Master Index of Archived Threads


Doh!

soupcan Dec 17 2006 11:44 AM

I couldn't find a 'Stupid things I've Done' thread so I figured I start one with this story... Last night, my wife and I went into the City for a holiday party at my sister's apartment on the upper west side. During the party my brother-in-law introduced me to another guest - 'Soupcan this is Billy Squier, Billy, this is my brother-in-law soupcan'. I thought to myself - 'This guy's name is Billy Squier? That's funny, he has the same name as that guy that sung 'The Stroke' and 'Everybody Wants You'. I made a mental note to at some time during the night talk to that guy and ask him if he ever gets mistaken for the ex-rocker. Never got the chance but a few hours later as we were leaving the party, Billy and his wife got into our elevator. I said to him 'Billy Squier, right?' He nods. I said 'when we were introduced I immediately thought of that rocker dude from the eighties (my exact words by the way). Do you ever get mistaken for him? The elevator door opened and he said 'Yeah, and I collect his royalties too.' I laughed and we both went on our respective ways. Then I started thinking. My bro-in-law is a CPA and specializes in clients in the music industry.....oops. I think that actually was Billy Squier! I called my sister when I got home told her the story and said 'please tell me that that wasn't really Billy Squier... She laughed and told me that in fact it was Billy Squier the 'rocker dude from the eighties'. Nice huh? How big a frikkin' moron am I?

cooby Dec 17 2006 11:50 AM

Don't feel too bad. It's not like you called attention to the fact that he looks so different now that he's 20 years older that he's not recognizable or anything...oh wait...

KC Dec 17 2006 12:05 PM

I don't think it was all that big a faux pas. I'm sure he'd rather not being re- cognized than someone at a party break into stroke me, stroke me. Stroke.

Edgy DC Dec 17 2006 12:24 PM

Billy got pretty old looking pretty fast after the "Take Me in Your Arms" fiasco. A real faux pas would have been to have been the thousandth person to remind him that he made one of the top ten bad rock 'n' roll career moves.

cooby Dec 17 2006 01:06 PM

See if you can get your sister to ask him if he was listening to the Osmonds singing "Crazy Horses" while he was writing "Stroke Me"!!!

MFS62 Dec 17 2006 01:39 PM

He was at your sister's, right. Find out: How long she's known him and didn't tell you. Where he lives. Then, stalk him. Later

soupcan Dec 17 2006 02:38 PM

He sure as hell did get old looking. In my mind he's a tall good looking guy with long wavy brown hair from his videos. In reality he is at least an inch shorter than me (I'm 5'11") not so good-looking (although his wife wasn't too shabby) and very little to no gray hair. I felt bad because I honestly thought that there's no way this is the Billy Squier I'm thinking about because he'd be way too cool to be hanging out in my sister's apartment. But I felt like I came across as 'Dude, you're are so old and uncool looking how could you possibly even be that one-maybe-two hit wonder from 30 years ago?' cooby - my bro-in-law said he'll tell him that for me, would you really like me to ask him that question or were you just kidding? I'm unfamiliar with 'Crazy Horses' do they sound similar?

soupcan Dec 17 2006 02:40 PM

="Edgy DC"] A real faux pas would have been to have been the thousandth person to remind him that he made one of the top ten bad rock 'n' roll career moves. Yeah I had some vague memory of something like that. Wasn't he in a band or something and then went solo? After some initial success he just fell off the planet? Something close to that or not?

cooby Dec 17 2006 03:14 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Dec 17 2006 06:11 PM

Well, it might not be such a hot idea at that to insult the poor guy by asking him if he was copying off of the Osmonds. The songs themselves don't sound much alike, but I always thought the refrain-y parts were kinda similar... Crazy Horses can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/All-Time-Greatest-Hits-Osmond-Family/dp/B00004GJX8/sr=1-10/qid=1166391958/ref=sr_1_10/105-4738177-0434865?ie=UTF8&s=music I know! Instead, tell your brother in law to tell him that all your friends were really impressed that you met him! And that you noticed that he hardly has any gray hair!

