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Racist, Ignorant Sports Journalism

Rotblatt Jun 07 2006 09:48 AM

at its [url=http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/news/columnists/14741693.htm]finest[/url]. I literally don't know what to say about this bullshit. Do me a favor and don't click on the link--no need to pump up the hit count of this piece of shit article. ]Maybe non-fans do know soccer If the government really is serious about identifying illegal immigrants, it soon will be provided a unique opportunity to record their whereabouts. All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals. No one who actually is from here cares about the most over-hyped, mind-numbingly boring event in the world. Nevertheless, ABC and ESPN will combine to broadcast all 64 games live and in high definition starting on Friday. High definition means that over the course of a 90-minute contest, both scoring chances can be viewed with crystal clarity. There's no word yet on whether any of the games will be presented "commercial free." The networks usually make a big deal out of doing that. It's their way of telling us how important the World Cup is. Remember, there were no commercial interruptions when man first walked on the moon. It makes sense, too. After 20-minute stretches of televised World Cup nothingness, an action-packed commercial definitely would seem intrusive. Thirty years after soccer was supposed to be the next thing here, ESPN and ABC will attempt to "educate" as well as entertain American viewers during the World Cup, according to an article in Sunday's paper. The arrogance is astounding. The networks still are subscribing to the tired old chestnut that Americans aren't interested in soccer because we don't understand it. All that tactical beauty is somehow slipping past us. We aren't smart enough to understand the nuances involved in the most popular game in the world. In fact, just the opposite is true. We don't like soccer because we do understand it. And it's awful. It's time to quit apologizing and tell the truth. When it comes to soccer, we're right, and the rest of the world is wrong. If they want to dance in the streets of Cameroon or Belgium over this stuff, fine. But the sport does not suit American taste, and we should stop feeling guilty about it. Look, Americans are an industrious people. We use our hands. We catch footballs. We throw baseballs. We hit golf balls and tennis balls by gripping a piece of equipment. It is unnatural for us to put our hands behind our backs and try to "pass" a soccer ball to a teammate by bouncing it off our heads. We aren't circus seals, and no one is going to toss us a fish if we do it right. It also offends our sense of fair play to watch a lone referee try to police an area the size of Rhode Island and then get blamed for the outcome by whichever team loses. And regardless of how passionate we are about our sports teams, we draw the line at pipe bombs. Many spectators in soccer-crazed countries warm up for a big match by hitting their neighbor in the head with a brick. And as soon as little Nigel or Fiona is old enough, mum and dad take them out back and practice squishing them against a chain link fence. No matter which country wins, rest assured that thousands will die in worldwide rioting. I'm going to pick up the satellite feed of The Hooligan Network, direct from Europe. They show split screen: the soccer game on one half, fans clubbing each other on the other. Yes, America may be the only country that doesn't go goofy for soccer. We also are the only remaining super power. Don't you see a connection there? In fairness, soccer is a great activity for little kids. It allows them to run around outside before their motor skills are fully developed and they can move onto something else. It's not bad at the high school level, either, because individual abilities vary greatly at that age, and weird play often occurs as a result. Beyond that, it's unbearable. As the World Cup rolls around again, I refuse to apologize for saying I'd rather have a colonoscopy than watch a minute of it. Soccer is the rest of the world's problem. Let's not even fake it anymore. Who cares if the French or Chinese think we are uncivilized? What's the big deal if opponents from the Middle East shake hands after a match? Their countries will be at each other's throats again the next day, anyway. Perhaps ABC and ESPN will garner decent ratings when the tournament begins. For at least one government agency, the demographics of that audience could prove very interesting. Tom Powers can be reached at tpowers@pioneerpress.com. If you're so inspired, send emails to following: Thom Fladung, editor: tfladung@pioneerpress.com Letters to the editor: letters@pioneerpress.com I wouldn't bother with the "journalist" who wrote it.

Johnny Dickshot Jun 07 2006 09:52 AM

Yah, stupid article. Tho, I think he was trying to be funny (failed) and wasn't expecting to be taken as face value.

