 2006 12:37 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on May 08 2006 01:04 PM

Hey, guys. Time for a 2006 update. OK. Are we all here? Here. Aqui. Down here in Florida still. I’m here but wish I weren’t. I’m still here. Here. Yup. Good then, How’re y’all doin? Rough start for me. I’m 3-2 but my ERA’s 5.35. I haven’t won yet. Oh and 2, 5.63. Neither of us pitch in the big series this week. What does that say? That you suck, obviously. I’ve stopped sucking. That’s cuz you’re on the DL. 0-3, 6.90? The Dbags are lucky you’re hurt. I’m also hurt! I had knee surgery last week. I’m hurt too. What else is new? I am also hurt – but only my feeeeelings. Mi madre is hospitalized and I’m on the Bereavement List. I want to go back to my team so as to improve my 6.90 ERA. Um, Odalis. You may not be coming back. Ay Caramba! You’re gonna be traded? To Los Mets! Mets?!? Good luck! Lousy cheapass backstabbing lying motherfu--- Hey, time out, Kris. What? Maybe they did you a favor. How do you mean? Look around you. You’re surrounded by the biggest group of spazzes and losers I can imagine. Look at me. I’m a total bust at 12 million a year! And Leiber? Sure he had a good year last year, but look now: 2-4, 6.60. Hey! Well, I don’t suck this year. 1-1, 3.15. Yeah well, that makes one of you. I don’t completely suck this year: I’m leading the Bunch in victories with 4! But your ERA is almost 5. They’d be killing you in New York with that. Maybe so. But I’m still turning out to be a better deal than the rest of you! And I’m happy the Mets have to take on of you on cuz they were too dumb to keep me. Maybe they just got rid of you at the right time. This whole group sucks. Hey Kris. Can I have your old locker? Bite me. That's OK. I’ll post pictures of your wife in it anyway.

Willets Point May 08 2006 12:50 PM

Ah the Benson Bunch!

Benjamin Grimm May 08 2006 12:50 PM

Benjamin Grimm May 08 2006 12:51 PM

Unbelievable.

Centerfield May 08 2006 12:52 PM

Holy Oprah Winfrey.

Edgy DC May 08 2006 12:53 PM

Wondermints. Link's broken, but wondermints.

Benjamin Grimm May 08 2006 12:54 PM

metirish May 08 2006 12:55 PM

Great stuff Dickshot...

Centerfield May 08 2006 01:04 PM

Ever notice how these amazing coincidences always involve Yancy?

Johnny Dickshot May 08 2006 01:05 PM

Something screwy in my code (imagine!) the url is in there somewhere

Frayed Knot May 08 2006 01:06 PM

I surprised none of them abused Leiber on the length of the HR he gave up to Balco-boy last night. Holy Shit that thing went a long way!!

Willets Point May 08 2006 02:24 PM

Frayed Knot wrote: I surprised none of them abused Leiber on the length of the HR he gave up to Balco-boy last night. Holy Shit that thing went a long way!! Maybe they'll get to that after the commercial break.

metirish May 31 2006 02:25 PM

Bump for updates...if you have time JD.

seawolf17 Jun 14 2006 04:51 AM

And [url=http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2482960]Russ Ortiz[/url] becomes the most expensive player ever cut.

Johnny Dickshot Jun 14 2006 04:54 AM

Help! Guys? Hey guys!

Edgy DC Jun 14 2006 07:14 AM

Two things 1) It's probably not true, relative to the rest of the league, but it seems like the Mets have really been greasing the skids for some of these guys. 2) The Diamondbacks --- like Seattle --- really seem unafraid to cut a guy and move forward. Move on, anyhow.

soupcan Jun 14 2006 07:20 AM

Edgy DC wrote: 2) The Diamondbacks --- like Seattle --- really seem unafraid to cut a guy and move forward. Move on, anyhow. Even so, that's a lot of money to eat. A lot.

Edgy DC Jun 14 2006 07:29 AM

A whole lot. Although the link actually says he's been DFA'd and not cut He won't be cliamed, but they may try to flip him for somebody else's white elephant. They'll probably fail, but they may well re-assign him to AAA in ten days rather than releasing him outright.

Frayed Knot Jun 14 2006 07:54 AM

I didn't like that deal when it was made - but man that one turned into about a big a disaster as can be. "The Diamondbacks --- like Seattle --- really seem unafraid to cut a guy and move forward. " Who was Seattle's big ticket cut-ee? The biggest dollar-eating fests I can remember was when the Angels dumped Appier and also the Tiggers w/Damian Easley. Both were owed somewhere in the mid-teen$ IIRC. The trouble with swapping him for someone else's white elephant of a contract is that there just aren't as many of them around these days. Even with the jump in contracts - both $$ & length - over the last two years, the situation isn't back to where it was during the '98-'01 'dot-com' era boom time when there were bloated deals all over the landscape.

Edgy DC Jun 14 2006 08:08 AM

Sure, but I was thinking there was maybe another leftover fringe Benson Buncher, or some bum from the Yankees that has faded into the woodwork and we had all forgotten had left the Yankees on the hook for 8.7 million. But, obviously, I said they'd probably fail, so I share your attitude about a possible deal being out there. The one I was thinking of with Seattle was Bret Boone. There may have been another release also that helped that impression along.

Johnny Dickshot Jun 14 2006 08:11 AM

John Olerud a few years back.

Edgy DC Jun 14 2006 08:43 AM

That's the one.

The Big O Jun 14 2006 11:54 PM

Also Rich Aurilia around that time. Not sure if he was high-dollar, but definitely a Name Player they were willing discard.

Frayed Knot Jun 15 2006 07:10 AM

All of those though were 'last year of the contract' guys cut with only a partial year remaining. This Ortiz DFA, along with the Appier/Easley ones are the real nut-crunching cuts.

OlerudOwned Jun 17 2006 11:46 AM

Odalis Perez: [url=http://www.deadspin.com/sports/baseball/odalis-perezs-charitable-contributions-180339.php]Jerk[/url]

A Boy Named Seo Jun 17 2006 11:52 AM

Odalis Update: Odalis Perez garnered press recently for retaking his starting spot from Jae Seo. That's not all he was recognized for. Here's this snippet from Dodger Blues' Asshole of the Moment feature: ]It was reported on Saturday by the Press-Telegram that since losing his starting spot, Odalis Perez has also stopped his O’s 45’s program, where he bought 45 tickets for inner-city school children to attend his starts. He said he wouldn't re-instate the program now that he's starting because he felt he never got enough credit for his charitable contributions. “When you spend your own money, you want to be recognized for that,” Perez said. “I don’t want to be a hero, but just pay more attention to what I’m doing. People don’t want to give me the recognition for it.” You want recognition, Odalis? Well, we all recognize that you're a dickhead. How's that?