Rockin' Doc Dec 17 2006 03:49 PM

It could have been worse, Soup. At least you didn't say, "Do you ever get mistaken for that 80's rocker that made that embarrassing "Rock Me Tonite" video? Damn, was that lame."

Edgy DC Dec 17 2006 05:10 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Dec 17 2006 05:15 PM

No, he hit it as a solo act and went down as one. What he did was shoot a video for "Rock Me Tonight" (available at youtube NOW!!!!) that was so chillingly homoerotic that he was scarcely heard from again.

SteveJRogers Dec 17 2006 05:15 PM

Soup, I did that once to Ed Kranepool, though I'm pretty sure he didn't realize that I just told him "Hey you look a lot like Ed Kranepool" (it was at Shea during a game) and thought he heard "Hey you're Ed Kranepool" Took me a few seconds after he said "Thanks" to realize I just told Ed Kranepool that he looks like Ed Kranepool

ScarletKnight41 Dec 17 2006 05:39 PM

soup - you can tell him that your friend saw him play with Ringo this past summer and that he still rocks.

cooby Dec 17 2006 06:10 PM

Edgy DC wrote: No, he hit it as a solo act and went down as one. What he did was shoot a video for "Rock Me Tonight" (available at youtube NOW!!!!) that was so chillingly homoerotic that he was scarcely heard from again. Not finding it...

Johnny Dickshot Dec 17 2006 09:20 PM

Discussion of it kicked off our video thread... but it sez it's no longer available. Billy Squier was in a band called Piper before he made it as a solo act. [url]http://cybermessageboard.ehost.com/getalife/viewtopic.php?t=4090&highlight=squier[/url]

Edgy DC Dec 17 2006 10:36 PM

There's a good description in this blog, which reads suspiciously like the guy's been aping Dickshot's style.

soupcan Dec 18 2006 07:21 AM

Now see, if I had just RMPL'd a bit more I could have actually had something to say to the guy. That is if I recognized that he in fact was who I was certain he wasn't.

Methead Dec 18 2006 07:33 AM

It could be worse, soup. You could have tried to back your car out of the garage while the door was still closed, like I did. Talk about stupid. And expensive.

soupcan Dec 18 2006 07:43 AM

DOH!

Johnny Dickshot Dec 18 2006 08:31 AM

This woulda been perfect material for the "You suck" thread, but that never took off. "The Stroke" btw was a big middle finger to music-industry exec like your bro in law

soupcan Dec 18 2006 09:02 AM

Johnny Dickshot wrote: "The Stroke" btw was a big middle finger to music-industry exec like your bro in law He's not a music industry exec. Just a CPA who specializes in peeps in the biz. He had other clients there. I also met a big fat opera singer named Johann. Didn't insult him though.

Benjamin Grimm Dec 18 2006 09:08 AM

Well, until now, that is.

soupcan Dec 18 2006 09:18 AM

Well...yeah.

Frayed Knot Dec 18 2006 11:12 AM

="Methead"]It could be worse ... You could have tried to back your car out of the garage while the door was still closed I Done that! (many moons ago) The old man's station wagon fit into the garage with barely inches to spare on each side so it didn't take much more than just that first slight roll as you're still first turning your head around to really put a nice crunch into one of those pull-down doors. Good thing it wasn't me being introduced to some guy named Billy Squire. 'man, it must suck having the same name as the guy who put out that Robert Plant-wannabe P.O.S. song The Stroke all those years ago, huh '

Benjamin Grimm Dec 18 2006 11:20 AM

I'm not familiar with Billy Squire. If I was introduced to him I'd just say, "Hi, nice to meet you."

KC Dec 18 2006 02:44 PM

I have to admit, I had never actually read all the words to Stroke. Stroke me and you're so together boy and the way he sings some of the lines led me to believe it was a pretty gay song and something you might hear blaring out of a Provincetown gin joint. I guess I was wrong.