Elster88 Jun 07 2006 09:53 AM

That's amazing. I'm reading it and laughing because my natural reaction is to think it's just a joke, somehow satirizing the "ignorant American" stereotype.

holychicken Jun 07 2006 09:54 AM

LMFAO!!!!!!! That can't possibly be serious. I mean, that has to be one of the most jingoistic, racist and stupid articles I have ever read. How that even got published, unless it is just an outright joke, is totally beyond me.

Edgy DC Jun 07 2006 10:00 AM

The sad part is the round-up-the-illegals lead. The rest is ignorant and mean, sure, but as much as he doesn't understand the world, the lead suggests he doesn't understand America either.

metirish Jun 07 2006 10:05 AM

] No one who actually is from here cares about the most over-hyped, mind-numbingly boring event in the world That line is getting old , I know plenty of Americans that care about the World Cup, and the WC can't possibly be more hyped than lets say the Olympics or even the Superbowl.

Edgy DC Jun 07 2006 10:12 AM

A big portion of the leadup to the Oscars and the Superbowl are the broadcasters boastingly repeating, without analysis, the event organizers' claims of worldwide audience hanging on the outcomes. It's crap, you know, but we sure seem to need a Guineau-Bissau audience to validate our spectacle.

Rotblatt Jun 07 2006 10:21 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Jun 07 2006 10:24 AM

]Dear Mr. Fladung: I am shocked at your irresponsible decision to publish such an ignorant, blatantly racist piece as Tom Powers' Maybe non-fans do know soccer. I can only assume that you and your fellow editors at the Pioneer Press decided the risk of propagating ignorance and racism through such lines as, "Many spectators in soccer-crazed countries warm up for a big match by hitting their neighbor in the head with a brick,"was outweighed by the hope that you'd sell a few more papers and drive a few more people to your website. A poor decision, Mr. Fladung, and I hope your readers will follow my suit, and pick up a Star Tribune instead. Since I moved from Minneapolis, I became an infrequent reader of your paper, and I can't say that you'll miss my business much. However, I assure you that I will encourage my family and friends who remain in Minnesota to cancel their subscriptions. Hoping that you and your staff will make better decisions in the future, Rotblatt The Strib is their main competitor in Minneapolis, and frankly, they've always been significantly better than the Pioneer Press.

Elster88 Jun 07 2006 10:24 AM

Edgy DC wrote: The sad part is the round-up-the-illegals lead. The rest is ignorant and mean, sure, but as much as he doesn't understand the world, the lead suggests he doesn't understand America either. This is for a whole other thread. A long thread.

Nymr83 Jun 07 2006 10:49 AM

]It is unnatural for us to put our hands behind our backs and try to "pass" a soccer ball to a teammate by bouncing it off our heads. We aren't circus seals, and no one is going to toss us a fish if we do it right. thats pretty funny. I article was obviously joking, whether you found it funny or not is really not relevant, get off the guy's ass. I think I'm going to write to the editor and tell him that not everyone has a stick up their ass and to keep up the good work.

Rotblatt Jun 07 2006 11:05 AM

Nymr83 wrote: article was obviously joking, whether you found it funny or not is really not relevant, get off the guy's ass. I think I'm going to write to the editor and tell him that not everyone has a stick up their ass and to keep up the good work. Seriously? I mean, even the non-racist bits were just dumb, with the exception of the line you quoted. And I get that he was trying to be funny, but just . . . no. I'm sorry, but even the Daily News or the Post wouldn't publish claptrap like that. It doesn't belong in anything resembling a newspaper.

Elster88 Jun 07 2006 11:08 AM

I just realized it sounded like a Dave Barry article...that's why I thought it was funny.

ScarletKnight41 Jun 07 2006 11:10 AM

I love Dave Barry. He's usually a bit less subtle than this, though - there's never any question that he's joking.

Frayed Knot Jun 07 2006 11:28 AM

I thnik it's an attempt at humor that falls way short. Nothing wrong with writing an article which counter-acts the many which are in a sense doing just the opposite; calling Americans ignorant for NOT embracing soccer. I just could have done with fewer illegal alien "jokes" and lines about how 'thousands will die'.

Centerfield Jun 07 2006 11:33 AM

I didn't get the feeling he was satirizing ignorant Americans. I think he is one.

Edgy DC Jun 07 2006 11:38 AM

Centerfield, I've been meaning to tell you that I really liked Memoirs of a Geisha.

MFS62 Jun 07 2006 12:18 PM

I think he was trying to be funny. By saying "rest of the world" it doesn't mean he is specifically racist; more ethnocentric and a litttle too sarcastic. This is milder and not quite outrageous as some of the comments I've heard about the sport. One acquaintence of mine actually considered soccer to be a worlwide Communist plot (it was before the wall came down and the USSR broke up). His jingoistic reasoning went something like this: For decades, US athletes used to kick the asses of athletes from every other country in all sports during the Olympics. In an attempt to bring the US back to the rest of the pack, those countries conspired to introduce soccer into the schools and playgrounds of America, thereby siphoning off the best athletes into a sport in which there was no infrastructure to get good in. He felt that the lure of soccer was the low cost to school systems and communities because no equipment was needed. As more and more US kids got into the game, they stayed away from the other sports in which the US had traditionally been strong. He said his point was proven by the decreased percentage of Olympic medals coming here, and added "What kind of sport can it be if a 13 year old from a country whose name you can't pronounce can beat the best trained American college athletes nine times out of ten?" As I said, this was mild by comparison. Later

Elster88 Jun 07 2006 12:21 PM

I've heard soccer referred to as a communist sport for those reasons...but it was a joke. I didn't know people actually still believed that.

MFS62 Jun 07 2006 12:24 PM

When you consider that this guy is to the right of Ann Coulter, I'm sure he still believes it. Later

Vic Sage Jun 09 2006 12:47 PM

Since no one else will say it, I will. He is clearly trying to be humorous, but not to satirize racist, jingoistic Americans. I think he is expressing his actual view of soccer, using intentionally exaggerated nationalistic allusions for emphasis, for comic effect, and yes, to offend. But I don't find the humor racist... xenophobic, yes; nationalistic, certainly. But its as critical of Brits, French, Belgians, and Europeans generally (presumably of the same "race" as the author and the majority of Americans for whom he is presuming to speak) as he is of the Camaroonians, Chinese, Middle Easterners and illegal immigrants (presumably Mexican, i guess, but he makes no allusion to their ethnicity) who are all chided equally for liking this stupid game. I happen to think the article was funny enough (albeit more in concept than execution) and, stripping away the political elements, I happen to share his view of soccer... it's a boring game, and maybe we're right about that and everybody else is wrong. And even if its not true that America is right, and everybody else is wrong (in this one instance, anyway), I think it's a funny idea to say so, in a chest-beating "fukk you" style. Actually, I'd have more trouble with this article if I thought he was just trying to mock his "I'm proud to hate soccer" view, rather than trying to express it in a funny (to me), exaggerated way.

MFS62 Jun 09 2006 12:57 PM

Vic, that's sorta' what I was trying to get at in the first few lines of my long post (about four above this one). But, as usual, you said it much better than I did. I hat you. (j/k) Dick Young summarized why Americans don't take to the game of soccer in one line: "The game ended in a 0-0 tie, the score that made soccer famous". Later

metirish Jun 09 2006 01:00 PM

]"The game ended in a 0-0 tie, the score that made soccer famous". Jesus I hate that line, lets just say American football awarded 1 point for a touchdown you'd have a lot of 2 to 1 games or 1 to nil games,and I have watched plenty of 0-0 games that have been brilliant to watch, just because there was no score doen't mean the game was shite......

Elster88 Jun 09 2006 01:59 PM

Agreed Irish. Just look at baseball. We had brilliantly played 13 inning 1-0 game just a few weeks ago. Lots of people (though no one on this site) who don't understand baseball would call it boring. And the only reason a 3-0 football game is boring is because there is a 15-minute commercial break at every punt. Take that away and the low scoring football games are more exciting then the high scoring games.