Edgy DC Dec 18 2006 03:00 PM

Hey, most all of them sound like somebody. Now everybody Have you heard? If you're in the game Then the stroke's the word Don't take no rhythm Don't take no style Got a thirst for killin' Grab your vial You put your right hand out Give a firm hand-shake Talk to me About that one big break Spread your ear-pollution Both far and wide... Keep your contributions By your side and... Stroke me! Stroke me! Could be a winner boy, you move quite well... Stroke me! Stroke me! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke me! Stroke me! You got your number down... Stroke me! Stroke me! Say you're a winner but man you're just a sinner now You put your left foot out Keep it all in place Work your way right Into my case First you try to bed me You make my backbone slide But when you found you bled me Skip on by... keep on! Stroke me! Stroke me! Give me the business all night long... Stroke me! Stroke me! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke me! Stroke me! You're so together boy... Stroke me! Stroke me! Say you're a winner but man you're just a sinner now Better listen now Said it ain't no joke Let your conscience fail ya Just do the stroke Don'tcha take no chances Keep your eye on top Do your fancy dances You can't stop, you just... Stroke me! Stroke me! It's sort of a flashback to the seventies, being a dispatch from the industry, allowing the audience to enter into rock 'n' roll fantasy, the losers vicariously enjoying the thrill of being glorious enough and cool enough to exploted by all them... strokers.

soupcan Dec 19 2006 08:20 AM

So I spoke to my brother-in-law last night about all this and we talked about Billy Squier's career. My brother-in-law told me he's been working for Squier for about 25 years which surprised me a little I guess. I've only known Larry for about 7 years or so. I told him that the next time he invites me somewhere where there are quasi-famous people he needs to give me a warning first. We talked about the career-killing video and he said that Squier is well aware of that key point in his career and that he blames it all on his manager at the time. According to Squier, the cardinal rule of video making back then was not to play TO the girls watching but instead to always HAVE the girls in the video. The thinking being that chicks watching want to be the ones in the vid and that guys watching want to have the girls in the vid. I guess about a year or so before that video came out Squier was touring and had Foreigner opening for him. After that video, Foreigner refused to include him on a tour of theirs such was the extent of his career-killing that they didn't want it to rub off. He did do a few dates with the Ringo Starr All-Stars but isn't a regular fixture.

Johnny Dickshot Dec 19 2006 08:43 AM

Billy shoulda performed this at your bro's gig. Btw, I like Billy Squier. He rocked.

Edgy DC Dec 19 2006 08:48 AM

That's pretty sad. I should have been his manager.

soupcan Dec 19 2006 08:50 AM

="Johnny Dickshot"]Billy shoulda performed this at your bro's gig. Btw, I like Billy Squier. He rocked. He shoulda, that would have been cool - and saved me from my faux pas. I liked him too - he did rock. Martha Quinn was a cutie-patootie.

Johnny Dickshot Dec 19 2006 08:56 AM

Let's resurrect Billy Squier's career. Edgy -- You're the manager:, since you volunteered. What's the first step? Soup: Your bro counts the beans. I'll be the A&R guy, whatever that is.

soupcan Dec 19 2006 09:00 AM

I'll be the conduit. Come up with ideas and I'l forward them. I already emailed that YouTube vid to my bro and told him to line up Billy for next years 'do.

Edgy DC Dec 19 2006 09:19 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Dec 19 2006 09:46 AM

A & R guy finds the artist, finds the right material, and matches them up. They were superpowerful in the pre-Beatle era when most artists didn't write for themselves. Now they're primarily talent scouts, recommending the label drop big money on bands who are cool, and then whine to the band afterwards that the new album doesn't have anything radio-friendly and you guys are going to cost me my job. How do I resurrect his career? Some options include: 1) Get him on the bill with somebody still selling records. That's hard, as few are in the rock veteran world, and Neil Young fans would hate him. Springsteen, I've got you on Speed Dial. Mellancamp if I'm desperate. 2) Give him an irony makeover and try to let on to the world that he was camping it up for humor's sake in that video. 3) Get him a gig in a band that sells irony. Let him replace Paul Rogers in the new Queen. 4) Focus initiially on England, where irony flies higher than in the US. Second acts do also. Gayness is also more readily forgiven. 5) Start a new band for him to front with unimpeachable and famous sidemen. John Deacon, Slash, maybe. Some grunger like Steve Shelley on drums. 6) Tour, tour, tour, and apologize for nothing. 7) You hear who's dating Kim Basinger? Billy Fucking Squier, dude. 8) Get him out front on the next great cause. 9) Important job for the A&R guy here. Convince the White Stripes or the YeahYeahYeahs (or Jimmy Eat World or Our Lady Peace or Blink 182, or some Riot Grrl act) to cover "The Stroke" (or "Everybody Wants You" --- but not "My Kind of Lover," which is just too Heart). When their triumphant tour wraps up, they can play it on the MTV video music awards and they can deferentially bring him out to rock out with them. 10) Get him a great song. I think (9) is our best play, depending on who we can get. Obviously, following up with (10) is wicked important.

soupcan Dec 19 2006 09:39 AM

It's in the hopper.

Centerfield Dec 19 2006 10:05 AM

Methead wrote: It could be worse, soup. You could have tried to back your car out of the garage while the door was still closed, like I did. Talk about stupid. And expensive. When I was a kid, my parents renovated the garage. One of the things they had installed was a new garage door. Our old one was from the early 17th century, so you had to hold the button down on the remote until the garage door was fully raised (otherwise it stopped in the middle). Our new door, like every other door in the world, only required that you hit the button once and the door would open fully on its own. This adjustment proved to be a tough one for my mother, who had gotten into the habit of keeping her finger on the remote. But with this new door, keeping your finger on the remote a split second too long caused the door to close again immediately after opening. My mother found this out the hard way by backing out and destroying our new door. My father wasn't home at the time, so she called our contractor, had him replace it, and then made him, my brother, and me swear we wouldn't tell my father. About a week later, I came home to find our contractor working on our garage door yet again. This time my mother was at work and my father was home. My brother told me that dad had run into the garage door because he kept his finger on the remote too long. At that point, my father came over to us and made us promise we wouldn't tell our mother. We looked over at our contractor who gave us a knowing smile.

Edgy DC Dec 19 2006 10:55 AM

Edgy DC wrote: 3) Get him a gig in a band that sells irony. Let him replace Paul Rogers in the new Queen. Van Halen needs a vocalist, and it's not like they haven't had far bigger clowns fronting them before. An added bonus is that he's got something like Hagar's range.

Johnny Dickshot Dec 19 2006 11:20 AM

]9) Important job for the A&R guy here. Convince the White Stripes or the YeahYeahYeahs (or Jimmy Eat World or Our Lady Peace or Blink 182, or some Riot Grrl act) to cover "The Stroke" (or "Everybody Wants You" --- but not "My Kind of Lover," which is just too Heart). When their triumphant tour wraps up, they can play it on the MTV video music awards and they can deferentially bring him out to rock out with them. I'm on it. And whatever song they don't want to re-do, he re-does. An added bonus is that it allows for some good but overproduced songs like 'In the Dark' and even 'Take Me in Your Arms' a more authentic sound. This could be the greatest Billy Resurrection since we brought Billy Wynne back to life.

Benjamin Grimm Dec 19 2006 11:28 AM

Johnny Dickshot wrote: This could be the greatest Billy Resurrection since we brought Billy Wynne back to life. I don't remember that. ="Edgy DC"]7) You hear who's dating Kim Basinger? Billy Fucking Squier, dude. If Kim's not available, I hear that Sarah Trachsel is going to be single soon.

soupcan Dec 19 2006 12:17 PM

Edgy DC wrote: 7) You hear who's dating Kim Basinger? Billy Fucking Squier, dude Yeah, this might be a bit of glitch. I did mention his wife was in the elevator too right?

Edgy DC Dec 19 2006 12:54 PM

Just brainstorming. But if she cares about his career and the rights of beagles, she won't dismiss the plan too quickly.

Benjamin Grimm Dec 19 2006 01:11 PM

Yeah, just because he's married it doesn't mean he can't be linked to Kim Basinger. I remember Brad Seed was married when he was first linked to Angelina Jolie, and as I recall that got a little bit of attention.

ScarletKnight41 Dec 19 2006 01:19 PM

Centerfield wrote: ="Methead"]It could be worse, soup. You could have tried to back your car out of the garage while the door was still closed, like I did. Talk about stupid. And expensive. When I was a kid, my parents renovated the garage. One of the things they had installed was a new garage door. Our old one was from the early 17th century, so you had to hold the button down on the remote until the garage door was fully raised (otherwise it stopped in the middle). Our new door, like every other door in the world, only required that you hit the button once and the door would open fully on its own. This adjustment proved to be a tough one for my mother, who had gotten into the habit of keeping her finger on the remote. But with this new door, keeping your finger on the remote a split second too long caused the door to close again immediately after opening. My mother found this out the hard way by backing out and destroying our new door. My father wasn't home at the time, so she called our contractor, had him replace it, and then made him, my brother, and me swear we wouldn't tell my father. About a week later, I came home to find our contractor working on our garage door yet again. This time my mother was at work and my father was home. My brother told me that dad had run into the garage door because he kept his finger on the remote too long. At that point, my father came over to us and made us promise we wouldn't tell our mother. We looked over at our contractor who gave us a knowing smile. CF apparently grew up in a situation comedy.

soupcan Dec 19 2006 01:27 PM

Yes, I'm sorry I meant to respond to that - Incredibly funny. What happened when your parents found out that both of them did the exact same thing? Or did you and your brother learn a life lesson about trying to blackmail each of your parents until it blew up in your face when the architectural drawings fell out of the tube on your way to deliver them?

Centerfield Dec 19 2006 01:57 PM

To this day, I don't think my parents know that the other also ran down the garage door. As far as blackmail goes, our contractor, a great guy named Flip, could have set up a nice little retirement fund for himself if not for his morals. He had dirt on just about our entire family. One time, as a stupid teenager, I drank too much (on like a Wednesday) and was completely out of it. Because I was throwing up, rather than put me in my bed, my friends dumped me in my bathtub and left (not wanting to be there when the shit hit the fan). Fortunately for me, Flip was the first to find me. He forced me to get up and shower in the other bathroom. While I was in the shower he got rid of my pukey clothes and cleaned up the mess in the bathtub. As I was trying to get rest, he put a garbage can near my bed. Later, when my parents got home, he told them I had a stomachache and had gone to bed early.

seawolf17 Dec 19 2006 02:20 PM

Was your contractor living with you? What was he doing in your bathroom? Was he played by Jm J Bullock?

Benjamin Grimm Dec 19 2006 02:25 PM

I'm wondering how he got a name like "Flip". I seem to remember hearing about a cartoon character from the early days of animation called "Flip the Frog." It would really be a slap in Lorn Brown's face if Flip the Frog has a bigger Wikipedia entry than Brown does. Let's see... He does!

Centerfield Dec 19 2006 02:48 PM

seawolf17 wrote: Was your contractor living with you? What was he doing in your bathroom? Was he played by Jm J Bullock? Flip was doing some work on another part of the house. It seemed like we were constantly renovating something or another.

ScarletKnight41 Dec 19 2006 03:06 PM

I want CF to tell us an hilarious story featuring his buddy m as well as Flip.

Edgy DC Dec 19 2006 07:09 PM

If that was a sitcom, there'd be protests about stereotyping Asian drivers.

soupcan Dec 19 2006 08:06 PM

'Specially if 'Flip' was short for Filipino. 'This week on a very special episode of CF and the Sea Monsters, the boys learn a lesson about racial stereotyping. Watch it with your whole family.'

KC Dec 19 2006 08:23 PM

Bill Laimbeer was a Sleestak in Land of the Lost. I was gonna post something dumb about it in the Knicks thread but since the Sea Monsters was brought up ... oh, never mind.